Your arms,
Are like the days I used to cut myself for you,
In front of my computer.
Pricked flayed.
From the times it split too much depth.

In the Red Sea vein.

Like the times I'd drink,
Till I ****** in the corner of the floor,
In my room.
With the door handle loosed,
So someone can find me in the morning.

My whole life is a corner
With you the coroner
In a morgue with no form to it
With the bodies on the slabs cut up.
Impatient and waiting to be whole,
Not facing the wall  of your skull.

This rooms too full.

My bodies piled on the others.
Autopsy waiting room.
You're in that cottage at the edge of the abyss.
The event horizon to hell.
What Dreams Won't Come.

He's probably got the passion in his sinnew to blow up...something. he's worth being dead. His family says they said. If one day you met him. He'd probably smile at you fast. You'd hate his guts after that. Toward sun he looked onward till his gaze died down inside his throat. He heavied over the hate he's engulfed. The sun hangs lower. The cans weigh down on his neck. The paints scratching. He's got friends though. Theyll write an articulate article. He's just food for dust mites

Writing from calm
placidity.
Calm, blankness, stark.

Perpetuate it
maintain,
always want this

this is a good outlet
by the leaves
serene,
calm is not boring
it is the opposite.
It burns with promise,
lights
dark buildings
at pitch black;
calm is a torch in
castle walls.

Staple,
Stand still.

Carry calm
in pockets,
closer to skin than
wallets or watches.

Watch the calm
and let it still
this is beauty
this
is, fire,

still.

You are poetry to me.
A muse.
Devil.
Angel.
Saviour.

You’re also my stomachs insides.
A regurgetant,
Sitting in the bowels of a rusted oil tank.
I take on more.
I threw it up.
On, to dead wood.

Dried.

You look like graphite now,
Your pale skin turned to,
A grey wisp,
Of illegible stress and fumble.

You’re poetry now,
As I’m done.

As I try to spit all of you up from inside me.
It won't work.

Poetry,
Is, like,
Cancer.

You're growing the size of
a melon in my
innards
turning my blood into
coal, or ink, or marker
or dye,

You are poetry
And cancer, and *****.
And.
I cant separate from you.

Lonely, Sad, Men.

I wanna be remembered for my lack of integrity,
my pessimism, and my doubt.
"The life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."
Is the fine point in life.
Se la vie - de la mort.
Such is life-as in death.

Such is life of Death.
"Life's horrible at best."
Well **** that thought,
and die in your chest.
"You sir, are a *******."
I'll never be as famous or as bright,
or have shining achievements as adorning night lights.
Sconces.
Crowning my mantle or hiding dusty walls;

But you’re dead now and your body was all
The end of mans night has come, I see an endless morning.
Not as a prophetic insight; but as a lonely mans ending story.
The prosthesis of the heart.

A perfect synapse to this ecology.
To this drone.
To this end game night.
When all tranquil hits at the same quantum.
This time piece of us is forever as we sit above skyline in the ether.
Clouds hold us like tombstones, in their clutch as earth.
I expose you to my inner bastion of thought and you accept. You agree to love.
The environments perfect for the crispness of night.
The crisp clarity of the night and shadow.
On this grave dug dirt, we set higher than any scraper of sky.
We are at the belly of the beast ready, to disembowel the tyrant.
We no longer are two but in sync and hold all power, beauty, and aesthetic measure.
The tide eats us into its stomach, where we protect fortune.
In the end it's that one person.
That one keepsake when we die.
Our last thought besides ourselves in our heart and mind.
Our final passion.
Now tell me that’s not dying together.

The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree,

I shall be enveloped, intoxicated in it's last words effigy,
Transcribed across the tablets of the deserts final plea,
It searches for my body
The coyote calls my name,
The sands ask for me as a trophy
They swallow up my grave,

The slits of eyes in my wrist and thighs show my life's vision out to sky, it sees the world from the deep inside where I hid it in my skin and my arteries,

When you find me dead bury me in the sand, il be a sand angel in 2010,

I was never worth consoling, hid from every one I knew, finally at the end you found you hate me too.

Guilts too hard to take, it ***** in my soul like a vacuum, guilt beats hate, Benton falls down in the bathroom,

The tiles watch him **** on the floor
He collapsed then shat and vomited more, whole lives fall in the toilet. too moist as miscarried babies,
So bury me in the desert,
So the mocking bird can't say ****.

My arms have been.
Cut off.
Feet.
Nailed to the floor.
I don't know what,
But I'm doing it wrong.

