Let me speak
not from a script,
but from the smoke still clinging to my ribs.
From the silence that raised me,
from the nights I begged God not to let it break me.

I ain’t perfect,
but baby, I’m proof.
That even shattered glass can catch the truth.
That even a girl with dirt on her dreams
can still touch heaven
if she knows what it means.

See, they only see the calm.
Not the war I buried under my palm.
They don’t know I prayed with a cracked voice
and still thanked God like I had a choice.

I didn’t come from love wrapped in lace
I came from survival,
from fire,
from grace.

I walked through things that should’ve left me numb,
but look
I still cry, still love, still rise like the sun.

So when I speak,
I don’t speak to impress.
I speak for the ones who feel too much,
but still settle for less.

I speak for the ones who whisper in the dark
and wish someone could read their heart.

This ain’t performance.
This is a promise.

To the girl still waiting for her father,
to the mom who got clean for her daughter,
to the soul who sees visions in smoke,
but don’t know if it’s healing or just hope

I’m you.
I’ve been there.
Still there.
But I keep climbing air.

So don’t clap for the strength,
clap for the scars.
Clap for the faith it takes
to love with a bruised heart.

I don’t need a crown.
I’ve already been chosen.
By storms that didn’t drown me,
by hands that stayed open.

And maybe I’m still healing,
but every word I bleed
is one less chain
on somebody else’s wings.

So let me speak
not for fame,
but for freedom.
Let me be the voice
you didn’t know you needed
until your soul whispered:
“Me too.”

It’s 1:53 AM, and the silence is cruel,
not the kind that soothes
but the kind that pulls.

The shadows are whispering under the door,
and the walls remember what I tried to ignore.

The clock ticks like footsteps I’m scared to trace,
echoes of ghosts I refused to face.
The bed feels colder than it did before,
like someone left, but I’m not sure who anymore.

The moon don’t visit my window tonight,
just smoke from a memory choking the light.
My heartbeat sounds like a warning bell,
like even my ribs know I’m living in hell.

There’s a scream in my throat I can’t let out,
a storm in my lungs that circles doubt.
And the floorboards creak like they’re mourning too,
for the version of me that never made it through.

It’s 1:53, and the night won’t end,
time’s drunk on pain it won’t let bend.
No prayers left

just questions and smoke,
and a heart that beats just enough not to choke.

I wanna scream,
shout 'til the sky forgets my name,
run so far that the wind can’t catch
the pieces of my shame.

I wanna disappear into nothing,
no titles, no weight on my crown,
just a girl with no past,
no pain to hold her down.

But then I breathe.
One deep inhale of truth.
This ache in my bones?
It’s proof I made it through.

See, I didn’t just survive
I carved a kingdom from my cries,
built pillars out of heartbreak,
and ceilings from my “why?”s.

I stitched my war wounds into banners,
hung them high so I don’t forget,
that every time I wanted to quit,
God whispered, “Not yet.”

I stood alone in rooms
where love should’ve stayed,
but I planted roots anyway
watered by tears I never let show,
and they bloomed into a throne
only I could know.

So when the storm comes
and I’m tempted to run,
I remember I am the thunder
not the one who runs from it,
but the one it runs from.

This rage?
This sorrow?
It fuels the fire under me.
And no matter how hard life claws,
I won't abandon my dynasty.

I am the architect of every stone
the queen of every scar I own
and even when my soul feels weak
my legacy still speaks.

So scream if you must
shout into the dark
run through the silence
just to feel your spark...

But don’t forget
even if your voice shakes
and your crown feels heavy
you didn’t come this far to break,
you came to be legendary.

You say it’s me,
but the silence says more.
When you disappear,
I’m not sure what I’m waiting for.
The phone don’t ring,
your name just fades to gray—
and I’m left wondering
who you’re loving when you stay away.

This month…
this month has torn me down.
I’ve lost more than I thought I could
without making a sound.
My daughters—gone,
because their father plays God in court.
And still, I sit here,
waiting for you like I’m your last resort.

