I'd like to write of happy things,
A loving glance or smile,
But even if I'd known such things,
It's simply not my style.

For when I'm hurt, or in a mood,
I shut myself away,
I'm furiously writing,
About what bothered me that day.

I tend to be quite negative,
It's impossible to hide,
But if you'd look beyond the angst,
You would see a different side.

My heart is heavy,
With love comes pain.
They're hand in hand
With nothing to gain!

I lock the door
And Disappear
To me, true love
Is heartbreak and fear

Fear to trust,
Fear of pain,
Fear of losing myself,
Again.

She walks along the moonlit shore
Her heart is broken
How could he do this to her
She's left an empty shell
Much like the ones scattered on the sand
Waiting for the ocean to take them away to a better place

When I was twelve, I lost my faith,
First Jackie, then my Nan.
So many people lost since then,
So, not your biggest fan.

Although the grief was strong at first,
I took a while to see.
You weren't being cruel by taking them,
You were not testing me.

To start I lost all faith in you,
(The little that I'd had)
And for a while the blame was yours,
All I could feel, was sad.

But bit by bit, I thought of you,
In stressful times we'd talk.
Or rather I would talk to you,
You'd listen while I'd walk.

No matter what I asked of you,
I never once heard 'No'
Although I turned my back on you,
You stuck around to show.

That even though I don't do church,
And I don't know how to prey.
You're with me, giving guidance,
Each and every single day.

At nineteen you were far too young
To take your final breath,
And though these sixteen years have passed,
I'm haunted by your death

I think about how life would be
If you had never died,
I think about what you'd be like,
If only you'd survived

I'm older now than you were then,
I wish that you were here,
The sister that I never had,
I'd share with you, my fears

Like whether I could be a mom
When I always want to cry
Or how sometimes I feel so sad
I wish that I could die

I wish that when I spoke to you
That you could answer back
I know that you would talk me round
You always had the nak

I feel so lonely all the time
But wear my bravest face
I never let them see me cry
In sadness's embrace

My writing is my great escape,
My secret hideaway.
And when it all just gets too much
It helps me through the day

It calms me down from angry heights
It cleanses me with tears
With just a simple plain white page
I write away my fears

My writing never judges me
It never says I'm wrong
And by the time my pens put down
I realise I'm strong!