I've been listening to the same album for the past 3 days
and it never gets old
It's directly linked to my living and
my life in this **** moment
I like the way the sharps and flats
clash with the pure melody
it creates this sort of structured chaos but it also makes me feel insanely in control of myself
and not so far off
and more and more tense with happiness
it's ****** up but it's a beautiful
piece of work
thanks

I guess I don't really know how to tell
you that I am truly capable of
loving you entirely
I'm a girl who loves people
and I want to love your person
and I've shown you things I've written
and no one else has seen the things I've written

I really can love you
all of you, even the dark parts
because I want to put your dark parts into my
heart and keep them away from you
so that you can feel a little better
all in all, I guess what I am saying is
that I'm a girl who loves people
and I want to love your person

consciously slowing the depth of my own realness is the most unnatural thing i've ever done
it's an attempt at my sole protection
it's an attempt at my soul's protection

to avoid the dragging of my heart across some rocky ground is all I can
ask of you
low hanging clouds hover above your edge
covering what it is I'm seeking to find,
but just so you know
nothing about you is low hanging

I unevenly know where my blindness will get me, I just know it's only ever gotten me somewhere
the only sureness is to not get hurt
and not feel that pain all over again
another 10 months can't ruin me like he did,
I'm already too strong and it hasn't been that long

the sleeves of my coat feel tighter,
I wish it was enough for your sweet air to handle

dipped in the nook of your bed
it's not supposed to be there,
but you've settled in it before
alone,
we take turns mumbling heartfelt
sighs and soft secrets

our heads on your pillows
as if they were fragile and full and
weightless
another 20 minutes sharing this
same space
you don't get up until I do
it's all I can do to not to

Is it sometimes we find ourselves stuck at the end waiting for the beginning
We don't really acquire ourselves ever when you think about it
I hate regular
I want that conformity and normal and routine and habit

****

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HEAR SUCH BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN MY EARS

WOW

if anyone at this school
knew
that's why i keep to myself
but also i don't
you get me bro? no,
because you're an
*******
go lick the elevator

To my Alice,

The first summer in June
flickered past us like a candle’s shaken flame.
The trees shimmered lightly,
the grass raised its blades,
the perfumed mist settled
when the moon shone.

Deep in the fields of tulips,
the sheath of night
lay His cloak upon
the garden’s breast.
I was there
I had wondered
in my lonesome,
is it not just me?
Who am I to be all this—
truly, madly
deeply searching?

I caught hold of something far off,
building upon my senses
until my self
felt it.
She was soft yet sharp,
marbled, yet refined
A tan-speckled face,
etched in dainty favors
To describe you as I saw,
Ah, it was you I saw,
a slender path taken
but boldly so.
You were as you walked,
and I longed unknowingly.

The illumination,
pure opulence
and oval-faced splendor
upon your cheeks.
You are like
the moon’s first peak,
the sunrise’s first kiss,
the lilies first bloom in the greenest garden.
And I wished I was there
when the world
bestowed you Her beauty.

- T

I've watched your hands
and their movements are almost
serene
and I like that sweater
and I like that cut on your knuckle
and I'm waiting stiller than I was

i still like you but you forgot me

I'm writing about you
Have you ever written about
someone?
I'm writing about you

You're like my design homework
complicated
and challenging
but I want to figure you out
and I want to take that challenge
and I want to exert myself to find you
out
because you're worth more than I
can say right now
and I want to make you a pancake
and write your name on top
in chocolate chips
I'll give you my syrup
and my thoughts
We can drink Tropicana and discuss
how sad we've been

I like you and you're great

You sat by me and I'll never forget
what you said to me
"I can't see ****"
and I noticed you for a second time
and it's never felt weirder with you
but weird is my favorite
I want to be your favorite

surfaces and layers
whatever lies in between
no, it's not serious
no, it's not off the bat
i'm sick of being sick and i'm being without really being
i am always for myself just as i am always for others

enough turns to waiting
patience dry like my mouth
when the blunt hits, i want someone to ******* fight for this

these eases are built inside my own head
and anyone outside of them risks being crushed
it's too high up
you can't reach it
you're real but you're not being realistic
(lauren)

give them room and they will grow
give them their bodies and they'll show you what they got
my outlets ache
on more than just one surface

i hate saying i'm lonely
it's too pathetic
i feel as if the word "lonely" is associated with needing a significant other to be with constantly
but lonely just means feeling alone
not necessarily feeling like you need a romantic interest, just feeling alone
by yourself
so i just press myself against the window and look down at the people on the street and try my hardest to feel something

how do I even begin to describe that
I am smitten with you
just as one begins a math problem
or an essay
but this is a different beginning
because it's
you and me and I am
smitten
utterly, deeply, truly smitten with
your person
and I need to go somewhere
I need to begin
to tell you just how tragic your face
is
and how your face makes me insane
and makes me who I never knew

i'm alone i'm alone i'm ******* alone and i can't feel what you're feeling from all the way up here
the sixth floor is the most bereft floor in this whole entire building
i'm angry alone
i'm sad alone
i'm eagerly alone and it's what's been keeping my mouth so warm

I have a Rolling Stones poster in my room and
it's the poster of the tongue sticking out
and it's big and I like it