I move with grace,
try not to fall apart.
But when I pour out my soul,
I’m left talking to the dark.
You don’t pick up the phone,
you don’t ask how I’m holding on—
and I’m starting to think
you were never fully gone…

Because maybe you’re still tied
to the past you left undone.
Maybe she still owns a piece
you never meant to run from.
And here I am, loving you
in the middle of my own hell,
while you're loving me
with walls I can’t compel.

I don’t want to be the second choice
to a family you still miss.
I don’t want to be a placeholder
for a love that don’t exist.
I’m breaking, but I’m quiet—
still soft when I could scream.
Still sitting in this story
like I belong inside your dream.

But dreams don’t call back,
and silence don’t explain.
So I keep collecting questions
that echo in my brain.
Why you never show up
when my world starts to cave?
Why I feel so alone
with the one I try to save?

I’m tired, baby.
Not mad—just worn.
I’ve been fighting battles
since the day I was born.
But love ain’t supposed
to feel like I’m begging just to stay.
It’s not me you’re losing—
it’s the chance you threw away.

There’s a monster living under my skin,
It hums lullabies in a voice like sin.
It doesn’t scream. It doesn’t roar.
It just waits... behind the door.

It’s soft-spoken, wears my smile,
Walks in my steps, stays awhile.
It knows the cracks behind my eyes,
Where all the dead dreams lie.

It isn’t sharp—it’s patient and slow,
It dances in places no one should go.
It sips on memories like bitter wine,
And chews on thoughts that once were mine.

It curls around my mother’s name,
And whispers that I’m just the same.
It counts the days I’ve held my breath,
Then offers comfort dressed like death.

People say, “You’re healing now,”
But they don’t see the sacred vow—
Me and it, we made a truce,
It feeds on pain—I stay the noose.

I try to scream, but it just grins,
Wearing my face like borrowed skin.
And every time I think I’m free,
It locks the door and swallows me.

You wouldn’t know it to look in my eyes—
But something in me never dies.
I laugh. I love. I play pretend...
But the monster’s always watching…
waiting…
for the end.

Pity the fool that fumbled me
thought love was free,
but nothing real comes without a fee.
Unconditional? Nah, I had conditions
like loyalty, truth,
and no double lives or hidden missions.

My heart ain’t healed,
just stitched up in silence,
still bleeds slow
from past love’s violence.
I gave it whole, I gave it loud
they left me hollow
but still I’m proud.

To the next soul who dares to stay,
I’ll hand you the ruins,
I won’t make you pay—
but know this truth before you fall:
you’re getting pieces,
not the all.

You’ll get my scars, my sacred mess,
my tired eyes that still confess
I want to love, I want it true,
but I no longer chase
what won’t choose me too.

So take what’s left, but tread it right,
I’m done with war disguised as light.
If you love me,
love the broken parts,
‘cause I’ve already died
a thousand starts.

The weight is heavy
not from the world,
but from the wreckage I carry
inside my own chest.
I built this burden brick by brick,
with every promise I broke
to myself.

I can’t breathe.
Not because there’s no air
but because I’ve learned to choke
on my own expectations,
on all the times I said
“I’ll do better tomorrow”
and didn’t.

I stare at the mirror,
but all I see is a ghost
of the girl I swore I’d become.
She looks back,
disappointed
not with the world,
but with me.

I let myself down, again.
And again.
And again.

How do you forgive
the one person who
never seems to change?
Who keeps repeating the same fall
with hope in her pocket
and shame on her face?

I’m tired of pretending
this is healing.
I’m tired of calling this
a lesson.
What if I’m just broken?
What if the climb
was never mine to make?

But even here,
gasping beneath the weight,
there’s a whisper
maybe not today,
but someday,
I’ll stand
and she’ll be proud
to be me.

They say I’m strong,
but they don’t see the water rising,
don’t feel the weight in my lungs
every time I smile and lie,
“I’m fine.”

