I should be happy,
I should be flying,
Instead I fall in a rain of tears.

Let me kiss your scars,
Let me make them better,
Let me love away the pain,
Let me hold you together,
I don't care if it breaks me anymore,
All I want is for you to be okay.

People always say things get better,
And they often do,
But that doesn't mean **** to the person listening,
cuz they still gotta make it through.

They say,

She went blind when she looked into the sun,
But that isn't true,

Because when she looked into the sun,
She just flew

There's always screaming,
Whether it be in my head or not,
It's always there,
Screaming at me,
Telling me to be better,
Reminding me of how worthless I am,
Yelling at me to be better,
Never stopping,
There's always screaming.

Oh child,
Your eyes have bled tears,
Your hair is unkept,
You should get up,
You ought to go make something of your life,
Why are you just sitting here crying,
Don't look at me like that,
Don't look at me with such hate,
I see pain in your eyes,
Brush away those tears,
Take a deep breath, child,
You are still young,
There are years ahead of you,
Put away that knife,
Hold on just a little longer.

And now in the dead of night,
Closing our eyes is useless,
For when our eyelids go down,
The sun shines behind them,
Blinding our minds.

Just because I don't cut,
Doesn't mean I'm not suicidal,

Just because my blodd doesn't run red,
Doesn't mean I wake up breathing,

Just because the skies are clear,
Doesn't mean rain can't be just around the corner.

Who will hug your brother,
Who will walk the dog,
Who will help your mother,
And talk all night long,

Who will your best friend call,
When she's feeling down,
Who will be there for them,
If you let yoursef drown.

When you want to die,
You remember all the people,
The reasons you can't,
You can't do it because of them,
And in that moment,
You never know,
Whether or not you're happy,
That they're stopping you.

Try, try, try again,
Try as hard as you can,
But eventually,
It is just too much,

You have just got to,
Let go of it all,
So that you,
Can breathe again.

I don't care if the nations know my name,
I don't want textbooks filled with my fame,
I just want to live my life wild and free,
And to feel your heartbeat next to me.

For once I was happy,
And so I burned it.

I'm hurting,
Oh **** I'm dying,
And it's all my fault,
You said it would be okay,
You said I deserved to be happy,
But now that I've killed you,
Do you still think I do,
Or do you hate me,
The way I do,
Myself?

In this storm I can't seem to see you,
I can't feel your presence,
Only cold rain and clouds,
I can see the breath of ghosts,
Maybe that's what you've become....

I know I shouldn't,
But why should I not?

I know it's wrong,
But why is it wrong?

I know I'm bleeding,
But why should I stop?

I just want to let go,
WHY CAN'T I JUST GO?!?!
i can't do that to them...
that's why...
Why did this ever have to happen?
Why can't I just dissapear and leave nothing behind,
Not to be missed,
Not to be remembered,
Just to vanish,
No evidence that I ever existed.

They say "Think of something that keeps you going."
"Think of someone you love who you can live for."
"Hold on to something you love."
But, I have nothing. And that just reminds me more,
Of why I want to **** myself.

Why do I have to hide,
If you say you love me?
Shouldn't you be the one I trust,
With the hurting inside?
No, I love you too much,
To let you see my pain,
I could never tell you,
Never let you see the ugly me,
If I told you I would drown you,
In my blood, in my tears,
So instead I stay quiet,
And let it build up and suffocate me,
Because I could never hurt you,
With the beast who is me.

Since when could you see past my disguise?
Since when did you realize my smile was fake?
How did you notice I his behind my laughter?
How could you tell my happiness was my hiding?
What am I supposed to hide behind now?

I push you away,
But I want you to chase me,

I close my heart,
But I want you to keep asking,

I say no words,
But I want you to understand,

I know,
I'm a *****.

Just because you can't see your killer,
Doesn't mean they're not stabbing you,
Through the heart and head.

I'm just an idiot in love,
A hopeless romantic,
Seeking and hoping,
But never actually expecting.

Why?
Why the **** me?
Haven't you seen the scars?
Haven't you heard the hate?
Haven't you felt the pain?
Why the **** me?
Why?

I still love you...

Is it really so easy,
For you to hate me?

Why do you want me gone,
What have I done wrong?

Why does this hurt like hell,
Is that something you can tell?

Because if I hate you,
And you hate me,
What does it hurt so bad?

