New friends, old friends took you away.
had you loved me, you would have seen
all that I gave up and gave for you.

It was like you took every step I made towards you
and moved in a new direction.
it was like every move I made gave you a reason to back up
and create a life for yourself that did not include me.

You found new friends because you thought I had new friends.
All I was doing was trying to find a job I enjoyed
so I could feed you and make a home for us.
I had co-workers,
you retaliated with getting your own social life
that did not include me.
Perhaps you are emotionally 14.

And it is true, I broke up, and I looked.
I ran, and you stayed. I considered other men,
but could never. That didn't matter. I was guilty.
Never mind I always came back.
Never mind that last weekend, you said you loved me
only to throw me away.

Now you have your guys to hang with,
and a woman you can talk to every night on the phone
the way you used to call me.

You say she is just a friend, but you saved her deep in your phone,
then when you were ready to reemerge, you sought her out.
You did something much different than I ever did.

No dear, you never did love me,
because love does not behave like that,
love is blood, something you can not live without.
And now you very much, and happily live without me.
Because you made the choice to call her.
And there can only ever be one.

Look at me and all my flowers,
look at me and all my mess,
do you see yourself in what I have to offer?
Or are you more like her? Two peas.

But we were a disaster from the start.
So really, the disaster drove us apart.
But why all the blaming? Why all the hate?
Why all the lying? To ourselves and one another.
Had we loved, we would still be together.

If you do not like what you see,
Reading my words,
Gazing at my photos,
Then turn away.
Do not enter my life.

Before time began I had no name
nor face, nor home
I needed no future, nor plan
no clothing.

only skin
with sand blown against
the rough dry surface,
tan, dusty.
desert worn.
Earthened.

The days promised to carry on without end,
I never aged, never grew old

the silver in my hair fit.



I could climb the sierras, scale rocks,
swim the American river if I wanted to.
Men and women smiled at me.


I had beauty.



Time steals,
and now I only wish to make peace

so she might return my aim towards grace.
So my silver might return,

so the sand of my skin might roughen me
into a well worn woman

of the hottest day.

Old
Dead
Left
*****
Fat
Pathetic
Ugly
46 yrs
Wasted
Used
Unwanted

Lost to the tides swept out,
all the days in California
loving the forests, knowing the prospects
of opportunity that waited for me around every corner.

Life could happen, all my dreams lived there.
The ocean rolled out towards Japan
We rose last and stayed up later
the countryside rolling out between each of us
there was room to breath and be happy in our nature.

My home, my tiny corner,
my clean pine bench and sweet drop-leaf table,
my wicker chairs with linen-covered, feather-filled pillows
padding the seat.
Gone now. Gone.

And where am I? Far away in a land that does not want me.
There is no sunshine here, there is no hope.
There is no health here,
there is no love.
Only ageing and death to follow.

Will I fall down in failure here?
Unable to hoist the weight of any task,
inept at thinking, speaking, answering.
Tick Tick Time
Tomorrow's answer will arrive.

Why does it matter if you start something
by starting something I mean creating something for yourself
a job, a project, a goal, an art

When I look out at people who are optimistic, who seem to be carefree, I see they are starters, they work for themselves, they look for the answers, they ask themselves questions.

What else do they have?

Here are some great contemporary writers who are alive, active, really dynamic, and really making their lives and the lives of others happen.  I wanted to share, and please add your own "writers that inspire" in the comment section! (please make them living writers!)


D. Watkins
Deborah Ager
Rita Dove