No son-in-law and no grand children.
One more half-empty glass on my shelf.
One more sign that I failed as a mother.

No fancy house, no brand new car.
Not much in my bank account.
Another sign I failed as a mogul.

No accolades, no published works
A folio relatives said was dreary.
A very clear sign I failed as a poet.

All those years and all that sweat.
And everything came up a cropper.
At least I can say I excelled at failing.
ljm

Am I the only one who:

1.  Finds every write I post sent to drafts first, and requiring my           wrangling it back out onto my page in order to be seen.

2.  Encounters error 502 not only on trying to post, but on switching    from home screen to messages.

3.  Never sees  half of the comments posted without going back to    look up the write in my index and bringing it up again.  I'm thanking  people for nice things they said over a week ago.  That's not right.

4.  Who has no way to get to anyone else's page unless I see their        
name in a comment they made somewhere else, so I can click on it    and go to their page.  What happened to the index/directory we
once had.

5.  Finds my carefully arranged layout changed when posted, thus
requiring complicated editing to get it back the way I want it.

6.  Felt it necessary to stop my monthly donation to HP because of the way the site has declined, and the refusal of Eliot York to respond
to anyone's e-mails - ever.

Of all the places in the World
How did I end up here?
Which wave did I surf
With an undertow
That swept me so far
From my roots.

What Zephyr wind did
My kite do a dance with,
That carried it away
From an angry ocean
To set it back down
By a placid one.

What earthquake toppled
The home made shelves
That held all the beads
Of my prospects,
Forcing me to sort them
All back out again.

Why did the forces
Of nature quit
Their never ending storm
And put me down
Midst rocks and sand
To leave me here forever.
           ljm

She wondered if there’d come a time
God wouldn’t call her any more.
A time he’d say “I’m done with her
She won’t give up her sinful ways”.

She puts on holiness like rouge
And thinks good works will pay her way
But in her heart duplicity
Obscures the path she needs to walk.

She reaches out with ***** hands
To touch the spotless hem of faith
In hoping for a miracle -
That God still recognizes her.

But God has turned his face away
He’s knocked her door too many times
To find it opened just an inch

if I could only find my way
Through the gullies dug between my eyes
To quell the anger seething there
That blocks my view of Marigolds

If I could figure out a way
To navigate the wrinkled brow
And gently smooth away the frown
That generates the thunder

If I could calm the troubled orbs
That see the roadblock not the road
And show them how to look again
To see a new reality

Than I would have a mended face
To offer to the world at large
And maybe they would see the change
And welcome my serenity
   ljm

How different would my life have been
If I had kept to the road I traveled.
If I had found a way to step around
The brambles and the broken stones.

Had I toughed out the blistered feet
And kept my eyes focused forward
Instead of noticing another path
I somehow though a better destination.

Had I not ignored the pebbles in my way
I might not have stumbled over bigger rocks,
But I spent my energy on lime in little glasses
And had nothing left to save me from the rubble.

Had I not seen the other path that took off at right angles,
Had I not set a timid foot on it
And found it seemed much smoother
I would have lived a different life than the one I live today.

My shepherd encouraged his lamb to stray
And then never came to find her.
He launched her down a foreign path
And forgot to mention the washouts

Or the toll booth set at mile 14
That demanded almost more in courage
Than I could scrape together,
And I passed it broken and poor in spirit.

That’s when all the butterflies and blackbirds
Fled to other highways
Leaving mine a very silent path
With little joy to reach for.

If I had stayed the path that I first chose
So carefully and so long ago,
What different place would I be now
And would it be a better one?  Who knows.

ljm

You disappointed me
Your charger was a hobby horse
And you were white with fear.
ljm

If the government can swear by fictitious statements

And then “walk them back” a little later

I’m going to join the fabrication party.

