I can't even begin to explain how **** it is that your leaving,

but I also can't even begin to explain how happy I am that you've found a way to move on and leave all the bad things behind.

Through all your hours of endless tears, and weeks of numb despair
you still found a way to keep going and i am so proud of the strong, kind and independent person you have come to be.

Don't let anyone drag you down
Don't settle for things your better than

And don't worry about what others say
because in a few years you'll be off somewhere in the world doing great things.
I know you will.

Keep following your passions


Your amazing and somewhere in all your doubt you know it too

Love always, lu.

We worry so much about things,
that in the end don't matter

and through this

we miss what it's like to truly live
.
we miss what it's like to feel careless
.

we miss
life's
most beautiful
moments

From the liver to the lungs
...
it spread like wildfire
.


weakening each cell
as it passed through
.



His
existence
had become a
waiting exercise

he was so alone
and no one cared

because they didn't realise
how much it damaged him

.

they didn't know about
the long
restless nights
he stayed awake through
wondering whether
he was even
worth anything

they didn't know about
the constant
draining feeling
that was always
inside him

...

and
they didn't
know
that he was laying
on his bathroom floor
with pills
spread out across the bench
and a letter
saying
i'm sorry

its crazy that we never know how much light someone brings into our world until they are gone

until we are left in the dark

she felt like a flower
that
could survive without water

sometimes I find myself bursting with laughter
.
dancing in circles
.
filled with spirit


but then
sometimes everything flips

and I feel like i'm not even here anymore
.
I feel alone in the most crowded streets
.
I feel lost

i can feel

myself slowly

losing grip
...
and there's nothing

i can do to stop

it

with each tear
that falls down my cheek

comes another reason
not to stay

Some nights
I listen
:
to the slow hum of distant cars
,
to the loud buzz of lingering insects
,
to the intense pounding of my thoughts

:
sometimes I even get caught in the sound

I let it take me away

I let it consume me
so that I don’t have to be alone
with the silence

The last of the sun shining upon her face

Her eyes open and close to the view of darkened water  

Bubbles rising to the surface

As her lungs release what’s left
of the sadness inside her

‘Oh,
Beautiful earth
...
Take me someplace better’

i knew you

i knew every little thing about you

and you knew me

my fears

secrets

loves


but then it stopped

and we went back to being

the ones who walk past each other everyday

and act like we don't recognise

who we are

and it was painful

to see you

pretend i wasn't there

I watched you slip away
Into the shadows
Every time
Not knowing where you went

Until I followed you
I saw your world in my eyes
Oh, How spectacular it was

You were so free

And for the first time in my life
I wanted what I couldn’t have

I wanted what you had
I wanted you

Drained of emotion
....
Pale and cold

It’s colour devoured


Stripped of life
....
Alone and helpless

It’s strength dull


A pulsating emptiness

Flowing endlessly

He was invisible
to everyone but me

His head hung low
and his legs never stopped

He didn't speak because he thought no one would hear him

He didn't look because he knew no one would be looking back


but i was

i was waiting for him to speak so he knew i could hear him
i was waiting for him to look so he knew i could see him

but he never did

so i watched
and waited
-
observing
...

some days, i would catch a glimpse of his eyes
they were so dark
so haunted
so afraid

other days, i would only see his shadow, right before it turned a corner and then he was gone


-
i craved to know
what exactly this boy
to afraid to show his face
was scared of

so i searched
-
i needed him to know
that i could see him
...
to know
that he wasn't alone

but then i saw him staring me dead in the eyes
and
a heartbroken mess blew up inside me

because i had seen
what i feared so deeply

and i felt every inch of my body aching all at once

because he was fading
and soon not even i would be able to see him

...
i was to late

person against person
colour against colour

what have we become

why must we fight so endlessly

we are all just skin and bones

you and me
we are the same

why must we rule against one another

why must we allow the rich to think we are their slaves

and the poor to think they are ours


this unfair and unjust system shouldn't be able to decide the category of each person

it shouldn't be able to label us

we are all equal

societies harsh ways
corrupting the mind
...
spreading like the plague

will it ever be overcome
,
will it ever be controlled

how influential can it be

saying this
doing that

eating away at self confidence and consciousness

ruining anyone who dares to challenge it
or anyone who dares to go another way

when will the human race wake up and realise the soul crushing devastation it has caused

will we ever be aware that it has taken lives
...
that it has taken peoples humanity and crushed it so easily

