How do I even start, and where do I begin?
What differs between then  and now?
How does one get caught between
Space and time? or prioritize death over life?,
Or Must I blame the monster in the mirror
Or sympathize with a broken boy in the interior
Must I speak my mind or try to filter
How do I put together sugar-coated words,
But be as straight as a double edge sword?

I am stuck between love and hate and
Conflicted between peace and pain,
Convicted without having gone to jail,
A prisoner in my own mind and a slave
Of my own forever active brain's madness  or
insanity to bring about unto the careless world clarity
or give sense of life in this soulless body of mine
or come to terms with the realities of  this uneasy life
Or reach for uncertainties of next one?

How can one book promise us to reap according to our deeds
but also curse the sons according to their father's sins
Do I live life without  meaning or avoid my past and still be me
Do I accept my circumstances as they are
and face my challenges as they come?
Must I choose  myself  all the time, or
Consider the casualties in the war between
myself and I?

Must I look for a silver lining in every dark cloud
Shall I wait for the dawn in every dark  night
Or Must we live in faith and hope for a brighter
dawn after dusk
Must a wait for a miracle to settle  the dust
Must I patiently wait  for invitation to the afterlife
or Must I make the most out of the current  one?

I am lost between two worlds of kindness and bitterness
I am caught between blame games and wilderness
I can easily maneuverer if I was heartless and careless
I can easily take the pain or indulge in my numbness
Must I know the book of psalms by heart or pay tithes  
Must I drown the sorrows in the palms  and wines
For tigers don’t  cry, but what a man without  emotions or tears
How does one win the battle of life without conquering their fears?

I guess I’ll  find the answers one day,
I will keep my fingers crossed,
but for now I am still Conflicted.

Like blind leading the blind I follow my heart
and it leads me back to your warm arms,
As I hang myself in a knot of your love
and kick the bucket of my own pride
I am well aware that this is not right,  
but it is the only language I recognize

I know very well the road only leads
to one destination and yet I still hold
my head high and steadily, through I walk.
I am pleading with you to take me as
a sacrifice, hoping to get comfort, and
warmth in the walls of your iced heart
Not that I am complaining  of the emptiness
In the depth of your brown eye *****

Slit my throat  as the lamb, for I long but
nothing other than suffering in your presences
For the fear of the unknown is worse
than the devil I already know, I don’t know
what life without you feels like anymore
Or at least I find it very hard to remember,
For the only  memories I have in what left
of my sanity is none other than heart ache

Here I am, take me, take me as I am and
do with me what your heart desire,
For I have accepted my fate is dire
I have come to terms with betrayal
I have been here before, not once or twice
Truth is I have lost the count,
but I still get goose bumps and lose my mind
It still all strike me  as a surprise

The thought of being here is comforting than away,
because only here I feel free and can let my guard down
And let you spill the blood from my heart to yours
As you make this sacrifice please remember the clause
Remember all the hymns and sing all the songs
As you Slit my throat with your words,
leaving me feeling worthless like a clown

But like I said I have been here before,
so the pain can’t be hard to endure
We are already here, so you might
As well just **** me once again

Just this time, make sure it eternal.

Let me in your head a little bit,
so our love feels like fairy-tale
As I whisper something in your ears,
do hear me slowly exhale
Then inhale your sweet fragrance
And a sweet scent of your hair

I want nothing than to be close to you,
so stay close to me too
Never leave my sight, for
I will always be by your side
Lie to me, say you all mine,
And yes I will believe you,
for it all I desire.

For I find in you what can never
be found anywhere else
Sorry if I do strike you as though
I am a little Obsessed
When I am with  you,
it like time move in reverse.

I can not wait for a next moment,
to rub my skin unto yours
while my eyes are fixed in  your eyes
May we switch tongues
as you Indulge in pleasure, and
heat is persists in your thighs

Lie on my chest and tell me
stories about your thrilling life
There is nothing precious
as staring at your beautiful smile
Please say that you are all mine,
for I am yours since we crossed paths

Let us connect in spirit, as we synchronize
on a heart to heart
Caress me with your magical soft hands
Feel my heavy  passionate breaths and
pressure as blood runs on my chest

She said I want none but you,
Trust me, nothing matters
For as long as I'm with you
Everything I say is true
So are my feelings for you

Open your heart,
Let me make you feel safe
Let me keep you at ease
I'll be your place to rest
You can open your chest

He did, just as per her request
He let his guard down
He spoke his mind
He confessed his feelings
He followed her lead

She said you have to trust me
She said I only want to help
but you must let me in first
You must lean on me babe, and
Just like that he was tamed

Comfortably, he got lost
in the shades of her gentleness
He fell asleep to the softness of
Her voice,
like a king in the tenderness of
Her skin

He enjoyed her surprises
The wildness, the craziness
The compliments,
The tickling, giggles
Kisses and all

He gave her, everything
She did the same, and more
She even decorated
His back with a knife
How lovely?

