Do not text me,
Do not send me one more message.

You need to go,
You are not my friend,
You never met me,
You never wanted to,
You wasted my life,
You intruded on my relationship,
You stayed on the phone with me for too long,
You have no gauge as to another person's life.
You have never seen my face,
You can keep your electronic online only relationship.

There is no flesh there.
There is no blood there.
There is no heat, no sweat, no fear there.
There is no breath, no body mass, no feeling of cloth.

I am not there,
The real you is not there.

You turned everything you said to me into a lie.
You erased every feeling we'd created.
You became angry with me.
You hated every word I said.
You hated everything about me.

You would rather sleep with your friends girlfriend
Than be with me.
You would rather sleep with anyone else
Than be with me.

You never cared about me at all.

My small life mini, tiny, micro,
barely memerable save one,
maybe two.

I will die in despair
from never having
held his hand
or even known him
as the other
real women
in his life
Held his face,
kissed his lips,
embraced him,
whispered shared pain,
gave him the blood of days together,
hours and minutes spent in time.

Our friendship was born dead.
Born into offenses of the flesh.
Birthed within burning hearts
crying for a tiny fragment
of the tastes
of our young days.
Days bound in sheets
scented and flavored by love making.

On a solo flight long along the longitudinal
Her, his? scouting mission made a stop along this forest openings way.

Low cloudy day gray skies
as a quiet woman planted seed.

Her circling, I'll call her a her,
as we girls keep our eyes on survival at all times,
rounding and then slowing
while her flapping wings settled her in for a landing.
A landing I'm most certain all aviators study.

She called out through the wilderness,
calling every gander and fellow goose,
"I've found this settlement, this safe place,
with gentle whispers of the wind in the pines."

She waited, paddled, then lifted to flight.
Away, she'd made this known.

The day ticked onward, sun rolling down the sky,
clouds swelling thicker, rolling lower into fog.

The gardener girl gazed up from her work,
listening to a cry flying in from the North,
laughing at the new arrivals, two this time,
welcoming them in to this summer home.

It's so easy to lose faith in God
when the men and women who
preach so vehemently
stab knives into your heart,
call you less than worthy.

What was it that made me
so wrong? So less than them?
Was it my Jewishness,
my heritage,
my still learning even from them?

What I learned was they can
hate, wound, laugh at, destroy,
throw a human away.

Why?  Because I am not famous enough?
talented enough?
well known enough?

What does Christ think looking down?
Should I instantly forgive? Even though it makes me feel like dying?
Does Christ instantly forgive them?
Even though they twisted me around
so tightly I didn't have time to learn fast enough?
Will they do it again to someone else?
Would they do it again to me if I gave them the chance?

Why did they even want to walk through my door???
What did they think they would find here?
Why did they get so angry when they didn't get what they needed?
Why didn't they just go in peace?

Dear Lord, Christ, I have known you my whole life
as the God of the Jews.
I have met you in the home of my mother as the Lord Christ.
You have walked with me in my youth,
slapping me in the face with the hand of an evangelist,
you destroyed my foundation and inspired me to relinquish all I knew.

My Christ it is hard to accept you as God
when I have known your Father
for so many more years.
How is it he disguised himself in you, as you?

You have brought to my doorstep
Mystics, poets, great men of vision
only to have them wisked away?
Was it my lack of faith?
My resistance to you?

I believe in you,
but I can not believe in you.
You have shown yourself to me,
but others deny me that.
Was that your blood I saw in the air?
Was that your voice showing me the firmament on the hill side?

My walk with you will be alone
No other gives validity to my understanding of you.
I will walk with you in question,
asking you,
knowing you are there, so many have told me,
believing as your gifts for my life unfold.

Our gentle relation
you've answered all my prayers.