Nah you were a corpse with a noose around your neck with just a blip of a heart beat on an EKG made of trees laying to rest.

She's a scared little girl and the only way she knows how to survive is off the blood and life of other people.

So I tease and tease the needle injecting, inspecting the vein liquid.

Laying up in that bed for hours with your kidneys being your friends and your head ripping your chest from your intercostals tossing your throat out your teeth through the grate lain cross your open gape

A chamber we both never wanted you lain.
Gas chambering hospital of mucus and babies puking their dead guts out.

Septic ulcer, septic shock, sepsemia.
All the bacteria love you like your their mother inlaws.
And finally you set us free from mine
That caniving, ruthless wretch watched you in the bed.
Floated above ours watching us both.
Escaped we did and finally we won't go back.
Anorexic we starve ourselves now of sharing carbon and gravitating space pits.
The blankets still make dips where we lay but they aren't the same blanket, the threads aren't long enough to cross and make up the same fabric between 100 miles so that an immediate affect between the atoms can be felt between us.

My babies still kicking though.
That's safe.

I was walking in the woods
I was followed by your ghost
Your the girl that I had drowned
Face down in my blood

You drank in the spit that I sprayed upon the floor as a texture to paint feelings upon a wall of ribs of a calf to grate your skin and my skin together
An alloy of animas

We shall carve with your cold faded hand into the knot of a heart wood forever in this copse
Wriggling to corpse in
Dead in the soil
Our wedding bed

Flaky shaky and spineless
As we should have been

We've always been the molded crown lining the ceiling watching others live.

The pine mounts the ground
To behead us.
We finally accept and egress towards the detritus floor
The needles shaking as we quake ever closer to the firmament ground where we were born
Becoming the fungus we love so dear
You're my slime mould

And I have struggled through alcoholism
And I have struggled with pain
With guilt with blame
I've even struggled with the thought of struggling
And like a worm I wriggle and writhe through life
Trying to shed the exuvia that I love inside to shine to the world my true scales
My true merit
Not what I am but what I want to be

Through struggle I've tugged through and dug through the coffins of friends
Shackles of hardship
And been drug down by the anchors of change and hardships of stains upon my heart and the hearts of others
But I'm gunna dig my way to china
Find all the things that are finer
Release from gravity to sling shot altitude raising above the atmosphere as my guilt lifts
My ballon I will hold to and hold floating swift to escape this earth with a lightness in my heart.
I will bring that sun to all. I will raise my arm and grab at that fire ball to illuminate my loved ones.
To bring back to the darkness of man the truth.
To weigh upon the evil as the lead weight it laid upon me and dig those graves up.
I will save my friends.
I will make a new family.
I will be my unfaltering hero I've always needed.
And yours.

I think if I hurt enough.
I could write forever.
The blood is the words on the page.
With all names drawn in the skin of every girl or soul or body I've written in.

I'm just trying to make something beautiful. Make something that makes me happy.

Seeing these people in the world I live.
I know it's not real.
I know that I'm just music in flux but a different metal designed into the fabric of complexes sewn into  the crystals.

I can't sniff from my nose now. Cuz I'm 26
That's too old.
Not old enough to die.
And you're never old enough to die. Nor young enough to live.

Beer by beer we walk the streets in new lights.
All the cities offer new drains to seap into and breathe damp clusters of anathema.
Gaining asthma.


The loss from living is your lungs.
Breathing in is worth the pain of the silica of sniffing the grass spicules after a rain.

Chewing our way through cellulose and evolution of carnassials.

Sit down, throw up, pass out,
In your own *****,
Dying,
And no body cares.

Pat your, self on,
The back,
Hold back your head,
Crying,
Spit in your hair.

The drunkards death for me,
Slow and easy,
Destructed and lonely,
One apartment. Dead.

Fly friends circling waiting to eat me.
Smelling of failure in every *****.
Bot corpse now housed ****** and drowned in the thrones organs.
Bloated and filled with tears from family.

My life's,
A toilet,
Bowels are,
Disposed in,
Crippled,
Defeated in pain.

Wash up,
Clean out,
Help him,
See that,
Faceless,
Empty death bed.

The party is over.
The funeral was without visitors.
Like a guy that kills himself,
To spite his ex girlfriend.

We make dead bodies out of our beds.
Sleep with them like our best friends.
Back to back,
Spine to spine.
Our relationships put pillows over,
The unresponsive corpses.
Suffocating the coal of closeness,
And we trample through our mattress.
Each thread is tied to the same letter in a vein connecting hearts.

Through ink and blood.

The noose holds our grieving neck
The pillow suffocates our  cowardice
A syringe stops guilt we can't make up
And a final bow and jump ends our regret


For not being what we once knew we should be.
I melt with you in the end.

Suicide pact friend ship.
Notes to the dead.

I put a baby inside
Of the belly of my Bonney lass bride
Twice
Say the ****** covered by placenta
Looking through her *** to deaths eye
She may live he may die
He may live I'll lose my wife
Through the cream pie I stare down death
Between her ***** holds hemorrhage and life

Bleeding down her c-section

The acreted blood sac could cause infection
Already has
My baby gave multiple blood poisoned hits to her kidney

He's already a fighter I think he'll beat me up. He's going to come out with bigger boots than mine, prolly a bigger ****.

Hope they both make it.
I can't fix it
My hands are tied in the cervical opening, my minds wrapped in the emboli cal cord, and my fingers are twiddling thumbs nauseously in Beccas ******.

I should take Lornhes place in the amniotic fluid and gag myself in the fetal position


Or I could do what no one does these days.
Be a man of character.
Show him passion, knowledge, courage, and integrity.


Be a Father.

P.S. Son. All dads are letdowns, when you read this one day. I hope I have done my best. I Love You.

                                  Lendon Partain