UTOPIA  
You take thee
Dullness away
A sparkle
Like no other
Your my
Light at thee end
Of the tunnel
How could this be
All because of your
Unconditional  love for me
Happier days
Lights shining brightly
Nights alone gone evaporated
Heartache subsiding
A gift sent
From thee heavens above
I couldn’t ask for anything more
Am I truly deserving
Of such fulfillment
Maybe so
Thee stars aligned
Just right
Dreams becoming a reality
Minds becoming clearer
Heart is filled with joy
Pinch me I must be dreaming
Don’t ever let me wake up
A shooting star appeared
Right place
Right time
I wished upon
Suddenly came to fruition
I’m blessed to have you by my side
Wouldn’t want it any other way
From thee bottom of my heart
I’ll love you tell my very last breath
You can always count on me
I’ll never leave your side
Thanks for always believing in me
Being there when no else was
Because of you
I’ve learned too live again truly

RITUAL
Belle of the ball
Turns to tar
Never too reconvene
Egregious serpent
Here furthermore  
Target someone else
Off to never land
Limbs and debris
Six feet of gravel
Unwritten tablet
Dejected as I am
Whistling winds
Drain my arteries
Wishful thinking
I got caught by a robber
Looking inside my crystal ball
When you
Get sadder
And stuff it all down
It only stiffens to a board
That much easier to translate
Then comes back
And blindsides you out of nowhere
Provoking
The none ****** insanity
Only rubs salt in thee wounds
Makes me that much more uneasy
The rituals that
Run wild with time
Take me in there grasp
Voodoo dolls
Constantly poking and prodding
Theoretically applied in my skin
Gently
The sun is burning
In my dead sky’s
Solemnly heard
My moon is howling in the mist
Keep the wolves at bay
Get me the hell outta here  
I really don’t want
To outlive everyone else
I would rather everyone else outlive Poor ole me
That’s a simple known fact of mine
And just let me get to home base first
Let these rituals be the sacrifice
Of someone else not my own

If I were to feel
all the love I have for you
it would coil
and it would crush
me whole

It would wrap around me til I couldnt breathe
and take away my life
Like a snake to a bird of prey
I'd be for sure gone
I'd be history

So in some ways, its better that you stay away
back there in the cold
but I wonder does it hurt where you are
do you get hungry
do you feel sad
do you cry because you haven't gotten back what you once had
am I a disappointment to you Dad?

If I were to feel
all my fears of losing you
they would drown me
pull me under
the sea, oh I'd be history

So in some ways, Its better that you stay away
back there in the cold
but I wonder does it hurt where you are
do you get hungry
do you feel sad
do you cry because you haven't gotten back what you once had
am I a dissappointment to you Dad?

if I were to feel
all the Love I have for you
Id be history
Id be history
Id be history
Id be history

Who says love
always felt good?
Even beauty can hold you down
and it can claw through you
make you fall
sometimes I wish I didn't feel at all

Because if I were to feel
all the Love I have for you
id be History

I have a ship
I named her Jenna
She sails over troubled waters
Her compass was lost at sea
when she used to call herself Seduca
her purple hued blue eyes could turn people into stone
So now I might not make it home
the captain found release on the streets
in drugs painkillers and wine
took her out
from under her feet
no more treasures for her to find

Beneath me, the mermaid, part dream, part she, part me
Sings her songs of Florida ocean melodies
She tells me
"The water, it purifies the bad, even in the dark of night"
says  through all the storms you are to fight
don't forget that I'll be right there by your side

I have a map in my heart
I named it Mary
She sails over stormy seas
Her direction was lost in the ocean
when she used to call herself Jennas mother
her blue eyes could turn me into her north star
But now I might not make it, shes become much too black
the imposter stabbed me in the back

Beneath me, the mermaid, part dream, part she, part me
Sings her songs of Florida ocean melodies
She tells me
"The water it purifies the bad even in the dark of night"
says through all the storms you are to fight
don't forget that I'll be right there by your side"

I had a dream
I told you to meet me at the castle
where you can smell the Lilacs in the air
and the crickets sing without a care
and this one magical June night, you obliged
I told you I wanted to touch you, that I need a lover and you do too
I told you to put your hand upon my broken heart
under the moon, so blue
and you felt it beat, you felt it need you
You felt it scream
I bit my lip as you tore my clothes apart

Lost in the Lilacs, under your spell you under mine
I needed it for so long, waited til I belonged to you and you were mine
Ecstasy

I had a dream
I told you to meet me there
Spellbound Love Affair

There lives an hour glass in my heart
Captive to time, it haunts me hard
Ticking clock deep in my chest
Prisoner to what I detest

