I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss when my days were so low
The only attachment I have with those moments is when you come and go
My agony my overwhelming tendencies to rethink and overthink
And my screen then glows your name to bring me from the brink
Of my own destruction
And then I backtrack and face facts
Cause you may only want me for seduction
But all the times you eased the torment oozing from my body
At times I wonder if you had a clue or if you looked at me odly
One day I was sick of it all
Returning to a place where it seems all problems could be solved
You needed something I’d never hesitate to give
But you noticed a switch in aura maybe you sensed the low willingness to live
Either way I sat
With my red beats and a raging mind at that
A few hours past and my phone glowed.. once more
As if you could top the days seething roar
And I slide to the right
You shine like the moon in the pitch black of night
To open your mouth and ask if I’m alright
If I had plans tonight
And you seemed kinda sad Imma scoop you hang tight
The ride filled me with jitters
With my mind racing a mile a minute but refused to be a quitter
But I notice that your care to let me sit while my thoughts flow like rivers
And then begin to talk to ease the mind of the sinner
Your voice sweet and smooth
Like the string of a violin or the feeling of blues
In a single night
You took out every thought memory and demon I planned to fight
With songs and conversations
With closeness removing my hesitation
I’m getting closer and closer
All with the same fear she’ll knock my heart over
Still you’ll never know what you meant to me
And I’ll never know what we meant to be

to make or become doubled or paired.

Stuck between wanting you bad like novacane
And hating you as if all the memories and emotions have drained
The con to being a Gemini
Is eyes see through different sides
One where I accept my faults and flaws
One where I think you couldn’t handle it all
I just wanna know why
When you said you needed a friend but still wanted to be there for each other why
I try even though you said you couldn’t show intimacy why
For you to return with another
dragging my heart from the gutter
why .
It’s the only question that comes during my  eternal sigh
All the times I wanted to talk
All the times my mind wrapped around you ready to stalk
All the times I only wanted to hear your voice
To end up spinning your block a few times with the feeling of no choice
In the business of finding the answers to all my outmoded faceless questions
And looking back on how I wished you wouldn’t turn out to be a lesson
Other than interrogating why you didn’t stay
My mind focuses not the one that got away
But the new member whose come to play
You said I’d fall. You said if fall inlove.
I did and now I never wanna come out again my aura.. the wrong way it’s been rubbed
I didn’t even get to confess just how special you are and what it is that you meant to me
I just wish I knew it was all temporary for a moment you were renting me

Take the risk or lose the chance
Going for what I want I’m not too advanced
Day to day I try to boost my confidence
But I just find myself floating in and out of consciousness
As One minute I want to be alone
And The next I want to express all the love that Hasn’t been shown
But Imma *******
You don’t have to tell me it’s embedded deep down in my soul
Ill tell you I’m here
The next day I’ll disappear
I am a broken individual yes I know
But love heals all wounds if you didn’t know
I have so much love for myself
But if I could just share it with someone else
Someone who won’t smother me when I’m low
Someone who actually understands me and doesn’t put on a show
Cause then I’ll turn into a ****
And now you yelling I ain ****
When I told you from the start
I will tear your heart apart
You moved this way too fast
Now you see it didn’t last
Had to leave you in my past
My love life is trash
Now don’t text or call my phone
Imma end up leaving you alone
These are just some feelings off the dome
To tell you I’m not made a stone

Month of March Rain..
the motions wrapped up for you in my brain
Clashes with the life I live that drives me insane
How could I change when I’ve always been this way
I’m torn between if I should tell you
I don’t wanna bring hell to
All the feelings you’ve developed towards love
How you see me.. putting me above
Saying your utterly obsessed
And how you no longer want to share me with the rest
How I’m struggling to Come to terms because I feel the same
And if I tried to take you away your stuck like a red stain
On a white shirt
And it think about being apart hurts
Because I’ve come accustom to holding you in my arms
And simply being close to you is like dancing with the stars
If I say don’t let me go would you consider it love
The things I feel looking at you remain true no matter how hard a shove
Pulling and pushing
Sticky sounds and gushing
How I haven’t let anyone touch me in years but you took me
Hoping I’m not an addition to a catalog where you book me
Keep your hands right there the way I feel when you touch me proves you’re no rookie
The way I wanna lock eyes to melt when you look In mine
My mind instantly relinquishes the cookie

Ofcourse I still dream about you ..
ofcourse the dream is relatively a nightmare and I’m in panic till I find you
Still your arms and sweet smile reach me
Your aura and voice wraps around me till your all I see completely
Waking up from a dream to realize now I’m back in reality
Where you would never truly love me faced with fatality
If you found me crying
I’m dying to find out
Why in the end it’s only you I dream about

When did the coloring stop around us ?

Autumn

the third season of the year, when crops and fruits are gathered and leaves fall.

Change.
The world is full of change .
Every few months a new scene takes over and clouds my brain
My heart fully visible to the masses
But only one can could catch my eye as I I watch the feelings spread like rashes
All over my body in the trustest way
Until I resort to isolation when I’m not okay
But I do miss the beginning
The hot days and cold nights, the first night we kissed my emotional guard is thining
I hate change but this types always feels good a first
You feel every emotion till you swing your way back around towards hurt
And remember there was a point where you were alone
And days you dreaded the walk back home
I wanna go slow but tf is a talking stage
As if the emotions were locked away in a cage
Dreaming for escape
Because they were never meant to relate
Or maybe . Maybe it’s me .
Cause the self sabotage takes it all I see

I’ll count all the moments you can stay away
and how you couldn’t care about me
And especially how you showed it in May
Still in April June I was down for you
How I looked like a clown but I was down to bruise
I could take it all to have you in the end
Couldn’t bear to have you close but far still take you as a friend

So you don’t like change huh
Neither do I .
So I have to ask from spring to summer to autumn
Did your heart move at the same pace as mine