He loved his new girlfriend's collard greens and yams.
His other girlfriend had only fed him spam.
His other girlfriend had always put his spam in a bowl.
With only one little dinner roll.
His other girlfriend had always treated him like a dog.
His new girlfriend brought him sunshine instead of a fog.

60 red roses for 60 beautiful years that they spent together.
60 red roses for making it through all kinds of weather.
60 red roses for 60 years of wonderful love.
60 red roses for 60 years of more happiness than the heavens above.
60 red roses for a loving wife.
60 red roses for a sweetheart for life.

It was a great day for a summer stroll.
Just sweetheart, me, and my favorite cane fishing pole.
Looking for a day of fun.
Down at the local fishing pond.

The sun was was warm and the fish were biting great that day.
Enjoying the pond waves ripple and the way the bobber did sway.
Sweetheart was looking very **** in a seductive way.
But all I had on my mind was fish fillet.

Darling, the Jamaican night was sizzling.
And so were you in your one piece bathing suit.
Looking delicious like pineapple fruit.

The brilliant stars dotted the sky.
Beads of pearls dripped down your face.
Sweet coconut milk on your lips I could taste.

A lady of high fashion.
A white sand beach.
A night filled with passion.
You and I climbing love's highest peak.

5 more miles to LA.
He had come a long way.
Coming to this beautiful and sunny place.
Is where he always planned to stay.
He was going to make California his home.
He would be very successful.
Because he was smart and strong.

He had just gotten back from the grocery store.
When he dropped a 2 liter Coca Cola bottle on his big toe.
The pain almost made him want to choke.
He was lucky that it wasn't broke.
His girlfriend told him to stop crying like a wimp.
Or she would put him to bed and take his temp.

Every night before I sleep.
I get down on my knees and pray.
Thanking God for sending your love my way.

Every morning when I open my eyes.
And look at the beautiful sky.
I thank God for another day with you.
A love who makes all my days so fresh and new.

With every breath.
I thank God for a love that's true.
And true love darling is you.

She said, I'm leaving you.
He said okay.
She said, I'm taking all the money and the house.
He said okay.
She said, I'm taking Champ the dog.
He said, that's not okay.

Some people must have thought that they were going insane.
Because Perry and his girlfriend were walking arm in arm in a heavy rain.
Perry's umbrella said to them why haven't you opened me up yet.
Then you two lovebirds wouldn't have to be all wet.
Perry knew that his umbrella was speaking out of place.
Because he just loved seeing the raindrops caress his girlfriend's face.

Playing beach volleyball on the sand.
Gloria looked so hot with her California tan.
Being eyeballed by all the guys.
Looking sweeter than apple pie.
Wearing her skimpy bikini.
Prettiest of all the scenery.

He found a wallet full of money.
He was feeling sweeter than honey.
He became bewildered when his conscience said, take the money and run.
Go on a spending spree and have some fun.
He said, conscience you are so full of crap.
You usually tell me to do the right thing.
But you need to shut your thieving trap.

Willie the husky friendly as could be.
Loved to *** on the neighbor's favorite tree.
Willie was good a dog as they come.
But this one bad habit his owner couldn't break him from.

Birds sing.
Sweethearts dream.
The heart knows that it's spring.

Love buds.
Root Beer suds.
Children play.
Moms pray.

Thank God for life.
And another spring day.

He was the world's stingiest cheat.
He went to funerals just for the eats.
It didn't matter whether he knew the deceased person or not.
He only went for a plate of food that was hot.
No one would ever consider him a good chap.
He was just a stingy piece of crap.

She walks through life without a care.
The girl with the strawberry hair.
She glides on top of the world.
The girl with the strawberry curls.

She's every boy's dream.
Sweet as cherries and ice cream.
Pretty as flowers in spring.
She makes all the guys' hearts sing.

Our love was whispered on the wind tonight.
Everything was right when we held each other.
So very tight.

Our love was reflected by the moon.
Our song of love.
We could hear the wind croon.

The wind whispered.
Trust your heart.
Go with your felings.
This sweet love you'll always be needing.

We were so close I could feel her heart beating.
See the love and passion in her eyes.
One so lovely in the evening.
And lovelier at sunrise.

He was the vampire king.
And he loved to do his blood thing.
It was no lark.
That he was the ruler of the dark.

He called everything in his kingdom mine.
And he got rid of any other vampires that got out of line.
The prettiest females he wanted to bite.
And cause them such fright.