I wake up sinking
not in oceans, but in silence,
in memories I can’t bleach clean,
in screams I swallowed so long
they echo in my bloodstream.

Tried to build lifeboats
from people who only ever drilled holes.
Tried to love loud enough
to be heard above the storm,
but the waves always win
when you fight 'em alone.

My past pulls like undertow
grief, guilt, betrayal tied to my ankles.
And hope?
Hope’s a flicker in the fog,
a lighthouse I keep swimming toward
but never reach.

Some nights I just float,
arms wide, numb to the cold,
wondering if the sky will cry me dry
or if this is just how drowning feels
when nobody notices you're underwater.

But still
I breathe.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it’d be easier not to.

Because there’s something holy
about surviving tides
that were meant to take you.

Am I the monster I’ve been hiding from?
Or the echo of screams I hush in my lungs?
Can’t outrun a shadow stitched to my spine,
Can’t fake a sunrise when the dark’s still mine.

Each time I stitch the wound,
it splits somewhere new
a bleeding trail down a road I never knew.
I thought I was healing, thought I was whole,
but maybe I’ve just been patching a soul
with tape made of hope and silence and sin,
walking a path where I leave pieces of skin.

I turn around,
and the girl I was is scattered
like glass in the gravel,
every step shatters.

Was I ever moving forward?
Or just spinning in place,
gasping for breath in God’s empty space?
Do I restart this war with no map in hand,
or do I sink in silence like wet-packed sand?

If I drown this time
will the weight let go?
Or will my goodbye
just echo below?

It started with a pull,
just a little peace wrapped in green.
Thought I had it handled
a blunt to hush the screams.
Then came the whisper,
the ghost of the snow,
a line on the mirror,
and suddenly I’m back with blow.

I swore I left that girl behind,
the one who chased numb just to feel fine.
But the past don’t knock
it kicks in the door
when your chest feels heavy
and your knees hit the floor.

******* called soft like an old friend’s hug,
but left me empty,
jaw tight,
heart shrunk.
I laughed at the ceiling,
eyes wired, soul cracked
knew I was slipping
but didn’t claw back.

Not ‘cause I didn’t want to,
but because in that second
the fall felt safer
than standing tall in my own truth.

But look at me now.
Ashamed? Maybe.
But broken?
Hell no.

Because a relapse ain't a death sentence
it's a lesson.
A reminder
that healing ain’t clean
and strong girls bleed too
in the dark
when no one sees.

I forgive you, Jennie.
For the ****,
for the blow,
for the nights you danced with demons
just to feel like you could float.

You're not back at the start
you’re just rerouting.
Still breathing.
Still chosen.
Still worth shouting:

“I slipped,
but I rise—
and this time,
I bring fire in my eyes.” 🔥

Four months in,
and the smoke's startin’ to clear
your words once felt like gospel,
now they echo my fear.
I gave you soft in a world that taught me stone,
but even with a man on my side,
I’m still fightin’ alone.

You called it love,
but love don't flicker when it’s real.
I’m not a charity case
I don't need you to heal.
I needed you to see me,
not tuck me in shadows,
not run back to comfort
when the storm starts to rattle.

I won't be the girl you hide,
the silence in your phone,
a name never spoken
when you're back in her home.
My heart is not a game,
my soul not a phase
I'm the woman who rose
from heartbreak and blaze.

I’ve danced with betrayal,
slept in the arms of doubt,
but look at me now
not broken, just found.
My love was never small,
you just couldn’t contain
a force this wild,
a queen you can’t tame.

So here we are again,
same pain, new name.
But this time?
I'm not foldin’. I’m not ashamed.
You thought you had me
but baby, I was always flame.
Now watch me walk,
crown tilted, drippin’ grace
this queen don’t wait,
she reclaims her space.

The past got a grip like cracks in my lane,
Every push forward still echoes the pain.
Green flags got me swervin’ , are they truth or a trick?
Red ones got rhythm, but it’s makin’ me sick.