I hearby walk back my age by 20 years
And my weight by 20 pounds.
                   ljm

You abandoned me thirty-five years ago.
Why can’t I walk away from you now.
You said I was toxic and poisoned your life.
Why am I still your main shelter in need.
You punished me for the thing I did wrong
And turned a blind eye to the things I did right.
You cheated me out of sharing your life
And you never noticed you cheated you too.
                     ljm

An enclave of vast differentness
From almost everywhere.
A place where
The mainstream has diverted
And left a backwater
Of rebel flags on pickup trucks and
Department stores that
Don’t sell any ladies dresses.
A place where t-shirts loudly shout
“It’s my right to make you sick -
The Constitution says so.”
A place where thinking’s so alike
It could be called homogenized.
Where rumors suddenly become facts
And checking them anathema .
Where tennis shoes are worn to church
And cargo shorts to weddings.
A place bathed in self righteousness
With tolerance a myth.
A place that’s situated
On a small but mighty river
That ebbs and flows
From day to day at the whim
Of men in shirtsleeves
Who control the dam,
And leave their trucks parked just outside
With the flags still proudly flying.
                   ljm

Small on the skyline,
This beautiful ship I’ve launched-
Testing the waters and her seaworthiness.
I stand on shore and strain to see
The sun glint off her sails as they unfurl,
It won’t be long before the horizon
Reaches out and takes her from my sight.

And yet she circles back again,
To the safety of this harbor
Where the ocean gathers calm and still.
But I know the tide is freshening
And the wind is for adventure.
I long to let her glide away but
It hurts too much to open up my fingers,
So I heave and pull on the mooring rope
Striving to keep her next to the pier-
Proud of the way she rides the swells-
Thrilled with the cut of her mainmast-
Excited with visions of where she can go-
Still I’m reluctant to bid her bon voyage.

For I have no ticket - this isn’t my trip,
I’ll have to be happy with postcards
From places mundane and wildly exotic-
Hoping she’s not out at sea too long and
That killer squalls don’t find her.

I’ve built her well - she’s sound and good.
There’s great common sense on the rudder.
The maps are laid out in orderly rows
And her spirit holds steady the sextant.

The tugs on the rope are outdoing my fingers
And I’ve had to begin to let go.
I must save some strength to lift hands in farewell
And keep vision clear through the teardrops.
        ljm

This time the pipers will be made to pay
No more popping off three rounds and then skating free
This country has been there and done that
Have we finally heard the wake-up alarms
That something is wrong and we gotta fix it

Everybody - just stop and sit down a minute
Are we gonna be who we know we should be
Or morph into some crazy wild west kind of country
Where someone gets clipped for just crossing the street
And parades are fish-in-a-barrel for crazies

Hold on - take a breath - look around you
We’ve created a society of adult school-yard bullies.
Are we gonna keep standing by, saying “tsk tsk”,
Wringing our hands and looking around
For somebody else to step up and fix it.

Ain’t gonna happen if you just sit and watch.
You gotta get out there among them
And blow a few whistles and slap a few heads.
Start it in Preschool and work up from there.

You can go buy a pitchfork and march down a street
Or write  letters and make angry calls to the Senate
But going to church is a better idea
And casting a vote is the ultimate foil.

Get rid of the men in service to Satan
And search out the ones who reflect who we are.
Elect them to office and make them police
Put them on juries and on the high courts

The dice that they’ve given us are loaded-
There’s no way to win at their smarmy game.
We have to upset all the  government’s tables
And set up the game room all over again.
ljm

Only 15 and branded a cheater,
How did she know what they told her to take -
She did what they told her and practiced her axels.
The ice was a carpet embedded with magic
And she rode it into the stratosphere;
Graceful, athletic, and lovely to look at
How could she know that a little round pill,
From the multitude that were her daily fare
Could puncture her dream as sure as a saber,
Sending her crashing to that icy carpet.

