They say that a preacher's daughter
is the most rebellious, immoral.
Daddy raised me to be a good girl.
To believe in God and to be wholesome.
I grew up in a strict household.
Don't make the preacher look bad.
Well, I stopped believing in god,
and I broke under the pressure
of the high moral standards.
The preacher doesn't take kindly
to his little girl forsaking his god.
The preacher's daughter
isn't so chaste anymore.

Si vis pacem, para bellum - Vegetius
"If you want peace, prepare for the war."

I have been at war for a lifetime.
At war with myself,
At war with the world.

I am tired of fighting,
Exhausted by this agonizing war.
Please let it end.

*I just want to be at peace.

You made me promise
that I wouldn't fall apart
when you were gone.
You made me promise
to eat when I needed to,
to draw like I always did,
and not to cry too much.

But the spiderweb cracks
only lead to shattering
far worse than a simple break.
I guess I broke my promise
because I can't breathe
without your scent in my lungs.

I know I promised to stay whole,
but this is one promise
that I cannot keep.

I always considered myself
a little messed up.
I never meant to hurt anyone,
but it seems I have.
Myself and others,
drowning in my monstrosity.

I never wanted to be monster
but I've lost sight of my humanity.
The pain I cause is always regretted,
but never enough to satisfy.
Who is the monster and who is the man?
I am both and he who made me this way is too.

I listen to the silence of the night that isn't truly quiet.
I listen to sobs of the lost children.
I listen to the prayers of the disgraced.
I listen to the whispered gossip of the upperclass.
I listen to the gasps of pain from the damaged.
I listen to the rejoiced cries of the fortunate.
I listen to the cracks of souls shattering.
I listen to the lewd moans of lovers embracing.
I listen to the forsaken sighs of the companionless.
I listen for you, but cannot seem to hear.

Stab me with a thousand needles,
Get your revenge and use me.
God knows that's all I'm good for.
I was worthless before,
I'll be worthless in the end.
To you I am a poppet.
As your rough voices chants,
Come here, poppet,
I know I'll only be worth a moment.
A moment of pleasure,
Before being tossed away,
Like the rag I am.

I have a tendency to change the pronouns
in the poems I write.
I love him.
It used to be her.
He makes me weak.
She makes my heart flutter
a staccato panic against my ribs.
It's time I told the truth in my writing.

Books
        F
          A
             L
              L
                    Open
  
And you fall in.

If you had a soul,
I'd tear it to shreds
and tie it in a bow
as a gift for my
accursed companion.
I'm a friend of the devil.
Are you a friend of mine?

My father once told me that good men don't hit women.
But I never thought of him as a man.
And I never thought of myself as a woman,
We're still just kids, aren't we?
Yes, we're graduating in a year,
And maybe then you'll be a man,
But I don't feel like an adult,
So hitting  me doesn't count,
And you still have the chance
To be a good man.
Don't hurt the next one,
Please

She's going to go places.
She's going to go far in life.
Me? I'll probably be dead
by the time I'm twenty five.
My own hand, I'm sure,
will be the one to tie the knot.
I think about death a lot.
The different ways to die.
The best day to do it.
This isn't what normal people do.
I'm sorry to say it, but it's likely,
I'll **** myself before I'm twenty five.

Poetry isn't about the words,
Or the emotions,
Or sounding beautiful,
Or looking smart,
Or knowing big words
Like ephemeral.
It isn't about alliteration
Or similes and metaphors.
Poetry is about what it doesn't say.
The silence between the words,
That's what matters.

Would you compose a requiem for me?
It's clear that my soul is dead and gone.
For my spirit, repose and tranquility.
Do not spurn the dead, for my body remains.
Vengeance, I foresee.
What you did will not be forgiven.

There are instances where
I will stop loving you.
If you hurt me
and I don't leave,
then I am blind.
Love may be blind,
but it is not unconditional.

The roses I planted might never grow.
Maybe they know better.
They don't want to be picked
and handed to a loveless woman
to die in a vase, forgotten on the sill.

My mother once told me
To watch my weight.

Now, all I do is watch my weight.
Eat too little, work out too much.

All because of three little words,
*watch your weight

I cannot forgive myself
for forgiving you.
                                                            ­                         
                                       ­                                                I cannot find a way
                                                             ­                      to look past our mistakes.

