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Lenora Sep 2023
If I could permanently end my tears I would
The way I wear my heart openly but my words like solid wood
Tough but breakable
Everything I’m saying Mistaken for
Love making me feel poor
Lessening my value
When all I can do is think about you

Only waking up early now to cry in peace

And now my tears are dried
And I feel nothing
My heart and my mind becoming completely blank
Lenora Aug 2023
Pain to such a soft spirit soft soul
Turns the aura cold
Turning into a person I’ve never seen before
This not the person I loved that I had feelings for
I don’t know you anymore
Never made my heart this sore
Or you did but at least you acted like you cared
At least you were there

You know I really do love you.
and you’re making it so hard for me..
if you don’t want to I can just let you go.
still trying to reach out when you couldn’t even be bothered with me..
I’ve stopped myself from telling you I hate you so many times..
I never thought you would make me feel this way.
I’ve never wanted to talk to someone so bad in my life.. knowing they won’t respond..
Lenora Aug 2023
On soul I won’t ever give another person my heart..
I no longer have the capacity to love
I’ll no longer reach out for answers
Or try to give us closure
I won’t think about you or how you feel when I begin to detach
I won’t wonder how you think or if you truly want to let go
I’m going to just let you go
I love you so much that if I could see or hear you in this moment I’d melt in your hands
But the distance the silence all the unspoken things festers hate in my heart
Hate that I couldn’t ever hold on to
Which causes trauma because no matter how much you hurt me I want you around
I want to hold you and kiss you
Within all these emotions I feel like they’re not reciprocated
You don’t want me the way i want you
The hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow
Is the fact my favorite person is no longer my favorite person
It hurts to not view you like I once did
It hurts to feel like you don’t care..
It hurts to feel like none of it was ever real
My pain means absolutely nothing to you
As you took every piece of me I had to offer and stomped it down to dirt
I just can’t hold it in.. and the bits and pieces don’t even amount to all I’m feeling.. guess we gotta start somewhere

Def. Not a poem btw
Lenora Aug 2023
I’ve stared into the endlessness of a blank page
As I watched and heard my words stumble over one other in rage
I’ve truly never felt the way I feel in this moment before
Falling from a high that was never satisfying masking love galore
Each thought stacked on another
Consuming me as if my eyes could no longer see you as a lover
And now love makes me feel insane
As it ties itself in knots inside my brain
And pieces of my heart still beat on the ground
Pleading they could never hate you they just don’t know how to feel now
I now no longer know if you felt the same because of your lack of care
I constantly have thoughts on if I was just a game or if you truly needed me there running off course
sleeping less and being taken by my thoughts more
why would you say all those things for
If you wouldn't feel them anymore
I never felt this alone
You never even called or text my phone
When I needed you..
Not even to check on me .. you just don't care and I cant play the fool
If you knew you couldn't afford to love
Then why would you
I literally have so many thoughts and feelings overflowing from me I can’t even write how I want I can’t form it all into understandable sentences. It’s just been a lot of crying and zoning out I’m very much loosing touch w emotions the lover girl is dying I just feel like I’m slowly turning cold . Love ain’t for me & that’s cool ig.
Lenora Apr 2023
Returning to the space of talking to myself
Words that dance in my head or end up as random letters on the shelf
Certain situations make me want to be alone
The faithfulness to your being like it’s never been shown
I love as wide as the ocean spreads even if you can’t tell
The only individual that could do so well
To hurt me with words to feel each thing you said
And still loving you as it all bounces through my head
truly wanting you to know you’re the only one
When circumstances make you quick to run
Quick to anger
Straight into danger zone
Where all the proportions are blown
And now you don’t trust me
The game of love so ugly
Never like your past if you could just trust me
I feel like a constant **** up. Like I sabotage everything with no intentions on doing so.. knowing nobody receives the love, expression, and words that I give you.. it’s like me only being for you since the beginning just isn't enough.. when I only feel for you and no one else.. but per usual I stick to myself I keep my emotions to my own thinking I could atleast have a friend to confide in but it only continued to add fire to a weak but terrorizing flame. I feel even more alone stumbling over someone I can’t even say for sure will stick around someone I can’t even say will trust me fully someone who I want so badly but doesn’t even see a future space with me. I continue to get trapped in tunnel vision thinking I can’t make you happy and it’ll only continue to get worse.. my fear of the future days constantly constrains my degrading tears.. tears only I see
Lenora Dec 2022
Everything inside me feels like it’s swollen. If I could paint a picture, my body would be presented as a hollow shell. Only for it to not be hollow.. but filled with swelled emotions, swelled veins, swelled brain, swelled heart, swelled lungs, all pressing against one another squeezing and creating immense pressure becoming more and more intense with each conversation and each go through. Im back to constantly beating myself up again, feeling everything I’ve been trying to let go of. I hate the sign of the twin, I hate the indecisive, I hate the two sets of emotions, feelings, thoughts, and decisions. A side of me feels like everything everyone says about me is true a list is as follows: I can’t get right, I’m childish, I’m too emotional, I’m too soft, too sensitive, I lost myself, I lost my light, I’m dulling out, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I blow in the wind, I never care, I’m lazy, I’m not dependable, I’m not there, I’m emotionally unavailable, I’m an ***, I’m too rough, too aggressive, too submissive, too dominant, too one way too the other, too withdrawn, too quite, too isolated, too not in control. A list of my flaws.. a plethora of things that float around in my head flying from side to side, bouncing off the walls cracking the cranium of my skull slowly feeling it fracture with each tap, slowly oozing out the deepest darkest things that not only I feel but think about. The seemingly identical twins but immensely different, only narrowly scraping the walls of agreement.

