A million thing to say,
A billion ideas scrambled,
But your words,
" what's it mater?" ,
Remain clear,
So so what's there to say,
For a short time,
I got to make you smile,
And oh what a smile,
For a short time,
I got to make you laugh,
And what a memorable laugh,
But what's it matter?
3 days to make a connection,
4 to share a kiss,
6 to develop desire,
2 weeks to build up the joy,
And 3 weeks to build up emotion,
To me that's a beautiful thing,
Something wonderful,
Something cherished,

But what's it matter,
As my words fall short,
My actions contort,
My mind now distorts,

At a loss for words,
At least the ones that mean something,
If any did.

I know what the problems are, I know why.
You have something you care about, so do I, you have someone you cherish and keep dear to your heart, and so do I.
These things I understand in complete fruition.

I do not challenge them, not do I intend to replace anything, I know that isn't what you want, nor I.

You, to me are someone of a different nature, a chance encounter, that I won't let slip.

I care and love and want and crave, if not the same, then more then the next.

I had decided long ago I liked you, I've resisted the want to try, simply because I didn't think you'd want me to.

But now this switch has been hit, and I don't want to stop.

I understand these small complications we have, but I understand the care and compassion, the attention and affection.
And I want to embrace it in full.

You to me deserve that, or more, and more.

But that's the complication, you can have, but can't take, you can want but can't yet act, and I know, I know all to well.

Witch just make me want this more.
You more, your smile that laugh those eyes, do you understand I like you?

Maybe more then I say, maybe less then you know.
But I care.

And due to the small situation, of our creation, we have a complication, but that's fine.

Mind fighting its self,
Love is an enemy,
while my friend.

Plague myself with thoughts of distrust,
Lingering doubts,
created another massacre,
Of ideas.

Your worth is less then worth,
You are only meant to be hurt,
Accept this,

Thoughts scrambled to fight this,
But I have value,
I am here,


But I do hurt.


I reach for a hand and its warm
Embrace,
Only to find my self,
covering my face.

More thoughts of pain ideas of  nothing,
But my own thoughts are what eat me alive.

Ideas of you with another,
Screaming pain,
But then I wonder,
Its probably true,
And what's best for you.

I sit and wonder,
Thoughts,
And ideas,
Mash in a blender,
Straight to the center of pain.

Dwelling deep within my brian.

Deep within my brain.


I'm a monster for these thoughts,
Someone like you,
Someone so loving caring and true,

So I defeat myself again and again,
Ideas endlessly onslaught,
My emotions struggle,
But I stand true,
Knowing how much I do love you,

I fight my thoughts,
A pain you've mended,
Ideas fighting any form of love,
Its defensive thoughts,
that save me,
but hurt me,
but take me.

Shes not what my pain has created ,
And she isnt made if hatred,
My heart feels safe,
My mind will race,

These thoughts can consume me,
Avoiding the pain I feel but to me it is real until I beat it.

My mind is in disarray,
My thoughts clash with what's good and my past and I fear that for this I will lose you.

A dream of you hand in my hand our feet in the sand and those blue seas.

Your like a melody of calm warm loving,
Hums,
With a base beat,
down for some drums.

You make my heart flutter you lift me off my feet,
And because of this,
My brain ushers defeat,
Reasons to worry,
With no real reason,
Doubts still linger,
From an old spring season,

I'm sorry if I hurt you or doubt you to myself,
It isnt fair,
It isnt right,
And you deserve the works.

I'm trying to fix it,
But my mind has been torn,
My heart wasnt in peace's but my love it is worn.