I have loved you for 532 days
And I will love you for 532 more

The thought of you consumes me
From the moment I wake up
Until the moment I go to sleep
You never leave my head
The memories of us
Laughing at the smallest things
How you’d hold me at night
Every little thing reminds me of you
You have consumed me whole
And I don’t think I’ll ever get out

I want to die
There is no secret meaning behind this one
It’s plain and simple
I do not wish to be alive

I still want to die
Maybe more than ever before
I do not feel safe in myself
I haven’t in a long time

you were in my dream last night
i was lying on your chest
arms wrapped around me
your head on mine
it felt so real
that i cried when i woke up and saw you weren’t there
i would die to feel your arms around me one more time

You’re the first person to kiss me just to kiss me
The first to mean it when you say you love me
The first to make me believe there was good in the world
The first to show me how it felt to be truly loved
And now you’re the last
The last to have their lips on mine
The last to trace their hand across my body
The last to say I love you
The last person I want to have

Not talking to you drives me insane
I don’t know what to do with myself
I have so many things I want to say to you
So many things to tell you
I go more insane everyday
You are the only one I want to talk to
The only one I have the energy to talk to
I want you to wait for me to get better
But I understand if you don’t
I wouldn’t wait for me either

All I can do is lie in bed
Trying to catch my breath
As the tears won’t stop coming

i miss you harder tonight
and i don’t know why
maybe it’s because i’ve been trying not to think of you
and it’s my brains way of not letting me forget
but **** man
it hurts like a *****

all i have left of you is clothes that smell faintly of you
and a letter you wrote me
god knows how much i’ve read it
i wish i could hear it in your voice
i wish i didn’t get like this over you
i wish i could stop feeling like this
i wish i could get over you
but i don’t know that i will
and i hate that
i hate it so much
i hate that i won’t see you again
or hear your voice
i hate that i did this
i wish we could go back to the beginning and start over

i can feel myself forgetting your voice
it’s the one thing i didn’t want to happen
the voice that could calm me down instantly
but now it’s just a faint echo in my head
slowly creeping away
what i would give to hear you tell me
you love me one more time

Tell me you hate me
That you didn’t love me
That you never wanted me
That it was all a lie
That you don’t miss me
That you regret everything
Just tell me these things
To make it easy for me to leave

i’m sorry i couldn’t be what you wanted
i’m sorry you for hurting you
i’m sorry for getting angry over the small things
i’m sorry about for all the ****** things i did
i’m sorry i couldn’t be there for you
i’m sorry for how i acted
i’m sorry for everything
all i wanted i was to grow up to marry you
i wanted a life with you
standing in the kitchen cooking together
being able to kiss you when i wanted
to sleep next to you and be able to turn over and cuddle you when i can’t sleep
i know saying sorry means jack **** and doesn’t make up for anything
just know i loved you so so much

I will pick and scratch at my hands
Until they’re red raw
Just so I don’t have to remember how it felt to touch you
Because when I look at them
They don’t feel like mine
All I can think about
Is how it felt to hold your hand
How it felt to hold you

I found your hat under my bed
I have slept on it every night
And worn it every day
I know you probably want it back
But I can’t bring myself to give it to you
It’s the only piece of you I have left
And I am not ready to give that up
So maybe one day in the future
If I see you in passing while I’m wearing it
I’ll be able to give it back to you
But until then
I’m gonna to cherish the last piece of you I have

i’d let you scream and yell at me if it meant hearing your voice
i’d let you punch and scratch me if it meant you touching me
i’d let you destroy me if it meant being near you