While walking a Wyoming mountain path.
Sweetheart and I encountered a black bear.
She looked at me her eyes full of scare.
I said to her full of boldness and confidence.
Darling, it's either run or prayer.

He was always on the prowl for someone's lunch money.
Always trying to take someone's  sweet honey.
Those days a person didn't have to die.
Biggest hurt would be a black eye.
The only remedy to be found.
Was to face up to the bully and stand your ground.

He remembered when he had it all.
When his head wasn't so bald.
He remembered how she use to run her hands through his hair.
But now there is nothing there.
It feels kind of weird.
Now she has to run her hands through his beard.

He ****** his wife off and went to bed.
And on his soft pillow he laid his head.
His wife sneaked into the kitchen after he had gone to sleep.
And got back into bed without making a peep.
She slammed him on the head with a frying pan.
And into the hospital ICU he did land.

On a moonlit night could be heard yells.
Of kids entranced under the hoop spell.
Bouncing and passing the basketball by porch light.
On a packed dirt yard made brilliant by moonlight.

Lots of fun and lots of screams.
Playing hard with NBA dreams.
Always great seeing the ball go through the net.
Night hoops and kids laughter is one of the best things yet.

He was drinking coffee out of a cup.
When his garbage disposal started acting up.
He stuck his hand down into the garbage disposal to find out what had gone wrong.
The garbage disposal started mysteriously working again on its own.
He lost four fingers and a thumb that day.
He screamed, hollored, and cried in the ambulance on the highway.

She said, I'm leaving you.
He said okay.
She said, I'm taking all the money and the house.
He said okay.
She said, I'm taking Champ the dog.
He said, that's not okay.

It's Mother's Day.
The sun is being its kindest.
The trees are dressed in their green finest.
Papa is taking mom and the kids out for something to eat.
He gave her flowers and chocolates that are so sweet.
The wind is blowing just right.
They will be romancing and dancing tonight.

She worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And she was called Shake and Bake.
She was mean as a snake.
She would punch her boyfriend in the eye.
And wouldn't even tell him why.
She loved seeing him cry.
The embarrassment made him want to die.

They were in a glass caged zoo.
When an earthquake shattered the glass through and through.
They were having such fun.
Before the animals put them on the run.
I know that this may sound crude.
But the animals found them to be tasty food.

He died on a day so sunny and warm.
And was surprised to find.
That heaven was a farm.
It was his heaven in life and also in death.
Farm living was where he found more peace and happiness than wealth.
But it was only just a dream.
He was still alive and surviving on inner city streets so mean.

He was in such shock.
When a tomcat ****** on his UPS box.
He had waited for the package for a long time.
But the **** was a bad sign.
He sprayed the box with febreze.
And then proceeded to open his box.
Filled with Parmesan cheese.

It is such a special sight to see.
When dreams become a reality.
He was all that she ever dreamed of.
Her brightest star in the heavens above.
He was the only one for her in this life.
She knew that she was destined to be his wife.

They have come so far.
But she still feels uneasy about her breast scar.
He kisses her scar.
And let her know that she will always be his shining star.
And that he loves her flawed ******.
Theirs is love purity.

She thought that without him.
She would cease to exist.
She lived for his touch.
And the taste of his kiss.
And to be forever in his arms.
This was her only wish.

Two skunks met in the grass.
He told her that she was a good looking lass.
And that she smell so sweet.
She told him that his aroma was so neat.
A gray fox came by and said with a wink.
I am sorry to say that you both stink.

A lion and tiger got into a fight.
The lion just wanted to claw and bite.
The tiger boxed like he was Muhammad Ali.
And he knocked the lion up a tree.

Two beavers were building a dam.
One got into a really bad jam.
His work was never on time.
It was always late.
Because he had bad teeth.
Because he didn't brush with Colgate.

Remember darling,
Walking hand in hand.
Through the gates of Graceland.
Remember when we sat in Elvis' pink jeep.
Your hug felt so sweet.

