In a quiet room sits a clock with no hands,
ticking still, though no one understands.
It counts not hours, nor minutes, nor days,
but the moments we lose in invisible ways.

A child’s laugh stored in the hollow of night,
a lover’s sigh buried under dim candlelight,
the prayer you whispered when no one could hear,
the silence that spoke louder than fear.

We chase seconds as if they were gold,
but forget that eternity cannot be sold.
Time is a thief, yet also a guide,
it teaches us what we cannot hide.

So when you see a clock with no face,
remember life is not a race.
The heart is the only true keeper of time—
and its rhythm is the closest thing to divine.

What is time?
To me, it’s nights that stretch too long,
days that blur together,
me watching clocks tick
while my babies dream of tomorrows
I ain’t even sure I can promise.

What is self?
It’s me
a girl the streets tried to swallow,
a momma the world tried to count out,
a soul still searching,
still writing poems in the dark
like I’m praying out loud.

What is love?
Not the fairy tale,
but the raw kind
when you’re broke, when you’re tired,
when the fridge empty but you still cook up hope
like it’s the only meal left.

And what is waiting?
It’s me,
always holding the pen,
wondering if the next chapter writes itself
or if I gotta bleed the ink again.
Patience ain’t weakness
it’s the grind, it’s survival,
it’s the proof that even standing still
I’m still moving.

I ask life questions,
and it don’t answer straight
just throws me mirrors,
shows me a woman
who’s both the wound and the healer,
both the prayer and the reason to pray.

So yeah,
I’m patiently waiting,
but don’t get it twisted
I’m not waiting for saving.
I’m waiting for the moment
the world sees what I already know:
This story don’t move without me.

I’m stuck in my solitude,
but maybe that’s where I’m meant to be.
No fake smiles, no noise, no masks
just me versus me.

I replay my scars like reruns,
wondering how many times I’ll fall for the same scene.
People think strength means you never break,
but strength is breaking
and still showing up anyway.

I light up and watch the smoke curl,
it feels freer than me
floating, rising, disappearing into the air
while I stay heavy,
chained to memories that won’t let me go.

I miss voices I shouldn’t miss,
I crave peace I’ve never known.
My solitude holds me hostage,
but it also teaches me
about patience, about faith,
about how empty can feel like rebirth
if I sit with it long enough.

I whisper prayers nobody hears,
not even me sometimes.
But I know God’s listening,
because He gave me this silence,
not to punish me,
but to prepare me.

And maybe this is just the in-between
a pause,
a lesson,
a waiting room for the life I haven’t lived yet.

So I sit with it,
even when it hurts,
even when it’s loud inside my head,
because solitude might be the only place
I finally learn who I am.

A gangster paradise behind closed eyes,
blood-red sunsets, shadowed lies.
Right beside Quinzel’s ocean eyes,
a storm brews quiet, where danger flies.

Cobblestone streets in my mind’s back alley,
whispers of deals that ended badly.
Neon flickers on walls of sin,
every heartbeat a gamble, every breath a spin.

Her eyes, deep oceans hiding war,
pull me under, I can’t ignore.
Velvet venom in a tender glance,
a love so sharp it leaves no chance.

We dance on edges, knives for shoes,
smoke and secrets, nothing to lose.
In that paradise, the angels flee,
only ghosts and shadows keep company with me.

Every kiss a confession of crime,
every touch a theft of time.
Behind closed eyes, the city bleeds,
and beside her ocean, my darkness feeds.

2 AM and I’m here, hell yeah I’m awake,
mind racing faster than the world can shake.
Coffee cold, blunt lit, kids snoring louder
but me? I’m scribbling truths, no filter, all factors

I laugh at the chaos, I cry in my chest,
I’m a momma, a queen, I don’t settle for less.
The streets taught me lessons, God gave me grace,
and I carry my crown, even in this messy space.

I think about lies, snakes, and the Fakes ,
about angels sent disguised as push not a shove
I curse, I thank, I plan, I pray,
I survive every night, every single day.

I’m fire and ice, heartbreak and gold,
a story unfinished, untamed, uncontrolled.
And when the world tries to count me out?
I just write my truth, spit my rage, scream my doubt. Spark this blunt then finish nodding out


Jennie J in the notebook, soul on display,
2 AM confessions in my own bold way.
I ain’t perfect, I ain’t quiet, but Im All The Sauceeeee babieeeeee .
I’m the chaos, the calm, the battle, the sun.

You can’t move a heart like mine,
Your words only expose your weakness, not my design.
I let my actions speak , louder than your noise,
I walk it, I breathe it, I don’t move like the boys.

Don’t drag my name through the mud,
I’ll wade knee-deep, protecting mine with blood.
I’m a momma, lion-born, guarding my den,
Spin your lies elsewhere, I’ll never bend.

That pookie-pipe talk? Keep it in the gutter,
I’m the real Quinzel, voice sharp as a cutter.
Didn’t you know? Joker don’t play,
Even in solitude, real ones carve the way.

Behind bars, only truth survives the fight,
I’ve seen “real hitters” vanish out of sight.
So when you whisper, better check that tongue
I’m legacy, iron-made, too heavy to be swung.

I’m scars and survival stitched into my skin,
What you call the end is where I begin.
I don’t fear your shade, I don’t flinch at your hate,
I move with a purpose, I’m led by faith.

So write your stories, but remember this fact:
A queen with a backbone can’t ever be cracked.
You can fake your crown, but mine is divine
And you’ll never move a heart like mine.

I will always fight for you.
Your father’s war will never dim the light in my arms,
never touch the truth of my love.

If I have to stand toe-to-toe with the devil himself,
I hope he’s ready
because I’ll run through hell with nothing but water guns,
laughing in his face,
just to bring you home again.

I’ll rip open the dark,
tear down the lies,
and chase away the monsters
that live inside your daddy’s head
the ones he never asked for,
the ones I’ll never let near you.

You are my heartbeat,
my reason to keep my fists clenched and my faith steady.
No matter what battles I face,
I’ll keep walking through fire,
through storms,
through shadows,
until you’re safe in my arms again.

Because you are my little girls,
and the world will learn
Mommy’s love is louder than any war.

Six years. Six whole years of you
Two little hearts inside your nose,
And I’ve always said it’s because
Mommy and daddy’s love was too strong to hold in one.

You were my miracle before you took your first breath,
And every second since, I’ve fought like hell to keep you safe.
They don’t see the nights I stayed awake,
The tears I swallowed when they tried to take you away
But baby, you’re woven into me,
In every beat of my heart, in every prayer I whisper when I think no one’s listening.

