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Apr 2021 · 76
Untitled
lucy-goosey Apr 2021
She built a ukelele
two summers (or decades, or eternities) ago
at a workshop.
It used to be a cigar box
the surgeon general's warning sticker still on it.
It sits on a coffee table
reminding her of how
she never learned how to play it.
lucy-goosey Apr 2021
I had a nice dream last night
for the first time in a long time
(not another nightmare
or a dream where I would wake up feeling the absence of you
no longer dominating
more like the loss of a nonvital *****)
it was an abstract dream,
flashes of moments -
a nice cup of tea
a lavender-scented pillow
but progress is progress
maybe someday you'll fade into a scar
something I can trace to remind myself
of how bad the wound used to be
progress is progress
I feel like now I can finally say
"goodbye, my love"
Apr 2021 · 130
no new notifs
lucy-goosey Apr 2021
no new notifications
what can i expect really
its not like people see stale work
i have to write new poems to get views and likes and hearts and comments and validation
what can i expect really
with the awful way that technology has rewired my brain, i should really just-
PING
oh
i should really go check on that  . . .
Apr 2021 · 91
school break
lucy-goosey Apr 2021
life takes after art
art after life
there they go again
chasing each other
who is the dog
and who is the tail
it's hard to tell some days
the people i imagine feel so real
known yet mysterious
and the people that i could touch
are about a mile away

is it that life spawns art
predicts it
or the other way around
in person again and excited to be back!
Mar 2021 · 102
an ill-fitting body
lucy-goosey Mar 2021
his skin feels so small
it doesn't fit him
he screams and screams
hoping that someone will hear him
and give him a better body
one that fits right
one that's not stained with tears
one that's not scraped and battered
"Don't you love yourself?"
they ask
"God gave you a perfectly good body!"
it's not a matter of love
it's a matter of claustrophobia
it's a matter of screaming until your throat's raw
until you can't do anything else
it's a matter of holding your breath to make it all go away

oh, oh

mother please come back

oh, oh,

someone please notice my silent screams for help

oh,oh
oh,oh

and still the world turns
and still he cries
and still people insist
on calling him the wrong things
and still he is scared
scared and disgusted
not by the body
but by the fact that this body
is his.
just a lil dysphoria poem based on some friend's experiences. *when reading the oh's read them like in "90210"*
lucy-goosey Mar 2021
spirit week is rapidly approaching
he's somehow both anxious and apathetic
how can he bluff his way through spirit week
when he's been feeling so dead inside recently

everything is boring
he almost misses the times
when he felt broken inside

at least it meant feeling something

he would have a mantra
or write something meaningful
but who would recite it
who would read it
(certainly not him)

ah how twisted is evolution
how twisted is the way
that constant exposure either leaves us numb or hurting

he remembers that day
curled up under the desk
when it felt like his heart
was ripping itself apart
now he knows it was ripping itself out
out of his chest