Only 15 to hoist such a burden
And wear it forever like sack cloth and ashes
Doomed by the powers that only love metal
And mining it on the back of a school girl
Pushing for her to spin ever higher,
And land on the legend-filled pages of glory.
They set her up to bring home the trophy,
But had to take steps to make sure she’d succeed.
In the end what they did was discovered
Which only succeeded in breaking her wings
But they sent her out wrapped in scandal and shame
And tore her to pieces when she couldn’t fly.
          ljm

I set goals in my early childhood.
I was smart and pretty
And so I seemed unstoppable.

I wanted to be a singer
I have a songster’s soul
But I lacked an instrument.
I could carry a tune, alright,
But only in basket, not on
Angel’s lyric wings.

I wanted to be a movie star.
Drama coursed my veins like blood,
But every door I managed to open
Led only to a filthy casting couch.
And those with honorable intentions
Somehow never looked my way.

I wanted to be a game show winner
And I was lucky enough to be on three.
Won a car which I quickly sold
And parting gifts I still enjoy.
But quiz shows are a youthful  game
And skills diminish with the years.

I wanted to marry only once
And live happy ever after.
For 20 years I lived that dream
But time wore out the fantasy
And bad advice led me to ponder
And finally, sadly, walk away.

I wanted to be Mother of the Year.
I threw exciting Birthdays
Was chairman of the PTA
Never missed the least event
But when my Angel turned 14
She told me that I ruined her life
By telling her she was beautiful.

I wanted to greet the year two thousand
I counted up when I was ten to see
If I had a chance to live that long,
And it seemed that I could do it.
The computers did not crash and
I met a long time goal at midnight.

I wanted a 50-year Gold Watch
And a happy retirement dinner.
I labored faithfully towards that end
Even though the path became
A quagmire of racist hate and envy
And I was let go at year 48 with
No benefits of any kind.

I’ve given up on setting goals
There’s just one left I want to meet.
I want to live a century
And list one hundred as my age.
I think that I can pull this off -
I’ll stubbornly just refuse to die.
ljm

Fading
Like a beauty queen
Grown old,
Sunrise is too quckly over.
ljm

I’M THE MOTHER OF A ***** -TONK GIRL.  ANNA MARIE is out DRINKING TEQUILA and doin’ THE HILLBILLY WALTZ every night.  She’s turning into a total ***** and I’m HURTIN’ INSIDE.  I constantly tell her I LOVE YOU but it’s just as if MY LIPS ARE SEALED - She doesn’t hear me.  If HEARTACHE IS THE FASHION, I’m right in style.  It doesn’t do me a bit of good to ask WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT?  She won’t tell me because she was with MEXICAN JOE and I’d tell her HE’LL  HAVE TO GO. I’d like to ground her between her own FOUR WALLS and keep her HOME, but I’d just be BEATIN’ ON THE DING ****. I don’t understand why she can’t date that nice BILLY BAYOU.
She laughed when I asked her AM I  LOSING YOU, and said, Mom, you’re WAITIN’ FOR A TRAIN that’s never gonna come. So I’m left with just one question:  WHERE DOES A BROKEN HEART GO. I guess it’ll be a case of MOTHER WENT A-WALKING and maybe THEN I’LL STOP LOVING YOU and just climb aboard a slow boat to TAHITI because thats where I’D LIKE TO BE  until I can begin to feeL as though I’M BEGINNING TO FORGET YOU.

California Girl
Born in the cold and wet
Of the Pacific Northwest
In a snotty little town
That never recognized her glow
And threw sawdust on her dreams.

California Girl
Went North and found her mojo;
Ricocheted from the
Peace Arch border
To the San Diego beaches
In the warming winter sun.

California Girl
Jumped to the brighter lights
Of a movie spangled city
And rode the waves of Possibility
Until the undertow appeared
And she stepped back to reconsider

California Girl
Found a sheltered harbor
By a lovely sandy shore
And started building fairy castles
Out of dreams and other efforts
As the seasons rolled and years flew by.