I'm standing face to face

with the demon from my past

...

all i can do stare it straight in the eyes
.
it stares back
.

this is the final test
-
to see if i have overcome
what i use to fear so strongly

-
it tilts its head
,
thats when the flash backs begin


they spin

- continuously -

around
in the back of my mind


for a second
i think ill crumble

but i resist

something inside me is stronger
braver
more fearless than before
...
i can feel the motivation build up inside me
...

the demon begins to fade
,
slowly at first
then all at once

-
and i feel free

and lighter

and happier
...
i feel undaunted


i feel new

she watched
,
listened
...
but never spoke


she thought that by making herself invisible

she could stay away from it all
...
away from the lies
,
the truths
,
the sadness
and
the regret
...
she thought she was better off that way
-
she thought she was actually alive


soon

she grew so lonely
,
not even my company was enough

and i tried to tell her

"if no one can see you, your not really alive"

but she carried on

ignoring the signs
that told her stop
,
the signs that asked her
to leave the thoughts behind
,
the signs that told her
she needs to live

and i could feel the very moment
she began to doubt it all
...
the very moment she truly let go

-

after that
,
i knew i couldn't stop her
-
for it was all in her head

and her head chose to ignore her heart
...
to ignore me

.

i always thought that i could change her

but
then i met a wise old lady
who told me
"you cannot change someone, who doesn't want to be changed"

and it was hard for me to except at first

i just didn't understand

why she chose

death over life.

but as the year's went by
there wasn't a day where i wouldn't be thinking about it
...
about her
,
my dear friend

and it must have just clicked
because i finally understood

that i couldn't have saved her
nor could have anyone else
...
it was her choice
and that was that

It tears through me

ripping me apart
inch by inch

,

like a bullet hitting flesh

...

it makes days darker
,
thoughts foggier

...

it makes me feel alone
even when i'm surrounded

...

it makes me wonder
whether it's worth it
-
whether life is worth it

...

but mostly
,
it makes me feel
like i'm floating away

into a place where i can't be saved
,
a place where i'm
cold
numb
...

empty

He painted her

with colours

that demanded to be

seen

i'll linger

in the sun haze that sits upon the dust brushed flowers


i'll drift

through the glimmering water that flows so carelessly

...

will you

fly with the wind out to open skies

,

dance with the trees as they bend and sway

...

or will you stay

and live on

in this mediocre life

,

will you stay

and follow rules

with no second thought


it's up to you

be free
in a world of unique

or be a someone
in a world of billions

you broke me

with every word

that flew from your mouth


with every kiss

that you lay upon me


i was falling apart

piece by piece


but you didn't pick me back up

and mend me back into place


you just watched

thinking it was an act


thinking that i would be okay

I'm here
waiting for your death

waiting for your heart beat to drop
and your vital signs to stop

I use to believe
that I was the only one
who could see past all the paper faces

That I was the only one
who dared to dream of a life
other than the one that was prepared for me

I believed
That I was human

But then I met you

You showed me that everyone is more than just what I could see

You said
"on the inside
each of us have beautiful unique minds
and troubling hearts"

You proved to me that I can lead whatever life I want

that I can take risks

But most of all
You made sure that I would never stop looking past the paper

Past the lies

He was silent
consumed by the rhythm of music

His eyes were full of passion


He had this idea that he was inlove
but the girl he was falling for didn't feel the same

His emotion controlled him

He pushed everyone else out of the way
to try and catch her

but each time,
she would slip away

When he finally broke
no one was there to catch his pieces

so he fell
harder than before

and when he wasn't there anymore

she noticed his silence
and fell in love