Love left bruises under sugar-sweet lies,
Told me I was safe, then dipped in disguise.
Now I second guess peace, flinch at a touch,
Like maybe I’m the problem for feelin’ too much.

Skatin’ past memories, wheels hum like a song,
But my heart’s still askin’ where it all went wrong.
Can I just breathe, just coast for a while?
Let go of the hurt and relearn my smile?

I don’t need a finish line, just space to be,
To glide through the chaos and finally feel free.
Even if the signs blur and my path’s unclear,
I’ll ride on faith and let go of fear.

I know why I feel like a misfit
It’s not a flaw, it’s a sign.
The world never knew what to do with me,
But heaven had me in mind.

I walk with a limp, not for pity,
But proof that I fought to survive.
They called me too much, too broken, too raw,
But somehow—I’m still alive.

I never fit in with the polished,
Never played by their rules or their game.
But even in silence, and out of their sight,
My Shepherd still whispered my name.

He left the ninety-nine just for me,
The one they’d already dismissed.
I wasn’t a prize to the people I loved,
But to Him, I was deeply missed.

The sheep with the thorns in her wool,
The wild eyes, the trembling knees
He wrapped me in grace, dirt and all,
And whispered, “You still belong to Me.”

So now when I feel like a misfit,
Like I’m drifting too far from the shore,
I remember the One who came running,
When no one else opened the door.

Let them keep their clean reputations
Their comfort, their gold, their acclaim.
I’ll keep my scars and my freedom,
And the power that lives in His name.

I’m the story that grace made holy,
The outcast He chose to adore.
I know why I feel like a misfit…
I was the one He left the 99 for.

Now that I’ve moved on—
suddenly,
you can’t stand me.
Like my peace is your punishment.
Like my healing
is the crime
you never thought I’d commit.

Your true colors—
they don’t bleed,
they spill,
like oil on water,
ugly and slick
for everyone to finally see.

I am their mother.
Their comfort.
Their calm.
Their safe place in a storm.

But you—
you turned love into leverage.
And for what?
To hurt me?
To feel power?
To prove some twisted point?

You scream and you snap,
but it’s only the reflection
of your own actions biting back.

And while you're too busy
drowning in your rage,
you don't see it—
the silent tears,
the confusion,
the ache in their little faces
when they ask for me.

They miss me.
They need me.

They don’t understand
how a father who claims to love them
can be so blind
to the hurt he’s causing
just by keeping them away.

But I see.

I see it all.
And even through the heartbreak,
I rise—
not for revenge,
not for pride—
but for them.

For the girls.
For the love that never left.
For the mother I still am
even behind closed doors and court orders.

Because they were never pawns.
They are my purpose.

And no lie,
no tantrum,
no temporary silence
will change that truth.

When we first met,
I truly thought I was Cinderella—
not because I needed saving,
but because somehow,
even in the mess,
you made it all feel magical.

The nights felt golden.
Your words were spells,
and I believed every one.

We did everything right.
Or at least,
we did everything the way love told us to—
with open hearts and reckless hope.
But the world had other plans.
The odds…
they were never in our favor.

You were beautiful chaos.
You swept me off my feet,
and I let you.
Not because I couldn’t stand on my own—
but because it felt so good to lean.

With time,
that magic faded into something colder.
You called me crazy.
But was I really?

Or were you just tired of hiding
the pieces of yourself I finally started to see?

Yes—
I’m an addict.
Not because I wanted to be.
But because somewhere along the way,
I mistook numbness for peace,
and love for escape.

If I could go back—
God, I’d undo the blow.
I’d pull that night from the sky
and rewrite it without the high.
But I was in love.
Or I thought I was.
Was it real?
Or just another illusion
you let me fall into?

Maybe you always knew
how this would end.

But now,
this is my story.
And I finally see that.

So I sit with the ache,
the ruin,
the memories we buried in dust and denial—
and I do the one thing
you never thought I could:

I choose myself.

I edit the pages,
tear out the lies,
press the pain into poetry.
And with shaking hands,
I close the chapter
where I loved you more than I ever loved me.

