You're gone. truly, fully, seriously, and utterly gone.
Over time, I got used to your presence.
like a parasite that you don't want to be rid of.
I gave you a chance to make it right, but it wasn't all there as it was before.
Sorry doesn't fix a broken bottle, and it cannot put my heart back in my chest.
I thought that I would miss you more than I do, and at first, I did.
I soon realized that I did not miss you. I missed the thought of you that I created in my head.
Unfortunately, no matter how much you cry and you beg the gods to give mercy to your soul, what starts must end, and all good things stop sooner.
No god nor mortal can prevent death, not the literal death of a person or creature, or the metaphorical one that happens to all of us when someone leaves.
When all else fails, you cannot expect everyone to stay. Not your boyfriend, who you said that you loved mere weeks after meeting, not your closest of friends, not your dog. everyone leaves eventually, whether it is in or out of their control. you both can't attend each others' funerals, and when all else fails, you'll end up alone.

In an endless loop of arguments
A game that neither of us ever win
A house built on a sandy foundation
Loose lies must come out in the end.
Knuckles and ****** knuckles
Tears in muddy puddles
Smiling to our friends and showing each other our teeth
I am sick of the battles.
The war the we won’t ever win
Land that we still have to conquer
But to conquer you must ****
It seems easy enough.
Just stay off of each others land.
Turn your noses to the secrets,
And keep the peace
Well peace is a trojan horse
A horse made of wood.
Well wood is flammable.
And the truth will spell out in the smoke.
It is never that easy to just pretend that nothing is wrong.
Guilt is a dangerous game
And you will never let me in
Deflecting our points
Pretending to ****
An endless battle in the war that neither of us will win.
A wheel with a broken pedal.
We know where to go but won’t
Because all that is left for us,
Is to wave and let the white flag win
Maybe escape is all that is left.
The only chance that either of us can survive.
Your favorite escape.
To hide from the inevitable win.
When the reaper knocks on our door,
We know what we have to do.
Bid our goodbyes,
And hope to see each other in the afterlife.
I try to say goodbye but your silence is deafening.
It carves into my mind.
Blood seeps into my brain.
I am out.

You are worth more to me than your weight in gold.

It is like every "flaw" that you see in yourself is actually just another reason that I feel the way I do about you

The most prominent art in the world could not compare to that of your smile and I feel extremely lucky every day to have you in my life.

I don't think I could go a day without your good morning texts. You are ingrained into me in a way my best friend would scold me for

******* hell you are my favorite person that this world has to offer

I am grateful everyday to have you in my life and your perfection outshines that of all the stars in the sky

If eyes are the window to the soul, it makes since that yours are as beautiful as they are. Your eyes are like the ocean, not to be confused with the bright blue hue of the one in cartoons. Your eyes remind me of the color of the Pacific, carrying life and the intensity of the crushing waves. If eyes are truly the window to the soul then I know yours is one of a kind.

I saved you as my lock screen.
I know you would cringe if you knew.
I just wanted, every time I opened my phone- to be reminded of you.
My 2 addictions, now combined.
Maybe the boomers were right: it might be those "**** phones"
I only ever seem to cry when my eyes lock on the screen.
Like when you threatened to leave.
Words cannot describe how afraid I was,
You bring out a different part of me, a part that I can not believe.
I was mad. More anger flowed from me than words on the screen.
You have done no wrong.
All tears I have split have been a fault of my own.
I broke down at 4am. I thought that I would lose you.
my eyes blinded by the light- brighter in the night.
those ****** phones.

It's insane how much has changed.
From never talking-
to talking every single day.
I am more attached to you than I am my phone
My 2 addictions combined
Infused with my blood
It is a good thing that you would never lie, right?
My heart has stopped.
Frozen in it’s tracks
When I am down in the dirt, it is your hand that pulls me back
The hand is made of arsenic, little did I know
Slowly poisoning me, while I beg you not to let go
You’re my 2nd addiction.
The only other thing I couldn’t live without
The weight of my phone in my pocket and the weight on my chest when you are away.
I want to break the glass prison that you hide in,
The one that surrounds your heart.
The shards from the glass would shed my skin and I would keep the blood in a bottle,
One that I would keep on your altar while I pray at my knees.
I would use my hair as a rope, one forever attached,
I would tie it around your heart so that you could never leave me again
I would use my tears to boil my eyes so no one would ever question if i have eyes for anyone else
My skin as the carpet of the room I furnish for you with my bone.
But now there is nothing left of me.
Just the pieces I gave to you.
The ones I hoped you would treasure
But you really dyed them blue.
You took the parts of me that I let your arsenic hands touch,
You boiled them blue until I was exactly the kind you liked
You left me there,
Blue on the corner-
Begging you not to drive away.
Not to let a stranger pick up the pieces that you tossed in the waste
Those letters and poems, i filled my notebooks for you
I would have written until my fingers fell from my hands.
One-By-One. Use them as fuel for a fire to keep you warm.
Pick my nails until they bleed.
My blood, all for you.
I would let you drink my soul
And chew on my bones
My heart was left dry-
Thrown out with your junk
Left to rot and cry
I thought we were tied.
Mine heart to yours
But you cut my hair and used it to climb the wall
The one of the room I built and furnished with my bones.
You used my hair and my veins as means for escape
To get away from all I gave away
Now I burn.
My exposed muscle and organs
They ****** for oxygen
But I could only get my oxygen from you.

I am starting to think that you don't like me.
you my like talking, but you never seem to want to see me.
well, unless you are talking about the ***** things that you want to do.
you didn't seem into me, until we brought up ***.
it's not like it is hard for you to get laid.
did I pressure you, without meaning to?
are you lying because you felt pressured to?
please just tell me the truth.
am I overthinking this?
you seem to trust me.
you seem to care.
I know I am not the center of your affections.
But, what if it has all been a lie?
No- It can't be.
I'm supposed to trust you, right?
how am I supposed to?
3 weeks.
My brother.
Rose.
I am *******. But what if my fears hold no truth?
But,
what if they do?

I know I have to trust you,
I am just not so sure that I can.
Trust you or trust the one who cannot lie?
Trust you or my gut?
I know trust is the backbone of a relationship.
The rope that ties our hearts together is pulling thin.
The strands are made of vulnerability,
the trust and love that we put in.
I should have faith in you.
I should have no uncertainty,
no doubt you would never lie to me.
The fire of doubt- I must put it out.
I need to trust you.
Believe me, I want to.
But who do I believe, when the time has run out?