I'm sorry I did these things to you.
I'm sorry I left you with so many scars.
I'm sorry you have so much pain.
I'm sorry life is how it is.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything you ever wanted.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy
and I failed.

You wish for death
You wish to be free.
I wish for your love.
I wish you knew how much I loved you,
love you.

I hope that you will be happy
with someone
with yourself.
I hope that you never forget me.
I hope life begins to treat you fairly.
I hope you learn from me.

I forgive you and I love you.

I wish I wasn't such a coward.
I wish that I could end my life without guilt.
If I wasn't such a coward I would have done it by now.
I wish I wasn't so scared.
Of death.
If I wasn't so scared I could have died by now.
I wish I wasn't so unhappy.
Maybe then my family would want me.
Maybe then my girlfriend would want me.
Maybe then I would want me.

I give you every single part of me
Every. Single. Part.
And god it hurts, so badly
to be away from you
and know you could be searching for more.
I want to be all you need.
And still,
you're talking to her
and her
and her.
Why can't I be enough for you?
Sometimes I want to rip out my heart and throw it away.
It hurts so badly and I feel so drained.
I know she's,
prettier
skinnier
funnier
smarter
better
in every way.
But why can't it be me?
I just want you to love me.
I love you so much.
Please,
Love me.

I met this boy, girl? boy.
Gray? D'Arcy.
He wears these ugly *** shoes
and god it's hilarious.
He's like my best friend and
he makes me laugh so hard.
But he's leaving soon
and then I'll never see him again.
It's sad, I know.
But It'll be okay I guess,
I don't know.

i dont know why we cant remember what our past lives were like
i also wonder what the point of life actually is
like what the actual point of a life is
it seems like all life is for is to make money and do other things
but i really dont understand what the whole point is
i dont understand why money is a thing
i dont get why there is war and conflict
and why people are always fighting all the time
i dont get it

i think about a lot of things
i wonder what i was like in my past lives
what was i passionate about?
who was i?

but

i think about a lot of things
i wonder what i am like in my current life
what am i passionate about?
who am i?

there are times when i feel like im walking on thin air
where i feel like i know im moving but i dont know how
my feet feel cemented to the ground but somehow im still going forward
even when im meant to be going backward
i wonder how i came to this conclusion
how the conclusion is that i need to end my life
i know thats what i want because i want to be free of all of these demons
theres so much wrong and im seeing blurry
everything has gone to black and white
all or nothing
live or die?

I crave the feeling
Of someone's touch
I want the feeling
Of someone's mouth
I need the feeling
Of someone's love

you're terrified of feeling complete
you have a fear of becoming whole so
you've accepted being broken