Mornings are hard

having to find some kind of motivation or hope to even get myself out of bed,
and then thinking about the day ahead knowing that it will be just like any other

//

nights are harder

Stuck with thoughts flooding my mind,
Wanting to just curl up into a ball of silence but then when that silence comes, its deafening.

with eyes of pure gold

you melted hearts

like they were nothing

Your tears
Are what I fear

Because knowing that I hurt you
Makes my whole body afraid

I wonder

if we'll meet

...

at a place

where everything is perfectly alined

just for us

,

just for what we could become

...

both our sparks

bright in a world of dark

shining with no hesitation
,
with no restraint

and like every flower

i was only picked

to be placed

in a glass bottle

to look pretty

I was my own poison

Ruined by society
crushed by depression

Everyone I loved, slipped away into a different world
Everything I believed, got ripped from my mind

Soon the lights were gone
I was left out in the cold

But then came the demons
they took me to a place of safety

I let them take over

But I saw to late,
the destruction they caused

and soon I was nothing at all.

oh dear friend,

treat me kindly

love me softly

- act as if i am a flower


and please

realise i am in pain

help me;

I feel so broken and completely numb.

I've forgotten what it is like to feel happy

to feel normal...

to feel anything but utterly empty

when you know it will break you but you let it happen anyway

****

my heart broke
when you told me that you tried to take you life

you'r so pure and delicate
the world doesn't deserve you

no one does

Each morning we plaster on another face

and each minute outside our homes
it starts to brake

slowly rupturing
:
pieces falling from the sides
again and again
:
but when we return again that night
whats left of that face,
brakes away
and our skin begins to crack

so we look away
and instead
ignore all our imperfections and flaws
as they come tumbling out

we don't dare to even glance
because seeing means feeling and accepting
so
we live in fear of them
and
we hope that they'll disappear

but they never will if we fight them
and only recently
i realised this

so i wore my face

confident and clear
:
my true face

and decided that i will not hide myself any longer

i decided to be free

:
and throughout this
i learnt
we have to love our flaws
and cherish our imperfections
instead of making them non existent

as hard as it may be
we must do it
for our own good

Life is everything and nothing all at once.

Eventually we fade, and all that we were, is gone.

and yes, maybe i am scared because the future seems so non existent and i won't be here to see what happens to this world.

...

I'm scared to let go of my life knowing that i wont be able to look up at the stars as they shine, or swim in the ocean and feel the water guide me, or smell the flowers that grow out in my grandma's garden.

tonight

i snuck out of my house

and i watched

from the driveway

as the stars

above me

shined so brightly

Please,
don't let go -

Your heart will heal ; you will heal

your validation and acceptance means nothing to me

everything just seems to fall apart

when what you need most in the world

is for it to stay together

I seem to always find myself staring at a white wall as the moons light shines through my window and 'the night we met' by Lord Huron plays on loop in the background amongst the silence

I try not to think about you

your absence echoes through my mind

our lives our pointless.

everything we do, everything we are, just becomes nothing

we wont be remembered

what we do wont be remembered

this world of ours will soon be gone and we will just have been a  fraction of a tiny speck in its exsistence

the dull haze of my lamp lit the roof just enough for me to see myself silhouetted across the wall.
I look at this dark, soulless shadow and think about life and death

and how it has never really made sense to me.

how can a human, a soul, something that was once living, all of a sudden be gone from the face of the earth.

being broken isn't something I want to be

I feel like I have a pit in my chest that is getting deeper and deeper

you are the reason I feel the best I've ever felt,
but your also the one that makes me feel the most pain

my mental state is worsening

my life in general is starting to get better

so
how can I possibly enjoy my time if I'm constantly battling my inner self

I deprive myself from the world outside my window
because i know the truth that no one else can seem to see

The truth about the world when everything's asleep

when the sun has gone and the stars take place

I am feeling a lack of creativity today...

life is to complicated to express

stuck in the doorway between life and death

i feel like an ant,

finding its way through a world to big for its little lost body

I know that you will break my heart but I'm to naive to leave

i wished you were an illusion

a faded memory

a fallen photo

i wished you were
anything other than the reason for my numbness

some moments are so strong
.
they feel like waves
that knock you off your feet

you are the moon

on a dark night

shining

to guide all who need it

your the stars to my night sky

I don't want to be alive unless she's with me

I painted an empty grey sky

with tears falling from its eyes