Carnival lights
Your spinning eyes
Dizzy in a crowd so full of life.
Humid heat
Sun setting
Friday night
Streets filling.
My feet stumbling
Gravel crunching
Legs follow you toward a door.
Hands pulling
Shutter slamming,
Stepping into Last Word Book Store.

He told me his favorite part of summer was my hair dancing circles on his face.
He loved to gather all three feet of my locks in his hand and raise it up to toast the wind; each strand ricocheting off invisible corners of the air.
He never minded getting his fingers caught in tangles.
Twice I let him cut the elastic binding of my hair tie
just to see it all fall down my body.

I stood calm and sober starring into an unfamiliar bathroom mirror as I made his favorite part of summer fall into piles around my feet.

I know it's only my mind contouring his mouth into a smile and when I turn to walk away the velcro on his lips part; words like a choke-chain. But he has lyrics that remind him of somebody else etched into his hands, and she'll always be part of the plan.
He hums her song into my throat and we both pretend I don't understand.

I miss him most when he is here, when he is close enough I could reach out and touch him. But only in places that are becoming routine. I reminisce back to a time when he would handle me like glass, when he'd run his fingers though my unwashed hair while I pretended to sleep.
Our first embrace.
When we kissed on the end of my bed, his skin slippery with angst.
My clothes wrinkled, synched tight around my waist getting caught between myself and the covers.
We were two brand new tension filled lovers.

An abandon wear-house rooftop
- A story about your past
- A change unnoticed
- A change expected last
- A fortress of blankets
- A pen-cap game
- A vicious cycle, luring
- A brand new name
- A night in my living room
- A night on the town
- A tea *** simmering, but nothing simmering down

You read about my life in words you never hear.
Everything seems familiar but it's something you always feared.
His kiss isn't the same, his touch sparks a different match.
Who am I to compare the flame when its something we never had?
Its like re-watching a play and the main character has been replaced by an actor much less passionate, going places you never faced.

I like your body in the daytime
silhouette at my door
I like your body at night time memorizing it's anatomy on my floor.
I like your body in the morning, holding my hips as I gaze down at your face.
I like your body
any hour
any day.
I'll fall in like with your body while you make more than my breath race.
I'll be in love with your body while mine lay sore.
You only like my body when asking for more.

From what metaphoric spark                      
Is one another possible?

Guilt attached inexorably to me
I have it all wrong
I just picture him

Not too long ago you were only an idea in my head
Now here you are. Arms impatient, eyes red, slithering through my bed.
I've lost interest in starring at your face, each time I look your eyes are wandering
In the morning I can tell you're wondering what I'm thinking
but not curious enough to ask.
I get tired of waiting; anticipating your curiosity
A spark of interest in my mind
you close your hands and heart but our bodies stay intertwined

The freedom in your veins was too much for you to stop but the monitor beside your bed had no problem coming to a halt
It was 5:42
I was holding what was left of you, but I held too tight and that seemed to be the issue from the start.

Why do I believe you
Every time you say 
Be there soon
When we both know you'll show up after midnight
And leave before noon.

Even with your fingers twisted around my neck I'm convinced everything's alright. You forget to water my flowers,
and my ears never meet the words I want to hear.
Instead these pretty little things fill their place.
While your sand paper hands slither down my back
I kiss your face.

I'm ready
I'm ready
     I thought
I'm ready
I'm ready
     Wait, I'm not.

It would be easy to give you all I have,
I know you'd give me what you could.
But there will always be something inside of you, that I never quite understood.
You can par with who you were
and I'll only see who you are.
I won't judge you for what you did
If you won't judge me for what I'll do.

She's been trying for days
backspace, erase; can't find any ways
Its the kisses he gave before their lips met
has her caught in a daze, thoughts stuck in a net
But who can expect
the other not to dissect the moments during, the minutes after,
the hours proceeding a kiss?
From prologue to epilogue is to reminisce of bliss.

"How long do you think it'll take us to admit this?"
She questioned herself silently
Head rising and falling with his chest.
"Probably forever"
He thought to himself while stroking her hair and shoulder.

If he dare assume once more that he knows how my mind works
I will hold him up by the neck
And if he dare pick up his pencil and try to map out my brain
I will break it and remind him he is nothing but a speck

You should leave, but I'll ask you to stay
and you will.

In jokes we take little too far
in games we shouldn't play
between glances that say too much
and hugs that last no time at all
in messages you send while you're still driving home from mine
in excuses just to make a memory that we will forget by thirty five
Its a game we play and we know how it ends but we keep drawing new cards because we want the other to win.

My thoughts have been on that train.

I will finally catch some sleep knowing you're not mine to keep.

Today Leonardo drew a perfect circle freehand,
it was pretty rad.

Ginger peach,
chai spice,
earl grey,
and green.
Every sunrise you burn your mouth eager,
while I hate caffeine.
You ask for more honey,
and i'll keep mine plain.
But two could never be perfect
if exactly the same.

There were colors in your eyes only I had seen.

I ruined my socks for you.

You take me to the woods to kiss me
it's there I realize there's no spark, no light in the collide of our lips
just mindless, emotionless kissing
I could see it on your face
you didn't stay the night as I earlier
and no longer wished you would
I collapse on the sofa and watch as you shift in reverse out of the driveway

Your back lied upon my floor
my head lied upon your chest
through my right ear I hear your heartbeat
"an illusion?" I ask my self now
couldn't be.
I felt your pulse thumping to the rate of our pace.
lying alone on my bedroom floor
like me,
my eyes fall
they shut to envision your face

My brain soaks in confusion and my eyes scan nervously over forty six little white pills sprawled out on an orange paper stating academic achievement.
I repeat the same question i've asked myself probably four hundred times since last night, and my answer still lingers somewhere in-between absolutely and no.