They try to lie on paper like it can rewrite our story,
Like it can erase the bond that time and pain made unbreakable.
But those two little hearts you carry?
They are the proof
the purest kind of love
A love no distance, no silence, no fight can touch.

You are my light when the world feels dark,
My breath when I feel like breaking,
My hope when every door closes.
I want you to know
No matter what they say, no matter what they do
I am here. I am yours.

Forever.

And I will fight
With every scar, every tear, every sleepless night
To hold you close, to keep you safe,
To be the mother you deserve.

My Lilliann Mariee, my baby, my fight,
You are the part of me that will never break.

She glides through midnight like a secret dream,
Board kissing pavement, soul running clean.
Smoke in her hair, stars in her chest,
Tattoo in prophecy
she don't settle, she quests.

No map, just rhythm, she dances through light,
Half street, half spirit, all shadow and flight.
Past in her rearview, no brakes, no lies,
Only the moon ever caught her eyes.

They call her a mystery, lover on wheels,
She left hearts spinning and souls she could steal.
Not out of coldness
just chasing what's true,
The next street, the next beat, the next shade of blue.

Her kicks stay scuffed, but her grace is divine,
A prayer on grip tape, a verse in her spine.
She laughs with the wind, tears don’t last,
She’s not running away, just skating past.

A whisper in alleys, a flash under lights,
You might see her once on one of those nights.
But don’t try to hold her, don’t beg her to stay
She’s prophecy in motion, and she don’t delay.

Broken girl with a mind like a maze,
Autistic soul in a neurotypical haze.
I feel too much, too loud, too deep,
And I’ve lost myself in thoughts I keep.

A lover girl with love to give,
But maybe not the kind they let live.
Stuck in a place where silence screams,
Where nothing's real, not even dreams.

Maybe I was never meant to be loved right,
Just built to pour into others, light after light.
But this weight in my chest feels too much to bear,
And nobody sees me — like I’m not even there.

Who am I now, with a heart so worn?
A girl reborn, but forever torn.
Because when I try to look in the mirror and see,
My vision is foggy
I don’t even see me.

So I write and I breathe and I bleed through this pen,
Hoping to find who I was back then.
But maybe… just maybe… through all this ache,
I’ll find that even broken hearts still wake.

So please,
leave me alone.
This book
my book
is over for you.
You had your chapters.
You played your part.
You saw the mess,
you tasted the light,
but none of you stayed
to see the rebuild.

You had your chance
to love me right,
to pour into me
like I did for you.
But you took and you took
and I still stood.
I still gave.

Now I’m done
repeating cycles
just so others can stay comfortable
while I suffer in silence.

This isn't bitterness.
It’s peace.
It’s boundaries.
It’s me choosing me
for once.

And I don’t wish you pain.
I don’t wish you harm.
I just hope that, one day,
when you’re sitting in your stillness,
you’ll remember the woman
who loved you deeply
even when she was drowning.

And I pray
honestly
that I gave you enough hope
to one day look up
and ask Him,
“Did she end up okay?”

And He’ll say:
"She did. Without you."

Now I’m stuck
on the bathroom floor
knees bruised, cheeks soaked,
whispering, “God, why oh why me again?”
But the truth settles in,
soft and sharp like scripture:
Why not me?

He chose me,
to be a light in the shadows,
even when I flicker,
even when my flame feels faint.
Because even when I’m breaking,
I’m still loving.
Even when I’m bleeding,
I’m still giving.

My heart
no matter how worn,
how torn
won’t stop beating for others.
And God sees that.
He knows the weight I carry
is proof of the warrior I am.

So here I go again
off the floor,
out of the sorrow,
not because I’m healed,
but because I’m called.

Because even a woman like me,
drenched in tears and tired prayers,
can rise with grace,
and walk again
like she was never on the ground.

I forgive like rain,
soft and steady, washing wounds clean
even when they were carved into me.
I pour grace like water into cups
that never once filled mine.

I am the open door,
the light in others’ storms,
the hands that hold,
the voice that soothes
and yet no one stays
to check if I’m still breathing
after the healing is done.

Heaven-sent, they say,
but even angels fall silent
when no one listens to their cries.

I gave pieces of myself
to build bridges, mend hearts,
carry burdens too heavy
for broken backs to hold.
But who sees me?
Who carries me?

I am not weak
no, I’m made of grief and grit,
a woman stitched from suffering
and stubborn hope.
But I am tired.
Tired of being the strong one
in rooms full of silence
when I need saving too.

No one could walk
the warpath I’ve walked
and still offer love with open palms.
No one could break this much
and still want to make others whole.

And that’s the tragedy.
That’s the ache.
Not that I can’t forgive them,
but that I forgot how to choose me.

When too good to be true
Meets the woman with her glass half-empty,
She shuffles from room to room
Quiet footsteps across forgotten floors,
Piecing back the hearts of the wounded,
Wounds only her spirit could truly read.

Darkness was her birth canal,
But somehow, light slipped through the cracks
Not in bursts, but in soft, stubborn glimmers.
She was beauty.
She was strength.
But beneath her ribcage lived the dust
Fragments of battles fought in silence,
Memories she swept under her own smile.

She stitched together the pain of others
Like patchwork faith,
Each tear, each scream she swallowed,
Just to feel a sense of form
A body built from borrowed hope.

Another person’s joy
Was a vapor she inhaled like salvation.
But slowly,
She evaporated into “more”
More for them,
Less of her.

And as she disappeared into the invisible
The muse, the healer,
The one who was always “okay”
No one noticed
How loud it is
When a woman vanishes
Without making a sound.

I came up in the dark
no love, just war,
Little girl in a world that don’t care no more.
Now I’m a mother, and sleep don’t come,
Got six souls to guard
five queens and a king .

Every breath I take, I’m on edge, on watch,
'Cause this world’ll eat you if you don’t stand on top of your own.
I don’t get breaks, I don’t get grace
But I give them heaven in this hellbound place.

Five baby girls, one little man,
I became everything I never had.
A lioness, with a mind that won’t rest,
'Cause I’ll die before I settle for less.

I walk with pain braided into my spine,
But I keep them close, and I walk that line.
Ain’t no fear in me
just fight in my game ,
I’m the reason they’ll never know that shame.

So when they ask how I’m still standing tall,
Tell ‘em: I was built to carry them all.
Six heartbeats, and I’m their shield, their voice
They are my purpose. They are my choice.
I ain’t chasing pity  , I’m chasing peace,
But even that don’t come easy in these streets.
I clean up messes I didn’t even make,
But I teach my kids how to bend, not break.

I hold the cries, I wipe the tears,
I fight their battles, I swallow fears.
I been the broke one, the bruised one, the used,
But never the weak one
I never excuse.

