I was cursed with too many feelings, and a voice too loud. Even though I could articulate every thought that crossed my mind, it never occurred to me that you could say how you feel without saying anything at all. That silence could speak louder than I could. You’ve said more about how you feel with your hands than my voice ever could. You never needed to tell me. You loved me with your entire being and you never needed to use your words.

I’d rather smoke myself out with cigarettes than miss you. Either way my lungs are going to burn so I’d rather be able to control it. You aren’t coming back and it hurts more than a cigarette ever could and ’m going to die anyway, so why not? It’s like you took the part of me that cared. The part that used to tell me “yeah... um... don’t do that??” and all that’s left is the fire burning my insides. Maybe I’m being too cynical, but you don’t know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out your chest 20 minutes after you wake up. Having to hold your mom while she can’t breathe. More often than not I feel empty and I can’t explain why. So yeah, I smoke because I’m trying not to feel. Wouldn’t you?

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A RAINBOW IS SHINING OUT OF MY FACE AND YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SMILE AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S ALMOST AS IF I GET BETTER SO WILL YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU TO BE BETTER AGAIN. I WANT TO SEE THAT ADORABLE LITTLE GRIN YOU MAKE WHEN YOU MAKE ME LAUGH OR HOW YOU BITE YOUR LIP WHEN YOU PLAY WITH MY **** AND IT’S LIKE EVERY TIME I SEE YOU I’M REMINDED OF THE FIRST MOMENTS WE SPENT TOGETHER AND HOW I FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK AND BACK AND BACK AND BACK.

You came just as things began to settle. Like dust in an empty house. The windows are broken and the door is sealed shut, but that didn’t stop you from fixing it right up. You didn’t leave me in the dark to collect more dust. You left the light on and made sure I came back home.

It’s like no matter what I do my thoughts always come back to haunt me and I mean I don’t mind the company but please quiet the **** down. I can’t see clearly and I feel my body shaking. Just leave me alone. I’d rather be lonely than dead.

My mind is a puzzle that lost all of its pieces and I was already having trouble finding all of the loose ends but you’re making my heart melt in my chest and I forgot what I was supposed to be doing and your eyes are just the perfect shade of brown and I can’t stop thinking about how your hand looks wrapped around my own and everything else seems to disappear. Since you came, the stars seem to be brighter, and I started to listen to my music a bit louder to make sure I heard every word correctly, so when I told you I love you it was true because as fuzzy as everything is, I’m seeing you crystal clear.

People say that when you die your entire life flashes before your eyes. 7 minutes and then you cease to exist. They say to make it worth watching. Implying that you have to leave some sort of legacy behind to make it “worth it”. I don’t want to save millions of people, or even to be remembered by in some sort of massive way. I just need to be remembered by you. If I were to die tomorrow, and my life were to be played back to me, the moments I would want to see are the ones that I shared with you. If that isn’t worth watching, I don’t know what is.