                                         I cannot look into
                                             your ice cold eyes.

I cannot forgive myself
for letting you do this
      
                                                                I cannot forgive myself
                                                                   And I cannot forget you.

She whispers in my ear;
her laughter echoes coldly in my mind.
Skeletal, beautiful.
I want to be her.
I can never be her.
She slinks around,
winning all the attention.
I hate her.
I hate me.
She has driven me to this.
She is self hatred.

I bite my nails
when I'm nervous
but I took what I had
and painted them red
to match my blood.

They say red is a sensual color
They say it is ****.
But all I see in red
Is blood and drowned hopes and pain,
But maybe pain is ****.
It's oh so beautiful for the sadist to watch me fall apart.

She cried and screamed at the edge of that cliff
until she tasted blood in her mouth
and her body collapsed
into the dirt, spent and shaking.
They led her away from the edge,
one officer looking down at the ravine,
her lover's crumpled, broken body
shattered at the base of the cliff.
Two days later, she followed him.

What if I were there?
       I'd sit in the dark and hope you left. I won't tell you that you make
        me nervous.
And then what? ;)
      Please don't think I care about you.
Send me a pic.
      I know you don't care about me either.
Oh yeah baby
       Is this what we have come to call intimacy?
U know what I'd do 2 u?
      Emotionless exchanges, just for a moment of pleasure and a lifetime
        of shame.
What r u wearing?
      *I don't want this. I wanted love. This isn't love.

I can see the shadows.
No, not your shadow,
The shadows.
The ones that crawl up your spine,
leaving little bruises along your back.
The ones that wrap themselves around your mind
and whisper horrible things in your head.
Their tendrils reach out,
looking desperately for others,
wrap their inky, dangerous selves around your friends,
because when they consume you,
they'll need a new host.

I didn't mean to break the mirror.
I thought I saw a monster.
It was my reflection.

I used to wear galaxies
on my feet, in my shoes.
So I had something to look at
When I stared at my feet
Instead of looking into
The stars in their eyes

Don't you agree that human beings are truly disgusting creatures?

My eyes are melting.
I've forgotten how to see,
and it burns,
this searing pain.
It's because I cannot see.
For we see,
But we do not truly see.
No one truly sees anymore

The silence is oppressive.
The quiet weighs heavy in my head.
When all is silent.
The thoughts creep in.
The things you've said,
The things I've done.
It is on the calmest nights,
When I am in the most turmoil.
It is on the calm and quiet evenings
when I remember my worth,
and that is not much.

Demons are beautiful...
They've fallen from heaven.
Enchanting
Seductive.
It's hard to say no
Not to sin
Lust
Hatred
Anger
Glouttony
Pride
Greed.
Why would you say  no?
You could have all you ever wanted with a simple word.
Just say  **yes.

Close your eyes
And it'll be over soon.
You won't feel the blows
Or his unwholesome touch.
I miss the one who cared for me,
If I close my eyes,
Maybe I can pretend he's here
And not the one who hurts me.
If I close my eyes,
Maybe endings will be easier.
If I close my eyes,
It will all be over soon.

I'm not saying that I want to die.
Not right now, anyway.
But lately, I just want to sleep.
To sleep and never wake.
I'm so tired.
Tired of everything.

I woke up in pain today.
I can't say I'm surprised.
Sleep isn't rest anymore,
and my dreams are
no longer peaceful.

Exhaustion takes over,
Nightmares linger.
But are they nightmares?
They're memories.
Guilt. Fear. Sadness.

You cannot simply act,
you must think.
You can try to pretend
that time will wait for you,
Or that your actions don't matter,
But it will do you no good.
Every action has a consequence.
You must face the reality of your choices
You cannot just sleep through life,
You cannot just dance across the surface
amd hope to slide by without notice.
One day, it will have to stop.

When I opened my eyes to the world,
Everything was beautiful and new.
But now everything seems tarnished,
Nothing sparkles like it did.
Time passed and the beauty faded.

I would have done anything for him,
Does it make me a bad person?
We all knew the truth,
But no one dared to speak a word.
The little lies and bruises floated by.

Save yourself, is what they said,
Even if they didn't say it.
But I thought it was true,
That it was better how it was.
I thought he was beautiful.