I can't stand it,
The way you held her as if she were life itself.
In that moment, I saw that you were at the highest point of euphoria.
My knees they quivered with a vengeance of the devil.
No way am I in hell, everything in me trying not to tumble.

I can't stand it,
I saw you love her through your eyes.
With your eyes you removed every imperfect layer.
I saw that she was perfect in the light that gleamed from your pupils.
That light burned every happy part of me to ashes.

I can't stand it,
It's not me that seeped through the cracks of your heart.
She trickled down the depths of your soul.
She brought out a spirit of happiness, I've never glimpsed.
That spirit buzzed in my ear, I cover my ears, I wish it would stop!

I can't stand it,
The fact that I'm happy, you're happy without me.
The simple truth of it all, that love is not a jealous selfish thing!
I hate that the love I have for you allows me to forgive.
This Love that is of God and not of the devil consumes me.

I can't stand it,*
I'm proud of you despite the heaviness on my shoulders.
I'm happy for you despite the dagger thrusting through my heart.
That Knife released those beautiful butterflies trapped inside of me.
How can I be happy you're happy, when I'm not?

I can't stand it,
So this is where I find new caterpillars.
Now is the time to give up the fixating thoughts of you.
I can't stand it, No not at all, I must stop standing!
And so,

*I SIT!

The King of kings
******* licks
With Lucille,
Has ascended.

I taste your tongue against my cheek.
I feel your hands on me; one tucked ever so gently under my ear the other wrapped around my waist.
I see nothing but black as I focus on you.
I hear my gentle moan, our rocking feet.
I touch the small in your neck the base of your hair between my fingertips.

And as I come to my senses I realize none of it was real in the first place. Was it?