See, I came from silence, from slammed doors,
But my babies gon’ grow with love that pours.
I talk to God with a voice that shakes,
But He knows my soul, and all it takes.

I’m not perfect
I’m power in pain,
I’m the thunder that follows the rain.
I’m the hug that heals, the truth they seek,
The strength they’ll remember when they feel weak.

So when the world tries to dim their spark,
They’ll remember their mother
fire in the dark.
Not a queen in gold, but a warrior worn,
With stretch marks like medals from every storm.

I’m raising legends, not just names
With love that can’t be touched by flames.
Six hearts beat under my skin,
And I’d go through hell just to see them win.
I don’t need applause  I need them safe,
I’d rather bleed than let the world take their faith.
Every bruise I carry, every tear I hide,
Is a promise that I’ll never leave their side.

When my back’s to the wall and the bills come fast,
I still make magic, I still make it last.
Stretch a dollar, stretch a prayer, stretch my mind
But they never feel the pressure I fight behind.

I give them light in a world so grim,
Teach my boy to lead, teach my girls to win.
Teach respect, teach worth, teach how to rise,
And to never let this world dim their eyes.

I’m not raising followers  I’m growing flame,
Each child a torch in my last name.
And if they fall, I’ll carry the weight,
Break my back before I give 'em to fate.

I’m the cook, the healer, the soldier at night,
The one who don’t fold when the world wants a fight.
I’m mother, I’m father, I’m truth, I’m grace
I’m love with scars and a fearless face.

You see a woman , I see a war,
I’ve lost myself just to give them more.
But I’d do it again  and again with pride,
'Cause they’re the reason I’m still alive.

I used to chase the mirror’s grace,
Looking for love in a stranger’s face.
Tried to fit in, trimmed my soul to size
Buried my truth just to feel “alright.”

I wore their words like second skin,
Let shame decide the shape I'm in.
But no one told me healing starts
When you sit with your aching, fractured parts.

So I whispered soft to the girl inside,
The one I used to run from, hide.
I told her, “You’re not too loud, too much
You’re real, you’re raw, you’re brave as such.”

I stopped apologizing for the way I feel.
Started peeling back the masks I sealed.
Let my flaws breathe, gave my past a name,
Not broken
just beautifully untamed.

Acceptance ain't a finish line
It's the art of choosing me each time.
When I'm quiet, when I rage,
When I doubt, when I’m center stage.

Now I don’t ask to shrink or change.
I love this soul, a little strange.
She’s not perfect, but she’s finally free
And that’s enough for me to be me.

I sleep with shadows under my skin,
nightmares whisper sweet nothings again.
Got a halo made of cigarette ash,
and a heart that beats in broken glass.

My prayers got venom in the veins,
I talk to God like we both in chains.
He said “child, you still got grace,”
I said “then why you let me rot in this place?”

Lipstick smeared like battle paint,
laughin' in rooms that echo with saints.
But ain’t no salvation in these eyes,
just reruns of love and the prettiest lies.

My mirror don’t blink when I break,
it’s seen the girl I let the world take.
Cut out my tears, stitched them with rage,
now I write soft death on every page.

I’m the ghost they warned you about,
the girl who feels too deep to shout.
I touch fire like it’s a friend,
and call the end before the end.

So if you love me, know this game:
I don’t do sunshine, I dance with pain.
But if you brave, and hold the flame
you’ll learn why midnight knows my name.

The walls ain't just fallin’,
they crashin’ loud
like every step I take
shakes the ground.
And I wonder if Heaven hears
me now,
or if my prayers get lost
in the crowd.

I talk to You,
but it feel one-sided
my faith bruised up,
hope backslided.
I lit candles in rooms
where love died,
cried to the ceiling,
never got replies.

God, are You watchin’?
For real, no front?
'Cause I’ve been carryin’ weight
that break most in a month.
I smile for the kids,
but I’m cracked inside,
still got dreams,
but they barely survive.

They say You’re close
to the brokenhearted
well I’ve been ripped open
since this all started.
Do You see me foldin'
behind my fight?
Do You sit in the dark
with me at night?

I don’t need miracles,
I just need proof
a sign in my soul,
a whisper of truth.
That I’m not forgotten
in this war within,
and even with these walls cave in
You still listenin’.

He was always a gangster
but to me?
He was art.
All bruised knuckles and broken promises,
and still, I chased him
like I didn’t care
if the fire caught my heart.

He told me he loved me first.
And that’s all it took.
One line from his lips
and I spiraled into him
eyes wide, mind gone,
heart painted in his fingerprints.

Call it delusion.
Call it devotion.
But I called it home.
Even when he vanished in smoke,
even when he laughed like love was a joke.

I still chased him.
Like Harley chased her pain
with a smile and a hammer,
like I could fix him
if I just bled harder.

And “This Just In”
That’s not a track.
That’s a love letter with a death wish.
He wrote it when he still saw me
wild-eyed, loyal,
ready to rip the whole city apart
just to sit beside him in silence.

They think I’m crazy.
Maybe I am.
Crazy enough to believe in the parts of him
he hides from the world.
Crazy enough to choose him
even when he stopped choosing me.

I know what they see
a girl too loyal, too loud, too lost.
But what they don’t know is

He said it first.
And that made me his.
Not by chains…
but by choice.

So yeah
I still chase him.
Through shadows, through silence,
through songs he don’t finish.

Because he was never mine.

But I was always his.

My blessing don’t stop at just you.
You were a chapter.
But I?
I’m the author.
You tried to tear the page,
rip me out like an unfinished draft,
but baby, I bleed through margins.
I ghost the air between your breaths.
I’m the hush in your silence,
the pause in your pride,
the lyric you hum
but can’t place why it hits so hard.

You can bury memories,
but you can’t **** presence.
And my presence?
It’s rooted in heaven
and hood-certified.
I walk like prayers unanswered
still found a way to bloom.
I move like moonlight on broken glass
beautiful, sharp,
and meant to reflect
what you lost trying to forget.

You ever seen a universe
unfold from a woman’s spine?
I stretch galaxies when I stretch my truth.
Every sway of my hips
pulls tides.
Every blink
reminds the cosmos
that even stars get heartbroken
and still shine.

You thought I was just a blessing
with your name on it
but I was legacy,
timeless remedy,
a whispered prophecy
you couldn’t decode
’cause you were busy playing pretend
with a love you hadn’t earned.

I’m still me.
Even when you turn away,
my light ricochets off mirrors,
off moments,
off memories you didn’t mean to keep.
You can’t delete divine.
You can’t unfeel fate.
So don’t be shocked
when the wind hums my name
and your chest gets tight
outta nowhere.

That’s just me
unraveling
like I always do,
in awe,
in stride,
in truth,
in you.