No one could say that he was nice.
A ****** neck was his spice.
The pretty females best beware.
When he gave them the vampire bloodlust stare.

Night comes to the meadow.
Two lovers entwined in the shadows.
A soft rain begins.
Bringing tingles to the skin.

The air is fresh.
Lovers fest.
A night bird sings.
Bells in the heart ring.

A lover's fling.
Sweet love is the cream.

The bed is cold where she use to lay.
There is silence where everything use to be so happy and gay.
The moon always shone brighter when she looked his way.
Everything was sweeter day by day.
Now that she has gone away.
He feels like it is doomsday.

He remembered when he had it all.
When his head wasn't so bald.
He remembered how she use to run her hands through his hair.
But now there is nothing there.
It feels kind of weird.
Now she has to run her hands through his beard.

Candice was the Walmart Queen.
This was her favorite scene.
In her Daisy Duke jeans with **** crack showing.
She pranced through the aisles.
Getting stares from the ladies and from the guys she got smiles.

He was a male policeman dressed as a pretty female ******.
He was working an undercover sting to catch some stupid johns.
A young guy fell for his trap.
And approached him and grabbed his ****.
The young man then asked to buy ****** favors from him.
The cop then handcuffed him and told him.
You stupid ******* I am a male cop and you are going to jail.
He thought as he was being taken to jail.
That it had seemed strange for a woman to have such hard **** cheeks.

Her voice is like a song.
That's written on the pages of my heart.
Soft and low.
With a sweet melodic flow.

Each word spoken.
Like a beautiful note.
Straight out of a songbook.
For my heart she wrote.

Voice so sweet.
What a treat.
My heart melts whenever we meet.

Little Lonnie loved chocolate milk.
And the words that he asked his mom were silk.
Mom, does chocolate milk comes from a chocolate cow?
Mom, does white milk come from a white cow?

His mom looked at him and said wow.
White milk comes from a cow of any color that is how.
She laughed and also said.
The cow ate Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bars.

And that is why chocolate milk is chocolate.
And if the cow had eaten Red Hots Candy.
Then the milk would have turned out red.
And that put the questions to bed.

Jody was one cool cat.
Sporting his white applejack hat.
Sprouting street corner philosophy.
Singing show tunes on one knee.
Putting his jar out for tips.
While drinking wine in little sips.

Baron was hiking in the mountains so full of cheer.
When a grizzly bear approached him, he offered the bear a beer.
The grizzly bear became ******* because he was offered a Budweiser.
If he had been offered a Heineken, he would have been much nicer.
And then there wouldn't have been a grizzly bear attack crisis.

He knew that he had an obligation.
To see that her life was full of satisfaction.
He knew that he needed to treat her well.
And never let their relationship grow stale.
He knew that he had to show her great love.
And bring her more happiness than the stars above.

Some guys were very jealous and envious too.
When Ross talked about Julie's **** tattoo.
Ross said that it was the prettiest tattoo that he had ever seen.
And that her **** tattoo was a **** lover's dream.
Some of the guys were so ******* and their minds in a gutter pit.
Because Ross was the only guy who had ever seen it.

You make the winter seem like spring.
You make troubled seas calm.
You are the peace within my soul.
You are my warmth when the sky grows cold.

Your heart is my pillow in the night.
Your arms enfold me until early light.
Your breathing is music to my ears.
Thank you darling for oceans of love all these years.

Treat her right.
She will be so nice.
Treat her wrong.
She will be cold as ice.

Treat her like a queen.
She will be your lifelong dream.
Treat her bad.
You will end up lonely and sad.

Camille never let age get in her way.
She could stay on the dance floor from March until May.
You could never tell that she was 70 years old.
She still wore capri pants with blouses of colors bright and bold.
Camille was still very pleasing to the eyes.
She could still attract guys' attention for more than just being wise.

He was the one who was serious.
And she was witty and curious.
But she touched his spirit like no other.
And their relationship was smooth as coconut butter.
When he was with her, his soul flew high.
And their love touched the sky.

Sweet Jean was smart and keen.
But it would take a bulldozer to remove her from the slot machines.
When her paper money began to fry like lard.
Then the casino slots started eating her debit card.

My love sails on blue waters.
Blue waters of your heart.
My love dances on the wind.
The wind of your soul.