I’m so deep down in my thoughts I can’t even write out my equaling entity because as of this moment she isn’t present. She’s locked in her switch chamber full of stairs white noise and a single chair with rubble all around from the deterioration in the shared mind.

The explanation is as follows :
I’m Inside my head or body
The Staircase of deteriorating mental anguish leading up to all areas of the mind
The temporal lobe .. frontal lobe.. parietal lobe.. occipital lobe.. cerebellum.. falling into my brain stem where the center will cradle the space of a single chair
One sits in the lair
While one rules the flesh

In the frame, the one will sit somewhere on the stairs because neither is content in that space
Neither could sit still in a chair surrounded by white noise.. or crippling expressions
She sits on the steps with her hands balled over her head in a fetal crouch as the ruble bounces off her body as if she’s ready for the whole surrounding area to collapse on top of her

While the other feels the pressure building up to the point of self-combustion

The two are seemingly different but feel most of the same things due to shared soreness
I’m truly trying my hardest at this point .
Lenora Dec 2022
I guess I’m not equipped for the tale of romance
Love for me is entangled with the first touch and the last dance
It seems befitting but only in the beginning
Because we know the outcomes are never faced with winning
It’s cruel to know you’ll never know how I feel
And how once upon a time I was ready to give something real
All the thoughts and written gestures with only the understanding of you in mind
If only you wanted to know and reached for this stash of mine
The one of a kind
Hide and find
To read and watch how water turned to wine
Slowly to mend my heart and create this aching bind
All the words that flow from my lips
From my finger tips
Every focus of you till the page rips
And I realize it’s here the moment we’ve waited for the big dip..
I hate that you’ll never know
Maybe cause I’m shy or maybe my pride makes me never show
So many pages dedicated to you
Dedicated to the truth I see in you
Little notes I take to learn you as a person
As they sit in the contact notes hurtin
Because I know for certain
Using all I have will only cause burden
I guess I can stay with out you knowing my emotions
If I can go on harboring my hearts truest devotions
So many unsaid feelings..
I just wanna know how you’re feeling
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