I watched you slip away
Into the shadows
Every time
Not knowing where you went

Until I followed you
I saw your world in my eyes
Oh, How spectacular it was

You were so free

And for the first time in my life
I wanted what I couldn’t have

I wanted what you had
I wanted you

person against person
colour against colour

what have we become

why must we fight so endlessly

we are all just skin and bones

you and me
we are the same

why must we rule against one another

why must we allow the rich to think we are their slaves

and the poor to think they are ours


this unfair and unjust system shouldn't be able to decide the category of each person

it shouldn't be able to label us

we are all equal

i knew you

i knew every little thing about you

and you knew me

my fears

secrets

loves


but then it stopped

and we went back to being

the ones who walk past each other everyday

and act like we don't recognise

who we are

and it was painful

to see you

pretend i wasn't there

The last of the sun shining upon her face

Her eyes open and close to the view of darkened water  

Bubbles rising to the surface

As her lungs release what’s left
of the sadness inside her

‘Oh,
Beautiful earth
...
Take me someplace better’

I can't even begin to explain how **** it is that your leaving,

but I also can't even begin to explain how happy I am that you've found a way to move on and leave all the bad things behind.

Through all your hours of endless tears, and weeks of numb despair
you still found a way to keep going and i am so proud of the strong, kind and independent person you have come to be.

Don't let anyone drag you down
Don't settle for things your better than

And don't worry about what others say
because in a few years you'll be off somewhere in the world doing great things.
I know you will.

Keep following your passions


Your amazing and somewhere in all your doubt you know it too

Love always, lu.

Drained of emotion
....
Pale and cold

It’s colour devoured


Stripped of life
....
Alone and helpless

It’s strength dull


A pulsating emptiness

Flowing endlessly

He was invisible
to everyone but me

His head hung low
and his legs never stopped

He didn't speak because he thought no one would hear him

He didn't look because he knew no one would be looking back


but i was

i was waiting for him to speak so he knew i could hear him
i was waiting for him to look so he knew i could see him

but he never did

so i watched
and waited
-
observing
...

some days, i would catch a glimpse of his eyes
they were so dark
so haunted
so afraid

other days, i would only see his shadow, right before it turned a corner and then he was gone


-
i craved to know
what exactly this boy
to afraid to show his face
was scared of

so i searched
-
i needed him to know
that i could see him
...
to know
that he wasn't alone

but then i saw him staring me dead in the eyes
and
a heartbroken mess blew up inside me

because i had seen
what i feared so deeply

and i felt every inch of my body aching all at once

because he was fading
and soon not even i would be able to see him

...
i was to late

He painted her

with colours

that demanded to be

seen

I plant flowers in the darkest part of my mind

and hope that they will grow

I'm standing face to face

with the demon from my past

...

all i can do stare it straight in the eyes
.
it stares back
.

this is the final test
-
to see if i have overcome
what i use to fear so strongly

-
it tilts its head
,
thats when the flash backs begin


they spin

- continuously -

around
in the back of my mind


for a second
i think ill crumble

but i resist

something inside me is stronger
braver
more fearless than before
...
i can feel the motivation build up inside me
...

the demon begins to fade
,
slowly at first
then all at once

-
and i feel free

and lighter

and happier
...
i feel undaunted


i feel new

Some nights
I listen
:
to the slow hum of distant cars
,
to the loud buzz of lingering insects
,
to the intense pounding of my thoughts

:
sometimes I even get caught in the sound

I let it take me away

I let it consume me
so that I don’t have to be alone
with the silence

I fall asleep
to the sound of my own voice
murmuring twisted thoughts
into the spaces
in my brain

you broke me

with every word

that flew from your mouth


with every kiss

that you lay upon me


i was falling apart

piece by piece


but you didn't pick me back up

and mend me back into place


you just watched

thinking it was an act


thinking that i would be okay

From the liver to the lungs
...
it spread like wildfire
.


weakening each cell
as it passed through
.



His
existence
had become a
waiting exercise

you ask
and ask again if I am okay

and I say I'm fine because saying that I'm not is to hard

...

3 suicide attempts
30 intentional scars
100 ruined relationships

is what it has taken for me to realise I am not fine, I am hurting

I want to be saved
I want to be healed

I need something that makes me want to not let go

...
days blur into weeks
thoughts cloud my head
,
its all to much

I am
overwhelmed
confused
;
beyond repair

I see you in the face of every broken child

I hear you in the whistling of the wind out on the cliff

I see you in the wilting roses that sit by your grave

I hear you in the crashing waves down by sea

But do you see me
out on the roof, staring up at the stars just hoping to find you

do you hear me
on the hills above our house, screaming into the distance just wishing for another chance


you don't
do you

because you fell
despite my effort to hold you up

you let go
when the world got to tough
and it pushed you to far

...

you let me go

he was so alone
and no one cared

because they didn't realise
how much it damaged him

.

they didn't know about
the long
restless nights
he stayed awake through
wondering whether
he was even
worth anything

they didn't know about
the constant
draining feeling
that was always
inside him

...

and
they didn't
know
that he was laying
on his bathroom floor
with pills
spread out across the bench
and a letter
saying
i'm sorry

she felt like a flower
that
could survive without water

I'm getting lost in a sand storm
of bad decisions
and bad ideas
...

it makes days darker
,
thoughts foggier

...

it makes me feel alone
even when i'm surrounded

...

it makes me wonder
whether it's worth it
-
whether life is worth it

...

but mostly
,
it makes me feel
like i'm floating away

into a place where i can't be saved
,
a place where i'm
cold
numb
...

empty

i am a mess
...
trouble is a word i find myself connected to a lot lately

i'm making bad decisions that i know are bad but i don't have the emotion to care about the consequences.
.
when i wake up, the day ahead seems so unbearable and a feeling of numbness washes over me
...

i am lost

i am lonely

i just want to move on but i feel so bolted into place

I use to believe
that I was the only one
who could see past all the paper faces

That I was the only one
who dared to dream of a life
other than the one that was prepared for me

I believed
That I was human

But then I met you

You showed me that everyone is more than just what I could see

You said
"on the inside
each of us have beautiful unique minds
and troubling hearts"

You proved to me that I can lead whatever life I want

that I can take risks

But most of all
You made sure that I would never stop looking past the paper

Past the lies

If a child is all you see in me

than so be it
thats your loss rather than mine

for you have chosen not to look deep enough into my soul

to where the wild flowers grow
and the secrets are bottled up tight


You have not taken the time to appreciate the human being I have come to be

The one with the scars on her ankles
and the bruises on her knees


My soul tells the stories I'm to afraid to say

but the respect of another can unleash them all

you'll be able to watch them slip away into the sky

only for you to catch them