I’m starting to forget how to feel
I miss how my heart used to light up when you talked to me
How no matter what I knew I was safe
You left me when I needed you most and now I am lost.
I took a wrong turn somewhere and I have no idea where I am.
I’m drowning in worry and I keep seeing shadows
Thinking I got saved.
I won’t be able to survive this alone,
Will someone come save me?

MY THOUGHTS HIT MY LIKE A DOWN POUR. EVERYDAY IS DARK GRAY. NOT A SLIVER OF LIGHT. MY HEART FEELS AS IF IT’S SNOW.  LIGHT, SOFT, COLD TO THE TOUCH, BUT IF IT’S HELD TOO LONG IT WILL MELT THROUGH THE CRACKS OF YOUR FINGERS. ONE DAY IT’S THERE, BRIGHT AS DAY, AND THEN THE NEXT IT DISAPPEARED.

YOU TURNED MY HEART INTO ICE. IT WAS CLEAR AND FLOWING NICELY. IT WAS SUPPORTING LIFE. YOU CAME AND FROZE IT WITH YOUR ICY TOUCH I MISTOOK FOR LOVE. YOU BROKE ME.

We changed like the seasons
Coming and going
Never quite staying in one place
When I met you,
I was rain
Falling ever so quietly
As I got to know you,
It stopped raining
The storm passed,
The sky looked clear.
Once I realized what was happening,
It started raining again
And it hasn’t stopped.

You told me to stop complaining
So I stopped talking
You told me to be skinnier
So I ate less
You told me to be stop being negative
So I wore a smile on my face
When you asked me why I tried to **** myself
I told you that I wanted to be myself
I wanted to be happy
I wanted to be want you wanted me to be
I don’t know why you were so confused
Isn’t that what you wanted?

I don’t think you’re still listening
I feel as though you stopped caring
I’m not trying to be an annoyance
I’m not trying to be a noose
I try to be strong
So no one notices I’m weak
And maybe
When I do eventually cave in
Someone might come looking for me
Someone might care
For now
I’ll put on a happy face
I’ll act as though I care
When deep down inside
I’m cold as ice
Thick as a tree
So when I do melt
So when I do fall down
Someone will see
Someone might notice
I don’t want to be a burden
I only want to spread life
So when I do disappear
When I do break apart
Someone might find me
Someone might help me
Until then
I guess no one will see

Everything is closing in on me
I am trapped in this small place
The darkness slowly encasing my bones
It’s like I’m drowning
Trying to come up for air,
But falling back down
It seems I’m becoming dark and twisty again
Not seeing the light
But at the same time being blinded
To answer your question about being okay or not
I’m okay,
I learned
I moved on
Yeah, I’m stuck in a dark place
But aren’t we all?

I don’t know how you think that’s okay
Someone’s heart isn’t a toy
Someone’s feeling isn’t a game
I don’t know why you think everything is peachy
I want you to know that
I’m not going to talk to you again
I want you to know that
I’m not going to try to see you again
I want you out of my life
If you don’t hear from me
I ran away in my mind
Don’t come looking for me
I don’t want you here

People become friends with people just as ****** up as themselves
They find solstice in each other
You asked me why you're friends with so many people
And I told you that since what happened was so traumatic
You couldn't just be friends with one group
To keep yourself together you needed the variety
You continued with how there's no one to blame
I was speechless
I knew what you meant, and there wasn't anything I could say
See, I knew what you went through
I was there
Just on the opposite side
You were the sick one,
I was the family
Neither of us was able to control the situation
Just you survived it
She didn't
You both stared death in the face
You won
She didn't
I knew what it was like having no one to blame
Now I'm going through that again
She's 93 now, and is coming to the end
There's nothing I can do
There's no remedy
All I can do is watch her lie there, praying over and over again
I know life isn't fair
I know it's not perfect
I just wish I would have it be good for longer than 3 seconds
I thought things were looking up for me but they aren't
Behind every corner,
Under every crack,
There's a chance that something will go wrong
And destroy my entire outlook
It's funny how feelings are so ******* fragile
How with the slip of a pen
Or a single word
Or even one moment
Can change everything

Life isn't meant to be fair.
It's not supposed to keep you happy
There's twists and turns
There's not always going to be someone to blame for your pain
But there may be someone to help you through it
People tend to wallow in their dark place
Refusing any source of light
Simply because they blame the light,
For not shining when they needed it most.
So when the light does finally come through
They scold it
Saying it should have came sooner
That it's too late now
That they "like the darkness, it's home"
These people,
They aren't living
They are surviving.