I’m the ghost in your hallway, the prayer you don’t say,
the truth you choke down with your cigarette ashtray.
I’m the crack in your mirror, the crack in your spine
every broken promise you swore was just “fine.”

I’m the last light on when the world drifts asleep,
I’m the lullaby stitched for the wolves that you keep.
I’m the poet and prophecy tangled in sheets,
I’m the calm and the chaos that slip through your teeth.

Call me a storm ,  I come when you’re dry,
I drench all your secrets, I teach you to lie.
But I’ll baptize your ruins in rivers of gold,
make art from your ashes, make legends from mold.

I’m not for the faint. I’m the pulse in your throat
the ink on your pages you wish you had wrote.
I’m the truth in your marrow, the ghost in your blood,
I’m the rose that grew wild in your garden of mud.

So don’t flinch when I break you —
I do it with grace,
I’ll peel off your mask ‘til you’re raw in the face.
You’ll thank me one day when your cage has no lock
when you stand like a lion and laugh at the clock.

I was born from broken pieces,
Tripped by shadows of the past,
A little girl with silent wishes
For a love that wouldn’t pass.

Abandoned in the echoes,
Left to patch what others tore,
I dreamed of arms that held me
Of a mother who’d love me more.

But pain became my promise,
Wounds turned into a vow
That I would be the mother
I was always aching for somehow.

Now look,
six shining faces,
Five fierce girls, bright and strong,
And one sweet boy whose heartbeat
Stays where I belong.

They don’t know the war I’ve walked through,
The storms that shaped my spine
But every kiss, each glance in their eyes ,
Says, “You’ll never be alone, not mine.”

I mother the child still in me
With every hug I give away,
For the little girl who still needed
What I give them every day.

I wear the name Super Momma
Like a crown and battle scar
Because I became the hero
I once wished for from afar.

In dusk-lit fields where shadows lean,
The sunflowers bow, a sullen scene
Their golden heads in somber trance,
Charmed by the storm’s relentless dance.

They wear the rain like cloaks of night,
A lover’s touch both fierce and slight.
They ache beneath the tempest’s breath,
Bound to a beauty carved by death.

Roots entangled, darkly tied,
They crave the storm yet long to hide.
Bending close yet standing tall,
Bruised by the rain but enthralled by the fall.

When morning breaks, they tilt toward dawn,
But hold the night in petals drawn.
They shine by scars no sun can see
A love that’s forged in agony.

I sit still, but I’m sinking fast,
thoughts race wild, tied to the past.
My chest is tight, my breath feels thin,
the weight of everything crawling in.

I try to reach, but air won’t come
just silence louder than a gun.
And all these questions haunt my head:
"Am I enough?" or better off dead?

Why do they leave, why don’t they stay?
Why does love always walk away?
B said forever, swore he’d fight
but now it’s just me in this endless night.

He was my breath of fresh, my peace,
now I’m choking on what he released.
The one I called home ain’t even near
just echoes of love I can’t hear clear.

And Andres? He plays with fire and lies,
still tryna twist truth, still wearin' disguise.
Three little girls caught in his storm,
while I’m tryna keep their spirits warm.

Lilli, Julie, and Hailey. my world,
my baby girls, my diamonds, my pearls.
And Scarlett, Serenity, and little Jo,
they need their momma more than they know.

But I’m stuck in courts, stuck in pain,
while these men play games that drive me insane.
My arms are empty, my heart’s not whole

God, how much more before you console?

I miss B, I miss peace, I miss being seen,
now I'm just stuck in someone else's dream.
I’m not the villain, I’ve just been tried
by love, by loss, by all that’s died.

And still I rise, though barely so
still fighting battles nobody knows.
If they could see the truth I bear,
they’d know this broken girl still dares

To be a mother, to stand through shame,
to hold her story without the blame.
To scream in silence, to drown in prayer,
and still believe… love’s somewhere there.

Fire in her chest, rage in her throat,
Heart torn open, still she wrote
Not love songs, no, but war cries in rhythm,
Every scar a sermon, every tear a prism.

**** love, she screamed, and meant it deep,
Not outta hate, but 'cause love made her bleed.
Still, she stood up
broken, raw,
And taught what real love really saw.

He left her cold, with silence and lies,
She burned alone under empty skies.
But she never let that poison stay
She turned her grief into ******* grace.

She was the lesson, the proof, the truth,
She was the one choosing to teach how real love moves.
Not the kind that ghosts, or uses, or breaks,
But the kind that stays, even when it aches.

Rage kissed her lips, pain carved her name,
But still she loved with no shame.
Not for them, but for the girl inside
Who deserved a love that never hides.

So **** what hurt her
She chose to heal.
To hold the blade
But love for real.

This just in
She’s a chain breaker,
not a peace faker,
don’t come to her crying if you ain’t ready
to level up greater.

She’ll hold a man accountable,
not because she’s cold,
but because she knows love
ain’t real if it folds.

She got knocked down
plenty.
But never stayed too low,
'cause every fall taught her
where not to go.

She’s the voice in the silence,
the calm in the blow,
and if life don’t make sense today
she still knows it’s gonna grow.

Don’t mistake her hurt for weakness,
or her silence for defeat,
she’s the one who smiles through fire
and still lands on her feet.

For every other day
comes a bigger reason,
she’s not just surviving
she’s shifting seasons.

So if you sad,
but stuck in the same mess
she ain’t gonna sugarcoat it,
she’ll tell you:
“It’s ‘cause you ain’t done the work yet.”

She’s a mother, a warrior,
a truth teller, a flame
and she never lets her pain
go unloved or unnamed.

This just in
She’s her.
And if you ever doubted,
she’s already outgrown
everything you lied about

I’m Jennie from the block
But this ain’t just a street, it’s the bruise in my chest,
The place I learned to keep my heart in a bulletproof vest,
Where I gave too much love to men who left,
Where I stitched my own wounds with cigarette breath.

I’m the girl who seen mama’s eyes go dim,
Counting quarters for bread while the rent caved in,
I’m the ‘don’t cry baby’ she whispered when
The world pressed her throat like original sin.

I’ve been the rumor they whispered waiting in pick up lines
The name they twist when they see me shine
I’m the ‘she too loud’ and the ‘she so strong’
But when the lights go down, they all sing my song.

I’m the shadow in the alley that never sleeps,
Where trust gets murdered and secrets creep,
Where kids learn fast how to silence grief,
Where your best friend smiles but their soul’s not free.

I’m the dream that bloomed in the gutter’s spit,
The girl who swore she’d never quit,
I’m the prayers that rose from the basements floor
The ghost of my younger self I'll never forget.