My love is a true reflection.
Reflection of your eyes.
My love will live forever.
In your body and soul.

Everyone thought that it was some type of crazy stunt.
When Grant took Ethan on a deer hunt.
Ethan couldn't hit the right side of a barn with a gun.
And when a big buck charged him.
Ethan started to run.

Grant ended up shooting Ethan in the ear.
Ethan lived but Grant wished that he was dead.
So that he could have called the shooting a hunting accident.
And got back at Ethan for secretly taking his wife to bed.

He took all her control.
She wanted to roast him over some hot coals.
He always wanted things his way.
Which made her have a miserable day.
There was no give or compromise in him.
So she beat his **** with a rolling pin on a whim.

Puddles was a tomcat who wouldn't go outside.
When they opened the door.
He loved to **** on the floor.
He wouldn't use a litter box.

He would crap on the floor just as regular.
As the second hand go around a clock.
His owners tried very hard to train him.
But ******* and crapping on the floor, he did on whims.

This love runs on emotion.
This love is fueled by devotion.
This love floats on feelings.
Higher than a cathedral ceiling.

This love soars on the breeze of monogamy.
Two  hearts in perfect harmony.
This love is you.
This love is me.
Together, forever through eternity.

As sure as the sun shines above.
People are just a reflection of God's love.
As sure as there are stars in the sky.
There is magic in a baby's cry.

Just as fresh as the morning dew.
God blessed this love between me and you.
Just as sure as the ocean is blue.
Our love will always be true.

Homer was a farm boy who loved peanut butter and jelly.
And licking whipped cream and Froot Loops off of his girlfriend's belly.
One of his favorite places to **** her.
Was in a very large chicken coop.

Among all the feathers and chicken ****.
Afterwards, they would wash themselves off with Dail Soap and a garden hose.
Until they both came out smelling like a lavender rose.

Some guys use to talk a lot of trash.
Because Madelyn had a tiny mustache.
She was a lady with a lot of pride.
Her tiny mustache never caused her to break her stride.
Madelyn's mustache never stopped her from getting a guy.
Because mustache or not, she was still so fly.

The moon just peeked from behind the trees.
At you and I darling on our carpet of leaves.
Your love is sweet like ripe fruit.
As our passion takes root.

The wind blew just right tonight.
The stars shone from heaven above.
Lovely as a dove.
October love.

Remember darling,
Walking hand in hand.
Through the gates of Graceland.
Remember when we sat in Elvis' pink jeep.
Your hug felt so sweet.

Remember how sad you felt.
When you saw Elvis' grave.
You seemed to feel his spirit.
A heartfelt moment to keep and save.

There was magic and Blue Hawaii.
All that day for us.
Elvis Presley Blvd and Graceland.
Ultimate bliss for his greatest fans.

A sweetheart is one of God's greatest creations.
Who brings to the heart.
A sweet sensation.

She makes everyday worth living.
Her love is always there for the giving.
A love that makes sorrow take flight.
That lights up the heart.
Like fireflies light up the night.

They have come so far.
But she still feels uneasy about her breast scar.
He kisses her scar.
And let her know that she will always be his shining star.
And that he loves her flawed ******.
Theirs is love purity.

Darling, remember the day.
You felt so sad and blue.
All you wanted in the world.
Was for me to just hold you.

I spent all of that day.
Loving you and kissing your tears away.
So whenever you're feeling sad and blue.
No matter what time of day.

I'll be there for you darling.
To kiss your tears away.

Willard loved his pet turkey.
He fed him good all year-round.
And his pet turkey put on the pounds.
Around the farmyard, Willard's turkey was boss.
And at Thanksgiving Day dinner,
He tasted so good with stuffing and cranberry sauce.

He was sitting on a bank fishing.
When a copperhead snake slithered up and said hello.
He said, what's up bro.
You want to bite me I know.
The copperhead snake said, no I just wanted to stop awhile and rap.
He said, you know you want to bite me.
You lying piece of crap.

A ****** took his true love's money.
And then made her his honey.
He wondered where he went wrong.
That she would listen to the ******'s love song.
She was just tired of his boring ****.
And just wanted to get out of a dull rut.

They had rented a home for 30 years.
When the owner decided to kick them out.
And they didn't know what it was all about.
But there was a lesson to be learned.

Sometimes when you rent, you get burned.
If you rent, you don't own.
If you want to be a homeowner.
Take out a loan.