Remember how sad you felt.
When you saw Elvis' grave.
You seemed to feel his spirit.
A heartfelt moment to keep and save.

There was magic and Blue Hawaii.
All that day for us.
Elvis Presley Blvd and Graceland.
Ultimate bliss for his greatest fans.

Remember darling, our exciting date.
You and I cruising the highway.
In my sky blue Camaro Z28.
So in love without a care.
The wind blowing through your lovely hair.

Riding down the highway so wild and free.
Your soft hand upon my knee.
Feeling your body heat as you moved closer.
As your head lay upon my shoulder.

The piano plays beautiful notes.
The guitar strums pretty tunes.
The harp sounds out angelic music.
But the most beautiful is played on my heartstrings.

Your love plays a symphony in my heart.
Number one on the chart of love.
Your love sings a sweet tune.
Accompanied by the man in the moon.

Your love writes the most beautiful verse.
That lets me know I found heaven on earth.

John Travolta boogying in Saturday Night Fever.
Donna Summer was one of the greatest Disco Divas.
KC had one of the best bands in the land.
The Bee Gees was a group with many fans.

Muscle cars, double knit outfits, and big hair.
Kids grooving without a care.
American Bandstand and Soul Train were on the move.
And looking good was the rule.

Her song sings of love.
Her song sings of the stars above.
Her song sings of you.
Her song sings of me.
Her song sings that love is always worthwhile.
For every man, woman, and child.

When he kissed her lips.
He tasted life.
He knew that he wanted her for his wife.
When he touched her.
He felt like he was in heaven.
And that she was the reason for his living.

Looking into her eyes made him free.
Like a bird flying over the sea.
Just like soaring in the great blue skies.
He got lost in her paradise eyes.
Blue as they could be.
Those paradise eyes made him in true love believe.

Sweet as a candy cane.
A tongue tickle from sweetheart in the rain.
Tongue tips touching and flicking.
Sweet taste of raindrops lip licking.
Eye love dancing face to face.
This is how sweet love tastes.

Sweetheart and I on a Caribbean Sea float.
Enjoying the beautiful day on a glass bottom boat.
Looking at all the pretty fish.
Being with the one who fulfills my every wish.
A shark looked at sweetheart with a hungry swish.
But today sweetheart will be my sweet dish.

He was a male policeman dressed as a pretty female ******.
He was working an undercover sting to catch some stupid johns.
A young guy fell for his trap.
And approached him and grabbed his ****.
The young man then asked to buy ****** favors from him.
The cop then handcuffed him and told him.
You stupid ******* I am a male cop and you are going to jail.
He thought as he was being taken to jail.
That it had seemed strange for a woman to have such hard **** cheeks.

Jody was one cool cat.
Sporting his white applejack hat.
Sprouting street corner philosophy.
Singing show tunes on one knee.
Putting his jar out for tips.
While drinking wine in little sips.

Playing beach volleyball on the sand.
Gloria looked so hot with her California tan.
Being eyeballed by all the guys.
Looking sweeter than apple pie.
Wearing her skimpy bikini.
Prettiest of all the scenery.

Scott wanted to make the football team.
So for him all the girls would scream.
He was the school's Einstein.
But in football his specialty was riding the pine.

****** Ron's best friend said Ron needed to sow his wild oats.
And proceeded to give him player notes.
He said to his best friend even though I am young.
Sowing wild oats can be limited to wife number one.

The most special person that he ever met.
Was big **** Linda and on this you can bet.
She was a lady who turned a boy into a man.
Sexiest lady in the land.
She took a stick-in-the-mud.
And turned him into a young stud.

Love flows like a river.
Love falls like the rain.
The thought of you makes me shiver.
The touch of your lips makes me quiver.

Love smells sweet like a rose.
Love is deep like the sea.
Your love like leaves on a tree.
Is darling the best part of me.