I’m the mother who birthed hope from a belly of doubt,
Raised warriors in pampers, taught ‘em what love’s really about,
Told ‘em ‘don’t bow down, stand up, and shout
This block might cage you but you’ll break out.’

I’m the backbone of my bloodline’s cries,
I’m the laugh after heartbreak, the truth after lies,
I’m the way my eyes don’t apologize,
I’m the woman who’ll love you then cut off all ties.

See, they don’t know how deep my roots run,
How I dance with my demons just to feel the sun,
How I crack my ribs open for anyone
But God stitched me back every time I’m done.

I’m Jennie from the block
tattooed in pain,
Gold hoops and a halo drenched in rain,
I’m the hush when they whisper my name in vain,
The proof that from ashes you rise again.

So tell ‘em I’m still here, scars and all,
A storm in my lungs, my back to the wall,
They can bet I’ll break, but I stand tall
Jennie from the block
I survived it all.

He loved me
in soft mornings and long nights,
in sweet nothings whispered
under flickering lights.
He kissed my trauma
like it was art,
and I mistook his silence
for a careful heart.

At first, it felt real
like fate wore his cologne.
He studied my pain,
then made it his throne.
Told me I was safe,
told me I was seen
but every word
was washed in gasoline.

He gave just enough
to keep me close,
and lied so smooth
I drank each dose.
Said, “You’re the only one,”
with a look so still
but love that needs hiding
ain’t ever real.

The nights got colder
though he still held me near,
and I blamed myself
for every tear.
Gaslit till I glowed with doubt,
rewriting memories
he blurred out.

He called it love
what a clever disguise,
but his lips were laced
in a thousand lies.
He was the storm
pretending to be my shelter,
and I was the fool
that thought I could help him.

Now I lay alone
but finally free,
tracing the scars
where love used to be.
And if he ever wonders
why I let go
it’s ‘cause I fell in love
with a man I didn’t know.

If betrayal was really forgivable,
then why ain’t the devil sittin’ next to God,
crowned in the same glory,
singin’ the same praise song?

He knew the throne.
He knew the light.
He still chose the lie.
And even Heaven had to say:
“Not here. Not again. Not this time.”

They tell me, "Girl, forgive him, love wins."
But they ain’t the ones
who bled in silence when his loyalty went thin.
They don’t know what it’s like
to be both the prayer and the sacrifice.

I’ve kissed faces I should’ve never trusted.
Laid next to shadows and called it love.
Held my tongue while it burned
just to protect what was already gone.

But I ain’t bitter
I’m divine.
God carved me out of war and wine.
Soft in spirit, but steel in spine.
You can cross me once,
but twice?
You ain't even worth the rewind.

See, forgiveness don’t mean reunion.
Grace ain’t an open door
it’s a boundary with compassion.
Even Jesus broke bread with Judas,
but best believe He knew what was gonna happen.

So yeah, I forgive you
but my soul don’t forget how it flinched.
How your silence had a pulse,
how you watched me drown inch by inch.

You played God with my heart,
but forgot I know the real One.
And He don’t keep serpents
where His daughters come from.

So I release you in peace,
but I don’t welcome you back.
Even angels get cast out
when they lead with lack.

If betrayal was truly forgivable,
maybe Eden would still bloom.
But I ain’t lettin’ another snake
sing lullabies in my room.

I ain’t mad, I’m chosen
but they gon’ feel this shift.
Tried to bury me in silence
'til my prayers started to lift.

This ain't no temper tantrum,
this that holy-woke-up pain,
from a mama who got bruises
but still baptized in the rain.

Don’t tell me to calm down
when I speak what y’all ignore.
I seen love turn into war
right behind a slamming door.

Tatted tears on a canvas,
they think I’m too much flame
but God ain't call me timid,
He called me by my name.

They lied and called it love,
they dipped when life got real,
but I ain't built from fairy tales
I'm built from scars that heal.

I ain't out here seeking vengeance,
I'm out here seeking peace
but if they think I won’t fight for mine,
they best not test this leash.

This rage? Ain’t reckless,
it's disciplined and divine
I learned to bite my tongue
'til blood became my wine.

And I ain't perfect, nah
but I’m standing in my truth.
My babies watch me rise,
so I turn rage into proof.

Proof that broken ain't forever,
proof that hurt don't win
'cause even when I'm shaking,
I choose God again and again.

So no, I won’t stay silent,
and no, I won’t behave.
This fire in me’s righteous
ain’t no soul I need to save...

Except my own.

Don’t get it ****** up
I ain’t hard ‘cause I never broke,
I’m hard ‘cause I broke open and built castles outta my own bones.
I stood ten toes down for a man that laid hands on me
yeah, I ate that pain, fed it to the fire in my chest,
came out with my crown straight, edges laid,
heart still big enough to hold heaven and hell.

I done fed folks who stole my last crumb,
smiled in faces that would slit my back wide open,
and I still showed up whole
that’s loyalty you can’t copy,
that’s God sitting in my spine saying,
“Get up, baby — they can’t **** what I keep blessing.”

I raised babies that ain’t come from me,
kissed foreheads that never carried my blood,
loved ‘em like my own ‘cause that’s just who I be
my love don’t check DNA,
my loyalty don’t clock out when it gets rough.

I’m the one who survived the silence
and the side eyes,
the half-*** apologies and the fake prayers.
I’m the hush before the boom,
the rose that bite back when you think it’s sweet.

See, they wanna know how hard I really am?
I’m the pretty with the pit bull bite,
the soft with the street in my step,
the prayer and the promise
I bend but I don’t bow,
I bruise but I never beg.

So speak on me gentle
my name got weight you can’t carry.
I’m the woman you can’t bury ‘cause I’m seeds and roots
and every storm they said would drown me
just watered my garden.

How hard am I?
I’m hard enough to still forgive,
still rise,
still stand ten toes for people who couldn’t stand for me.
I’m God’s favorite problem
blessed, battle-tested, still pretty when I’m ******.

Try me
watch me break your curses
with the same hands I fed you with.
I’m everything they said I’d never be,
and baby, I’m just getting started.

I’m that mother,
the one they whisper ‘bout when the streetlights hum,
the one who kissed bruises ‘til they bloomed back strong
but baby, test my calm and watch me turn storm.

Play with mine?
I’ll DAWG walk your *** ‘cross every block you claim,
drag your petty down the pavement,
make you swallow every rumor that tried to stain my name.

See, I break my back so mine never gotta bend,
I carry legacies in my hips,
dreams in my palms,
a whole bloodline stitched in my spit.

So come for me ,   come sideways for my mine
and I’ll show you how a mother loves with her claws,
I’ll show you how a saint can shape-shift to a savage,
I’ll make you pray to the same God you laughed at.

