So I told the truth,
I told my thoughts,
But is the truth best?

So I opened up,
I let you know,
But will it work out?

So I know it's gone,
I know that we can never be,
But was I right?

Do you ever have those times where you don't hate yourself?
For a moment you look in the mirror and smile.
You don't despise the face looking back at you,
And you even wonder why you ever did,
But then you walk away from the mirror.

Five minutes later you come back to the mirror,
You look at the ******* in front of you,
And you even wonder why you ever thought you were pretty,
Why in the world you thought you were okay,
And then you walk away and leave blood on the tiles.

She wipes the tears before you see them,
You assume nothing could be wrong,
How can you not notice that on the otherside of your wall,
One little girl is giving up.

I just want to love you.
While we're both still alive.
And I don't know if that's right.

My first thought of the new year was you,
But now I just wish I could forget it.

Don't,
please...
Just please don't.

Please wait for me,
I'm trying to catch up,
Trying to regain my breath,
I will stand beside you eventually,
Please wait for that day,
Please don't go on,
I want to make it to you,
I want to meet you,
I am doing my best to make it,
Plase don't forget about me,
Please don't walk too quickly,
I've fallen,
Please, please wait,
I'll make it eventually,
I hope with all my heart you'll be waiting.

I feel like I am trapped,
Inside my head,
As if I'm watching everything,
That happens,
But have absolutely no,
Control over any of it,
The lies just keep coming,
The smiles just keep flashing,
And no sees through it,

Help me please,
I am prisoner in my own body,
I'm trying to signal to you,
Trying to show you how broken 
I am,
I wave to you with my eyes,
But you see nothing,
You don't hear the cry for help 
Hidden within my words,
Please help me escape,
From the prison of myself.

It seems,
As soon as the moment has passed,
So have the feelings,
And an emptiness settles in,
I don't want to feel empty,
I want to continue feeling,
The numbness is the reason I want to die,
Because I can't live knowing I can't feel the love I have for you,
I need to feel,
Because I love you,
So I can't let go,
I have to keep holding on,
And I'm sorry,
But I really wish we had never met,
So that I could jsut **** myself and end it all,
But I know I'd hurt you,
So I can't,
Because I can't hurt you anymore,
So I'll suffer,
But I won't let you know,
Because if you knew how ****** I was,
You'd probably leave,
And I would finally be able to let go,
And maybe part of me doesn't want to yet,
A part of me is glad you're stopping me,
But that part of me is too weak to fight the stronger side,
So please don't leave,
I need you,
I hate my mind.

The clouds let loose their rains,
They release the tear drops,
That have become them once again,
But they shall return one day.

A raindrop fell to the ground,
It fell and shattered,
Years later a flower bloomed,
Right in the spot,
That the raindrop had fallen,
A long time ago.

After a while,
The motions become robotic,
The smile naturally puts itself on,
The words slip off,
My lying tongue,
As if they were the truth.

"She just does it for attention."
"He doesn't have scars on his wrists, he doesn't cut."
"It's all made up in your head"
"But your life is so perfect."
"You are beautiful, you should stop."
"You're not ugly!"
"I don't want to deal with your problems."


"I'm worthless and ugly."
"I feel so numb and need to feel pain."
"I deserve this."
"No one will notice anyway."
"They probably just think I want attention."
"They won't understand."
"I am alone."

It won't leave me alone,
That nagging voice,
We all know the story,
One day she's here,
The next day she's gone,
But why does she have to be me?

You think you're the wounded one,
But trust me,
She's laying broken and crying too,
Even though,
She should be the one asleep at night.

Sometimes I don't wipe away the tears,
Because I don't want it to be over yet,
While I feel the pain I think maybe I can change it,
But once the numbness settles in, I'm doomed.

So where's my fairy tale ending?
Where's my happily ever after?
Where is the meant to be?
Where is my perfect princess moment?
Where is it?

I'm losing do much of myself,
This power I have over you scares me,
I'm slowly fading into nothing,
I doubt it'll be long until I dissapear.

Musical notes drifting to my brain,
Sedative for my overthinking,
When there's no one left to blame,
Into the music I start sinking,

Voices of song to overpower,
The ones screaming inside,
Tunes continue to play as I cower,
Listening wide-eyed.

Letting you go,
Was like ripping out,
A piece of myself,
And then watching,
As I bled to death,
Wishing it was still there,
But knowing it could never be.

I feel so detached,
So empty,
So lonely,
I feel so alone,
So tired,
So broken,
I feel such lethargy,
Such pain,
Such worthlessness,
I want to die,
To be alone,
To fade away,
I'm sorry for lying,
For hurting,
For being a horrible friend.