I feel so much.
At stake.
Like stakes through the heart.

I am grief incarnate.
No one's died.
I feel like all,
the flowers.

I'm sitting in a gravesite.
The ceremony was beautiful.

Was it.
0nly held.
And was I.
Only to be put in the ground.

I feel petrified in dirt.
Then dismembered,
De-powered, and swaddled in earth.

Can't move at all.
My brain's been eat out.
Imprisoned in this bed.
Being swallowed,
Whole trying to keep.

My insides down.

But it doesn't work

Oh dove,
How your nerves tug.
As you pick and *****.

Dove how you symbolize love.
How your neck is ringed, split.

Dove like two halves, are separate.
Head. Heart. Mind.

Dove. They are not as you wish.
The two forever entangle sinew.
Intertwine.

Crinkling anhydrous
I contort to shapes described by Pythagorus.
My shell collapses
Livings a burden heavy to break the camels back
Words for me are needles in needle stacks
You can't get out with out cutting your throat

Every time you leave I'm wringing my hands in my car
Every time I see men I reach towards the bar
For another beer

I'm sitting in my own belly full of bile and I need to ***** out these tears
And I need to cleanse my spirit
And I need to shine my gears

Cause I am rusting shut. My mouths left in the forest and the tin mans oilcan hands cut

Back in my truck I tuck and hide the thoughts yet want a concrete wall to spill my mind upon
And make a canvas out of the windshield of glass covered in grey mass

The endings more poetic then a **** with a crown extending.

Climb climb
addiction
calling my name
to the sunset
higher higher
altitude
sickness
calling my name
to horizon
further further
endurance
asking my
body
to the clouds
the stars
death, death
a drink, a pill,
pleasure
addiction
is calling my name
in place of an
empty blank
space
where
our eyes
met

I just curl into a ball.
And freeze under the rafters.
I can't grab the words I need,
To release them between,
My teeth,
And stop sinking,
Below the frosted air on the ground.

The crown of my heads busted and broken,
Into fragments of love I'm reduced to splinters of glass.
I cut my throat with them to see if I hurt.
Idont.

I need to be bounded with leather.
Heart skin crocheted into "Another" heart.
Atrial to carotid,
Her hand to mine.
Just give me the digits of your finger,
And I'll give you the life of my voice.
In volumes of poem.

I still will be that little boy shivering, convulsing, and scared in the floor.
With block wings in the stone.
You will still be a life saver given to me as a cyanide pill
in my teeth.
Sides of the cheek.
Press.
Display death in my face.
Then be released with pain.
Needing no savior.
Only an outlet for talk.

I quit writing.
To quit writing is the concept.
The concept is happy.
Happiness is the end cause of the deceased.

Family’s just.
An empty word.
Evokes no meaning.

Just spelled letters.
Cursive cursed.
No meaning to me.

It makes me sad,
Other people have,
Something I cant stab at,
Real hugs when things go bad,

From some one you care about.

I lost my home.
When I was 5 years old.
Became complacent and detached.

From gene.
Sharing people.
Like.
My dad.

I was supposed to be.
like them.
Instead I'm the way.
I am.

Holding no golden fleece.
Just a mind with ideas.
Released to them.
No meaning.

Holiday days are the worst.
I cant hold their hands and for sure not my words.
The only time I feel anxieties with them.
They ask me how I am I ask them how they can't.

Feel, what, I, feel.

We aren't a family.
We are just guilt.
Guilt to love, people, you hate.

And go to their funerals, buy them presents,
And,
Bring flowers, to their graves.


But I don't want.

To love them now.

They forgot me growing up.

Now my homes burnt down.

Passed out drunk
couldn’t cope
watched stars
in my eyelids
naked
dry
in humid
air
couldn’t carry it
needed something
3:41 AM
I woke
couldn’t cope
naked
drier
colder
couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t read
rolled and rolled
after eyes read
what they
never
wanted to see
pain commences
lurching commences
again.
Nothing said
makes it better
nothing done
time needed
well this
is bad timing

I grew up named ******
Transformed into dad.
Dragged her down but she doesn't think so


For her buoyant cheeks keep me afloat

How she will wish for such devices as I get to dip over

I shall try and try and pry towards keeping her safe
Yet she will hate me

Keeping her from this would be the worst
She would never go through this point she should dull through
She will never know that I feel every sting
I will never tell her
I will only feel her love
And feel love for her life

I think about you and I every day.
I drink because I know what's to come.
Doing everything for one person.
Even staying with your mother.
Tho you aren't mine to stay.
I choose to hide behind you.
Because you are strong without knowing
As I wish to know one day
Because you are stable and same
Through times you know don't change
When they do
Because your spine is strong enough to climb
Yet supple enough to crumble from our embrace

Hugging you to the ground
Lightening striking through my heart my love.
You won't get to love me like I love you
Nor like how maybe you wish you'd like to.
That's the saddest thing.