I know you'd help me,
If only I would let you,
But my tears are mine alone,
And my scars belong to me,
So don't expect me to give them to you,
So you can have them too,
Because they'll just damage you,
They'll just hurt you,
And then you'll actually see me,
And you won't love me anymore.

I don't even fit in,
With the people I love,
anymore,

I am an outsider,
With my family,
my friends,

No longer a part,
Of what this world,
requires,

I do not know what,
To say, to do, or even,
How to act,

I am the outsider,
In a land full of,
Insiders.

I miss you,
The thrill of your love,
The patience in your voice,
The pureness in your tears,
The hope in our hands together,
The kindness in your eyes,
The broken love in your soul.

Lethargy,
Seeps into my bones,
A cold chill,
Covering everything I know,
I can't concentrate,
My mind refuses to operate,
I'm so tired,
But my thoughts won't let me sleep at night,

And I am here,
Huddling in the dark corner,
Sobbing; trying to find my way.

Why not let go?
What's the point in going on?
It's not like anyone cares,
And they won't once I'm gone either.

When the sun shines everyday,
And the trees are glorious greens,
When the flowers are blooming,
And the birds sing every morning,

You know a thunderstorm is gonna hit.

Why does it come back,
All of a sudden,
For a moment,
Everything appears to be fine,
And then,
Like a crashing wave,
It pours over me,
Over you,
Over all of us,
And I long for,
The shelter of that moment,
Already passed,
And I wish,
I had enjoyed it more.

Don't tell me it's all gonna be fine,
Don't say everything will work out,
Because I cry myself to sleep every night,
hoping I won't wake up,
So don't tell me it's okay,
Because it's ******* not.

Of course you're shaking,
Of course you can't breathe,
Because guess what?
Love hurts like hell.

When the joker comes out to play,
Do we not laugh with the crowds?

And when the clown is on the walkway,
Does joy not fly among the clouds?

It will rain on us on our days too dry,
When the hum of people runs out,

When we hear the sound of the battlecry,
We call our jokesters from his hideout.

We have lost yet,
So why are you giving up?

Just keep talking because it means you're alive,
Don't stop because I need to know you're still here,
Please continue to remind me you're breathing,
I'm scared the moment you stop responding,
You'll be gone...

The judge and the lawyer,
They are both me,
I defend myself,
As I condemn myself,
I am witness,
I am the murderer,
I am the defender,
I am the guilty,
Death penalty,
Or walking free,
The decison is,
Completely up to me.

You broke my heart,
By thinking you could fix it,
But guess what,
You never could and never can,
So instead I fixed the holes,
In your bleeding heart,
With the pieces from my shattered one,
It didn't fit perfectly, of course,
But it helped stop the bleeding,
The only problem was,
The fixes were supposed to be temporary,
I need the pieces back,
You may not keep them,
Or I will bleed to death.

Words are like lines,
You can mold them,
You can draw them,
Pictures are formed,
Colors bleed through,
They are mine alone,
No one else has the lines,
Inside my mind,
Only I can twist them,
To carve my pictures,
And so I paint them,
Everywhere I step.

I've come to learn,
That there is a fine line,
Between Hate & Love.

Nothing.
That's all I have to offer.
Why do you want it?

Well maybe I wasn't meant to live,
Maybe I was born to bleed,
Maybe the only reason I breathe,
Is so that I can have my breath stolen.

U gly
N uisance
W orthless
A shamed
N o one
T ired
E mpty
D istant

How can I live in the moment,
When the only reason I am alive,
Are my dreams of anytime,
Other than this moment?

What do you want?
Because I don't think I can give it
anymore,

What do you need?
Because I don't think I'm the one
you're looking for.

Everyday I must heal you,
I can not live while you hurt,
Healing you is what I must do,
Why else would I continue,
There is no other reason,
For me to keep on living this tedious life,
So I will fix you,
I will try to fix myself,
But maybe someday you will be whole,
You will smile and be okay,
And will you still want me around,
Will you still need me,
And what will I do,
When you don't need me anymore?

Would I just dissapear,
Cease existing,
Living this cruel life,
Would I finally let go,
Or would I find another to fix,
While you live wholly,
Because I could never help,
Someone who lives,
So I will dissapear,
And leave them to lead happy lives,
After all,
They are much better off without me,
Trying to fix the things I broke.