i’m sorry i couldn’t be what you wanted
i’m sorry you for hurting you
i’m sorry for getting angry over the small things
i’m sorry about for all the ****** things i did
i’m sorry i couldn’t be there for you
i’m sorry for how i acted
i’m sorry for everything
all i wanted i was to grow up to marry you
i wanted a life with you
standing in the kitchen cooking together
being able to kiss you when i wanted
to sleep next to you and be able to turn over and cuddle you when i can’t sleep
i know saying sorry means jack **** and doesn’t make up for anything
just know i loved you so so much

I still want to die
Maybe more than ever before
I do not feel safe in myself
I haven’t in a long time

You’re the first person to kiss me just to kiss me
The first to mean it when you say you love me
The first to make me believe there was good in the world
The first to show me how it felt to be truly loved
And now you’re the last
The last to have their lips on mine
The last to trace their hand across my body
The last to say I love you
The last person I want to have

I want to die
There is no secret meaning behind this one
It’s plain and simple
I do not wish to be alive

Not talking to you drives me insane
I don’t know what to do with myself
I have so many things I want to say to you
So many things to tell you
I go more insane everyday
You are the only one I want to talk to
The only one I have the energy to talk to
I want you to wait for me to get better
But I understand if you don’t
I wouldn’t wait for me either

I found your hat under my bed
I have slept on it every night
And worn it every day
I know you probably want it back
But I can’t bring myself to give it to you
It’s the only piece of you I have left
And I am not ready to give that up
So maybe one day in the future
If I see you in passing while I’m wearing it
I’ll be able to give it back to you
But until then
I’m gonna to cherish the last piece of you I have

I will pick and scratch at my hands
Until they’re red raw
Just so I don’t have to remember how it felt to touch you
Because when I look at them
They don’t feel like mine
All I can think about
Is how it felt to hold your hand
How it felt to hold you