I saved you as my lock screen.
I know you would cringe if you knew.
I just wanted, every time I opened my phone- to be reminded of you.
My 2 addictions, now combined.
Maybe the boomers were right: it might be those "**** phones"
I only ever seem to cry when my eyes lock on the screen.
Like when you threatened to leave.
Words cannot describe how afraid I was,
You bring out a different part of me, a part that I can not believe.
I was mad. More anger flowed from me than words on the screen.
You have done no wrong.
All tears I have split have been a fault of my own.
I broke down at 4am. I thought that I would lose you.
my eyes blinded by the light- brighter in the night.
those ****** phones.

It's insane how much has changed.
From never talking-
to talking every single day.
I am more attached to you than I am my phone
My 2 addictions combined
Infused with my blood
It is a good thing that you would never lie, right?
My heart has stopped.
Frozen in it’s tracks
When I am down in the dirt, it is your hand that pulls me back
The hand is made of arsenic, little did I know
Slowly poisoning me, while I beg you not to let go
You’re my 2nd addiction.
The only other thing I couldn’t live without
The weight of my phone in my pocket and the weight on my chest when you are away.
I want to break the glass prison that you hide in,
The one that surrounds your heart.
The shards from the glass would shed my skin and I would keep the blood in a bottle,
One that I would keep on your altar while I pray at my knees.
I would use my hair as a rope, one forever attached,
I would tie it around your heart so that you could never leave me again
I would use my tears to boil my eyes so no one would ever question if i have eyes for anyone else
My skin as the carpet of the room I furnish for you with my bone.
But now there is nothing left of me.
Just the pieces I gave to you.
The ones I hoped you would treasure
But you really dyed them blue.
You took the parts of me that I let your arsenic hands touch,
You boiled them blue until I was exactly the kind you liked
You left me there,
Blue on the corner-
Begging you not to drive away.
Not to let a stranger pick up the pieces that you tossed in the waste
Those letters and poems, i filled my notebooks for you
I would have written until my fingers fell from my hands.
One-By-One. Use them as fuel for a fire to keep you warm.
Pick my nails until they bleed.
My blood, all for you.
I would let you drink my soul
And chew on my bones
My heart was left dry-
Thrown out with your junk
Left to rot and cry
I thought we were tied.
Mine heart to yours
But you cut my hair and used it to climb the wall
The one of the room I built and furnished with my bones.
You used my hair and my veins as means for escape
To get away from all I gave away
Now I burn.
My exposed muscle and organs
They ****** for oxygen
But I could only get my oxygen from you.

I am starting to think that you don't like me.
you my like talking, but you never seem to want to see me.
well, unless you are talking about the ***** things that you want to do.
you didn't seem into me, until we brought up ***.
it's not like it is hard for you to get laid.
did I pressure you, without meaning to?
are you lying because you felt pressured to?
please just tell me the truth.
am I overthinking this?
you seem to trust me.
you seem to care.
I know I am not the center of your affections.
But, what if it has all been a lie?
No- It can't be.
I'm supposed to trust you, right?
how am I supposed to?
3 weeks.
My brother.
Rose.
I am *******. But what if my fears hold no truth?
But,
what if they do?

I know I have to trust you,
I am just not so sure that I can.
Trust you or trust the one who cannot lie?
Trust you or my gut?
I know trust is the backbone of a relationship.
The rope that ties our hearts together is pulling thin.
The strands are made of vulnerability,
the trust and love that we put in.
I should have faith in you.
I should have no uncertainty,
no doubt you would never lie to me.
The fire of doubt- I must put it out.
I need to trust you.
Believe me, I want to.
But who do I believe, when the time has run out?

Was it casual?
Our long night talks and endless flirtations.
Those talks about our futures-as if we had a clue
Things we knew that we had to do
Watching movies on a call, but wouldn't do it without you
Was it serious?
Was it serious to you?
We would talk about everything and nothing at all
My darling little boy
Cosplaying a man
Telling me to be honest about my feelings but it was just
a helpless match.
No one made me angry like you
The frustration of being the only one who seemed to give a ****
Turned out you had someone else on your mind.
Someone who I shared eyes and genes
I don't think you feel the same.
Tell me that I am wrong
Tell me that I am mistaken
Give me a reason to believe you
Give me a reason not to leave you.
Tell me that you listened to me
Tell me that you respected he who I held dear
Tell me that you wouldn't lie to me
Tell me that you wouldn’t leave me here
Tell me that I didn’t defend you for nothing
Tell me that my friends weren’t right
Tell me it wasn’t casual
Or I have to leave tonight.

I don't like anyone, especially you.
Some till up up in the clouds, next to you.
My eyes avert you, down on my knees
Drink till I ache, ditsy-stole
knock on the red door
I don't even like you,
against the wall
I kiss you until our lips are bruised
No-"take a shot"
"Just one more"
Isn't that what you came here for?
I see a face in the window
Stranger in the mirror
it is just a cig
drunk dance on the roof-
with you.
I thought I didn't like you
you're on my
your body sinks around mine:
places it doesn't belong.
I wish I didn't like it.
I wish it wasn't you.

I don't think I deserve you.
that is my honest truth.
what we have, it is more than I ever bargained for
I am not complaining. I just don't know what to do.
I ******* in love with you.