As she has before
So she will after.
As he has before
but he hurts after.
As she has tried
so she will try again.
As he has tried
he has given up.
As she has met fate
she shall greet with love.
As he has met fate
shall he learn to let go.

As she has found love before
So she will find love after.

*As he has found love before
he finds it no more

Happiness is the sunrise shining directly in your eyes,
enough to expose a light that warms your face
but not so misplaced as to burn your skin.
Happiness is in every bite of a creamy cake,
every bitter mistake erased and a poem
that solemnly says "maybe happiness is different-
for everyone".
But does happiness exist? Ask yourself what you may,
I know to this day, I still smile at the sight of her photo;
I still feel hollow when I remember heart wrenching moments,
and at this point I'm an open book to people who see me.
Life is filled with bitter-sweet moments, a smile and a hurt,
a flower and a dirt, a magical kiss and a curse.
So happiness to me, is in the eyes of everyone I've ever held,
the melding mesh that envelops the heart, not to feel frail,
not to feel stale, but to remind ourselves that "we are living-
because we are smiling".

Happiness is the sweet moments of the bitter-sweet mix,
the little kisses on sunny days and the little things
that remind us that through all the trouble, **WE ARE LIVING.

The light inside is broken but I'm still working
the moments of hurting seems to come and go
like a tide built from an undertow of anguish.
I let anger be my language and the bandage
only manages to grow in size.
In retrospect I should have expected less
I'm blessed that I found this sort of emotion
in an ocean of human sensation, I've taken
enough of what is to be learned.
Bearing another day felt almost impossible
as colossal losses shall feel and in tragedy
happening I found something else I want
a haunted thought that maybe I'm okay,
maybe just the slight; I am okay.
I would have been more okay in your arms,
but I am convincing myself that I am okay,
and like a torrent of despair, you shared
heartache into my soul.

The heart inside is broken, but I'm still working;
I remind myself it doesn't worsen
but in moments, I'm fervently certain I'm wrong.

I'll wait for tomorrow, and the day after;
til laugh seeps my soul, for then I will know
that the glowing light I've been expecting;
will be switched back on.

I will wait till I can learn to love again,
next time it won't be in the arms of pretence.
I will love her as I love wielding a pen
and fighting my inner turmoils.
I will love her as though she is my world
a world unknown to me before.
I will love her like a crimson moon
overlooking the riverside.
I will love her as I have loved you
but only more.
I will love her with complete radiance,
and build on my patience, for her.
I will love her like the complex things in life,
meant to be understood and studied.
I will love her as if we shall perish in waters;
and with a breath, I will lift her life like a balloon,
and shall that be the last kiss we ever share;
I will bear the pain of letting her know-
I have only ever held her in my heart.

I will love her as I will adore roses, not to wilt
but to instil the most of joy as I could.
I would love her as if she was a gem in my life,
unknown to opened eyes that she is sparkling.
I know I will love her,
and that is a promise of honest care
that shares paths with the joyous moments.
I know I will love her, because I know
she will love me too.

It's killing me to see you like this
though the bliss has ended,
the fences are still being defended.
So don't pretend you're not allowed to hurt
everybody knows it's worse.
Don't listen to a word they say
dreams don't go away,
though the world may bury cuts
these wounds will heal the same.
Don't listen to a word they say
you won't feel the same.
Don't listen to a word they say
bruises will heal away.

What did I do wrong to deserve this?
Why do you hate me so much as to hurt me?
Why does this keep happening?
What have I ever done to you for you to hate me?
Am I a tragedy magnet, awaiting the next storm to wipe me out?
Why couldn't I find a love that was built on genuine care?
Why did I have to find you?
Out of everyone in this world, why was it you who hurt me?
Why couldn't you have just told me the truth, left in a happy bliss?
Why couldn't you remember that at any time I have tried all I could?
Why ...just why do you hate me?

You used to say I didn't make you feel safe, and you hated that about me.
I used to silently say, you made me feel like I never mattered, and I hated that about me.

I'm still silently saying, buried under a thousand unanswered questions;
why do you hate me so much as to set out to hurt me?
Why can't I seem to do the same, why can't I just hate you even a little bit?
Why am I so stupid to still feel like I could think of you and associate the word love?
Why am I so stupid?

I guess sometimes this world is just like that; we live in our own minds for a little too long, longer than a breath and it drives us insane. One breath at a time.

I don't know if I'd make it breathing, this breathing thing is getting a little too hard for me.

Why do you hate me? When all I've ever done was tried my best to love you?

Why can't I breathe?

Why can't I just have everything go well for once? Just once?

Why did you have to turn out like the rest of them?

What happened to the caring soul I remember who came to my defence when I was called a nerd? What happened to the person who made sure I was safe in a car crash? I guess I've been led to believe so many things could happen, I guess I spent too much time in my mind.

Out of so many billions of people, why am I so unlucky?

Goodbye forever G.L.K.

I envy the wind that caresses the blades of grass
as it passes the rocky sides of mountains and clouds.
I envy the proud pigeons bobbing back and forth
unafraid to be caught by the glances of the human eye.
I envy the blue sky for its resilience to a suffocating storms
twisting to contort any sign of blue left to the vision.
I envy the rhythm of a one man band singing the blues
untouched by the true nature of the perilous paths.
I envy the fishes encased by a life of fast wishes
which swiftly swishes with unthinking thoughts.

I envy the fishes because fishes can't cry,
or at least can't show that they're crying.
I envy everything that makes this world okay,
because right now: I am not feeling okay.

*When did you hate me so much that you set out to hurt me?