‘Cause I’m that mother
sweet enough to bless your plate,
mean enough to flip the whole **** table.
Try me.
Play with mine,
and I’ll DAWG walk your soul back humble.
Watch me.

We were never lovers
don’t romanticize it.
We were two ghosts
sharing the same graveyard,
two shaky hands gripping glass
like it was the only thing
that ever stayed.

We wasn’t soulmates,
we was cellmates
trapped in a habit that felt like home,
spoon-fed poison calling it loyalty,
thinking rock bottom was softer
if you landed next to me.

You overdosed
but don’t think I didn’t.
I OD every night on could-have-beens,
on your last breath echoing
in the back of my throat.
I’m alive
but this ain’t living.
It’s survival with a heartbeat
too stubborn to quit.

We never ****** for love
we ****** to feel human
for five seconds
before the demons came back,
and the high turned cold.
I watched you sink
I lit the pipe,
I watched you drift,
I told myself I’d follow
but here I am
still feeding the same demon
with your name on its fangs.

We were never lovers.
We were addicts.
We mistook poison for forever
and you just left me
with the half-life
of a promise we never kept.

So when they ask,
I say we never loved
‘cause if we did,
maybe one of us
would still be here for real.

You keep my name tucked under your bitter tongue
like poison you sip to feel powerful.
Keep runnin’ to them courtrooms,
spittin’ lies you can’t stand on
keep holdin’ my babies like pawns in your chess game.
But let’s get one thing straight:
I’m the queen on this board.
And I don’t fold.
Ever.

You think you got one up ‘cause you throw my name in the dirt?
Baby, dirt made me.
Pressure turned me diamond.
You forget who you playin’ with.
I was forged in the same fire you left me in,
and I came out swingin’,
heart still beatin’,
love still gold
better than you ever prayed I’d be.

You bitter ‘cause I left?
‘Cause I healed?
‘Cause I made somethin’ holy outta all that hell?
‘Cause you know you could never touch this heart again
and your pride can’t swallow that?
Yeah, I know you
Mr. Control the narrative, Mr. Sniff them lines,
Mr. Tell the judge your lies while I’m at home
wipin’ tears and raisin’ kings and queens
outta the pieces you tried to break.

Keep holdin’ my babies like they leverage

they mine by blood, by soul, by the prayers I whisper
when the world gets quiet and God leans in to listen.
You ain’t never gon’ cage this lioness, Andres.
Never gon’ break this mother who’d drag hell itself
just to see her babies free from your bitterness.

See, you don’t scare me.
Your powder don’t scare me.
Your fake tough don’t scare me.
I’m one of God’s favorites
go ahead, test that.
Try me
watch how truth dropkicks your lies into the light.
Watch how my name stay golden
while yours sink in the same shadows you hide behind.

You wanna play hard?
I’m harder.
You wanna play *****?
I’ve been cleaned by the same God you mock in your sleep.
Ain’t no paper trail or snake tongue
gon’ keep me from what’s mine.

So go ahead, baby daddy
keep thinkin’ you the villain in my story.
I’m the storm, I’m the flame, I’m the *******’ lioness
God built to roar so loud
the chains fall off my babies’ names.

Keep talkin’.
Keep lyin’.
Keep playin’.
Just know when that sun come up
and your shadows shrivel,
it’s gon’ be me
crown straight, eyes forward,
babies held tight,
heart made of fire and gold
untouchable, unstoppable, unbreakable.

Say my name right.

I’m the voice you choke down
when your smile lies for you.
The one that growls
when your pretty face can’t hide your war wounds.
I’m the echo that don’t need no hallway,
don’t need no mic
I boom in your bones
when they doubt you can hold your own.

See, I’m not here for small talk
I’m the full sermon,
the tear-stained gospel you preach
when you forget you’re holy,
when you forget your scars been baptized
in every storm you never bowed to.

I talk big
‘cause you come from big prayers,
big mistakes,
big nights crying into your own palms
til your demons tapped out.

I’m that backtalk when they tell you “sit pretty.”
I’m the slam of your door when you got your own rent paid.
I’m the hush in your head that says,
“Try me
try me and see if I don’t rise again
with a grin wide enough to swallow your doubts whole.”

I don’t whisper
I don’t beg
I’m that cuss under your breath
that tastes like freedom
I’m the word you can’t unhear:
ENOUGH.
Enough surviving.
Enough shrinking.
Enough burying your lion
just to soothe their comfort.

So say it with your chest:
You’re the mouth that bit back heartbreak
and spit out poetry.
You’re the lungs that learned to breathe in smoke
and exhale truth.
You’re the thunder rolling through your own ribcage
like you own every bolt.

Talk like the world’s listening
because it is.
Talk like you’re the last prayer on earth

because you might be.
Talk until silence is jealous.
Talk until your name tastes like respect
in their mouths.

And when they ask you who gave you permission?
Tell ‘em your soul did.
Tell ‘em your fire did.
Tell ‘em you did
and you’re just getting started.

My heart don’t come wrapped in caution tape.
It shows up raw
sleeves soaked in stories
I never got to finish telling.
I don’t do surface.
I don’t do safe.
I love loud,
I break loud,
and I rebuild louder.

I’m impatient
not because I’m spoiled,
but because I’ve spent too many nights
waiting on people
who said forever
but meant "for now."
I know what it feels like
to water dead things,
to fight for answers
in silence that screams.

Still
I chase patience
like it’s the only thing
that’ll keep me from burning bridges
I know I’ll miss.

Some days, I’m soft.
Other days, I’m smoke.
But every day,
I’m real.
And that’s rare.
I don’t hide behind pretty.
I don’t speak in filters.
You get all of me
even the messy parts,
even the parts I haven’t forgiven yet.

I give love like it’s holy.
Like maybe this time
it won’t leave me praying for closure.
I write poems in my mind
while people pretend not to see me
but I keep showing up
like I still believe
in the good kind of love.

My transparency
ain’t weakness.
It’s my rebellion.
It’s my power.
It’s me saying
I’d rather be felt too deep
than swallowed halfway.

So if I’m too much,
good.
That means you saw me.
That means my truth made you flinch.
That means I did exactly
what I came to do
be real,
and be unforgettable.

I used to write in cursive spells,
inking truths that tasted like rain
but you turned my poetry into poison,
Chased lines laced with your name.

You kissed me like a metaphor,
complex and dripping wet with heat
but love,
real love,
doesn't require a decoder to speak.

You let me believe I was your muse,
your midnight confession,
your holy place ,
but really,
I was just a page
you planned to burn first right after you hit your game .

I caught the flicker in your eyes,
the kind that you tried to hide
But
Hell nah
that was gasoline
and I just happened to be the match you struck just enough
to watch me glow before I crashed
Yet ....