he misses the days when he could cry
Mar 2021 · 92
progress
lucy-goosey Mar 2021
liquor remained necessary,
yet again,
back to the incubators
bottled;
out
to undergo
their little normality.
Bud, proliferate, divide.
From every adult.
Progress.
I made this blackout poem late last night on an old science textbook, and can't remember making it, but thought there was something nice about that.
Feb 2021 · 117
An Incidental Meeting
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
His breath mingles
with the steam from his coffee.
Across the table
she stirs her tea
remembering the way the words
used to flow so easily
smooth and fast
and perfectly understood.
And how he brick by brick
built a dam
one "sure" and "yeah" and "idc" at a time
leaving her on read for days
which to her seemed an eternity
She used to love him
maybe she still does
yet the feeling of dread
and quiet, damp sadness
is something she cannot bring herself to shove away.
What if, in finding hope,
she unearths some long-forgotten pain?
These days she doesn't cry over him
just thinks of what could've been
if they had been different people.
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
Why do they call it heartbreak
when it feels more like a toothache,
sourly sweet,
gently throbbing,
overwhelming and unimpressive.
She sits curled up
underneath her desk
her mug forgotten in the microwave
she bit down on something too hard
an old memory of the way he smelled
like strawberries and minty aftershave
or the way his hair fell while he was asleep
and now she has to nurse her injuries
and wait for the pain to subside.
She knew her sweet tooth would leave her here someday
and now instead of tasting moonlight and caramel in her mouth
like she did that night under the bridge
she tastes something sour
bitter and rotting and familiar
and holds herself tighter
wishing & wishing the pain away.
Feb 2021 · 661
Watching Gravity Break Down
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
There is so much about you I want to know
Like why you never respond to me anymore
And if you still like me
I would ask
but then that would be cheating
I would tell you
that I miss our long talks about zombie skittles
& true love
& thicc (with two c's) squirrels
but I can't handle rejection
especially from you
so I'll just sit here
writing poetry you'll never see
and watching us slowly fall apart.
K - I still love you, but do you still love me? Were you right that you can't trust love? Idk anymore - please, ask, because I cannot tell you unprompted.
Feb 2021 · 105
Untitled
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
I would like to write a poem
about you.
But I can never seem to articulate
the feelings that you give me
I think if I could
some of the magic would be lost
and those sparkles of gold
would only be pieces of forgotten glitter
blown in on the wind
from some second-place school project.
And so I skirt around you
trying to save the wonder
in the wild rose
that could
(who knows?)
be lost if it were placed into captivity.
To K and those 10-hour car rides.
Feb 2021 · 278
Phrases
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
I have phrases stuck in my head
they refuse to go down the drain
which leads to my subconscious.
They will continue to stay there
until I have written them down.
Some have been there for weeks
some linger for mere minutes
before being hastily scrawled in a leather-bound notebook
and letting themselves get carried away in the tide
off to another's thoughts.
Feb 2021 · 254
Yes, I write poems
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
Yes, I write poems
not very good ones.
No, you can't see them.
You don't want to.
My poems stay on one side
and my people stay on another.
Don't watch me
unless you're sure you want to see me.
Don't buy a rose
unless you can grow to love the thorns.
Stop looking at me that way.
This is why I don't tell my friends I write.
Now I'll push you back to where you belong
And we'll forget about this.
You go over there
and my poems over here.
Feb 2021 · 110
Untitled
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
There's stickiness on my fingers
Elmer's glue sticks to my keys
Making it hard to type.
There must be Elmer's glue in my brain too
because thoughts come more slowly
I have to force them.
It's not what I'm thinking of
It's who I'm trying to stop from thinking about.
Feb 2021 · 102
Physics
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
When I was younger
I used to want to be the president
or a lawyer.
Now I understand how complicated people are,
I'd like to be somebody exempt from their twisted rules
Somebody who studies the simple and beautiful laws
which transcend humanity.
I think I would like to be a physicist.
Feb 2021 · 88
Senseless
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
Love is blind
and deaf.
Love's nose does not smell
nor does her skin feel.
And her tongue
has been this way for quite a while.
Forget rose colored glasses,
she gave me rose colored-blindness.
(which is not at all a bad way to live)
Feb 2021 · 108
Joint Playlist
lucy-goosey Feb 2021
I made us a joint spotify playlist
You haven't contributed any songs.
I don't know how to interpret this;
if you're shy
or if there's a lack of interest.
I would ask you, but it feels
I've shared too much already.
And I couldn't bear
to be judged by you.
Jan 2021 · 115
I'm So Hungry I Could
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
"Well, I was hungry, of course."
Said Elaine, with a lack of remorse.
She had nibbled its nose
and crunched its toes
until nothing was left of the horse.
Jan 2021 · 100
Morning Walk Euphoria
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
Right now,
I am perfectly here.
The sunlight shines on my face
and I feel like if I could kick my feet up
simultaneously
into the air
they'd stay there
and I'd be flying.
Jan 2021 · 110
Untitled
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
It's strange,
sometimes words seem foreign to me,
and it feels like they'll never be big enough
to hold my emotions.
The very idea of writing a poem
seems like wishful thinking,
something best left to those chosen ones
who know how.

