Hello.
Don't
Be
Afraid.
It
Will
Be
okay.
I know this for a fact.
My
logic
is
a
little
bit
cracked.
I
Promise.
I won't leave you.
No side of you could push me away.
No truth.
No fact.
You
Are
Stuck
With
Me.
unless you push me away

6 months is a long time.
A long time to be "just friends" with a hint of something else.
I love the time well spent.
I hate when I overthink.
When I go over every little thing you once said, pick apart the true and false.
try to tell if you meant those sweet little nothings.
Prove to me that you did.
Prove you didn't lie.
Please.
Please
please-
pleas-
I plead.
I plead with you to end this retched game.
I plead you to tell me. tell me how you really feel.
I am begging.
My knees start to bleed.
Bruised with my perilous plead,
I am sick. I am sick of playing pretend.
I am sick of saying that "everything is fine"
I play jump rope in between the line.
The line between fine and lie.
My feelings are undefined.
every changing. forever unrefined.
please.
6 months is a long time to lie.
a long time to repeat the same measly words
"what's on your mind"
"wyd?"
"how are you feeling?"
over and over.
I need truth.
actual answers.
I am begging.
the harsh ground digs into my palms as I lean over my thighs.
head to the floor as my tears soak the space underneath them.

I learned that you are poly on Friday
I learned that I will never be enough
I know that it is not your fault, I could never blame you.
It just hurts that I am not enough.
I now understand why you didn't want to make me "yours"
I get why you hated serious conversations.
I now know why you always seemed so busy.
I told you it is fine, but I can't help think about what could have been.
I know that we weren't even official, but I cried when you told me.
I feel horrible for lying, for saying that it was no problem at all.
I don't want you to feel guilty, for something that you can't even control.
I don't want you to think you hurt me, not at all.
Cause I am in love with you, but it hurts. just a little.
If you ask though, I am okay.
I haven't imagined a future we couldn't have.
I haven't cried myself asleep to the thought that you could leave.
I am not enough. And I guess... That is okay.

I tell you that I am falling for you, I know you don't feel the same.
I tell you that it is okay.
You say that I am jumping to false assumptions,
I explain you never told me otherwise.
You say that you cannot

I fell for it.
I fell for the pretty words
I fell for the pretend interest and the untrue wishes
But mixed signals is a system of control and commitment is your fear.
You put on a disguise to hide the part of you that you don't like.
You think that I want to fix you but there isn't anything to fix.
You aren't "broken" or "messed up".
You just didn't like me that much

5 minutes. I see you and after only 5 minutes, I think that I am in love. I watch you from across the room and well- you might be my doom.
10 minutes. I sit here watching you talk. Your laugh is like music to my sore years and your eyes are like the contacts to my blind eyes.
20 minutes. Okay I think I might be crazy. I have been sitting here for 20 minutes just watching. I watch your hands, I watch your mouth, and honestly I have absolutely nothing to complain about.
45 minutes. I could sit here for hours, just watching you read. You ordered your coffee and I am afraid you will leave. Next thing I know, you are walking over to me. “Hello Stranger”.
80 minutes. We have been talking for a while. My stalking caught you off guard. Now you see- I am not a creep. Just a guy, afraid to say hello. I know your favorite band, and the ice cream that you eat when you are sad. It is not your favorite. It is just there.
120 minutes. I can't help but stare. You say that you don't mind. There is this fire in your eyes that I cannot explain. You have been talking about a theory for 30 minutes now. The topic doesn’t interest me that much but your passion is enough to keep me invested.
180 minutes. And then you were gone. One moment you were there, the next you were gone. It stung. I thought I could stare forever. I thought we had forever.