You’re a shadow in the back of my mind,
Sometimes the darkness consumes me,
For days or weeks on end,
And it feels like I can’t breath,
Your name is clawing its way up my throat,
Aching to be called out,
But I can only whisper it,
In the early hours of the morning,
Where no one can hear or see me

I still dream about you
All the things we did
And all we haven’t done
I dream of us lying in bed talking
Or cooking in the kitchen together
I dream of us travelling
And staying up all night because we don’t want to sleep
You are in nearly all of my dreams
And I wake up sadder each morning

You’ll find someone new
You’ll move on from me
You’ll find someone that will love you how you need
You’ll get on with your life
But me?
I won’t move on
Or find someone new
I’ll be stuck in the memories of us
I’ll always be waiting in case you want to come back
I’ll always hope you come back

I find us in everything
Be it a game I’m playing
Pets I see together
Leaves on the floor
I see us in everything
I see you in everything
I don’t think it will ever stop
And we’ll never cross paths again

We’re back to being strangers
After everything we went through
It doesn’t feel right
But there’s nothing I can do about it
I am trying to be okay with it
I don’t know if I ever will be

I still want to die
Maybe more than ever before
I do not feel safe in myself
I haven’t in a long time

You’re the first person to kiss me just to kiss me
The first to mean it when you say you love me
The first to make me believe there was good in the world
The first to show me how it felt to be truly loved
And now you’re the last
The last to have their lips on mine
The last to trace their hand across my body
The last to say I love you
The last person I want to have

I want to die
There is no secret meaning behind this one
It’s plain and simple
I do not wish to be alive

Not talking to you drives me insane
I don’t know what to do with myself
I have so many things I want to say to you
So many things to tell you
I go more insane everyday
You are the only one I want to talk to
The only one I have the energy to talk to
I want you to wait for me to get better
But I understand if you don’t
I wouldn’t wait for me either

I found your hat under my bed
I have slept on it every night
And worn it every day
I know you probably want it back
But I can’t bring myself to give it to you
It’s the only piece of you I have left
And I am not ready to give that up
So maybe one day in the future
If I see you in passing while I’m wearing it
I’ll be able to give it back to you
But until then
I’m gonna to cherish the last piece of you I have

I will pick and scratch at my hands
Until they’re red raw
Just so I don’t have to remember how it felt to touch you
Because when I look at them
They don’t feel like mine
All I can think about
Is how it felt to hold your hand
How it felt to hold you

Tell me you hate me
That you didn’t love me
That you never wanted me
That it was all a lie
That you don’t miss me
That you regret everything
Just tell me these things
To make it easy for me to leave

I have loved you for 532 days
And I will love you for 532 more

All I can do is lie in bed
Trying to catch my breath
As the tears won’t stop coming

The thought of you consumes me
From the moment I wake up
Until the moment I go to sleep
You never leave my head
The memories of us
Laughing at the smallest things
How you’d hold me at night
Every little thing reminds me of you
You have consumed me whole
And I don’t think I’ll ever get out

i’d let you scream and yell at me if it meant hearing your voice
i’d let you punch and scratch me if it meant you touching me
i’d let you destroy me if it meant being near you

all i have left of you is clothes that smell faintly of you
and a letter you wrote me
god knows how much i’ve read it
i wish i could hear it in your voice
i wish i didn’t get like this over you
i wish i could stop feeling like this
i wish i could get over you
but i don’t know that i will
and i hate that
i hate it so much
i hate that i won’t see you again
or hear your voice
i hate that i did this
i wish we could go back to the beginning and start over

i haven’t cried this hard in a while
i hate that you have this effect on me
i wish and wish that i could get over this
but you have some sort of hold on me
and i want it to stop
i want it to stop so bad
i want to be able to be okay so bad
but it feels like i can’t be
i just feel a hole in my stomach and chest
and i don’t know how to fill it

you were in my dream last night
i was lying on your chest
arms wrapped around me
your head on mine
it felt so real
that i cried when i woke up and saw you weren’t there
i would die to feel your arms around me one more time

i miss you harder tonight
and i don’t know why
maybe it’s because i’ve been trying not to think of you
and it’s my brains way of not letting me forget
but **** man
it hurts like a *****

i can feel myself forgetting your voice
it’s the one thing i didn’t want to happen
the voice that could calm me down instantly
but now it’s just a faint echo in my head
slowly creeping away
what i would give to hear you tell me
you love me one more time