Nothing ever happens the way you expect it to
How from one moment to the next
Everything changes
I never thought things would happen this way
I never thought good things could happen to me
I always thought it was downhill for now on
But since reality finally caught up to me
I’m not sure I can recover
It’s a small thing
That is taking up the majority
Of my heart
What I’m saying is
Love songs aren’t *******
Love is as corny as the movies modeled after it
What I’m saying is
When I’m with you
I can’t think and I don’t want that feeling to go away
I need change because then that means you’ll be there
Nothing ever happens the way you expect them to
And I never expected this to happen

When you feel sad
Please talk to someone
My bad days now come and go like the wind
I found people to calm me down
I realized I’m not alone
And
I noticed that these people will be by my side
Going through this mess together
Life is to be lived
Not survived

The longer I stay silent
The more my thoughts seem to be consumed by negativity
You are my escape
You take all of this paranoia
And make it disappear
Something I am unable to do
I guess that’s what happens when you let someone in
They fix you
Without knowing
You helped me in such a short period of time
And it seems we met at a strange time
We are at different stages
Different mind sets
Different strong points
And weak points
I guess what I’m saying is
I’m happy you came into my life
I’m happy you care
And I’ll be sad to see you go

When I see you I can’t breath
It hurts so good
Being around you
With you around
I won’t ever need drugs
You can make me high with your laugh
I won’t ever need to feel alone
You can me feel at home
I won’t ever need to worry about anything
Because it seems the longer you’re around me
The longer I stop caring
Therefore
Everything is good
When we’re together
It’s like nothing else is there
But us

You took me to odd places
My own mind was one of them
From our first conversation
To the first time we hung out
I knew it would be different
I just can’t help shaking this feeling
The heart wants what the heart wants
And I am going to be positive about this
With my experiences with you
I learned more about myself
Than I thought I would
I learned that I am brave
Or at least capable of being so
I learned that deep down inside
I’m positive as ****
I learned that you can find friends
In the most unlikely places
And
I learned that you can always
Come back from a dark place
As long as you have someone to help you out
Thank you for the memories
They were pretty great
And I hope that we make more

I became a very negative person. Usually when you tell people things like that, they simply say it’s a phase and you’ll get over it. Time passes, they forget about it and you never changed. The thing about seeking advice is that no one really cares, especially if they have never experienced it, and it just doesn’t sink in their pea sized brains that you’re hurting and the fact that you’re going to them says a lot about how they feel about you. People are selfish and stupid and unless it directly affects them, they’d rather not talk about it. I’m not saying you should keep it all inside. I’m not saying you should hate everyone because they’re stupid. They’re stupid, but don’t hate them. What I’m trying to say is that when you’re trying to ask for advice, find someone who has been there. Someone who would care about whatever it is that is bothering you. Please don’t waste your time with stupid people. Write, vent or do anything other than keeping it in. don’t be a ticking time bomb, be a dormant volcano. Who will never have a chance of exploding. Take care of yourself and don’t be stupid.

But there are good things I did.
I found solstice in art,
In music, and in other people
I found peace in the silence that I sat in for so long.
I became better by pouring my heart out over sheets of paper,
Writing down every heart breaking idea that ever crossed my mind
I'm ****** up still but I don't want anyone cutting themselves on my shattered pieces.
Yes, I smoked because I was sad.
Yes, I broke hearts because I couldn't find myself.
So yeah, I did **** I'm not proud of but I got through it.
We all will.
We will be the generation with scars that loiter all over our bodies.
With invisible tattoos that read "we ******* made it"

I want to be your “good night” and “good morning”
The girl you can’t stop thinking about
After everything,
I deserve to be fallen in love with
Head over heels
I want you to know that I’m not going to wait for you
Anything we could have had is over
The possibility of any kind of romantic relationship
I won’t let happen
I need someone to be there for me since day one
I don’t chase people
I don’t put in more effort than you
I live my life exactly how I drive
Looking forward

Having hope is a chronic illness
The moment you think that it’s gone
It comes shooting right back to you.
You’re like a drug I can’t quit
A sunset I can’t take my eyes off
The more I try to leave
The more I’m being asked to stay
I knew you never felt the way I did
I was blinded by chance
And pushed by courage
This wasn’t a mistake
And I will be mature about it
And take it as a lesson
You aren’t the only one for me
And I knew that going in

Every song is no longer about you
It’s funny how fast things change
One day you’re in
The next day you’re out.
That’s life I suppose
Running and running
Never catching a break
I guess it’s fun if you like the chase
After a long period of time
Hide and seek becomes old
Games never suited me anyway