Come on, you can take it some more
Some more smile to fake the war

There lives a gate in my heart
Captive to its garden, it locks me in, every piece, every shard
Growing thorned roses way deep in this soul
Prisoner to what I don't know

Come on, it's just pain, take just a little more
Some more armor to fake your *******

Mama
Its not that I dont
see where you're coming from
I know it took a lot for you
to swim back up
Out of the deep glass of water you were drownin in
Must not have been so fun having
half empty as your cup

I think you know that life is fragile
so you'd rather not judge or be a part of any battles
it's easier for you accept the flaws and the wrongs
But, you should know
the weight you carried for so long
it was on my shoulders too
and I don’t how to do 
what you do
cause im a fighter
im a fighter
im a fighter
and I believe you gotta choose
good or bad win or lose
im impatient and I burn
maybe I resent what I've had to unlearn

Mama
maybe you're
better
so much better than than me
It took a lot for you to survive not to fall on your knees
and you built yourself around those who stole your innocence you and still stayed alive
Maybe you're my Hero
in this life

Mama
Its not that I dont
see where you're coming from
but I don't hang with the ones that burned me with the sun
infact I don't walk to them I run
maybe its easier
for you to stay in your cage
no map needed no long drives no need to gage


but you should know,
the weight you carried for so long
it was on my shoulders too
and I don’t know how to do
what you do
im a fighter
im a fighter
and I believe you gotta choose
good or bad, win or lose
im impatient I burn
maybe I resent what I've had to unlearn


Mama its not that I don't see
where you're coming from
but I’m no longer that girl you held so tight
in that picture Dad took in Boca’s sunlight in 94 or 95

Time moved me on and I grew kinda strong
Beneath my ribs, I got my own
my own lies, my own truths and haunting cries
and I got a view
one all my own
see I had to swim too out of troubled waters unknown
to you

Mama its not that I don't see
your strength
and the way you learned to be
one of eleven
musta been hard
to be individual to find who you are
and maybe who you found
is alright with me
maybe its alright with me

Mama, maybe you're alright with me
You're one woman and I'm another
In a vast big sea
Youre one woman swimming
and im another
in this vast big sea
and maybe, you're alright with me

Whistles while he works
A beautiful smile to hide the hurt
engines and steering wheels put him at ease
He's the root to my tree
Makes the pain look like art
Eagle eyes and a lions heart

Mirror mirror on the wall
They used to say I was the finest of them all
its funny cause now
I'm morning smudged mascara and shaking post caffeine hands
that play with smoke and fire cause I lost my chance

There’s a cigarette hanging off my lip
a family curse is like a never ending bad trip
If I light it, I know I'll lose
but what’s one more fall when you’re already
yesterday’s news
yesterdays news

Baby I'm Outdated
I live in another time and I don't meant to gloat
but think of me like
The wake of a boat
I think you're fine and I want you in my bed
to love and hold
but I never said I wasn't Jaded
So call me up at night and I'll fix you up
when you're dislocated, i'll snap you into place when you're feeling faded
But baby, im outdated
Im outdated
Im outdated

Mirror, mirror on the wall
They used to say I had the best ******* voice of them all
Now im drunk at noon tryin to cheat on you, to find a fling
My hands bleed as they strum broken guitar strings
There's a cigarette dangling in my heart
it's like a loaded gun
you see, a family curse
is damage done and it has me always on the run
If I light it I know i'll lose
What's one more fall when your'e already
yesterdays news
yesterdays news

Baby I'm Outdated
I live in another time, and I don't meant to gloat
but think of me like
The wake of a boat
I think you're fine and I want you in my bed
to love and hold
but I never said I wasn't Jaded
Call me up at night and I'll fix you up
when you're dislocated, i'll snap you into place when you're feeling faded
But baby, im outdated
Im outdated
Im outdated

I’m not current but I’m surely flowing
but baby im a tide that doesn't know where its going
Im a whisper in a world that's way too loud
Time lost me in 2006 but I was never found

Baby I’m a cigarette burn in an empty nightclub room
maybe all I want is the dark, the doom and gloom
Baby I'm Outdated
Baby, im outdated
Come to me when you're dislocated
Ill fix you up when you're faded
The Love I give to you it'll be real, it'll be now
but don't ask me to try to be whole because I don't know how
Baby im like cigarette smoke
I don't know how to speak, I choke
I live in a far away time
But I think you're fine
But
Baby im outdated
Outdated
Baby im outdated
Not the type to bring home to mother
I stutter
I'm not feeling the new worlds ways
I don't like it too much I got too much to say
Baby I'm outdated
Im out dated, if you push I'll play
Im out dated