Do people actually fall in love?
I've never wanted to dance
in the road in a rain shower
with a man so beautiful
he makes my chest hurt.

No one has ever made
my heart skip a beat,
except when it was fear.

Do people actually fall in love?
It all seems like lust to me.
Lust is such an empty thing.
Love is supposed to be warm,
Burning hot, even.
It's supposed to make you feel full.
But lust is all I see,
Like a match,
Intense and fiery,
But fleeting.

It's not love.

I consider myself a mirror.
Look into me and
I shall reflect what
you expect to see.

Everyone despises mirrors
for the truths they echo,
but mirrors are just glass
and they shatter when you hit them.

"I can see everything,
All that was,
All that is,
And all that ever could be."

You are a speck,
A tiny spot
in all of time.
I just want you to be safe.

I know you feel big,
Like you can save everyone,
and everything,
But you cannot.

You are so small,
So insignificant,
But you are mine,
And I want you to be safe.

You may be a speck
In the eyes of time,
But to the bad wolf,
You are everything.

Sometimes I feel like we're all just here,
Telling each other we deserve better,
but never taking our own advice.
Do we even know how to be okay?

I must be immortal.
No matter how
hard I try to die,
I cannot succeed.

I'm not saying that I want to die.
Not right now, anyway.
But lately, I just want to sleep.
To sleep and never wake.
I'm so tired.
Tired of everything.

Books
        F
          A
             L
              L
                    Open
  
And you fall in.

You have one unheard message
Hey. It's me. Just wanted to say I love you. Have a nice day at work. Call me when you're on your way, okay?

You have two unheard messages
Hey. It's me again. Where are you? I miss you. It's late and I'm cold and you aren't here.

I know you're sad, but you can't do this. It's not how things work. Please don't leave me alone. Just... Just answer your phone, **** it. I need you. You're important.

You have three unheard messages
Why'd you do it? I needed you. I need you. It's a joke right? A prank? Well, it's not funny anymore. I need you back. I just... I just want to hear your voice again. You're so beautiful. Please come back to-

I ran out of time. I just want you back. Why did you do this?  I want to see you again. I need to see you again. But not like at your funeral. Like you were when you lived.

They said I have to stop calling you. I don't know how to stop. I love you. I can't do this without you. But don't worry, love, I'll see you again soon, it's only a matter of minutes until we're together.

You have no new messages

They say that we're lucky,
and we are,
To live in a safe town,
Where nobody dies
and there's little crime.

But it's a lie,
They say it's safe here,
It's better here,
But nowhere is safe.

Because down by the train tracks,
The bartender of a little bar
was ***** and murdered
in the parking lot.
They left her naked,
No dignity, not even in death.

I know that I'm far safer
than a lot of others,
But the truth is,
Nowhere is safe,
Not here, not in the country,
Not in the city,
Nowhere is safe.

Why is there so much violence
and hatred towards women?
I've been searching for a reason.
I just don't understand.

What is it that makes us different?
Why should I be violated,
simply because of my gender?
I am a human, just like you.

We have feelings and emotions,
Do you simply see us as toys?
Do you not understand that
we are one and the same?

In another life,
I would have loved you.
You would have enchanted me,
but I don't believe in love.
If we had met before
I knew the world was cruel,
before the wicked man,
before all the pain,
things would be different.
In another life,
I would have loved you.

They said I should forget about you.
That I can't love what doesn't exist anymore.
But to me, you're still so real.
Every last memory is tangible,
tangled threads ensnaring my fingers,
I'm still reaching out for you.

We were young and in love,
what a sad cliche.
You were such a dreamer,
and opened my eyes to art and poetry and music.
I still love all those things,
but they remind me of you,
all so tangible, but intangible all the same.

They said I should forget about you.
That I cannot love what doesn't exist anymore.
But they're wrong.
You still exist
and I don't believe in love.
Not anymore, not with you
gone from this world.

I know everyone thinks
black is a sad color,
a depressing color.
Black is the absence of light,
and white is the blending of all colors.
But white always felt so hollow,
so sterile and cold.
Black has seemed to wrap its way
around me and embrace me,
while white has left me alone,
as if on a stage, spotlighted by
my own fear of stages.

