The fact that people so easily forget me is upsetting,
I would succumb to something if I knew well enough:
to toughen up behind a hug, to  summon up strength,
to go to whatever lengths just to permanently stain a page
with a name that becomes synonymous to my own.
Writing has become synonymous to the word hurting,
the diamond behind a curtain that droops over reality.
Writing has become synonymous to the word masking,
the casket that hides the real emotions we set aside to die.
Writing has become synonymous to the word invisible,
the minimal impact that makes miracles into nothing.
I will not be a part of the writing process if that is its course
I will force myself to open doors that may lead to nowhere
I will bare all of my soul for anyone interested to read,
I will bleed in between lines to make my mark in this art.

I will pave the path of being the next titanic that sinks,
I will be a titan that thinks before leaping in with bare fists
I will risk all I am for someone to read and hear my soul.
Just so I can be more than a page in a book that doesn't get thrown out,
I have grown out of my idealistic childhood days but I still play-
the part of those with a broken heart, the part of those who's art
speaks what their mouths can never say.
I know, one day I will be an indelible ink staining minds.

I will not be the vindictive serpent's next victim
laying stitches into the brick and concrete of society.
I will not quietly be brought to my knees
sought to please those who make it my choice to do so.
I will be bold against the ridicule like a person
with a burden on his shoulders the size of boulders.
I will grow bolder if I must, to overcome the suspicious
tradition of holding people down and building ladders
out of the souls of cadavers just to allow people to climb
above another.
I will not crush another person's self esteem
to succeed and I will not watch another person bleed
like a machine leaking oil and pretend that its nothing.
It is not nothing.
People get hurt, words are a cursed knife covered in rust
to those unlucky enough to be cut by such a blade.

I will not climb on the backs of others
to cover my mistakes and I will not scale mountains
on the fountain of someones emotion.
Humans aren't meant to be used. We live in a new world
where the humans are used like a ***** and a nail,
we've all witnessed betrayal and deceit.
We live in a new world where the hurting is conscious
we've all tried to be a little more greedy than honest
and the anaesthetic feeding into the blood is rotten.

The illusion that we see on television is that:
we almost always live in an almost oasislike life
where kites soar over the cliffs and heaven exists.
Where kids are kissed before bedtime and the night
is meant for dreamers to gaze at stars
and not to be spent afar from family in a coal mine.

I will not be the vindictive serpent's next victim
I am on a mission to redefine the word beauty;
oxford finds that the word beauty means
aesthetically pleasing, so the creases in a paper
does not speak of experience but its anti-beauty.
Some make it their duty to be anti-beauty antibodies
who seem like copies directly made from a printer
and the thinner the paper, the better.

My definition differs to those already defined words;
beauty is abstract; beauty is like a race track,
it may have marks, may occasionally fall apart,
may contain broken gravel, cement, concrete,
may not even be complete, but there is something about it
that makes me want to keep visiting it.
The olden saying of beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,
the further we move towards what society wants;
the colder we become to realising that beauty surrounds us,
it is in the love of a brother, love of a mother,
it is in you;
you are beautiful.
Definiton of Beauty: You.

The crowd stares at me in disbelief, they're trying to tell me how to dress,
like the left wing says my jeans are too short, it's unaccustomed to them,
the solution is to loosen my comfort and enjoy the prospects
of being taken hostage by a system that assists in my demolition,
I'm not perfect, I'm not beautiful. They preach it through musicals,
that acoustical tune that says the world is watching every step,
so every breath is not my own to control, I'm holding a cane
that doesn't make me stand taller, doesn't make me stand bolder,
that says the older I get, the more of these I will have to buy.
So I look up to the sky wondering how in the world I got here
a beard, some faded jeans telling me what it means to be amazing,
amazing as defined by pop star icons is found in the way you dressed
not in the depth of your soul, not in the acceptance as a whole
but in the pressed on nails and roaming around with flesh on sale.

I do not live by the words of the left wing nor the right wing
I live within my own world where the words soothes my soul,
there's a hole in my chest but it isn't being filled with clothing
because closing a hole with materials is not as filling as it is.
I do not care how I dress, as long as my purpose is intact
I will not be trapped inside a system that assists in my demolition.

The people in the crowd looks to me, says your purpose-
is to sling curses at an old lady with a veteran husband
that the nation trusted, sling curses at an old lady
who lately struggles to sleep as she seeps into the bottle.
The people in the crowd looks to me, says your purpose
is to worsen the lives of those around me, that old lady
who as of lately suffers from arthritis, with shaking hands
tell her you plan to disrespect her because she is a wreckage
unworthy of salvaging so you're doing a hefty good deed.
The people in the crowd says it is all in the name of being cool,
shattering lives, taking knives from drawers
and drawing in people who self harm to help calm their bloods
with a slice of a blade, this mistake after the next,
a blade forgets the wrist but the people don't shut up.
They look at us, like we are their chopping boards
playing tic-tac-toe with an ink they can afford,
each hateful name is a checkered stain across a wrist
that has been kissed by mothers and stitched by doctors.

The people in the crowd says to me, how do you expect-
any respect dressed as a draped over curtain, for certain-
you are earthen for a purpose and that purpose is to show yourself;
dress like hell is awaiting and the heaven is sacred,
dress like a patriot but swear foul things towards your country,
do it for the money or don't do it at all.
The people in the crowd looks at me, up and down,
their face forms a frown like a rainbow made from hate,
a greyish drab sweeps over their face and they know
that I'm gone.

I taught hate towards myself where a pill in a bottle won't feed it
I've beaten myself to blue and pink where my instincts to be insync
with hatred is but a tempo in a song. I look to the crowd
and question are you proud? I've been alive, trying to minimise
the time I have left before I expire and in this light
I might just give fight to the wrong cause
because I'm lost. A pill in a bottle won't fix what's broken
I've soaked in the word of the crowd for so long
that I'm long gone.

I hope that I can stand tall, stand bolder,
grow older, grow wiser to love myself
and not need help on learning to love.

We tried to play god,
Generate a society of facade
And the resulting chaos,
Heartache and suffering
is merely a start.
So until same *** relations
Is fully accepted
We'd always be indebted
To those who walked
In silent shambles,
Indebted to those
Who became voiceless
Not from fear
But from tireless
Nights wide awake
Struggling between themselves.

We tried to play god,
But instead god played us.

I was a 4 year old kid who visited his father in hospital every day for months. The worst part about that was prentending everything will be normal. That me telling my dad "it'll be ok" will make it come true.But it doesn't.People would walk around and tell me that ok is relative. Some are just more ok than others but in that moment I felt anything but okay. Because to this day, I still say "no kid should watch his father strapped up to machines trying to breathe the words that say don't worry too much". Between each broken breath I can remember him asking about whether I'd behave at home, like a few bruises and cuts on my face would change how anything was going to play out. Some days I wish I could reverse death. Some days I wish I could reverse time. This is one of those days. Because 17 years ago I lost a man who was supposed to show me what it was like to be a man. How to stand like a man. How to walk like a man. How to talk like a man. So you know what really keeps me going? Being childish. It's easier. Easier to pretend. Easier to believe in imaginary things like an imaginary dad giving me advices. Most kids grew up with an imaginary friend or a unicorn, I grew up with an imaginary dad.