California Girl
Catapulted from her realm
By evils set against her,
Into a place of broken rocks and wind
To make herself a brand new life
Beneath an unrelenting sun.

California Girl
Adrift in crowds that cannot see her,
Who do not want the gift she gives.
Anchored far beyond escaping
In a place that starves her soul.
She takes the pen of contemplation
To write the denouement of her life.
              ljm

Due to a dentist that I’d like to ****
And years that have put me over the hill
I’m left with a face in a permanent scowl
That says if you cross me prepare for a growl.

It’s all just a part of my very sad story
My expression’s not meant to be minatory
But that is the way the bones and flesh meet
So give me a smile when we pass on the street.

I try to remember to put on a smile.
I have several good ones that I keep on file
So trust me - I’m happy, although I look mad
If you get to know me, I’m really not bad.
ljm

Suffering from the commonest of poet’s laments,
I sit staring at an aggravatingly blank page.
I flip my pencil through my fingers, hoping it will break
And I will have to take the time to go and find a new one.

I can hear the subtle ticking of the clock and it annoys me.
I never hear it when ideas crowd my pen.
I turn the radio to Doo *** -
Maybe that will wake creative juices-
But I just end up singing with the Tenor.

I hit the Mac and try to see what others wrote
But that just makes me feel like I am hopeless
And who said I could be a poet anyway.
I know so little of the forms and rhymes.

It’s time to go and get the dinner going
Fame will have to wait another day.
I close the Mac and trundle to the kitchen
To see if I can manufacture poems in a sauce pan.
ljm

The glittering lights
Of the City below
Shimmer in the
Sunrise glow
As I perch on
My rocky throne
To admire them.
Neon snails slowly
Inch their way along
The distant highway.
Flocks of starlings
Spray themselves
Across the rosy sky
And I am content.
           LJM

Daubing paint as carefully as I know how.
An image begins to take shape
But it’s a chair, not a meadow
Filled with sunlight and daffodils.

Choosing colors carefully,
I mix pale blue and yellow
But instead of green it turns out gray,
And all I can paint with it is rocks.

I study all the Masters
And marvel at their work
My stomach knots in envy
At the skills I don’t possess

Wishing I could someday
Create something to compare
Wishing I could find the key
To unlock stunning visions.

Clean canvas and another brush
My mind can see the painting
As I work to find it in the paint
I’m mixing on my palette

I labor with unending zeal
Overpainting all my errors
Searching for the beauty in my strokes
Hoping I have broken through

To join the pantheon of Masters.
Standing back to take a look
At the fruit of all my labors
I see another painting of a chair.
ljm

I grew up a small town girl
Picking blackberries for the neighbor’s pies,
Picking summer strawberries to buy my new school clothes.
We rode our bikes to the river beach
And watched the lumber ships sail by.
It rained a lot and drizzled more.
My memories paint cloudy skies at night
With a moon that came and went at will.

I grew and went away to college
On a scholarship I didn’t really earn,
Nudged forward by a teacher’s faith in me.
But , the rain was driven by the wind
And the sky was seldom very bright
And night fell like a woolen quilt.
My life was full of books and boys
And I seldom bothered to look up.

Then I heard Big City’s call
And answered with a trial move
That found the sun and rainless days
More intoxicating than the the college wine.
The small town girl dipped in a toe
And found the water to her liking.
I moved my life and attitude
To bright lights dimmed by mustard colored sunsets.

So much to see, so much to do
So many small town traits to shed.
So many city things to learn
So many wonders in the neon nights
I never missed the morning sky
Until I saw Yosemite at dawn
And realized I miss the stars,
And a tiny longing began to grow.

From that time on, I searched the sky
Hoping for a single star, but city lights
Drowned out that hope and if there was
A single dot it was a satelite or plane.

So I stopped gazing at the night time sky
And owned the loss of stars in
A bargain for other shiny things
And times that seemed to sparkle better.

