I understand every level.
I understand what it's like to be tortured.
I've been destroyed.
I've walked in on them cheating.
I wasn't there to save her from a ****.
I held him as he died in my arms.
I couldn't stop her heart from stopping.
I couldn't get her to stop cheating.
I couldn't make them happy.
I sacrificed for the amusement of lovers.
I missed his last breath by a moment.
I've died and come back
I've understood suicide and accepted it.
I lost everything.
I had everything taken.
I have been brought to my knees.
I have been force to bleed
I've been stabbed shot at and tazzed light on fire and drown.
Had my stomach pumped.
My skull smashed.
My throat cut.
Pain? Really?
I've grown accustomed to it.
One day however, one day.
I won't be anymore.

A million thing to say,
A billion ideas scrambled,
But your words,
" what's it mater?" ,
Remain clear,
So so what's there to say,
For a short time,
I got to make you smile,
And oh what a smile,
For a short time,
I got to make you laugh,
And what a memorable laugh,
But what's it matter?
3 days to make a connection,
4 to share a kiss,
6 to develop desire,
2 weeks to build up the joy,
And 3 weeks to build up emotion,
To me that's a beautiful thing,
Something wonderful,
Something cherished,

But what's it matter,
As my words fall short,
My actions contort,
My mind now distorts,

At a loss for words,
At least the ones that mean something,
If any did.

Mind fighting its self,
Love is an enemy,
while my friend.

Plague myself with thoughts of distrust,
Lingering doubts,
created another massacre,
Of ideas.

Your worth is less then worth,
You are only meant to be hurt,
Accept this,

Thoughts scrambled to fight this,
But I have value,
I am here,


But I do hurt.


I reach for a hand and its warm
Embrace,
Only to find my self,
covering my face.

More thoughts of pain ideas of  nothing,
But my own thoughts are what eat me alive.

Ideas of you with another,
Screaming pain,
But then I wonder,
Its probably true,
And what's best for you.

I sit and wonder,
Thoughts,
And ideas,
Mash in a blender,
Straight to the center of pain.

Dwelling deep within my brian.

Deep within my brain.


I'm a monster for these thoughts,
Someone like you,
Someone so loving caring and true,

So I defeat myself again and again,
Ideas endlessly onslaught,
My emotions struggle,
But I stand true,
Knowing how much I do love you,

I fight my thoughts,
A pain you've mended,
Ideas fighting any form of love,
Its defensive thoughts,
that save me,
but hurt me,
but take me.

Shes not what my pain has created ,
And she isnt made if hatred,
My heart feels safe,
My mind will race,

These thoughts can consume me,
Avoiding the pain I feel but to me it is real until I beat it.

My mind is in disarray,
My thoughts clash with what's good and my past and I fear that for this I will lose you.

A dream of you hand in my hand our feet in the sand and those blue seas.

Your like a melody of calm warm loving,
Hums,
With a base beat,
down for some drums.

You make my heart flutter you lift me off my feet,
And because of this,
My brain ushers defeat,
Reasons to worry,
With no real reason,
Doubts still linger,
From an old spring season,

I'm sorry if I hurt you or doubt you to myself,
It isnt fair,
It isnt right,
And you deserve the works.

I'm trying to fix it,
But my mind has been torn,
My heart wasnt in peace's but my love it is worn.