I know I will never be enough
But I will always know and tell you that you are more special than your situation.
More than how you feel

Feelings are illusions too.
You beautiful perfect creature are nothing but what you want
Not what I want or she wants or we the collective.
WANT.
There is no want.

There's just you in Your life.

Live.

We make dead bodies out of our beds.
Sleep with them like our best friends.
Back to back,
Spine to spine.
Our relationships put pillows over,
The unresponsive corpses.
Suffocating the coal of closeness,
And we trample through our mattress.
Each thread is tied to the same letter in a vein connecting hearts.

Through ink and blood.

The noose holds our grieving neck
The pillow suffocates our  cowardice
A syringe stops guilt we can't make up
And a final bow and jump ends our regret


For not being what we once knew we should be.
I melt with you in the end.

Suicide pact friend ship.
Notes to the dead.

Im an alcoholic.
But at least i can admit it
Emitic
And by that i mean i can sit up to myself in the mirror.
With a beer in hand and eyes crying beer the liver tears up and swells out the scars
Hepatic scerossitic serotyping for the virus of failure.
Im a weaker fatter lion
And capital won  and owns all my means of production and facebook lost function
And i dredge the bottom with my thoughts to bring back dead babies dead police and dead old guys they shot

And fall starts
Autumn begins it will be orange as my ***** after a night i wont remember
But the black out and anger will haunt her forever  and the orange shall be decoration to bring on the winter in full swing with depression


And more beer
No longer a happy guy
I havent energy anymore
Im not the guy you saw at the show that you legitimately thought was on speed because i was high on loving myself anymore and doing at least two punk shows a week.

Now im just an alcoholic.

And I have struggled through alcoholism
And I have struggled with pain
With guilt with blame
I've even struggled with the thought of struggling
And like a worm I wriggle and writhe through life
Trying to shed the exuvia that I love inside to shine to the world my true scales
My true merit
Not what I am but what I want to be

Through struggle I've tugged through and dug through the coffins of friends
Shackles of hardship
And been drug down by the anchors of change and hardships of stains upon my heart and the hearts of others
But I'm gunna dig my way to china
Find all the things that are finer
Release from gravity to sling shot altitude raising above the atmosphere as my guilt lifts
My ballon I will hold to and hold floating swift to escape this earth with a lightness in my heart.
I will bring that sun to all. I will raise my arm and grab at that fire ball to illuminate my loved ones.
To bring back to the darkness of man the truth.
To weigh upon the evil as the lead weight it laid upon me and dig those graves up.
I will save my friends.
I will make a new family.
I will be my unfaltering hero I've always needed.
And yours.

I was walking in the woods
I was followed by your ghost
Your the girl that I had drowned
Face down in my blood

You drank in the spit that I sprayed upon the floor as a texture to paint feelings upon a wall of ribs of a calf to grate your skin and my skin together
An alloy of animas

We shall carve with your cold faded hand into the knot of a heart wood forever in this copse
Wriggling to corpse in
Dead in the soil
Our wedding bed

Flaky shaky and spineless
As we should have been

We've always been the molded crown lining the ceiling watching others live.

The pine mounts the ground
To behead us.
We finally accept and egress towards the detritus floor
The needles shaking as we quake ever closer to the firmament ground where we were born
Becoming the fungus we love so dear
You're my slime mould

The winter Air hangs so crisp and i wish to hang in it
and wisp with the ether.
Drown in the calm. asphyxiate on the atmosphere
As submersed in photons that provide little heat to the overwhelming bleak

The grass is gone. All the water fell from the roots or left from its ceiling to the stratosphere
The vapor hangs around me. Suspended with me
But with lightness
Not weighted and tugged but stagnant as these sun rays. And the light wind breeze pushes me slightly too and fro
I'm like a twig in the wind with sails of leaves
But there's no spark in me. And the birds are the only ones who know. The contemplation has ended and i'm now just a temple of carbon and still blood.

The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree.

I'm driving miles, counting smiles, in the aisles, of the road.
In the forms of cracks, dips, and traps, where millions have drove.