Eventually the city lost its glow
The gold turned greena nd the streets turned mean.
I battled with a will of iron
But I lost ground with every year,
And finally an evil I could not avoid
Backed me to a corner and pulled out the rug,
Leaving me no choice but flee
To some new place, unknown and harsh

Where I face dragons of sand and fire
And emptyness of land and soul.
Alone in hollow, crowded places
With no hand to welcome me
I walked outdoor at 4 A.M.
To find some solace if I could
I looked around and then looked up
And in the sky and in my soul - I finally saw stars.

ljm

Common people called him stingy
And with his funds he was.
But he was parsimonious
In areas that they never saw.

                Epitaph
True, he never spent a dime
If he could get it free.
He never wasted any time
That anyone could see.

He didn’t have much love to give
And wanted no love back
He had a certain way to live
Laid out in white and black.

He didn’t give and didn’t take.
He had no use for friends.
He died alone and that’s the way
This kind of story ends
                      ljm

I  had  to  delete  this  poem  because  the  algorithm  that controls posts won't  let  it  post  in  the  layout  I  designed  for  it.  I couldn't find  a  hack  to  get  around  it  puting  up  a  looong  string­ of  lines,  one directly  below  the  other.  The  way  it  appeared  was  o­ff-putting  and  I'm  not  surprised  no  one  read  it.   This  is  not  the  first  time  this  has  happened  to  a  shap­ed  write  
of  mine.  Yet  I see other  writes in all sorts of wonderful shapes.   What am  I  doing  wrong?

I don’t need a big miracle
A little one will do.
I don’t need my feet
To feel like feet again
That would be asking a lot.
I can still deal with
My failing right eye
And what’s going on in my throat.
It’s really a simple thing that I need
I just want to sit down and **** -
Every animal does it…
No thinking or planning involved.
But nature’s denied me
That every day deed
And that is the miracle I need.
ljm

I never managed to become
The one I always longed to be
I didn’t study hard enough
As anyone can see

I used the only tools I had
None of them came from home
I never had a backup plan
I had to go it all alone

I learned to work a pretty face
But though it gave me one step up
I found I gained no real rewards
I held a mostly empty cup.

Peggy Owner was the one
I wanted to become
I worked beside her long ago
And hoped to borrow some

Small portion of the grace and charm
That made her loved by all
Who met her in the student store
And fell beneath her thrall.

Short and plump, no beauty queen
But she had a warm heart.
The love she had for everyone
Is what set her apart.

I wanted so to be like her
And not like hapless me;
But I was chained to who I was
And never could break free.

So many years have come and gone
Since we worked side by side
Sometimes I stop and think of her
Those are the times I cried.

I think about a college girl
With dreams of hope and glory
And realize that I’m just me
And that’s my whole sad story.
ljm

Having finally climbed the ziggurat
Known as Bank of America
Customer’s-Non-Service
I was able to order checks.

Not the ones I wanted - oh no -
Somehow ‘they’ wouldn’t let me.
‘They’ being a recorded voice
That said I’m allowed four digits.

But my checks always need five
You cannot order those online -
You somehow have to phone it in.
So, resigned to this, I called.

After clicking one through five
Another robot lady’s voice
Then told me I can order those
By only going back on line.

I tried this several different ways.
It always ended up the same.
No matter which I tried they told me
I had to use the other way.

At painful length I gave it up
And ordered checks with just four numbers,
Starting at quadruple seven
So I can tell them from the rest.

Yesterday my order came
I opened it and felt despair
The checks were not the size I’m used to
And useless to me in my work.

2
Back to the phone’s robotic voice
To stumble on a lucky click
And get Patricia on the line -
A person who could help me out.

Telling her my tale of sorrow,
She promised to replace the checks
With ones in the requested size.
Then as a bonus offered me

Checks that count up in five digits,
Starting where my last ones stopped.
Oh Hosannah in the Highest -
Patricia’s now my Patron Saint.

