my mama is not the women who made me'
my mama is the women who raised me
the one who taught me kindness, and patience
the one who taught me boundaries
and late night movies,
drinking coffee at 6 in the morning
on my way to a tournament
the one who always came to support me
the one who I replied on
the one I call mom
she may not have literally made me,
but  I like to think that she is the one who made me, me

I like the taste of my own blood
I smile as it coats the roof of my mouth
bit my tongue
my words are rung
why do I always say the wrong thing?
through my veins
anxiety reins
I must appear tame
for people cannot know the truth
if I speak I will come off lame
I only have myself to blame
so I bite my tongue

“Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb”
something that I will tell my future daughter
family is good
but friends choose you
your family has to stick around
your friends choose to
when everything goes to hell,
your friends are the ones who cope with losing you
when all else fails,
your friends are the ones who stood by you
your family might be one in the same blood
but your friends know your stories,
your friends know your soul,
they are the ones who will never go.

I want...
Well-
It's just-
like...
Oh, give me some decency.
Don't tell me to tell you what I want when you won't even tell me how you feel.
Don't expect me to do all of the lifting, it is both of our responsibilities.
Don't let this fall on me, to tell you what I think when you won't even tell me what you did.
Don't tell me to tell you what to do when you won't show me who you are.
Because-
Because when all else fails, I can't know what I want without knowing how you feel.
I can't know what I think without knowing what you did.
And I can't know what the hell I am supposed to do because I don't even know who you are.
So do not put the blame on me, for begging for answers and in my confusion- assuming the worst.
Don't give me the responsibility of picking up the mess that WE made.
Give me some decency
so I can spare what's left of my dignity.
Give me a chance at a relationship built on honesty,
Don’t cosplay as an honest man when you won’t be honest to me.
Please.
Spare my dignity. Give me some decency.
Don't tell me to tell you what I want.
Don't tell me to tell you what I think.
Don’t tell me to tell you what to do.
I don't know what you feel, I don't know what I want.
I don’t know what I think, I don’t know what you did.
I don’t know what we are meant to do because I don't even know who you are.
My name is no professor x, I can’t read minds and I can’t read hearts.
Please.
If you won’t tell me what you feel, If you won’t tell me what you did, and if you won’t even show me what kind of person you are, don’t expect me to know.
Spare me the blood,
Spare me the sweat.
I won’t waste another night begging to be told what you feel, what you did, or who you are.
I am done.
I am taking what is left of my dignity and I will be on my way.
Because you’re not good for me.
These guessing games are not good for me.
The burden of having to read your mind and then tell you mine has become too much to bear.
So I am gone.
You have driven me away.
And now maybe you will take away some of that responsibility.
Because it is not my burden that you drove me away.
It is not my problem that I gave you every chance and you refused to take it.
Instead, you took the cowards way. You lied, you hid, and when the **** inevitably hit the fan, you tried to run- and then you expected me to stay.
It is too late now.
I don’t want to know that you miss me.
I don’t want you to tell me why you did what you did.
And I don’t want your excuses telling me you are just misunderstood.
I took my dignity, and now I am gone.

profits over people is there game

it’s a shame.

they care so much about “killing babies”

but refuse to provide life saving medical care because it isn’t profitable.

“The best country on the earth”

“the most freedoms”

“the land of the free”

without the right to be alive

Why cant this country see the importance of keeping it’s people alive?

just another stat

just another name.

but the right to carry a gun and pay less taxes really isn’t worth that much without the right to be alive

Down on my knees seems like the only place that you want me to be-
because when I get up close,  you can't seem to breathe-
up in your face, your voice laced with distaste-
luck a bug under your shoe-
or a tie in your lace-
When I open my mouth you distract it-
keep me focused on only what you like-
if I wonder to close
I might lose my head.
Cheater in my bed
I am losing my-
keep me on the  ground
but the clouds seem so nice-
tell me it's not true
not him. not you.
give me a reason to  stay
or I have to go,
Don't expect me to stay if you want me on my knees.
I need you to be able to breathe,
To let the lies flow out like the tears on my cheeks
I can’t stand the sound of distaste,
The sound of you begging me to stay.
Squash those doubts that you know very well are justified.
Unravel every part of me that still trusts you.
Shut my mouth, but this time you use tape.
Close my eyes, then make me blind.
My neck in a guillotine
Oblivious, just the way you like me.
Face on gravel
Now I know what you have done.
Soul in the clouds,
No way back down.
No way back-
No way out.
Tell me it’s not true.
Tell me that's not my body 3 feet away.
Tell me that it wasn’t you.
My ignorance, it was bliss but now I can’t feel below my neck.
Wait-
Not my neck-

I want someone to love me like no one else can.
The kind of love that haters can't stand.
I want someone to prove that I a deserve that kind of love.
The kind of love that makes me rethink my self hate.