Time is running out,
The sun is going down,
I tell you I love you,
But is it too late now?

Is it possible,
For these golden rays,
To mend that which has been broken,
And forgive my foolish ways?

Tumble weeds and mistaken deeds,
Questions left unanswered,

From 'goodbye's to 'please don't lie's,
Pain completely transfered.

The scars were her stories,
And you mocked them,

Her head was full of tears,
And they thought it was empty,

The footsteps were hers,
Even if they were dragged,

Her trail kept going on,
It's mark trampled by other feet,

Her mind was filled with worries,
And they just added to the fear.

So she was torn,
Because her love got the best of her,
Her heart was her murderer,
Her head was the accomplice.

I thought I let it go,
But it still clings to me,

I thought it was gone,
But it keeps reappearing,

I thought I could breathe,
But the wave crashes over,

I thought I could fly,
But the wind knocked me down,

I thought,
But I thought wrong.

My eye lids start to close,
And I can see you,
In front of me,
All I want is for you,
To hold me close,
To dissapear in you,
I am so tired,
Of being strong,
Of pretending I'm okay,
I want to let go,
Let it all out,
I want you here beside me,
Urging me on,
But you're so far away,
I pushed you out,
I want to sleep at night,
I want to be alone,
I want to be together,
I want to understand,
These conflicting emotions.

One way ticket, please,
        Where to?
Far far away, please,
        How will you pay?
I'll give you my blood, my life,
        Ha! And what is that worth?
nothing...
        Fine. Give me your happiness. Your hope.
But... I need those...
        No you don't. Just give them to me.
Maybe I should stay...
       No! You need to leave! Give them to me!!
Okay... But...
       Well now that those are taken care of, you may go.
No. I want them back. I don't want to leave.
        Too late. Leave. You payed, you might as well go.
No. I don't want to leave. I want to stay. I want to live!

Don't promise me forever,
Who knows what dawn will bring,
Just promise me this moment,
For unknown are the tales the future sings,

We will take the days as they come,
And forever may come true,
But days ahead are uncertain,
So I live in the moment next to you.

I guess we just keep breathing,
I guess our hearts keep beating,
Even when we're exploding,
Even if we can't keep on going.

I don't know what's broken anymore,
I don't know what has been fixed,
Or what still needs to be mended,
I am unaware of what is left,
To make better.

I don't know what's healed here,
I don't know what is still bleeding,
Or what has been cut open again,
I am oblivious to the change,
That has happened.

I ****** up again...

The hardest part,
Is that everyday I am reminded,
Of everything I threw away.

YOU DON'T GET IT!!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU!!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR TRUST!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!
HOW DID I DO ALL THAT SIMPLY BY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I'M SORRY THAT I COULDN'T BE THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU ALIVE!
I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GO ON BEING WHAT YOU NEEDED WHILE IT KILLED ME!
I STILL LOVE YOU!
BUT I DECIDED IT WAS BEST TO LET GO!

was i wrong...

No, you don't understand.

Stop, Just stop,
Please make it all stop.

The yelling, screaming, shouting,
In my head,
I can't focus on anything,
I have to remind myself to breathe,
I have to convince myself to breathe,
I have to tell myself I want to go on,
But it all depends on me,
It's all up to me,
No one else can save me,
No one else can lift me from this vacuum,
But how can you save someone you hate?

Maybe my poems are ******,
I'll probably look back at them and cringe,
But right now I love them,
Because without them, how else would I yell at the world?

Is it really dying if my soul's already dead?
Is it really screaming if it's just inside my head?

You never could see,
The tears that I cried,
You never saw me,
And how much it hurt,

You just assumed,
I was the one hurting you,
Did it ever occur to you,
That maybe it hurt me too,

Maybe I was still in love,
Maybe I just couldn't breathe anymore,
Maybe I'm just really sorry,
That I wasn't good enough,

Why can't you realize,
I'm breaking at the edges,
Why can't you realize,
I am dying,

I'm holding on for you,
Holding on to what little I have,
Because all I have is my blood pumping,
And if that stopped so would you,

I know I killed you,
I know it's my fault,
But I am bleeding to death,
And so are you,

It was always my fault,
Because somehow you loved,
The monster that is me,
And you gave me everything,

Of course being the monster I am,
I killed you and your heart,
I broke you on accident,
I swear I never meant to hurt you,



I am so in love with you,
And I am so sorry,
Because when I'm with you I'm suffocating,
But alone I am drowning.

Am I still human,
If I can not feel,

Am I still human,
If I can't get out of bed in the mornings,

Am I still human,
If I have lost my ability to trust,

Am I still human,
If I can no longer love,

Am I?