The first time that I felt the thrill.
In my English class, I wasn't thinking, it just happened.
I had wondered for a long time, what it would feel like.
So I put the pencil on my arm.
It danced and glided across my skin and for the first time in a long while, I felt something.
I continued to get the thrill of pain.
Any way I could. Anytime I felt like it.
Sometimes 12 hours a day.
It took a turn for the worst.
My arms, hands and legs were already scarred.
Why not my wrist?
The ultimate statement, something everyone can see for all eternity.
So now I am stuck with five, perfectly straight scars running across my wrist.
But I did it myself. I don't complain.
I can't remember when I stopped. But it lasted about four months.
Then, one of my friends needed help.
She was really stuck. When I went in the dark to drag her out, I fell in.
I started small. Didn't tell anyone.
It was easier that way.
It escalated quickly. I was at my worst.
I had slit my sides, my shoulder, my arms, my legs.
A zipper of cuts dripped down my stomach.
I felt so many things, that I couldn't feel anything.
I acquired a collection of scars all over and I knew that I needed to stop.
Enough was enough.
Stopping the second time was a hell of a lot harder than the first.
As of today, I have been completely clean for a month.
30 days seems like nothing.
But if I can go the first month, I can go for the rest of my life.
I know what cutting is like and I am over it.
Cutting was a great feeling. But nothing compares to the feeling of kicking your addiction in the ***.

Way back when in Bible times,
Being a ***** was like a crime.

But you'd think with today's many advances,
We'd offer more people second chances.

Today we have lepers all around.
But no one helps them stand their ground.

They come in different shapes, sizes, forms.
Black, white, yellow, orange.

Homosexuals, transgender, maybe different than you.
They're all human beings, respect them too.

Don't hate because they have darker skin, being yourself is not a sin.

Don't hate because someone is in the wrong clothes.
It's not your choice, that's just how it goes.

And remember just how lucky you are, getting married at the altar.
While maybe two women or men somewhere near.
Are living together with one great fear.

You can get married, so why can't they?
Why do opinions get in the way?

Just tell me what's wrong with accepting everyone?
Do you think war, prejudice, and tragedy's fun?

Change can be hard, but change can be good.
Make the world become what it should.

New flowers to bloom, the ice has gone.
Baby animals stumble out of the dawn.
Life, happiness, love, and fun.
Is my wish for you, soft little one.

As spring turns to summer, cool breeze in your hair.
Your supple, tanned skin which once was so fair.
Growing up fast, more warmth ahead.
Out of your crib, in a big girl bed.

But as seasons change, so do we.
Then comes fall, a catastrophe.
Once warm and bright, cold wind races through.
Losing piles of leaves, and parts of you.
Piercing, bare branches sting like a knife.
When fall comes, prepare to get up for your life.

Winter charges, no mercy, no end.
Stinging blizzards swirl again and again.
Lost and alone, frosted heart.
Then opens a door, the heat melts it apart. Reluctant; heat burns on frostbitten skin.
Buried in blankets and warmth from within.

Broken and brittle, heart frozen and small.
Taken in and warmed up. Someone heard your call.
Sitting together in front of a fire.
Hand in hand, knowing love will never expire.

AB:  Flowers and trees, a thousand degrees, we ***** around in the winter , we can't freeze.

FNB: Leaves are falling, fireplace calling. The icy cold wind is somewhat appalling.

AB: Lost in translation, broken sacrifices, free vacation, let's perform a crisis.

FNB: Out in the dainty, crystalline frost, I reach for your hand and my worries are lost.
But winter will fade and in comes the sun. The cold left some ice that can't be undone.

AB: Summer time when spirit of a young god lay to rest, flowers in your hair signifies that you're at your best. Love music and tattoos, a grain of sand, sitting in the corn fields, we can't lose, to a world created by man.

Isn't it crazy how one decision can change everything forever?
Like having that extra test at the doctor.
Who knew an endoscopy could be the difference between life and death?
No one was expecting anything to happen.
Just routine checkup.
This would be everything but routine.

A tiny little cancerous polyp cost half an esophagus plus part of a stomach and spleen.
Years of recovery, sleepless nights.
Feeding tubes, coughing fits, at home nurses.
Building up strength just to walk into his own home for the first time in weeks.

That tiny cancer would've spread.
On this day, we could've been mourning instead of celebrating.
Cancer took a hell of a lot from us, but look what it gave us.
My dad turned 48 today.
Without surgery, I wouldn't get the privilege of spending this birthday and many more with my dad.

Some say fear holds you back.
That it shouldn't rule your life.

Some say they laugh in the face of fear.
But fear is a powerful thing.

Some say once you face your fears,
There's nothing that can stop you.

I say fear has saved me bloodshed.
It's kept me out of the hospital and the morgue.

I say fear keeps me in check.
Fear keeps me sane.

Fear keeps me from ******* up my wrists so bad that I pass out on the ground.
I bring that knife to my neck and that little, tiny voice says HELL NO!

So I don't laugh at fear.
And I definitely will let fear hold me back.
Because fear gives me something to shine through.

Who knew that something as small as a word, could cause so many problems.
Haven't you heard?
It seems like nothing, no one was hurt.
Intact on the outside, but inside was worse.

Words can cause pain and long, sleepless nights.
Words can cause broken hearts, damaging fights.
Words are more powerful than they may seem.
Once something is said there's no way to redeem.

Be careful of words, they pierce like a knife.
You just might impact somebody's life.