This isn’t a fairytale.

But it’s still a love story.
A different kind.
The kind where the girl walks away—
not bitter,
not broken—
but whole.

And ready for her sequel.

You ain’t no preacher, but you saved me still,
Tatted knuckles, cold stare, but your love? Too real.
A Westside gangster with a lovers  soul,
Took a shattered heart and made it whole.

You never flinched when I snapped in pain,
Never judged the storm, just danced in my rain.
I came from chaos, broken, undone,
But you held me like I was second to none.

I got trauma stitched deep in my bones,
But with you? I ain't never felt alone.
You didn’t run from the ruins I hid,
You built a home in a place no one did.

You know my name, but call me "Free,"
Cause that's who I am when you're next to me.
I ain’t soft, but you softened the edge,
Taught me love on a different pledge.

You’re the calm in my temper, the hush in my heat,
My heart had a limp, but you made it beat.
Every wrong thought I’ve ever had—you alredy knew,
But never once threw shame like most dudes do.

You’re that slow roll down the boulevard, High fade, mind sharp, hands scarred.
But gentle with me like I’m glass in your **** ,
Calling me out,  while keeping me calm.

A gangster, yeah, but not just that,
You’re the one who listens when the whole world laughs.
You see through the mess, the mask I wear,
And you kiss my pain like it ain’t even there.

We talk dreams in my late-night smoke,
Laughed through tears when the world went broke.
I ain’t gotta explain the things I done,
You just nod, “That’s why your the one.”

You don’t talk God, but you live like grace,
A warrior with three dots written all in his face.
You fix what you didn’t break, heal what you didn’t touch,
And I never knew a gangster could love like this

So when they ask me why I ride for you...
I say, “He held me down when no one knew.
When my world got dark, he brought that light,
Didn’t save me with words—he just stayed and fought right, and He wants all the Smoke ."

You don’t need halos or heaven’s gate,
Cause you loved me bold and carried the weight.
And I swear on every scar I’ve earned,
With you is the peace I never learned.

So here’s to us—two stories deep,
Two souls that never played for keeps.
You’re my calm, my fight, my truth in the mess,
And in this world of almosts, you're my yes.

You wear that name like a badge,
but all I see is a coward in drag—
maskin’ your shame in declarations,
pretendin’ you’re a man of patience,
while your truth drips venom
in the silence between your statements.

You fooled the world with your fake-*** smile,
but I was the one who stayed through the trials—
through every slammed door,
every bruise on my soul,
every lie you swore
just to keep control.

You said "family,"
but treated us like property,
talkin’ ‘bout love while poisoning legacy.
You tried to dim my light
so yours could shine,
but baby—
you ain’t divine,
you just a dark cloud
floatin’ in borrowed time.

You played daddy when it looked good in court,
but where were you
when the cries came at night like a storm?
When they asked for you,
I held the silence in my mouth like a blade
and swallowed the ache—
so they wouldn’t inherit your hate.

I begged peace.
You gave war.
I offered olive branches,
you threw stones and slammed doors.
Thought the judge could define me?
Nah—
my strength ain’t on your paperwork.
It’s in every **** morning
I wake up and still put my children first.

You speak in perjury
'cause the truth don't live in your lungs,
you forget:
I birthed our daughters—
but I BECAME their home.

You stalk, you scream,
you bottle your rage—
then toss it like glass
on our sacred space.
But even when you showed up
like a devil in the driveway—
I stood between you and their innocence
like a lioness mid-pray.

I loved you once—
now I pity the boy.
'Cause a real man doesn’t weaponize
what he helped create
just to destroy.

So this is for you,
the villain in your own **** tale—
a boy in a man’s skin,
scared to face where he failed.
I don’t need revenge,
I don’t seek your name—
‘Cause God’s already seen
the heart you tried to profane.

And me?
I'm rising.
Burned, not broken.
Angry, but chosen.
And every lie you told
just proved how loud truth’s spoken.