I miss you.
Still.
I keep writing about
how I much miss you
But it doesn't make it better.
I'm still counting the days.
I miss the way your thumb
rubbed across the back of my hand.
I miss your eyes, the way they sparkled.
I miss the way you never yelled,
except that one time when
I stood on the edge of the world.
You promised me forever,
And I promised you always.
I miss your dumb jokes.
I miss your bad cooking,
The way you tried so hard to make cookies,
And apologized when you burnt them.
I miss you little mutters at night,
When you thought I was sleeping.
I miss you,
After all this time,
I will always miss you.

You know more about me
than any stranger should.
You know more about me
than any friend could.
It's not always easy
to post the things I write
Because they are more of myself,
that I don't like to share.
My poems are me and me alone.
I hope you like them,
but more, I hope you like me,
even if I'm a mess.

She cried and screamed at the edge of that cliff
until she tasted blood in her mouth
and her body collapsed
into the dirt, spent and shaking.
They led her away from the edge,
one officer looking down at the ravine,
her lover's crumpled, broken body
shattered at the base of the cliff.
Two days later, she followed him.

I am a figment of your imagination.
A product of your creation,
a mere fabrication,
your own fantastic notion.

I'm not real,
I'm not real,
I'm not real.

I felt so real, so live.
I just wanted to survive.
Let me come alive,
something for which to strive.

I'm not real.
I'm not real.
I am real.

That's how long it's been since you died.
I know everyone else stopped counting
long ago because it hurt too much.
But it's still hard to breathe without you.
I don't know how to be without you.
That day, I stopped existing when I found out.
Why did you leave me all alone?
Why didn't you take me with you?
Or stay with me?

"I cannot remember the last time I loved the girl in my bed,"
He said to me one day while I was dreaming.
I opened my eyes and looked out the window,
Jumping from one dream to another,
But then, I blinked and looked back at him,
My dreams shattering around me,
For I was his wife, and always the girl in his bed.

We're friends, right?
I know I don't see you often,
but you can tell me anything.
You're such a beautiful person.
I know I never know how to make things better,
but, we're friends... right?

It's okay when you stop answering,
I know you're really busy.
I miss you so much though.
I get nervous, you know.
but, we're friends, right?
...right?

So, this is fate.
It is not what I thought it would be.
I must say,
I never understood it,
but now,
I understand even less.
So, this is fate.

I cannot forgive myself
for forgiving you.
                                                            ­                         
                                       ­                                                I cannot find a way
                                                             ­                      to look past our mistakes.

                                         I cannot look into
                                             your ice cold eyes.

I cannot forgive myself
for letting you do this
      
                                                                I cannot forgive myself
                                                                   And I cannot forget you.

I once knew a man who called me trash,
and after that, worthless,
with some lovely expletives in between.

I was hurt, yes,
but the truth hurts,
does it not?

I nodded my head,
I knew the truth.

The truth...
the truth was a lie,
and my lies were truth.

All was fine,
and I was worthless.

The truth was a lie,
and my lies were truth.

I no longer know
what is real and what's not.

All was fine,
and I was worthless.

I hope you've finally found something that makes you happy.
Make me proud.
~Love,
Your past self

Jealousy, what a nasty thing. I was asked to describe it.
Jealousy is when another little girl takes your doll. It's the first time you have a crush, and you see another kiss him on the playground. It's when you look at the other girls and compare yourself. You simply cannot stand to be in your own skin. You want, no, need to be them, to be like them, to be with them.
Jealousy is when you're never quite good enough. There's always that smart kid that shows you up in class, always someone with better grades. When you were almost valedictorian, but someone else got it by one fourth of grade point.
It's when you fall in love and you watch them walk away. It's never enough. The summer before college and your high school sweet heart is going out of state for college, and so are you, but somewhere else. You never thought you could be jealous of place.
It's when you're with your friends and they don't listen to you talk, and they don't notice when you no longer talk. When you're the one alone on the side walk.
Jealousy is your heart, slowly turning dark as the happiness of other peoples' lives dance by, because for you, nothing was ever good enough. Not even yourself.