You etched lies in lullabies,
made betrayal feel like slow jams
smooth,
seductive,
until the bass dropped and
I realized I was dancing to my own delusions

You didnt  just leave me
you left your ghost in the folds of the over lapping pieces that you helped place back in to pieces
Now every time I recite my pain,
your name curls up like the smoke from your smokers
intense and just the flavor on my tongue that I couldn't yet quite grasp

But let this be clear
I was never your charity case .
Or the one that got away
I’m the rewrite.
I’m the ink turned red with every stroke you brush ,
Im the chorus in every rhyme you spit because
I'm really HER
So betray me,
break me,
bleed me on the stage,
and I’ll still spit verses even your opps will replay
because even poison
becomes power
when a poet learns
how to aim.

I am designed as a walking weapon,
No manual, no mercy
just momentum and message.
Steel in my spine, storms in my veins,
I don’t bend, I break chains.

Every threat steps light when they see me,
'Cause I don’t bark I breathe prophecy.
Taught by pain, raised in flame,
Now I carve my name in war’s hall of fame.

I ain’t just pressure
I’m the pulse of the quake,
A silence so loud, it’ll make courage shake.
See, I don’t swing fists, I summon collapse,
And they fall ten times before they can clap back.

Laced with lessons, forged in fire,
I’m the kind of woman your doubt should fear to inspire.
So if you test me, bring all you got
But know that even your shadow gon’ drop.

I’m not the battle, I’m the whole **** war,
The page they rip out and dare not restore.
Built from scars, crowned in grit,
Whoever steps
best believe, they won’t forget it.

I ain’t mad, I’m chosen
but they gon’ feel this shift.
Tried to bury me in silence
'til my prayers started to lift.

This ain't no temper tantrum,
this that holy-woke-up pain,
from a mama who got bruises
but still baptized in the rain.

Don’t tell me to calm down
when I speak what y’all ignore.
I seen love turn into war
right behind a slamming door.

Tatted tears on a canvas,
they think I’m too much flame
but God ain't call me timid,
He called me by my name.

They lied and called it love,
they dipped when life got real,
but I ain't built from fairy tales
I'm built from scars that heal.

I ain't out here seeking vengeance,
I'm out here seeking peace
but if they think I won’t fight for mine,
they best not test this leash.

This rage? Ain’t reckless,
it's disciplined and divine
I learned to bite my tongue
'til blood became my wine.

And I ain't perfect, nah
but I’m standing in my truth.
My babies watch me rise,
so I turn rage into proof.

Proof that broken ain't forever,
proof that hurt don't win
'cause even when I'm shaking,
I choose God again and again.

So no, I won’t stay silent,
and no, I won’t behave.
This fire in me’s righteous
ain’t no soul I need to save...

Except my own.

Let me speak
not from a script,
but from the smoke still clinging to my ribs.
From the silence that raised me,
from the nights I begged God not to let it break me.

I ain’t perfect,
but baby, I’m proof.
That even shattered glass can catch the truth.
That even a girl with dirt on her dreams
can still touch heaven
if she knows what it means.

See, they only see the calm.
Not the war I buried under my palm.
They don’t know I prayed with a cracked voice
and still thanked God like I had a choice.

I didn’t come from love wrapped in lace
I came from survival,
from fire,
from grace.

I walked through things that should’ve left me numb,
but look
I still cry, still love, still rise like the sun.

So when I speak,
I don’t speak to impress.
I speak for the ones who feel too much,
but still settle for less.

I speak for the ones who whisper in the dark
and wish someone could read their heart.

This ain’t performance.
This is a promise.

To the girl still waiting for her father,
to the mom who got clean for her daughter,
to the soul who sees visions in smoke,
but don’t know if it’s healing or just hope

I’m you.
I’ve been there.
Still there.
But I keep climbing air.

So don’t clap for the strength,
clap for the scars.
Clap for the faith it takes
to love with a bruised heart.

I don’t need a crown.
I’ve already been chosen.
By storms that didn’t drown me,
by hands that stayed open.

And maybe I’m still healing,
but every word I bleed
is one less chain
on somebody else’s wings.

So let me speak
not for fame,
but for freedom.
Let me be the voice
you didn’t know you needed
until your soul whispered:
“Me too.”

It’s 1:53 AM, and the silence is cruel,
not the kind that soothes
but the kind that pulls.

The shadows are whispering under the door,
and the walls remember what I tried to ignore.

The clock ticks like footsteps I’m scared to trace,
echoes of ghosts I refused to face.
The bed feels colder than it did before,
like someone left, but I’m not sure who anymore.

The moon don’t visit my window tonight,
just smoke from a memory choking the light.
My heartbeat sounds like a warning bell,
like even my ribs know I’m living in hell.

There’s a scream in my throat I can’t let out,
a storm in my lungs that circles doubt.
And the floorboards creak like they’re mourning too,
for the version of me that never made it through.

It’s 1:53, and the night won’t end,
time’s drunk on pain it won’t let bend.
No prayers left

just questions and smoke,
and a heart that beats just enough not to choke.

I wanna scream,
shout 'til the sky forgets my name,
run so far that the wind can’t catch
the pieces of my shame.

I wanna disappear into nothing,
no titles, no weight on my crown,
just a girl with no past,
no pain to hold her down.

But then I breathe.
One deep inhale of truth.
This ache in my bones?
It’s proof I made it through.

See, I didn’t just survive
I carved a kingdom from my cries,
built pillars out of heartbreak,
and ceilings from my “why?”s.

I stitched my war wounds into banners,
hung them high so I don’t forget,
that every time I wanted to quit,
God whispered, “Not yet.”

I stood alone in rooms
where love should’ve stayed,
but I planted roots anyway
watered by tears I never let show,
and they bloomed into a throne
only I could know.

So when the storm comes
and I’m tempted to run,
I remember I am the thunder
not the one who runs from it,
but the one it runs from.

This rage?
This sorrow?
It fuels the fire under me.
And no matter how hard life claws,
I won't abandon my dynasty.

I am the architect of every stone
the queen of every scar I own
and even when my soul feels weak
my legacy still speaks.

So scream if you must
shout into the dark
run through the silence
just to feel your spark...

But don’t forget
even if your voice shakes
and your crown feels heavy
you didn’t come this far to break,
you came to be legendary.

You say it’s me,
but the silence says more.
When you disappear,
I’m not sure what I’m waiting for.
The phone don’t ring,
your name just fades to gray—
and I’m left wondering
who you’re loving when you stay away.

This month…
this month has torn me down.
I’ve lost more than I thought I could
without making a sound.
My daughters—gone,
because their father plays God in court.
And still, I sit here,
waiting for you like I’m your last resort.