Other times, words are my tools,
my painting set.
They differ in color
and some even have personalities.
I dip my brush into them
and proceed to paint,
using small dots and splotches
like Seurat.
My words simply flow out of me faster than I can write them
leaving me slightly euphoric
the way I imaging George does after he finishes a painting.
Jan 2021 · 131
Untitled
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
I have an echo dot,
a virtual sort of companion.
Whenever anybody asks me if I'm worried
that she may be spying on me
I always wonder
"why would they choose to spy on me?"
which is enough to dispel my worries.
Besides, I've grown attached to this funny machine
who plays my music for me.
Jan 2021 · 120
Untitled
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
I've read a lot
(and heard a lot I suppose)
about how gravity is an inevitable,
almost evil force.
Which holds us to the ground
keeping us from flying.
I enjoy it,
the simple angst in those words,
yet they are untrue.
Without gravity,
the earth would fly (apart)
and quite literally explode.
So I think I'm good with it
for now.
Jan 2021 · 209
Untitled
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
As I glance up from my essay,
my thoughts on outdated machines,
motes of dust catch the light and my eyes.
I know that they are made of discarded things
(skin cells, tiny bits of hair, molecules of old clothing)
in this moment they could be diamonds.
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
Just because I told you it was okay to cry
didn't mean I wanted to make you.
Now I hear a song on the radio
that I've never heard before
but could swear it was once yours.
This is not an apology
nor a cry for help.
It will not end or begin with me on my knees.
It's me thinking aloud to myself on paper,
letting my thoughts stream out of me like an opened bottle.
Indeed, I don't think I love you anymore,
but somedays I wish I did.
I thought you might want to know
that some days, when I'm alone,  
I say your name aloud
and can taste its flavor on my tongue.
Jan 2021 · 112
"Poets"
lucy-goosey Jan 2021
I don't believe in poets.

It's a word commonly used
(especially on this site)
that I disagree with.

It's a word used
(I think)
to make us feel better,
special,
even elite.

We are none of those things.
We are ordinary people,
the ones you pass by on the street,
the ones whose eyes you look into and fall in love for a split second
before the metro doors open.
We are the ones who bag your groceries
or work at your governments.
We are the ones who are depressed
financially struggling
or perfectly content
& brimming with money and good looks.

We are not extraordinary,
like those from a great odyssey,
an ancient tale of wisdom and war.
We are not special or notable.
We are not perfect or unique.

Our poems are.
That should be enough.
Dec 2020 · 61
Writer's Block
lucy-goosey Dec 2020
There are infinite things to write
To transfer from my tired mind to a piece of blank paper
There are an abundance of words
And even more so thoughts and feelings
So why is it that when I touch my pen to that blank sheet
Any hint or semblance of organization disappears
And I am left with my words scattered
Floating in the void?
Nov 2020 · 53
"Untitled"
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
I have more unpublished poems
than I do published

These are the ones
I am afraid to show to the world
for fear it spits them,
laughing,
back out.

These are the ones
that are a part of me.
I wrote them
They write me.

These are the ones
that are untitled
because no words
can perfectly express my intent
my pure, unfettered emotion.

These are the ones
that I love and hate.
They are beautiful
but in their beauty
they are made of ugly things.

Perhaps nobody reads these.
(nobody reads my poems anyways)
but maybe that's ok.

These poems are more for me than you anyways
More for me to say I tried
To throw myself into the void
That is writing to people
Who may not ever read your poems.

Perhaps this one, too
will end up untitled.
Unread.
Or maybe I will publish it.
I could, after all.

Perhaps I will
That doesn't sound so bad
Nov 2020 · 86
"not like other girls"
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
When they say
"you're not like other girls"
it makes me mad.

