To the ******* who tried to out me - I forgive you.
To the **** who thinks your cheap shots mean **** to me – I forgive you.
To the ex-husband who tried to berate me – I forgive you.
To the person I once called my friend, but no longer– I forgive you.
To the ones who would judge me by the words of others – I forgive you.
To the faceless cowards who would send insults only to be hurtful – I forgive you.
To the ******* that kidnapped, beat, and ***** me – I forgive you.
To the family who still accepts me regardless of what they’ve heard – I honor you.
To the friends who have stuck beside me – I thank you
To the ***** who has chosen that our friendship is worth it – I treasure you
And to the Daddy who spends his almost every waking moment making sure I know just how priceless, treasured, and adored I am – I love you.

I am truly learning that to dwell on the hurtful words of those who care nothing for you means giving them more power and position in your life than they are worth. Forgiveness is the most powerful weapon you can wield.

Grace
06/20/15

•A Daddy is the grown up within the dynamic, not the other way around. He doesn’t create the situation which forces his Little to take the lead. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy offers encouragement and reassurances to his Little to help build her up, not tear her down. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy is a grounding safe place for his Little, he doesn’t create or add to the drama which she seeks refuge from. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy is the protector and guardian for his Little, he maintains her safety not allowing others to hurt, harm, or wound her. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy gives correction to his Little when needed, but always in the end with the reminder that once punishment is over all is forgiven. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy gives praise and rewards to his Little over even the little things, but also uses those accolades with care so that they do not lose their value. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy nurtures all sides of his Little, big girl included. He encourages and facilitates opportunities for her to be both his Little and naughty big girl. Because that’s what Daddies do. (Non-****** dynamics notwithstanding.)

•A Daddy doesn’t have to broadcast his Little to know that she’s a sought after priceless treasure, he treats her as the light of his life, the apple of his eye, his **** *****, his undeterred submissive, and the best thing to him even if his eyes are the only ones to behold her. Because that’s what Daddies do. (Although some dynamics are okay with exhibition and if that’s for you, more power to you.)

•A Daddy sets guidelines for his Little and enforces those without her having to remind him in order to give her the structure that she needs. Because that’s what Daddies do.

•A Daddy is firm within his decisions, and does not allow every one to be swayed by the cute negotiations of his Little’s displays, (although every once in a while is okay. ;) Because that’s what Daddies do.

In all reality Daddies do a great number of things but my Dada is showing me more and more each and every day how those whom I previously referred to by Daddy or other such names, weren’t really living up to their titles. He is showing me the realities of how a Daddy is supposed to treat me within even the shortest of interactions with him.

There it is, I’ve said them,
The words are out there in print.
And now I’m fully committed,
In a place where they can’t be unsent.
I’ve wrestled with them for a while now,
Struggling to get them just right.
So they would tell you how grateful I am,
But that the fit we have just isn’t quite right.

My intent is not to hurt you,
Although it’s inevitable, the pain.
And knowing that I’m the cause of it,
Is what has caused me, until now, to refrain.
To refrain from even speaking the words,
Which I know would cause us both such pain.

I want us to find happiness,
And through that struggle comes tears.
That part is what’s to be expected,
With all that we’ve shared, our hopes and our fears.
Please know that to be spiteful is not me
I pray that in the end you find peace
Knowing that within this release
The healing can begin.

In this final moment,
The pain is too fresh for clear thought.
To be rational in our assessments,
And not to be impulsive by emotions left raw.
But this decision is ultimately for the best,
In the long run that is.
To know that Gracie will find what she needs,
And Papa Bear will meet also with his.
That thing that makes him happiest,
The peace more than even I can provide.
To reach that place, this pain is necessary
And I beg of you, please, not to completely hate me,
For being selfish for once in what Gracie needs,
And having to say Good-bye.

Grace
03/14/2015

I finally get it now,
I’m no longer afraid.
As I have finally removed my piece from the board
Refusing to continue in our game.