Banking is a trial by fire
Though they shout convenient
All they’ve done is make it harder
With the loss of human contact.
ljm

She never ever let us meet him
Never told us his full name
We only learned it when she shared
the photo of a document in jest
Where he adopted our Grand dog
And became her official Dad.

She asked if we would dog-sit Bella
While they took a Vegas break.
I know they are going to get married
And we’ll be left here with the dog.

There will be no celebration-
He’ll wait in the car while she comes in
To drop off Bella and rush back out
Precluding any conversation
Or questions about the trip.

That scene will play it’s second act
When they come to get the dog.
Him in the car and her a rush.

I’ll check her hand - is there a ring -
Not sure she’d ever even wear one.
I’ll have to call her father for the news
If I want to know her status.

This is the way I live my life
Shut completely out of hers.
The lovely dog our only tie
I pray that Bella never dies.
ljm

You, my dear, are a ****
You flaunt the fact that
You flout the rules
That other people live by.

You smoke and drink and swear blue air
Truck drivers learn new words from you.
The ones who are not boffing you
Are writing your name on men’s room walls.

You, my dear, are a *****
Society’s precepts mean nothing to you.
A wedding ring is but a challenge;
Another notch on your bedstead.

You pose and you preen
And you bat your eyelashes
But on a coming day not too far away
You’ll finally get your comeuppance.
           ljm

Synonyms for AFFLUENT include
Prosperous, which indicates
more coming-in than going-out.
It also includes Opulent, which
implies lush plenty at hand.
Also synonymous is Substantial
which suggests great amounts.
There’s even Rich, which can allude
to many different kinds of things.

Webster says these synonyms
of affluent always refer to
money on it’s many forms.  I disagree
They can also refer to vocabulary
The only treasure everyone can own.
You may not have a dime to spare
but you can write a verse that sings
and rhymes that make us cry
Just by using words that turn out
to be more valuable than gold.
ljm

When I was young,
A reckless car
Careened into
A lampost.
No one was hurt-
They were just drunk.
My father
worked at his career
As  a dentist.
A sober family man,
He never went
Careering into
Any kind of post.
Somehow in the
Ensuing years
Those different words
Got married and
Combined their meaning;
Putting occupations
In the closet to
Be brought out
Occasionally, as needed.
ljm

I seem to be able to post writes on the first try these days.
How about the rest of you?
Things seem to have been reorganized to work better.
KUDUS TO YOU ELIOT.   THANK YOU.

Across the street is our old home
But we don’t live there any more
Another couple starts their life
As we did many years before

It doesn’t look just as it did
They changed things here and there
They’re putting their brand on the place
And doing things we didn’t dare

Solar panels on the roof
The lawn an arid scene
They’re into Big Ecology
They will be living green

I thought to see it would be pain
The home I did not want to leave
But it no longer looks the same
So I no longer need to grieve

It’s just another pretty house
I have one of my own
Mine’s in a lovely desert place
That happily I now call home.
ljm

The writing on the wall is not graffiti.
It was not put there by rebel hands.
It’s written in an obscure language
Few will take the time to learn
And even fewer heed its warning.

The writing lists the reasons
For the coming of the Horsemen.
The steeds that carry avenging riders
Wearing mantles made of
Fire and flood, earthquake and war.

The writing on the wall is flaming
With incendiary anger at the people
Who will not read what’s written there,
Having armed themselves in black chain mail
Forged from avarice and greed.

They shed no thought for fellow man
Or for the world that holds them all.
They lust for power that money brings
And dollars are the only God they worship.
They’ll never read what’s written on the wall.

There is a whinny on the rising breeze
That carries smoke from nearby fires,
And subtle poundings on the ground
Foretell the coming of the herd with
Flaming brands that match the wall
ljm

Why can’t you be who you were?
I can’t say I like who you are
Or who you are so fast becoming.

Why can’t you be like before
When everything you tried succeeded
And you always had the right answer?