I still have bad days,
Time to time they happen
They are nowhere near how bad they used to be.
I learned how to deal with my own shittyness
In a manner, in which, I am more positive.
Everything happens for a reason,
And I know that now.
I got over it,
And I am a better person for it.
I told you that if you met me 2 years ago
I would have been a different person.
I was… in a shell.
I had no idea how to get out of it and I guess in a way…
Losing someone made me see the world differently.
I still see the bad in everything.
I still see the world as half empty,
No matter how hard I tried to get out of that.
People deal with these things differently.
You became positive inside and out, I became bitter.
I think that it’s better we are just friends.
I don’t think that you should go looking for love.
You just stumble upon it and I didn’t stumble upon you.
I went looking and it’s time for me to be alone.
Voluntarily, and not what I was doing before.
I need to wait.
I learned how to be brave from being your friend,
And you made me better for it.
I hope things work out for me,
Because it seems things are looking up for me?
It just seems every year keeps getting better,
So I need to change my mindset.
I keep going straight to the negatives.
Being bitter won’t make me happy.
Growing a pair and moving on with my life,
Well, that will make me happy.
Stop being this sad little girl who was depressed and get a grip of yourself.
You are strong.
You are brave.
Start acting like it because complaining won’t do **** for you
And I need you to be confident.
You need to be confident that you will make it.
That you won’t give up.
Yes, everyone hits a point where they don’t see the light,
But please just look up and you’ll see it staring you in the face screaming notice me.
What’s the point in sitting there feeling sorry for things you put yourself though
When you should just start to see the good in life

It took me many years to be brave
And apparently just a few inspirational words
From someone who gets it.
No matter where life takes me
Me being brave will never change
And I will continue to be just that.
I need to thank everyone who has ever helped me
My friends, Family, and Everyone.
I hope that I am able to repay you one day.
With life’s twists and turns
I will never let them take a hold of me again.
I will let life lead me where I need to go,
No matter how long it takes.
Nothing worth having comes easy
And
Nothing easy is worth having.

Life takes me to odd places
You were one of them
From the time that I met you
I knew it would be different
It’s okay if you are into someone else
The heart wants what the heart wants
And I am positive about this
With my experiences with you
I learned more about myself
Than I thought I would
I learned that I am brave
Or at least capable of being so
I learned that deep down inside
I’m positive as ****
And
I learned that you can find friends
In the most unlikely places
Thank you for the memories
They were pretty great
And I hope that we make more

After all these years
Who would have thought?
Being brave
Would get me going where I wanted to
The fact that a few words
Can change everything
I’m not saying this will be perfect
Nor am I saying this will work out at all
All I know is
It’s working now
I’m happy now
And that’s all that needs to matter

hello friends hows it going??
well it's going fantastic here because you know the most recent poems about that boy? well i am hanging out with him tomorrow.
will be posting a poem sometime tonight
whoop

It took me forever to find someone I believe I could depend on,
Now I just have to run with that.
I can’t let these fears rule my mind forever,
Like a clock going around and around,
Fixed at the same point forever
I can’t keep letting days, and weeks go by
Not doing anything to ensure my happiness.
I need to move on,
Stop worrying
And let life take me where I need to go.
I don’t want to stay here, I’m not happy.
I need to move on,
Though I would prefer to be with you…
After long conversations and me going over it again and again in my head,
I came to the conclusion that
I wasted time on people
Who weren’t good enough for me
Weren’t what I need
Weren’t the one and
Weren’t worth it
I’m disappointed that it took me this long to this conclusion
Trial and error I suppose
It’s easy to move on when there’s no feelings left
And I’m happy to report
I found someone new
I’m confident he’s worth all my time
It was fun moving on
It showed me that there are still good people out there
You just have to get through the ****** ones first.

I keep almost going back to my old ways,
Over-thinking, worrying
Once again causing problems that weren’t ever there
I need to be happy with what has happened
How far i’ve come
I need to be okay failing
In order to be successful later
Who gives a **** what happened now?
IT DOESN’T MATTER FRIEND
Time passes,
People change,
Just make sure you don’t stay the same.

Whenever I see your stupid face
I can’t focus
And I just really want to be near you
I can’t think straight
And it seems like everything I say sounds stupid
I’m dazed and confused
And super nervous
I wish that this was easier
I wish that it wasn’t so hard
I want to know how you feel
I want to know if this entire venture is worthless
And I’m just wasting my time
Be mine
Be mine
Oh please
Be mine

it's important for those who you care about, to know that you're there for them. it doesn't matter if you can give advice or not, simply listening (for the most part) is the most important. simply saying "i'm here for you" can make a huge difference in someone's struggle. it could be what saves them. be mindful of others, everyone has a story. hopefully we all get to share.

It’s either
Too late
Or
Too early
There’s no happy middle
Just cuts and corners
I don’t want to do it now
But
I don’t want to do it later
Can you just tell me?
I might die right then.

I am the reason I am unhappy
I used outside forces to make it so
I can’t let myself go
I have to be in control
I need to let go
****** things have happened, yes
But I can't keep letting that be the reason why
Moving on will be hard
Being content and happy will be harder
But the end result will be my cleanse
And hopefully I won't have to do all this again.

