My pain has consumed my existence,
My pain has fouled you again,
How must I inform you of your ignorance?
For my pain will not be “cured” by your statistical based evidence, nor you facts.
Though please know I’m happy you found comfort in your worksheets for mindfulness, and your psychology books you read from back to front hoping that the techniques will cure me.
I’m sorry your blind, blind to see behind my eyes there is a storm raging, and soon I shall not have my pain for I shall be my pain.
Though please do not fret, for fretting is my expertise.

I shall leave this place in a flash of flames,
Representing my life,
Chaotic, destroying everything in its path. 
I'm so tired of fighting with this wrath,
Forgetting how to even laugh.
Breathing is so heavy,
Heartbeat so unsteady,
Feeling like I'm dying already.
Wondering why my mind is plotting to **** me?
Holding me hostage, I'm losing the will to live.
Wondering is there anymore life can give?
Leaving my family, I could not forgive.
I shall hold on for them,
They need me to stay,
And I need them,
One day I will find my way.
Though this hill feels so unsteady,
I think I'm ready,
To submerge myself in freedom,
And douse myself in recovery.
My smiles are now crafted from 100% genuine origin,
No longer artificially made,
For I am healing my mind.

Living on the borderline,
I’ll tell you I’m fine,
But really I’m broken inside,
Scared and living life inside the lines.

My friends don’t understand,
Employers will say your not fit for this role,
I’ll nod my head and walk away without a sound.
Because the truth is I am not fit for this world,
I’m too ill for society yet not ill enough for hospital.
Labelled as unstable and stigmatised as dangerous.

My psychiatrist will tell me I’m not trying hard enough yet 10 minute appointments won’t show you much.
You don’t see my pain, you don’t see my strengths,
lost in a world that doesn’t make sense.

The world isn’t built for people like me, lost, confused and riddled with anxiety,
I might be living in extremes
But don’t be discouraged,
I can love you intensely,
Please give me the courage.

Wondering if I shall ever be ok?
Scared and alone,
Cowering in shame,
Feeling like I’m on a decline,
living life on the borderline.