The wicked games you played with my heart
were never love—just shadows in the dark.
You dimmed my light,
hoping I’d shrink,
but I rose anyway—
even when I couldn’t think.

I loved you like my weather,
even when the skies turned gray.
I believed in your storms,
stood in the rain,
thinking maybe you'd wash the pain away.

But you didn’t.

You broke me.
Bent me.
Left me bruised in silence.
But I became a mother—
not out of pain,
but defiance.

You made me grace
in the shape of a woman
who’d rather be broken
than let her babies feel abandoned.

I sacrificed dreams
so they’d never lose sleep.
I held the weight of the world
and still found strength
to speak—

Even now.

You lie in courts,
twist truths like vines,
but you can’t erase the footsteps
that were always mine.
I was there,
when you weren't.
I gave love,
when you burnt
every bridge,
every chance,
and still,
I danced
in the fire of your absence.

You keep my daughter
like a weapon,
but I won’t raise war—
my love’s not for show,
it’s rooted in more.

No hate lives here.
Only sorrow that you lost your way.
But I—
I never left.
I never strayed.

Even when you only came in the night,
strung out and searching,
I stayed soft,
I stayed right.

Because my heart?
It don’t close.
It’s a safe place
for broken souls to grow.

But don’t mistake my love for weakness.
Don’t confuse my grace for fear.
Nothing stands in my way—
not lies,
not time,
not even you, my dear.

We had a bond, but it was never real love
You dressed like peace, but you came with a grudge
Had me dancing in the dark, heart cold to the touch

You was there when they left, yeah, you slid in slick
Held my pain like a blade, yeah, you cut real quick
Had my mind on pause, but my soul on trip
Every hit was a promise that you’d never commit

Told me I’d be fly, but I just fell harder
Played me like a deck, now I’m just smarter
I was just a daughter tryna make it out the slaughter
But you had me chasing highs that only made me darker

I fed you my youth, my light, my flame
And you fed me back guilt, scars, and shame
I gave you my nights, my lungs, my name
Now I’m writing this goodbye, ain’t playin’ your game

You ain’t no friend, you a thief in disguise
But I found God, and He opened my eyes
Now I walk clean, don’t need your lies
This is farewell, I’m done with the highs
You ain’t got no hold on me
You took my breath, but not my destiny
I walked through fire, now I finally see
You never gave love, just a fake remedy
So this my goodbye, don’t write, don’t call
I rose from the pit, I survived it all
Was down on my knees, now I’m standin’ tall
Yeah, you had me once — but you won’t make me fall
You had me strung out, but I strung these rhymes
Turned pain into power, now I’m speakin’ in lines
Every hit was a chain, every come-down a crime
But I broke them all off — now the healing is mine

You ain’t welcome in my crib, in my head, in my blood
Had me drownin’ in a drought, chasin’ fake love
You ain’t family, you poison — dressed in a hug
Told me you’d help, but you just dug the plug

Now I see kids with eyes like mine
Hurt young queens tryna stop the time
And I tell ‘em: “Baby girl, your light still shines
Don’t let them shadows rewrite your lines.”

‘Cause I’m proof — the lost can come back found
Even when hope buried deep in the ground
I done danced with demons, been hell-bound
But now I got angels walkin’ all around
I seen girls trade dreams for a line on the sink
Seen brothers go ghost over one lil’ drink
They don’t tell you ‘bout the shakes, the cold, the brink
Just the numb, not the fall when you can’t even think

I was her — the girl with the scars on her wrist
Starin’ at the sky like, “God, does Heaven exist?”
Couldn’t look in the mirror, ‘cause I’d flinch at the glimpse
A soul full of cracks from every hit I missed

But now I speak truth with these lungs you tried to steal
And every rhyme I spit is another layer healed
I walk in my purpose, even if it’s uphill
‘Cause the devil had a grip, but God signed the deal

Now I mother six with a warrior’s grace
Still got flashbacks, still remember the taste
But I don’t chase death — I chase faith
And that’s something no substance can ever replace