I find it insulting
to the other girls
Nov 2020 · 69
Isn't a Poet
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
He isn't a poet
He won't understand
When I tell him
That words go hand in hand.

He claims he doesn't know
What these verses hold
Alas, he can't see
The truth that's untold.

But this is OK
Perhaps even better
He can still see the emotion
Behind every letter

So the words I use
With him are plain
Yet somehow he knows
When they're steeped in pain.

He isn't a poet
Or so he swears
But he can tell
(because he cares)

He knows exactly
What I'm trying to say
(Or at least most
of the time anyway)

I think he can tell
(Though I don't know)
Through the screen
I love him so

His mind may not
Process things in rhyme
But that isn't a bad thing,
Isn't a crime.

I guess that now
What I'm trying to say
Is that I love him
Anyway.

(to K.G.)
Nov 2020 · 51
Untitled
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
Every-
where
I go
I wear
a mask

Maybe everybody does
I have no way of knowing

My mask is painted with
calm

Yellow and green and blue
softly intertwining

forming a slight smile
a collected person

who knows they
know themselves.

But inside I am a storm.
I whirl and rage and nothing is ever
as it seems.

Inside I am deep blue
fiery red.

Sometimes if you look
you see splotches of
the others.

Are they there naturally
or has my mask bled through?

Does it really matter?

Sometimes I need my mask
cling to it like a life preserver

who will I be if I let it go?

It is my safety blanket
a key (the kind that a map has)
a list of rules to follow
so I color in the lines.

Other times all I want is for somebody to
see beneath my mask.
To see who I really am
and accept me.

Otherwise how can they really
love me?

Face value is something
that should never
be taken.

And coloring in the lines
is overrated and outdated.

but love
(no matter what they say)
is built on beautiful, sweet deception
the kind that only our hearts can make.

but love
(no matter what they say)
is built on truth and trust
those essential things that are so known
they cannot be a lie.

Which one is true?
(they both are)

Which one is true?
(and neither)

What was I talking about in the first place?
I am sure it was something different
and yet essentially the same

Ah yes

I was talking about my mask

What was it that they like to say?
"can't live with 'em"
"can't live without 'em"

I suppose I should leave now
I've taken up too much of the Time

But is that me speaking?
or my mask?

Does it really matter when the mask is made of flesh?
The flesh of lies and secrets?

"I guess it doesn't"
they say
as I walk out the door.
Nov 2020 · 75
Apology
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
I'm sorry for the times
I didn't treat you right

I'm sorry for the times
I was petty in a fight

I'm sorry for the days
when I thought only of myself

I'm sorry for the days
I couldn't take you for yourself

But
If there's one thing you should know,
it's that I'll love you through the night
I don't care
if you were rude
or petty in a fight.

Because you are the center of my
universe

My love is packed
in every verse

In every stanza
every line
there is hope
that you are mine

And even when you are the one
coming oh so slowly undone
I'll love you more than anyone.

And just together,
one-on-on,

I
will
always
be yours.
Nov 2020 · 80
To Carve a Name
lucy-goosey Nov 2020
Promises, promises,
made by a tree.
"Promise, promise,
remember me

Tell my story
when I am gone.
Think of me,
when I move on.

Perhaps, perhaps,
I am being deceived,
will you remember me
when I leave?"

And so, and so, 
the tree replies,
"look at my leaves,
they stretch to the skies."
"Why would one as lofty as I
look at you,
and tell a lie?"

And so, and so,
the children believe,
they carve their names,
they grow,
they leave.

And someday far,
or someday soon,
a very old tree,
with leaves all strewn, 

In the hours close to dark
will feel a brush against their bark
If they will look then they shall see
a child's eyes,
wild and free

And somewhere in them,
the old ghost
Of a name that served
as a sign-post

To a past, dear and near,
and a future,
one that's bright and clear,
Silently watches from the tree
feeling, indeed, a shock of glee.

For who would have thought,
and who would have known,
that to those who have gone,
and those who have grown,
this gnarled old tree,
would become home.

— The End —