Why can’t you go back to that person
With wisdom and courage and smarts
And be someone that I could love?
        ljm

You may feel so young and strong today
But eventually the years will have their way.

Youth is a gift that is often wasted
Thrown away before half of life is tasted.

Old Sol’s shadow moving on the sun dial
Won’t stop though you try using guile.

Time is a thing more valuable than gold
Money can’t keep you from ever growing old.

Puppies will grow old and die
Reminding you time’s passing by.

That means not a thing to you today
You’re all dressed up to go out and play.

Shadows are for old folks’ eyes
You know that you can win the prize.

You are full of vim and vigor
You know that your life will be bigger.

Nothing now can trip you up
You will win the loving cup.

And so you charge full steam ahead
With dreams of glory in your head.

You ramble through productive years
Engendering more smiles than tears.

You think it will go on forever-
Times of joy and proud endeavor.

You don’t see the years slip by
They pass in blinkings of your eye.

Then suddenly you’re sixty-eight-
They put retirement on your plate.

They do not need you any more
And show you to the nearest door.

You say that’s fine and you’ll just chill
But all too soon you’re falling ill.

One thing goes wrong then several more
Your favorite shop is the drug store.

With creaking joints and aching back
You face senility’s attack.

You wonder how the time has flown
And relish happiness you’ve known.

Until you hear the final gun
And know your race has all been run.
ljm

For kicks I typed into Google my name followed by the word Poetry.
I was taken to a list of several sites showing my name, but the one that got my attention was  "Lori Jones McCaffery: Poetry."  I clicked on that and bam ! there was my whole chronological listing of titles, exactly like you'd find it here.  Anyone can access every poem by clicking on the title. Who put that list on Google?  Is everyone's list on Google too? I didn't give permission to anyone and I'm a bit upset.  It's kind of fun to have all my stuff available to anyone interested but I would have liked to have been asked first because I have been plagiarized before and had to fight for my writing.

I’ll never see the daffodils again.
They come up only in the spring
And I’ll be somewhere that I hate.

They’ll be a surprise for who lives there
A bonus for fixing up the place -
A victim of benign neglect.

I wonder if the Lilly bulbs will bloom again
Special gift, enjoyed and planted by the wall
Tended well. in hopes of more red glory.

Will the roses thrive under better care
And bloom in cycles all year long
To perfume the air for someone else.

The mouses in the memory bower
Will sleep in peace without their markers
And Poco’s stone will go with us.

How much will change - how much will not
When new eyes glance around the rooms
And measure the back garden.

Will everything be taken down
So shiny new can take it’s place
And relegate its memory to a closet

There is no way that I can know
I’ll have to wait and see and hope
That some small touch of me remains
In walls that warmed me for thirty years.
ljm

• Empty vases that will not hold water
Hairline cracks across the floral surface seep.
• Pain that waxes with the moon
And can’t remember how to wane.
• Heavy air that cannot transmit sunshine
But also refuses to permit rain.
• Lotteries where no one is the winner
And the tickets cost a fraction of your soul.
• Detour signs that take you in a circle
And bring you back to where you were.
• Silence where the music used to be
And left behind is just one broken Cello.
• Pieces that don’t fit together
So this puzzle can’t be done.
             ljm

A pure white dinner taper candle
Sits in a rusty old tin soup can.
It does put out a brilliant light,
But who will ever see it
In this rubble of a desert
Where the tortoises hold sway.

Who lit the flame and walked away?
Who did they think the light would save?
They must have known how hard the wind
Rampages over empty land
And that the flame would disappear
In less time than it takes to sigh.

And yet somehow the candle glows
Impervious and proudly tall.
It’s shadow dances on the sand
And flickers in the breezes.
There must be some soul healed by this
And I suspect that one is me.
ljm

Tippy toe, tippy toe. tippy, tippy toe, toe
I somehow never hear you come -
I almost never hear you go.

