They say the opposite  of love is not hate, but apathy instead. they say the line between love and hate is so fine, it barely shines under the moonlight. When you tolerate pain, it festers and builds into resentment. I love you, but it seems that lately, I am an acrobat, dancing on the line, waiting for it to snap. The only way out is down and down feels like death. A broken heart breaks my brain and I don't know what to think. It seems you cause more pain than pleasure and I don't think that I want to leave. It feels like there is a rope, tied to my heart, tied to your arm. One movement and you'll rip it out. The problem is that falling has the same outcome. It is broken or broken. One choice leaves me with hated pain and the other leaves me with painful guilt.

It feels like we have been fighting forever,
This is an endless game that neither of us ever seem to win
“Oh, we are just going through a rough patch. Things will be fine by the end of the week”
The lies just seem to build up.
Either fighting, or putting it off.
Putting on a face for our friends but showing each other our teeth
I don’t want to fight with you.
You just won’t listen.
You are sick of fighting
I just don’t trust you.
This seems like an easy solution,
One that we should have come up with by now
“Tell each other how you are feeling”
It is never that easy though.
If I tell you how I am feeling then you will blame yourself
You are afraid to let me in.
How do we fight without telling each other what is wrong?
Just an endless blame game.
Like a wheel with a broken pedal.
A never ending cycle of toxicity.
You say, “Maybe it is because I don’t ******* want to? Did you ever think of that? Did you ever consider that the reason that you are my favorite is because you are my escape?”
Your words, carve into my mind.
Blood seeps into my brain.

You are worth more to me than your weight in gold.

It is like every "flaw" that you see in yourself is actually just another reason that I feel the way I do about you

The most prominent art in the world could not compare to that of your smile and I feel extremely lucky every day to have you in my life.

I don't think I could go a day without your good morning texts. You are ingrained into me in a way my best friend would scold me for

******* hell you are my favorite person that this world has to offer

I am grateful everyday to have you in my life and your perfection outshines that of all the stars in the sky

If eyes are the window to the soul, it makes since that yours are as beautiful as they are. Your eyes are like the ocean, not to be confused with the bright blue hue of the one in cartoons. Your eyes remind me of the color of the Pacific, carrying life and the intensity of the crushing waves. If eyes are truly the window to the soul then I know yours is one of a kind.

I saved you as my lock screen.
I know you would cringe if you knew.
I just wanted, every time I opened my phone- to be reminded of you.
My 2 addictions, now combined.
Maybe the boomers were right: it might be those "**** phones"
I only ever seem to cry when my eyes lock on the screen.
Like when you threatened to leave.
Words cannot describe how afraid I was,
You bring out a different part of me, a part that I can not believe.
I was mad. More anger flowed from me than words on the screen.
You have done no wrong.
All tears I have split have been a fault of my own.
I broke down at 4am. I thought that I would lose you.
my eyes blinded by the light- brighter in the night.
those ****** phones.

It's mid-November
It's insane how much has changed.
From never talking, to talking every single day.
I didn't realize that I could be so attached to one person.
I feel like you are infused into my blood.
You fill my veins, without you-
I fear my heart would stop.
Seeing your goodmorning test is what gets me up.
I don't even mind our late night talks keeping me awake.
You are worth every minute of everyday. It pains me to be kept away.
You deserve more love than I can give.
I would let the shards of your glasses shred my limbs
Pour blood into a vile to leave on your alter.
Use my hair as a rope to tie me to you, so that you can never leave.
Use my tears to cook for you, so you are never hungry again.
Use my skin as carpet and place my bones of the foundation of the place that holds what I feel for you.
Love can't even begin to describe it.
No container could contain just what I feel for you.
Letters and poems fill my notebooks, write until my fingers fall from my hands.
One-By-One. Use them as fuel for a fire to keep you warm.
Pick my nails until they bleed.
My blood, all for you.
More and more unhinged describes well enough how my heart burns for you.

I am starting to think that you don't like me.
you my like talking, but you never seem to want to see me.
well, unless you are talking about the ***** things that you want to do.
you didn't seem into me, until we brought up ***.
it's not like it is hard for you to get laid.
did I pressure you, without meaning to?
are you lying because you felt pressured to?
please just tell me the truth.
am I overthinking this?
you seem to trust me.
you seem to care.
I know I am not the center of your affections.
But, what if it has all been a lie?
No- It can't be.
I'm supposed to trust you, right?
how am I supposed to?
3 weeks.
My brother.
Rose.
I am *******. But what if my fears hold no truth?
But,
what if they do?

I know I have to trust you,
I am just not so sure that I can.
Trust you or trust the one who cannot lie?
Trust you or my gut?
I know trust is the backbone of a relationship.
The rope that ties our hearts together is pulling thin.
The strands are made of vulnerability,
the trust and love that we put in.
I should have faith in you.
I should have no uncertainty,
no doubt you would never lie to me.
The fire of doubt- I must put it out.
I need to trust you.
Believe me, I want to.
But who do I believe, when the time has run out?