I’m going to live, not survive.
I have spent too much time,
Worrying, waiting
Not letting myself be me
I decided
I’m going to do me
I’m going to do what makes me happy
With those who make me so
I don’t want to hurt you
But if he makes me happy…
Well
I’m going to go for it

There's something in the way you walk
That caught my attention
What it was i'm not sure
But you are beautiful
In every sense of the word
And it would be a shame
If this was my only poem about you
There's something in the way you hug me
It's as if you're sheltering me from the world
That you want me and only me
On the other hand
You are confusing as ****
You are the type of guy
That treats everyone the same
No favorites
No special treatment
Nice Nice Nice
You are so captivating,
I cannot find the words to describe you
It would be a shame if this is all i ever know about you

He's new to me, but has been around for awhile. It's odd to me how someone who you knew of and never really thought of before can suddenly, and quickly, become the center of all your thoughts. My friends have known and been friends with you for years and just a week ago you came into focus. I never thought you would ever be part of my life.

In light of that, advice that came to mind while writing this, a girl i used to be friends with once said "The best things come when you don't expect them."

I hope that you will be one of those things.
Even if we don't end up being romantic, i do hope we become friends because you are beautiful in every sense of the word and it would be a disappointment to be unable to captivate that beauty.

B.M

I was just hoping you would tell me something other than what I already know. I was just hoping that you’d prove all my worries wrong instead of just reinforcing them… I know that it’s stupid for me to continue this, because I feel like it’s just a waste of time for me. That he won’t be the person I’m looking for and that I’m just ******* around. I don’t know if you’re saying that because you have a personal bias or if that’s really what you think. I just hate being the friend that complains about boys all the time and never says a word about anything else. I feel like because of that I won’t get anywhere with anyone. I mean, after you said that you said to just be careful and keep doing what you’re doing but the second you notice he’s not trying leave. i guess that gave me the little hope that I needed to move on with this. I guess I’m just the little naïve girl I’ve always been. Chasing after boys who will never want her, and ignoring all the boys who I would never want. I’m just so obsessed with “love” and “having someone there” made me forget everything I’ve ever fought for against that.

i haven't cried this hard since my grandma died.
idk what happened to you.
you were such a good friend.
always there
always cared
i was wrong.
i'm sorry for wasting your time
******* too i guess.

It’s just
You were one of the few people who helped me
When I really ******* needed it
You never once ditched me
Or made me feel like I was bothering you
So why now
Everything has changed?
Is it just me?
What happened to you?
It’s just hard to forget the ones
Who helped you in a way you can’t repay
Who didn’t let you slip away
If you didn’t let me before
Why are you now

I imagine situations
That has no chance of happening
I think of these scenarios all the time
Maybe it’s because I have a wide imagination
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
But please
Let this work
Let me be happy
Let me be with someone
Who adds to my life
Gives me hope
And even when they leave
I take what I learned from them
And apply it
I would hate for all the good times to go to waste
But if I could waste time,
I’d love to do that with you

When I was younger
I used to think that if you were alone
You had to be lonely
No one was around you
How could you be happy?
I used to think that you needed someone by your side to survive
When I became older
I began to think that if you were alone
You were just that
No one was around you
You can be happy
I used to think that you needed someone by your side to survive
When I became older
I realized
You can be alone,
And not lonely,
You can be alone,
And be happy,
It’s all in your perspective.

To get to where I want to be
I have to do something I could never conceive
Not worrying
Not obsessing
To let things take whatever path they chose
And I should simply follow
Opposed to “taking the road less traveled”
Simply follow which ever path I was led to
In other words
I need to go with the flow
In order to get what I want
And if what I want is you,
I need to be patient
And do something I have never done.

I never identified with people who didn’t have a home
That wherever they laid their head was their solstice
In my experience, my house wasn’t my home
It was the people who lived there with me
The people I trusted
The friends I loved
My family who would never leave my side
Not always is your house,
Your home

i haven't been writing lately, and i think that's a good thing. that there's nothing that is upsetting me. everything seems really good right now and i'm happy. of course there will be moments when i break down, but i can't help that. it will take time for me to heal from it, but i think that i'm moving in the right direction.

If I let myself
I love deeply
From within my bones
I’d give it all
But
It takes time
You have to be patient
And you have to be willing to try hard
I’m not the first box in the grocery store
The one that all the kids touch
The outside maybe be dented or scratched
I am the box on the very inside
Fresh from the factory
No child has touched me
No damage has been done
The contents may be the same
The taste won’t be any different
But the quality will be higher
If you want quality you know where to find me
If not
Enjoy the first box you can get your hands on