My beloved season is yet to come
I can't wait to feel the touch of frost
The smell of snow in the morning dew
The pretty little whitest stones dust  
The coldest darkest dawn and dusk

The season of love and cuddles
The season of coal and candles
The season of cold and sneezers
The season of wool and blankets


My favourite season is yet come
For so many reasons I've waited
As many others pass

I remember when everything was simple
I prayed everything seemed possible
I had dreams too they were really huge
I did done things that were really cool
I was amongst a few good examples

Until you came and chained me
Until you came and jailed me
Until you came and took from me
My sight as you blindfolded me, so
You can take my hand, as you leaded me
To your cage and told me it was ok.

You brought shame, you brought fear
You brought pain and you brought tears
You broke my bones and crippled me
You took from me the blessings and
You changed the real me and everything
You took from me my soul and my spirit.

I wish I could go back, but I'm jailed
I wish I could be free, but I'm chained
I tried to escape in one and many ways
I tried not to lose hope, but it just fades
I tried to stay strong as they said
I tried to push and punch but I failed.

Don't you get tied, don't you get bored
Don't you see that I'm harmless
Don't you see that I'm worthless
How could you be so heartless
Why you fighting me, I'm defenseless
You have everything, I have nothing left

Just leave me, just free me
I want to just be me, the old me
I want to pray, I want to play
Good songs of praise and dance
I want to sleep at night
I wat have a big smile without you.


I just want you to stay away from me
I will keep away from you too.

There's everyone else, then there's you
I think of something pretty then I close
My eyes and see you, then talk to myself
As if I'm talking to you

I really hope that you will notice
The way I look at you, 'cause it has a message that says I love you but I'm scared of telling you

It kills me softly but sadly I can't tell you
Not 'cause I don't want to, but I don't trust that you do too, but if you don't, then  it ok cause it doesn't change anything not a bit

I still think about you
I still kiss you, in my mind
I still hold you and tell you
That I love you

I'm not crazy, I just have
A crush on you.

I was there sitting up straight like everyone, I was walking around with my head up like everyone, my stomach was tucked in and my chest was out like everyone, I shared jokes and I laughed with everyone

I was with them, I was just with them
But my mind wasn't there, so I stopped
Laughing and frowned on, their jokes were never funny at all, I slowly moved away until I couldn't hear them at all.

Then I remembered all the trauma
I remembered all the bad things I have been through, I then went and challenged myself in a battle of words and I lost
It saddened me, but it was just that.

I wish they'd hear me asking and answer
I wish they'd see me battling and chant
My name to give me strength and support, but they were so deep in their jokes, they laughed as if they celebrated my down fall as my mind punched me down and I felt.

Sadly I was with them but they were never with me, I cried out but they couldn't hear me, there I was lying down the bruise in my head bled till I died,
right in front of them

Yes I was with them, I was knocked down and killed in front of them, the jokes  the music and everything that was trending at the time is all that mattered to them when I tried reaching out to them

Yes I was with them. I died in front of them.


By: Lefa Ndlovu

She opened her warm arms for you Smiling and welcoming you deep into
Her heart, tears of joy filled her eyes, she
Hoped for not so much but just love, she
Trusted you to respect her and never to Break her heart and you promised never In your sober senses to hurt her
And she felt for it

You looked straight into her eyes,
Knowing very well you feeding her lies,
Manipulated  her mind and She only Believed you felt the same, not Knowing You brought her nothing but shame,  
When you came and played her
She thought  that You Were the one but You were planning to hit her behind and run leaving her behind

She treated you with kindness but you Were so heartless you stinged her  with Your bitterness you  came and change
The game took her innocence planing to Leave her in pain although she was with You through the rain you chewed and Threw her in drain, although she gave You all she had  you still took from her more than she gave, then you left

She never complained because she had Faith in you but you took advantage
With your fake love, you won her mind And her heart, she gave you more her soul But all you did was bruise and hurt her Then you left her in pain she could have Sent you to jail or prayed you to burn in Hell but instead she chose to forgive you Because she love and she cares for you

You injected her with lies and false hope She accepted you  with all your flaws but
You rejected her after getting what you wanted, not only you fooled and failed her
To fullfil your own evil shelfish feelings  
You played her.

Sleeplessly I spent my night
Not even a blink my eyes has done
I wandered in the deepest thoughts
A lot was in my mind, yes a lot

I know not so much, but if you
Ask me this is not right
Not for me, not for you
Certainly for neither of us

I ask myself if, had I not met you
Could I have known what I know?
Would my heart be cold as a snow?
Would my mind feel like it will explode?

But it is normal to feel like this, right?
Well maybe it isn't, and  I'm just trying
To convince myself one day it will be alright, but what if doesn't?

I ask myself, if loving you was alright
Then why does it hurt so much
If losing you was part of the plan
Why fall inlove in the first place?

If leaving you will numb all this pain
Then why does it seem so hard?
Why don't I sleep at night?
Why am I not feeling alright?

Another night gone without a blink
Another day gone without a decent sleep
There I was long lost in thoughts so deep
A wandering shepherdless flock of sheep

Does this ever happen to you?
Do you ever wish I was next to you?
Do you ever wish I never met you?
Do you ever doubt the love I have for you?

Well I do that a lot lately.
But do you blame me?
Or you just don't care
You've had enough maybe