I move with grace,
try not to fall apart.
But when I pour out my soul,
I’m left talking to the dark.
You don’t pick up the phone,
you don’t ask how I’m holding on—
and I’m starting to think
you were never fully gone…

Because maybe you’re still tied
to the past you left undone.
Maybe she still owns a piece
you never meant to run from.
And here I am, loving you
in the middle of my own hell,
while you're loving me
with walls I can’t compel.

I don’t want to be the second choice
to a family you still miss.
I don’t want to be a placeholder
for a love that don’t exist.
I’m breaking, but I’m quiet—
still soft when I could scream.
Still sitting in this story
like I belong inside your dream.

But dreams don’t call back,
and silence don’t explain.
So I keep collecting questions
that echo in my brain.
Why you never show up
when my world starts to cave?
Why I feel so alone
with the one I try to save?

I’m tired, baby.
Not mad—just worn.
I’ve been fighting battles
since the day I was born.
But love ain’t supposed
to feel like I’m begging just to stay.
It’s not me you’re losing—
it’s the chance you threw away.

There’s a monster living under my skin,
It hums lullabies in a voice like sin.
It doesn’t scream. It doesn’t roar.
It just waits... behind the door.

It’s soft-spoken, wears my smile,
Walks in my steps, stays awhile.
It knows the cracks behind my eyes,
Where all the dead dreams lie.

It isn’t sharp—it’s patient and slow,
It dances in places no one should go.
It sips on memories like bitter wine,
And chews on thoughts that once were mine.

It curls around my mother’s name,
And whispers that I’m just the same.
It counts the days I’ve held my breath,
Then offers comfort dressed like death.

People say, “You’re healing now,”
But they don’t see the sacred vow—
Me and it, we made a truce,
It feeds on pain—I stay the noose.

I try to scream, but it just grins,
Wearing my face like borrowed skin.
And every time I think I’m free,
It locks the door and swallows me.

You wouldn’t know it to look in my eyes—
But something in me never dies.
I laugh. I love. I play pretend...
But the monster’s always watching…
waiting…
for the end.

Pity the fool that fumbled me
thought love was free,
but nothing real comes without a fee.
Unconditional? Nah, I had conditions
like loyalty, truth,
and no double lives or hidden missions.

My heart ain’t healed,
just stitched up in silence,
still bleeds slow
from past love’s violence.
I gave it whole, I gave it loud
they left me hollow
but still I’m proud.

To the next soul who dares to stay,
I’ll hand you the ruins,
I won’t make you pay—
but know this truth before you fall:
you’re getting pieces,
not the all.

You’ll get my scars, my sacred mess,
my tired eyes that still confess
I want to love, I want it true,
but I no longer chase
what won’t choose me too.

So take what’s left, but tread it right,
I’m done with war disguised as light.
If you love me,
love the broken parts,
‘cause I’ve already died
a thousand starts.

The weight is heavy
not from the world,
but from the wreckage I carry
inside my own chest.
I built this burden brick by brick,
with every promise I broke
to myself.

I can’t breathe.
Not because there’s no air
but because I’ve learned to choke
on my own expectations,
on all the times I said
“I’ll do better tomorrow”
and didn’t.

I stare at the mirror,
but all I see is a ghost
of the girl I swore I’d become.
She looks back,
disappointed
not with the world,
but with me.

I let myself down, again.
And again.
And again.

How do you forgive
the one person who
never seems to change?
Who keeps repeating the same fall
with hope in her pocket
and shame on her face?

I’m tired of pretending
this is healing.
I’m tired of calling this
a lesson.
What if I’m just broken?
What if the climb
was never mine to make?

But even here,
gasping beneath the weight,
there’s a whisper
maybe not today,
but someday,
I’ll stand
and she’ll be proud
to be me.

They say I’m strong,
but they don’t see the water rising,
don’t feel the weight in my lungs
every time I smile and lie,
“I’m fine.”

I wake up sinking
not in oceans, but in silence,
in memories I can’t bleach clean,
in screams I swallowed so long
they echo in my bloodstream.

Tried to build lifeboats
from people who only ever drilled holes.
Tried to love loud enough
to be heard above the storm,
but the waves always win
when you fight 'em alone.

My past pulls like undertow
grief, guilt, betrayal tied to my ankles.
And hope?
Hope’s a flicker in the fog,
a lighthouse I keep swimming toward
but never reach.

Some nights I just float,
arms wide, numb to the cold,
wondering if the sky will cry me dry
or if this is just how drowning feels
when nobody notices you're underwater.

But still
I breathe.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it’d be easier not to.

Because there’s something holy
about surviving tides
that were meant to take you.

Am I the monster I’ve been hiding from?
Or the echo of screams I hush in my lungs?
Can’t outrun a shadow stitched to my spine,
Can’t fake a sunrise when the dark’s still mine.

Each time I stitch the wound,
it splits somewhere new
a bleeding trail down a road I never knew.
I thought I was healing, thought I was whole,
but maybe I’ve just been patching a soul
with tape made of hope and silence and sin,
walking a path where I leave pieces of skin.

I turn around,
and the girl I was is scattered
like glass in the gravel,
every step shatters.

Was I ever moving forward?
Or just spinning in place,
gasping for breath in God’s empty space?
Do I restart this war with no map in hand,
or do I sink in silence like wet-packed sand?

If I drown this time
will the weight let go?
Or will my goodbye
just echo below?

It started with a pull,
just a little peace wrapped in green.
Thought I had it handled
a blunt to hush the screams.
Then came the whisper,
the ghost of the snow,
a line on the mirror,
and suddenly I’m back with blow.

I swore I left that girl behind,
the one who chased numb just to feel fine.
But the past don’t knock
it kicks in the door
when your chest feels heavy
and your knees hit the floor.

******* called soft like an old friend’s hug,
but left me empty,
jaw tight,
heart shrunk.
I laughed at the ceiling,
eyes wired, soul cracked
knew I was slipping
but didn’t claw back.

Not ‘cause I didn’t want to,
but because in that second
the fall felt safer
than standing tall in my own truth.

But look at me now.
Ashamed? Maybe.
But broken?
Hell no.

Because a relapse ain't a death sentence
it's a lesson.
A reminder
that healing ain’t clean
and strong girls bleed too
in the dark
when no one sees.

I forgive you, Jennie.
For the ****,
for the blow,
for the nights you danced with demons
just to feel like you could float.

You're not back at the start
you’re just rerouting.
Still breathing.
Still chosen.
Still worth shouting:

“I slipped,
but I rise—
and this time,
I bring fire in my eyes.” 🔥