He was on a beach with his girlfriend.
When they got into a fight.
She knocked him clean out of sight.
He wouldn't quit and tried to wrestle.
She body slammed him on a sand castle.
It was too bad that he got her ******.
That is why she put the hurt on him like this.

It would be nice to live in a land.
Where everyone stayed well.
And donuts never went stale.
A land where everyone thought smart.
And played by the heart.
Where everyone cared for their fellow man and woman.
And strived for peace and a cool drink from a lemonade stand.

They were in a bad neighborhood.
When they got attacked by some thugs.
Even though she was his heart.
He let her put up a good front.
While he got a running start.
He left her to take the heat like a sap.
He was just a cowardly piece of crap.

He was a male policeman dressed as a pretty female ******.
He was working an undercover sting to catch some stupid johns.
A young guy fell for his trap.
And approached him and grabbed his ****.
The young man then asked to buy ****** favors from him.
The cop then handcuffed him and told him.
You stupid ******* I am a male cop and you are going to jail.
He thought as he was being taken to jail.
That it had seemed strange for a woman to have such hard **** cheeks.

The feel of sweetheart's body was so lush.
Passion painted from a romantic brush.
The taste of sweetheart's lips was so sweet.
Like juices dripping from a rainbow treat.

The pretty spark of sweetheart's eyes.
Like diamonds falling from rainbow skies.
The soft feel of sweetheart's skin.
Like a feather floating on a rainbow wind.

Darling, loving you was a sensual groove.
Your soft touch on my back felt so smooth.
Passion burning like a hot furnace felt so right.
Smoky, steamy pleasure welcoming the twilight.

Darling, if I seem to hold you a little longer.
If my kisses seem to linger.
I just want this passion that I'm feeling tonight.
Not to end until the dark turns into daylight.

I remember how I almost cried.
The day that George Jones died.
A piece of traditional country music has passed away.
Whose voice is missed in every way.

The man who sang he stopped loving her today.
She thinks I still care.
I don't need your rocking chair.

George now again sings sweet duets with Tammy.
Floating among the clouds.
At night look at the shining moon.
And still hear the Ole Possum croon.

He was at the local bar.
When he faked needing CPR.
He acted like he was unconscious and couldn't breathe.
So that a pretty nurse patron could bring him back to life.

While she was on her kneees.
But he got a big surprise.
When he tasted bad breath Chad's lips.
As he opened his eyes.

He had a dream that he was chasing chicks.
When his girlfriend appeared in his dream.
And started giving him licks.
Life was sure playing some sad tricks.
When in his dream he got his **** kicked.

He looked at her by starlight.
She looked so beautiful in the night.
She had milk and honey skin.
And silky black hair blowing in the wind.
Her eyes were blue as the sea.
And she was lovely to look at under the palm trees.

She tried to pull away.
She wanted to find a new day.
She prayed to the Lord above.
To let her fly free as a dove.
But she was caught up in the riptide of love.

Their love was pulling her under.
In her mind she pondered.
Why their love kept going asunder.
But she was caught up in the riptide of love.

She prayed that one day she would be free.
And fly freely over the sea.
So that she could be what she was meant to be.
And not be caught up in the riptide of love.

She thanked the Lord for another song to sing.
For another book to read.
For another flower from seed.
For the warm sunlight.
For another peaceful night.
For another person to love.
For all the stars above.

He wanted a Florida getaway.
But his bills took all of his pay.
So he bought a picture of some palm trees.
And a CD with sounds of the wind and sea.
Got out a few beers.
Gave a toast and said cheers.

He knew that something just was not quite right.
As he tried to hold her in the night.
She was so cold to him when he touched her.
That he got frostbite.
He just had to get out of bed.
And drink a Coke to clear his head.

The relationship had lost its charm.
Now she felt like she was in a windstorm.
She had become one sad chick.
He had begun to make her sick.
She felt like she needed emergency relief.
From a boyfriend who was a **** the life out of a person thief.