Like a puff of smoke
You drift through my life.
Almost impossible to be your wife.

I never know where in the house you are;
Upstairs, downstairs or at the corner bar;
Inside, outside or someplace very far.

You walk like a phantom,
Your feet don’t touch the floor.
You make not a sound when closing a door.

Trained from your childhood to not make a sound;
I need to put a bell on you to know you’re around.
ljm

I used to be the prettiest girl in the room
And usually the smartest
I was the queen of reparte'
And good at almost everything

I used to always get
The biggest piece of cake,
And the seat nearest the front
Was always saved for me.

I used to juggle seven ***** at once
While keeping ten plates spinning on their poles
And dancing to the latest beat
Dressed up in next year’s fashions.

I used to keep track of everything
I had my finger on the pulse
Of what was new and meaningful
And helped to make it real.

I used to write enduring verse
That awed them when I read it
I wrote of Hollyhocks and love
In words that time could not erase.

I used to visualize today,
No longer beautiful or smart
And wonder how I’d face the world
And make my way across it.

I used to be what I’m now not
So when I make a smaller splash
I find it’s nice to not get soaked
Therefore I’m happy to be me
ljm

Some poets write in captious verse
With  meanings hidden and often terse
Making readers want to curse
Through lips that they in anger purse
With thoughts of mayhem that they nurse
Of poets carried in a hearse
To fates that go from bad to worse
       ljm

Lost and all alone in the shallows of the sea that is my soul
I find the water deepens with each step that I take forward.
Trying to remember if I ever learned to swim, I pause
And turn to look behind me at the raging flames, and hope
I have not somehow turned into Lot’s second wife.

Where there should be swirling sand beneath my feet
I find small pebbles that all roll and clatter with the tide
And make it difficult to stand and move ahead.
On the horizon, where the ocean meets the sky
The Sun is sliding down the waves and soon it will be dark.

There is no wind, and seagulls do not split the sky
With raucous cries and aerobatics.  It is silent
And the stillness becomes ominous and bleak.
I know that I should turn around, for danger lies ahead
But is it worse than the disaster that I just have left behind.

Standing in the rocky surf that is the landscape of my mind
I am uncertain for the first time in my long and pensive life.
I realize there is no going on or back the way I came.
Which leaves me only up and down and if I’m lucky, sideways.
I lift my foot to take a step, and hosts of watching angels weep.
ljm

I want to be somebody’s Bijou
Sought after and desirable,
Exquisitely wrought and elegant.
I want to be a delicate jewel
In the eyes of someone Special.

I want to be draped in Onyx and Jade
As signs of my social status
I want to know the way will be cleared
So I don’t get my shoes wet
And everyone will be glad for me.

I want to be the special one
The one more shiny than the rest.
The one that everybody wants.
The one that clearly is the best.
                    ljm

How many cake pans must you wash
Before they’ll let you bake one.

How many arias must you write
Before they’ll let you sing one

How many air planes must you build
Before they’ll let you fly one.

How many children must you raise
Before one of them loves you.
     ljm

Tarnished sequin in the Jewel shop of life.

How did I get put in with the diamonds?

I don’t pretend to even be Zirconium.

I’m not where I belong and don’t blend in.

Where’s the art and crafts department.

That’s where I hold court

And sometimes get to be the Queen.

ljm

I don’t want to be here
I want to go back home.
I never will belong here.
My piece won’t fit this puzzle.

There is a little life here,
But it seems more like a death,
Stuck on a spinning carousel
With no brass ring to catch.

It feels just like a circus
Where everybody has a mask,
A 45 in their waistband,
And sawdust in their head.

I must step very carefully
In my egg-shell breaking boots;
I must never denigrate
This culture that’s absurd.

Guardrails all around my tongue
Hallelujah in my ears
To block what I don’t want to hear
Spouted out in endless rote

There is some sunburned beauty
To be found among these stones
But it comes at far too high a price
And I’m longing to go home.
         ljm