You thought you could manipulate me
To maintain my loyalty through fear
But what you don’t seem to realize is
I’m no longer afraid of you, my dear.

In the past I’ve had my moments,
Quite a few of them in fact
When I forced myself to walk on eggshells
To keep the illusion of peace intact.

Then one day I finally came to realize
That this ride would never end
And even if I refused to see the demise
There’s only so far one can bend.

So I decided that I’d reached my limit,
That it was time to walk away,
But instead of maintaining some dignity
You continually make cheap shots at me
Somehow thinking this disproves that you’re weak
Yet apparently the opposite is truth.

In walking away I am stronger,
Finally recognizing my worth
In completely accepting myself for me
Without having to combat your hurtful words.

But they no longer hold any power over me
I bet that one hurts like a *****.
Until you find your own peace one day
Know that I’m no longer yours to berate
So now you must find somewhere else to play
Feel free to leave any time.

All in all our time is over
The moment for farewell has arrived
Feel free at any moment to locate the door
And don’t bother waving good-bye

Grace
11/11/2014

There it was, that moment
I just heard the crack
And with that final audible severing
There isn’t any going back.

I wanted to keep it peaceful
To not cause more unneeded pain
But instead of calm civility
You continue to antagonize me
Leading me into the undying belief
That I was the root all along.

I am not claiming to be perfect
When just the opposite is true
But I’ve never been so vindictive
As to go out of my way to hurt you.

I guess I couldn’t expect much more,
Your ego is so fragile after all.
But I’ve officially reached a level of done
That you’re comfort level isn’t my call.

Yours and my game has ended
The emotion of it far gone.
Until I stood here empty
Terrified that it would end me
Struggling ever so desperately
To maintain a modicum of peace.

But here I find fear vanishing
As a new emotion takes over now
Instead of fearful worrying
I have peace, now growing
Until I standing here knowing
That my success is up to me.

Failure is not guaranteed
Just because you are no longer here.
I am learning to release
My ever present fears.

In this moment I am stronger
Knowing that I’ll be okay
No longer fearful of what is to come
Welcoming instead, a new day.
Grace
09/09/14

That moment.

When it finally clicks and you realize that the reasons you’ve used for so long are no longer good enough to hold you there; in the place of indecision. When you look into the mirror and no longer even recognize your own weak excuses. Your motivations to stay are lacking real substance and the excuses lay deflated at your feet as you step over them toward the daylight.

That moment.

When even the stale threats which frightened you so much before the shift echo hollow in your ears and you hear them for what they were, words. Their empty promises offer little more and once you’ve gathered the courage to trample over them, you’re one step closer to peace.

That moment.

As you’ve stepped beyond that place having made your choice, and while you’re relieved you question yourself because the darkness seems to be so ominous. It shifts and grows around you, almost as if it bears life and a small voice whispers into your mind, “Go back.” Hissing that back means safety, security at the risk familiar complacency.

That moment.

When you continue to push until you feel as if you can no longer take the darkness. When your mind struggles in the chaos it creates as it begins to close in, yet still you push.

Then…that moment.

When you reach the daylight, the darkness dissolves in an instant and you can finally see around you. The hope of what the future will bring on your horizon and the peace of this singular moment, telling you that for all of the struggle…

This moment was worth it.

Grace
08/27/2014

There it was, I saw it
That silent flash of doubt.
I know you believe it (or me)
And again I’m left without,
Having been poured out.

Drained I’m searching desperately
Grasping at my sanity,
Watching ever so silently
For someone who understands.

You cannot smell the stench of their flesh,
You cannot feel the pain.
That sinking feeling, deep in your gut.
When you know they won’t show restraint.

To know that they’re feeling pleasure,
While you’re feeling pain,
To know that they must have planned this so well,
So that you couldn’t see their face.

My stomach twist in knots
Because I know somehow, someday.
We’ll cross paths again,
And not knowing I’ll walk away.
Then deep within you’ll know
That I don’t know your face.

Even after all that’s been,
I know that it’s still not over,
And beaten I give in
You win, You WIN.