I saved you as my lock screen.
I know you would cringe if you knew.
I just wanted, every time I opened my phone- to be reminded of you.
My 2 addictions, now combined.
Maybe the boomers were right: it might be those "**** phones"
I only ever seem to cry when my eyes lock on the screen.
Like when you threatened to leave.
Words cannot describe how afraid I was,
You bring out a different part of me, a part that I can not believe.
I was mad. More anger flowed from me than words on the screen.
You have done no wrong.
All tears I have split have been a fault of my own.
I broke down at 4am. I thought that I would lose you.
my eyes blinded by the light- brighter in the night.
those ****** phones.

It's mid-November
It's insane how much has changed.
From never talking, to talking every single day.
I didn't realize that I could be so attached to one person.
I feel like you are infused into my blood.
You fill my veins, without you-
I fear my heart would stop.
Seeing your goodmorning test is what gets me up.
I don't even mind our late night talks keeping me awake.
You are worth every minute of everyday. It pains me to be kept away.
You deserve more love than I can give.
I would let the shards of your glasses shred my limbs
Pour blood into a vile to leave on your alter.
Use my hair as a rope to tie me to you, so that you can never leave.
Use my tears to cook for you, so you are never hungry again.
Use my skin as carpet and place my bones of the foundation of the place that holds what I feel for you.
Love can't even begin to describe it.
No container could contain just what I feel for you.
Letters and poems fill my notebooks, write until my fingers fall from my hands.
One-By-One. Use them as fuel for a fire to keep you warm.
Pick my nails until they bleed.
My blood, all for you.
More and more unhinged describes well enough how my heart burns for you.

I am starting to think that you don't like me.
you my like talking, but you never seem to want to see me.
well, unless you are talking about the ***** things that you want to do.
you didn't seem into me, until we brought up ***.
it's not like it is hard for you to get laid.
did I pressure you, without meaning to?
are you lying because you felt pressured to?
please just tell me the truth.
am I overthinking this?
you seem to trust me.
you seem to care.
I know I am not the center of your affections.
But, what if it has all been a lie?
No- It can't be.
I'm supposed to trust you, right?
how am I supposed to?
3 weeks.
My brother.
Rose.
I am *******. But what if my fears hold no truth?
But,
what if they do?

I know I have to trust you,
I am just not so sure that I can.
Trust you or trust the one who cannot lie?
Trust you or my gut?
I know trust is the backbone of a relationship.
The rope that ties our hearts together is pulling thin.
The strands are made of vulnerability,
the trust and love that we put in.
I should have faith in you.
I should have no uncertainty,
no doubt you would never lie to me.
The fire of doubt- I must put it out.
I need to trust you.
Believe me, I want to.
But who do I believe, when the time has run out?

Is this casual?
Our long night talks and endless flirtations.
Talks about our future like we had a clue
Watching movies on a call, wouldn't do it without you
Is this serious?
Potential for love?
talks about nothing, for hours on end
I'm your darling your my beloved,
a helpless match.
No one makes me angry like you
passion in my eyes as I tell you that I love you.
I don't think you feel the same.
tell me that I am wrong.

I don't like anyone, especially you.
Some till up up in the clouds, next to you.
My eyes avert you, down on my knees
Drink till I ache, ditsy-stole
knock on the red door
I don't even like you,
against the wall
I kiss you until our lips are bruised
No-"take a shot"
"Just one more"
Isn't that what you came here for?
I see a face in the window
Stranger in the mirror
it is just a cig
drunk dance on the roof-
with you.
I thought I didn't like you
you're on my
your body sinks around mine:
places it doesn't belong.
I wish I didn't like it.
I wish it wasn't you.

I don't think I deserve you.
that is my honest truth.
what we have, it is more than I ever bargained for
I am not complaining. I just don't know what to do.
I ******* in love with you.