The time for me
Its been like a pain I can’t describe
A pain I can’t hide
Regardless of the countess times I’ve tried
Normally I can hold it together
In my bootle of agony
The bottle that’s draggin me
No over flowing oceans
In the seas of my dreadful emotions
But this toast is a cheers to me
In a pretty clear blue liquid that covers my eyes to see
My heart weeps from betrayal
My mind runs like a ticking time bomb from hell
Asking myself how could you be so needy
When my mind was destroyed and your emotions were so greedy

Maybe I need to scream
Then maybe they’d see I’m on the dying team
Most days Im feeling like dying
One step closer to be pushed back 10 in my trying
Why I try to use others to cope with my pain
Knowing its only me who sits in this rain
Making my voice as small as a grain
And how I repeat the thoughts that break me in my brain
I get upset when others can’t bring me out my own demise
I hate myself when even I can’t believe my own disguise
Im not sure what to write
Im blinded by the inflictions of others emotions damaging my sight

Blurred visions of tears imprinted on my face
A picture of you meeting me with those same tears I can’t erase
A feeling of missing you that I can’t let go of in my mind
The heart can’t corporate even when they say it takes time
Feeling pity cause it’s no way you feel the same
And your feelings towards me I’m the one to blame
I’d **** just to be face to face
Just one second to have your embrace
Only to hear your voice
Or even receive a text I need a choice
Is it me or is it you
That’s holding so hard I don’t know what to do


And how I try it don’t matter
I always feel this way the morning after
I see you in my dreams
Don’t know what it means to me
All the things I see
But they can’t even be


I’m stumbling in my mind
My brain just hits the rewind
Every image of you is sublime
Even when you hurt me your still so kind
So hard to let go
Why I just don’t know
Bury me deep in the hole
I don’t wanna feel nomo
Tried to shut that doe
Tried to cut you off it’s a no go
Knowing what I need
But my heart my brain caught up within these dreams


Help me

Because
how I try it don’t matter
I always feel this way the morning after
Maybe I could just
Give you my heart on a platter
Each day I wake only to be sadder
What will come the morning after

What will come the morning after …

Introvert .
Ive been feeling so many emotions lately
Some say i do some i don’t show my emotions on my face blatantly
If i do i can not tell
As if I’m actually shoving the emotions down well
Lately I’ve felt broken
So many life occurrences I’m choking
Fake love I’ve felt from people i claim to be the closest to
But to forgive and forget I cannot make it through


You finesse me as if you have no means
When you can ask my help for anything
You steal from me take from me deceive me
And claim family as what you’re supposed to be
You only love me when it Benefits your pockets
You do me so wrong hurt me to my core my emotions take off like rockets
You treat me as if you don’t appreciate me
Take all your anger out on me
Tell me you don’t mean to hurt my feelings as if it changes


Tiring going through these exchanges
Exchanges of emotions that mean nothing as soon as the conversation ends
And between my hurt heart and my daily life i have to blend
I hold on to everything and hold it all in till it blows
Once i hit that point all it can do is show
One day ill wake up and not take no more
And my tears I constantly hold back will hit the floor
Its not healthy its not kind
To think in a way closing up is me losing my mind
Its unhealthy not to speak but what if no one listens
An odd ball in a world of people who glisten
Feeling as if I could vanish with out a care
No one would care if turned into straight air
Surely many will disagree
But you cant tell me anything when i see how people treat me



The quicker it comes the faster it goes
And right now its what I need to know

Are you gonna hurt me?

ExCludeD excLudeD excLuDed .
When I tell you I feel so excluded
Always looked at from the inside
When I’m looking in on the outside
Are you ******* happy now
Expect cooperation with out even a sound
When you feel the need to be controlling
If only you knew but I don’t think you care about the rolling
Tears from my eyes
Poetry hasn’t come out for a long time lost between the lines
If only I could rewind
All the moments
You made me feel like ****
And I will never feel like your equivalent
If I could say I don’t hate you a little bit id lie
You can’t look me in my eye
Why
Do you feel the need to treat me like a child
Like my mind is mild
Treat my words like they are idle
When you are constantly unaware of the trials
Maybe I don’t tell you cause you don’t see my pain
Each thing I feel you think of it in vein
Lack of substance or worth that’s how you feel
Most times more than I like.. cannot heal
i don’t gaf how she feels I heard what you said
Those words loud and clear repeat through my head
I pray  against the spirt of not feeling good enough
When its you most days who make me feel rough
You shush my words then say I feel invisible
Then you turn around and act so insensible
Unaware of the things you do but I don’t speak
For a long time thought it cause I was weak
But maybe its because I can hold on and make it seem so calm
When I can Chanel everything in the mist of palms
I love and I hate
What to do at this rate
You wonder why I don’t speak when I feel like the main ones don’t listen
I silence  you all wonder why while in inner spirts are hissin
Louder and louder
I hate my encounters…

I hate it all . . .

I don’t cry
But today the floods of oceans
cover my eyes
There’s time I’ve forced myself for a release to feel
But like 3 tears and a internal feeling of numbness doesn’t really help the process of trying to heal
My face my eyes red
Sheer moments of feeling dead
Eyes that normally have a smile bright
Now swollen with pain
Acting as if I’m crying in the night
no on asks if I’m okay and I wonder do they see me in my brain
But I can’t be sane
I get too caught up in the rain
Too caught up in the people that cause me pain
Be my mains
And you know they all act the same
But who am I to complain

Somehow I’m open
Floating in the ocean
Of emotions
With no participants motions
I’m overdosing
I crave the truest love .. devotion
My heart craves the warm touch
After the pain you think I’d stray away from such
Smooth skin touches her body
It’s more intimate past being naughty
It’s hearing you breathe when I come close
A million beats per minute intensity at its most
The stutter of speech when you look into my eyes
The lip lock the tongue tied
Looking through the vessel of these tears I cry
Hate in my heart but love had an alibi