I don't want to be alive unless she's with me

life is to complicated to express

when you know it will break you but you let it happen anyway

I expected some kind of epiphany

some kind of awakening to who I am

motivation

; something I haven't had in a while

my mind knows how to save me, but my body doesn't

my falling heart

will shatter

when it hits yours

I know that you will break my heart but I'm to naive to leave

you are the reason I feel the best I've ever felt,
but your also the one that makes me feel the most pain

our lives our pointless.

everything we do, everything we are, just becomes nothing

we wont be remembered

what we do wont be remembered

this world of ours will soon be gone and we will just have been a  fraction of a tiny speck in its exsistence

Mornings are hard

having to find some kind of motivation or hope to even get myself out of bed,
and then thinking about the day ahead knowing that it will be just like any other

//

nights are harder

Stuck with thoughts flooding my mind,
Wanting to just curl up into a ball of silence but then when that silence comes, its deafening.

your validation and acceptance means nothing to me

I try not to think about you

your absence echoes through my mind

love is pain

****

my heart broke
when you told me that you tried to take you life

you'r so pure and delicate
the world doesn't deserve you

no one does

i can only give you the same advice regurgitated and spat out so many times

its up to you to choose whether or not you want to use it

the dull haze of my lamp lit the roof just enough for me to see myself silhouetted across the wall.
I look at this dark, soulless shadow and think about life and death

and how it has never really made sense to me.

how can a human, a soul, something that was once living, all of a sudden be gone from the face of the earth.

i feel like an ant,

finding its way through a world to big for its little lost body

help me;

I feel so broken and completely numb.

I've forgotten what it is like to feel happy

to feel normal...

to feel anything but utterly empty

searching for help in a room with closed doors and bolted shut windows

why must I be so naive

I think I've got it all under control
...
I think everything is going to be good

but it never works out that way
...
it never does

why do I feel like everyone I touch, turns into something they end up hating

I am feeling a lack of creativity today...

I seem to always find myself staring at a white wall as the moons light shines through my window and 'the night we met' by Lord Huron plays on loop in the background amongst the silence

my mental state is worsening

my life in general is starting to get better

so
how can I possibly enjoy my time if I'm constantly battling my inner self

being broken isn't something I want to be

I feel like I have a pit in my chest that is getting deeper and deeper

it broke my heart
to know that you feel
the same emptiness
I do

a flickering light fades in and out of my sight''

shadows of grey and white creep across the ceiling like a silent creature of the night

your touch is never cold

your voice is never rushed

...
i continue to find beautiful things about you that i know in the end, will hurt me

stuck in the doorway between life and death

i see the glimmer of pain in your eyes that you try so hard to hide from me

long nights filled with foggy thoughts

this is it
.
this is how it is
.
this is your life

I've fallen out of love

I want to write about the present but I'm stuck, tangled in words from the past.

hurting a loved one,
only makes you realise how much they mean to you

Do you not see
that all the knives you throw,
hit me

feeling groovy

feeling lost

feeling everything but normal

Life is everything and nothing all at once.

Eventually we fade, and all that we were, is gone.

and yes, maybe i am scared because the future seems so non existent and i won't be here to see what happens to this world.

...

I'm scared to let go of my life knowing that i wont be able to look up at the stars as they shine, or swim in the ocean and feel the water guide me, or smell the flowers that grow out in my grandma's garden.

oh dear friend,

treat me kindly

love me softly

- act as if i am a flower


and please

realise i am in pain

I painted an empty grey sky

with tears falling from its eyes