I'm crouching, pouncing, dipping, dodging, frothing, lunging, from this load.
The grief strikes nails, through pails, that hold my appetites trails.

As it falls like sand, through the tin, of the can receptacle of this man.
This stomachs a trick as the food softly slips through nicks in the net of the canvas of this bed

I cannot eat,
Sleep,
Feed,
Or drink.

I cannot want,
Gain,
Deflect,
The pain

My hungers a mountain i cannot climb,
Now its a grave i dig named "mine"
I own up to my own grief, its the chief of my beliefs.
Hold my throat to the sheers, cut close to veins my dear.
For i deserve where i lay, in the streets, or in the bay,
And my death will be on loan, i will own up to these bones.
I have created this devil in my eyes.
The mirror death mirage.

I shouldn't open up my cage
And let my voice out.

Liquify,

Modernize,

Affix,

Me.

Dicast parts,
Formalize,
Metastasize.

I am Growing this agar's too small.

Feral,
Lycanthropy,
Hearts.

Through the stigma,
my bones bleed,
my wreaths hanging,
Sagging.
Of unwelcome,
all my being.
of unwelcome,
all my being.

The Truth of getting older,
the senescence of emotion
The people we love and once were,
Are gone forever.

I am not for this heartless place.
I am but Peter Pan,
understanding.

A bitter struggle,
While trampled underfoot.

Of a world,
Not built for us.

Built for no one.

I still exist.

even when im ******* dead
Im ******* dead

I still exist inside your head
a rust can
a dust bucket
fickle men

divide by death
and exist in heart
******* eyes
blinded by the last resort

behead the nerves of will and ghost

sake fined by the
keepers
gross
exhaustion of mortality

Guilted,

In hate,

Postpartum,

Separation.

Convulsing, spitting
coughing, blaming.

I'm ruining my life, just let me die.

Set fire, Ego Death
brain case, gnashed teeth.

guilt braces on leg, only this holding me up.
swelling belly of the person i love

Mend yourself
do it on your own
no one can help you

they try and say
you're doing great
they don't understand

i was so much
more fragile
than i thought i was

im just fine
terror in my eyes
a soulless stammer

no one loves or likes you,

dead. and no one cares



They found you in the
apartment
your stench ruined their day.

an indigent  inconvenience

they left the blood on the floor
they'll burn it up anyway

the bugs love you more than
you ever felt
no one could fill the void in
your existence
the humors once inside you
leaked to fill the crevices
in the complex plumbing

Micron thin recurve spines
Guided down the grooves in the bones
Pulling your sadness through the veins that follow the strings stinging to your toes

White powder
Glistens in the moon
Spreading light.
Sap away your stomach
Ulcer
Festering
Hole burned
Altering
Your smile strips

Paint plummets
On the top of your foot

Left alone two days
The paint dried
Tears didn't

The fence around your neck
Holding high your chin and head
Squeezes a throat
Door
Cry
Gates bashed with bleached
Red

Don't want a soul  to hop out the opening .
Hang the ghost sheet in the closet
Use a hanger put your body on it
Then hang the bones and meat next to the *****

Cut the sod
 24 inches wide
Dig deep only 2 feet
5 foot long and crumpled
Pieced perfectly for feeding

Shattered grave
Of .a .life .loved.
Then lost

Brain weighs
Of. atlas
burdened shoulders

Dig through. The bones and marrow
Poison thoughts. digging scars in your arms

Follow through.
The. graves.
Suc.cu.bus. tongue

Seduction From
a bed of self slaughter

Tears dried
You aren't for crying

Blood dripped
Won't fix this cough


From your lungs

No way back
From this forest
My neurons have phantom limbs
These ents have me helpless




Impaled
On.my.own.thoughts.
Heavy

These patterns
These crushing crutches


Our spectres crawl
On the floor
This cabin

Is a hell
Stuck in
A ghost dance of

Scarecrows
With gaped throats
Saw teeth
Stuck in our smiles


We ruin
Everything
We destroy
Everything
We collapse
Every *****.             The trade off part
The piano keys
We have broken

Released
Through stitches bursting
The straws out
Our metal hearts rusting

Hurt our selves
Hurt each other
Burdens of
Guilt becomes us.    
Figments
Of destroyed fragments
Of released
haunting patterns

Scarecrows
With gaped throats
Saw teeth
Stuck in our smiles
Lacerated trees
sap beings
Filled with ghost
This suicide

