My pillow is heavy with unshed tears and the crimson slits hold the evidence. But you don't want to know about that. You want to hear how okay I am and what crazy weekend adventures I had. You don't want to know what the adventures are hiding you don't want to know if I'm okay. You just want me to be another number in the system another student you can't pick out of a crowd another girl to throw away just like the last. You don't want to know how I am.

Romance is like Hell, its hot and fiery and you're guaranteed to get burned. It is a way to feel. A way of life. It is crazy and unnatural yet something about it is luring and contagious and you can not ever get enough.
The 'I love you's are the gate way to this place with no return as an absolute. But after a while and it calms, the heat becomes overpowering and knocks you sideways .
Romance is hell, its hot and fiery and you are going to get burned.

We all know the story of a blade to sensitive skin, hiding an even more emotional soul. What they do not know is how the blade is so out of place. It isn't wanted there. We all know the outcome a sliced arm and a shattered soul.
Its like reading a book and never wanting it to end in fear of finding out the ending, whether they do get together, or whether they did actually die or it was all a dream. We don't want to know, we want to keep imagining their lives and their adventures.
So why is my favourite series written all over my body, but not in a language anyone can understand?

Do you know how hard it is to look your best friend in the eye and not have any words to say? Do you know how much hate I bring myself because not a single word I can utter to bring them an understanding? Do you know what it's like to admire them and feel everything and nothing because you aren't sure what you feel but know that it isn't mutual?

Do you know what it's like to watch the palest skin darken with blood all while screaming their name? Do they know or have the faintest idea what it's like to not feel at home in my own body. To want to tear it to shreds from the inside out but the only thing shedding is emotionless tears. My chest beats faster and faster but the pain comes and echoes in my hollow empty space.

I'm hurt; I'm dying inside slowly day-by-day just a little bit more with every passing second. But what's killing me more is knowing I'm hurting you more.

I listened to the song you suggested, I played it on repeat for weeks on end. Any other song leaves a bitter aftertaste in the back of my mouth from the harmonies. It leaves an ache where once the lyrics would flow and the new lyrics fill the old hollow me. The song that reminds me of you throw me into a deep deja vu of our time together.
I remember each little touch, of your hands holding mine, of them in my hair holding me closer. I remember the thrill of the secrets between us, the secret of us.
I hear the song and I'm reminded of you the way I loved you, the way I've not stopped thinking about you after all you did too me. I remember the way I felt and for a few moments while letting the lyrics fill me I feel it again. But once the lyrics and music finish I still have the tear in my eye from the real feeling that has dissolved and left me cold and hollow all over again.

Its a hard thing to explain. Nobody can understand human emotions, not even the human the emotions consumes. But I'll try to put it in words that maybe you'll understand once and for all.

Every little touch that came from you whether innocent or sinful sent a shiver or a jolt running down my spine into the depths of my stomach where the butterflies house themselves. Igniting every single nerve on the way.

Your giant, soft gentle hands gently coax my hair out of the way as you bring my face closer and closer to yours, inches away until I feel your warm breath on my neck. Until I hear the air caught in your throat so close I feel like its me who can't catch their breath.

The thrill running through my veins as if it were the blood I need to live. Setting my soul, lust and love on fire which can only be extinguished by your proximity. You made everything fall into place and my vision became clearer and you put my life into perspective.

You were my friend and I loved you. I wanted you, I missed you,I blamed myself, I thought about you, I craved that closeness again.

Only to find you turned your back on me one final time with no chance for your own redemption. I threw away what I had for what I wanted only to find out what I craved, had abandoned me.