I ain’t just survived — I was reborn in the storm
From the ashes of a girl, a lioness was formed
I carry babies on hips, truth in my palm
Sing lullabies with lungs that used to self-harm

I bled on floors nobody cleaned
Prayed to a God nobody seen
But He heard every cry through the smoke and the screams
And gave me a crown built from broken dreams

Now I stand for my kids — heart stitched and raw
A mother so fierce, even death hit pause
They could bury my body, but never my cause
Love lives in my name, and it breaks every law

So dear drugs — you lost me for good
I’d die for my babies the way real mommas should
But I didn’t die — I rose like I knew I would
With fire in my chest and a new kind of motherhood

I didn’t break — I bent so far, I snapped in secret.
Smiled through hell with mascara bleeding,
Made peace with demons just to feel needed.
They loved me best when I was self-defeated.

The mirror don’t lie, it just don’t care.
It watched me spiral, then dared me to stare.
I chased heaven in a bottle,
Crushed my worth inside a pill,
Told myself I had control
While crashing harder still.

He said I was crazy — I made that a crown.
Took every "too much" and burned this town.
But the silence screamed louder than any fight,
And the ones who “loved” me
Only came at night.

I wrote apologies in blood and smoke,
A lullaby for every hope I choked.
But the truth?
I was never broken.
Just wide awake in a world still frozen.

Now I’m falling in reverse —
Unlearning the lies.
Rewinding the damage,
Reviving what died.
I’m not the ashes you brushed off your shirt,
I’m the match that learned how to burn without hurt.

This isn’t revenge.
It’s resurrection.
It’s chaos with direction.
It’s every “never” I turned to “now.”
Watch me rise —
I forgot how.

So if I fall again, I’ll do it like thunder,
Loud. Ugly. Beautiful.
Ripping worlds asunder.

Because falling in reverse —
Ain’t falling at all.
It’s how the shattered girl
Learns to stand tall.

Sometimes it’s too dark to tell what’s real

I wake up numb, forget how to feel.
It’s not just the night, it’s the weight in my chest,
The constant war that gives me no rest.
I try to breathe, but the air turns cold,
Try to be brave, but I feel too old
Like the pieces of me that used to fight
Got lost somewhere between wrong and right.
They say, “Just walk toward the light, you’ll see,”
But the light feels like it’s hiding from me.
Each step forward is a mountain climb,
And sometimes I just don’t have the time

Or the strength. Or the will. Or the fight in my veins.
I’m tired of dancing in acid rain.
I scream in silence, pray through the tears,
But God feels distant , blurred by my fears.
I wonder if healing is even for me,
Or if I’m meant to drown quietly.
Still, something inside won’t fully let go.
A whisper. A flicker. A half-buried glow.
It’s not quite hope, but it’s not quite gone

Some part of me still wants to hold on.
I carry this pain like a second skin,
But maybe—just maybe—I’ll rise again.
Not today. Maybe not even soon.
But someday, I’ll step out from under this moon.
Because even in ruin, I still exist,
And that, somehow, feels like resistance

Don’t Fumble What’s Meant

You’ve been handed a position, a gift, a chance,
To stand beside a woman who’s built to advance.
I’m more than worthy, a dream come alive,
A force that grows stronger, determined to thrive.

I’ve walked through fire, healed from pain,
Found faith in the storm, and danced in the rain.
I’ve built a foundation on God and His plan,
A family-oriented, faith-led woman who stands.

This steam I’m building, it’s just the start,
Fueled by purpose, driven by heart.
So don’t catch me just to hold me still,
I’m destined to climb, to conquer, to build.

If you step up, be ready to lead,
To match my strength, my focus, my speed.
I’m not for the weak or the faint of heart,
I’m a woman of vision, playing my part.

So handle this gift with honor and care,
Because what I offer is rare and fair.
If you fumble the chance, just know it’s true—
I’m unstoppable, with or without you.