Wind blown trees
We corpse and Rot in
the basement
Of ruined dreams
Degrading forever
No molecules left
the elements Remnants
All that there is

lead weights
Thrown over the levee

My eyes
Pick apart my failures

Nothing will
Ever fix our broken hearts

Quilted the loss
Into a patch making sense


Death
systems
Cadavered
systems

I had Your
Hand
But
You're eyes can't see me
The locket
I never got to give you
Would have held
Our Secrets
Had i got the time

Time Fell off,
the Veneer of our love
the body
Of our Chimera

Teeth, Fallout,

We cant share these,
the body of our Chimera

A Siamese foot out of the casket
the dependence of mind
the body of our Chimera

I lay on,
Top of you
coddling our parts pressed
together
trying, Melt in you
or just fall out into you

mixing waxes from two evils

our sick busted brains

The body dead
of our Chimera.

I hold our throat together, so it falls not apart, no  words can come out, trapped, in the forest of ivory monoliths and the strongest miscarriages, and you pull back the hammer, we fall to the black.

OUR MONSTER HAS DIED.

Need supplants want, except when you die from want and need keeps you wanting death.


Wants have always cost less than needs in this america. then they tell you its your fault as they build your stumbling block.

Cut divine
**** divide

life box cut out sides.

Stomping yourself in denim sadness

Stomping trudging
Breaking bones
A mire of tar in our lungs seeps

Cutting the circulation
Between reality
A mountain of mole hills engulfs us


Our reflections in these SHARDS
Detach trauma from our hearts
A PACE MAKER OF ANGUISH

This ataxic syncopation
reality and viral vision
A pace maker of anguish

Laying in this ***** den
Of bankruptcy
Our place isn't forgiveness

It's not something we can earn or
Give
People are not your objects

Denim Jean's
Sadness
A beat stomped from existance
Rythm
Dies
A beat stomped from existence

Existance
Is putrid
I smell it
On your breath
Existance
Is anguish
This prison
Of brain meat
Existance
Beautiful
Without me
I'll miss it

Obsidian shoes
And diamond armor

Won't protect me

A mind of gold and
heart like a watch

Won't carry the breath beat of the cities


I have a death inside me
A rotting corpse
An Identical being
stomach's retching remorse
strapped to this dead body
I'm carrying in my heart
A symbiote child
Sewn to the dark

Help me drive a stake through
Myself
Help me release all I thought I was

All the pain guilt and anguish I am


All that has defined me from my wrongs

Economics of doing what you hate
Incellic feminast

The dead are our zoo animals.
Their cages beneath the soil.
Listen to the earth breathe
with their desiccated lungs cracking/creaking

They don't care if we watch them ****. Hidden from our view

I want my body
Thrown in the desert
The
coyotes
To gorge on me

The vultures to
Eat my sin
No countries
Contain my carbon

Imaginary
Photographs
Of happy days
To keep me in

No funeral music
No black veils
My smile
My skull
My own
I die alone

No paper can encapsulate my life
No tradition will give you closure
You cant steal closure

I’m opening my chest
Handing out ribs for everyone
Each person a shard of time
Each glass splinter from the cage that locketed my heart

Can you imagine the carnival **** for my death

Crystalline creation cremated for wax
Candles made from me bleed
Ossified dribbles of molten mass
Dehydrate, to dust and snort my being

I can take a nail to each joint
Contort ligaments
Hexagram my body parts to a plywood headstone
Force a blood curse on this carcass
**** my mouth with your tears
Take photos of my death
Spread it all over the time segments
Shove it in every iris space
Trapped in the black hole for eternity
A moment it’s happened
The light can’t be taken back
It can bend and refract but is forced to bounce around forever.

Photons of evil.
A martyr of existance.

Liquify
Modernize
AFFix
Me

Die cast parts
Formalize
Metastasize

Feral
Haunt
Metastasize

I’m growing
This agar’s
Too small

Soothe
The stigma
My palms bleed

MY wreaths
Of unwelcome
All my being

The truth of getting older
The senescence of emotion

The people we love and once were
Are gone forever

I am not for this Heartless place
I am but Peter Pan understanding

A bitter struggle
While trampled underfoot
Of a world not built for us

()
Motionless
Stammering
Pounding
my chest

Earthquakes
Hidden
Behind
Rotting voices

()
A beer coddling me
Swaying
This molecular addiction
Is a mouse trap I love
A hammock for replacement
Of a mannequin family

Do you sleep between those trees
Of arms bows holding essence insecurities
I’m my insecurities
I am These weakness that are Strength