But I hate that I have it because I don't listen to the Rolling Stones
but then I remember that I bought it because of the pop and color it has
I like lots of colors and I don't always buy things because of what they really are
I buy them because of how they look and appeal to my eyes
That sounds awful
but I still do it
(except with music, that's a touchier subject)

I also write **** that makes a person feel
Not necessarily prove a point
although I do like to relay thoughts to people

Colors and thoughts colors and thoughts
Something about writing on the web
or on an electronic device
It's when I write best

tonight i went on a date with my windows
they're so large and beautiful i don't think i'll ever live somewhere else in my life with windows as big as these ones
a lot of frankie cosmos because that's how i feel
i'm eagerly lonely
i haven't felt this alone ever
it's like an adult loneliness
i'm alone
i'm swirling that word around inside my head like a marble in a wooden bowl
alone
alone
lonely? yes
also alone

I write poems about you to keep myself sane
and I kiss you
I would choose you over a lot of other people because I like when we walk next to each other
and I kiss you
I like crossing streets and seeing our reflection in glass windows
and I kiss you
I want to wake up to your hair on my pillow
and I kiss you
I will hold you and be soft for you and tell you how lovely I feel when you look at me
and I kiss you
and you're ******* great
and I miss you
if only I could kiss you

i'm afraid that
laying on this
floor does nothing
more than feel
cold on my heart

the text read:
"an old soul who knows how to be young maybe.
sometimes i think i am too many things all at once"

If all I did while I'm here is make people want to be better people, then that's all I could ever ask for and that is what makes me the happiest

I curled up into a song you sent me
I've thought about running the backs
of my fingers down your face
and how your eyes would find mine
I think I first loved you in the spring even though we were still wearing our coats
no one in my life is like you
one constant brainwave of you roars
through my head
and I still don't understand why
you're like this
my chest hurts every time I don't see you
my chest hurts because my heart is in it
I want you to have my heart, and my heart aches because it's more than ready to meet yours

you've captured me in your hands
and on your phone's camera
I never felt like this before you
there is no one like you
there is no one like you
there is no one like you
with you I'm ethereal,
it's all I can feel

**** up my body
and sell my soul,
I'm addicted to the night
and all it holds

I'm falling in love with the intensity of the song
it keeps me gripping every beat and
every sound and
every sonar bite

and I don't give a **** about the day
because you're all that's in my ******* mind
and I haven't weathered this yet

I made a list of stuff I have to get at target
I'm sitting on my bed only it feels like a ****** island
the only appealing feeling to me is helplessness and a shower
I want to cough in the shower and feel like I'm losing everything
I don't want to choose my Sunday I
want Sunday to choose me
can you let me put my nose in your neck
I realize that I have a different kind of angst now that I want to cry about
nothing to you
I woke up and wanted you
I want you when I have bad posture I want to hunch my back next to you
I'm really not forgetting about you
you've told me about you crying and I want to watch a movie and cry with you
I wonder what your arms feel like

******* my family makes me feel like I'm special and that
I've got a purpose that no one else has
and sometimes I pat myself on the back and feel convinced that they're
right
and I've got perfect pitch but music isn't in my career window
and I'm terrified that it      will      never      be
I'm one person
*******
I can't feel like I'm special I need you to stop spilling that idea into my brain
it's like some sort of antidote and
every syllable is a sock in the confidence but in a good way
and I go crazy
I guess I am crazy most of the time
but I'm not when I'm sitting here with
a blue face

my grandma is lashing out at me
because she's scared
I think it's because she doesn't know
how to exist alone
and she's afraid of being alone
and being forgotten

I'm glad I make my own kind of
happiness by myself
I think more people
should know how to do this

my watch on my wrist
my watch on my wrist and ur hand on my waist
my waist next to ur waist laying on the grass
my back on the grass and ur hair on the grass and our thoughts out loud
my time of you in the time we have together
it's nice to be hugged sometimes

you are nothing like anything
and that draws me closer
I am intrigued and you are the only
figurine in this dimly-lit hall
let yourself fall
it's not going to hurt
I can handle you and hold you and
tell you about the beautiful tragedy
of our lives
we're all we are together
boy

I mark my days by my nights
I have candles and dreams that keep everything sweet
I remember how the dimly-lit desk lamp made my pupils go wider
while I thought of you as today turned into tomorrow

Plug in your headphones and listen
to the ******* world breathing
because it is
and you've got to realize it sometime
and I truly hope you do
because life's more than our ears can see

you can only find the sadness in the
song if you're really listening to
it, the heartfelt outcry initially later
secluding into the heart of the
girl, who is truly happy while is never
underneath
I can't believe I made it this far

i woke up at 7:30 today to the sound of rain coming through the open window in my bedroom
i've discovered that this is what i want every morning to be like
this is my daily wish
and it came true today
and i'm home until Tuesday
and i've thought about someone aching for me and died in the process

I think it's just
human
to not fully understand why someone would
forget you
after you showed them a part of you that's
not always on display.
You'll make yourself suffer and mentally
try to grasp
why.
It takes awhile to heal,
so try to forget about it,
just like they've forgotten about
you.

For Tess,

Your gaze toward me, you say,
was first between us two,
I say to thee—it was equal!
For the moment
your glossy eyes
fluttered—oh,
to watch that first
look of you again—
I lost my barriers to you.

The length at which
you hold me
can never be close enough.
Let me under the nook
of your arm,
Leave me be there for
a while.
The sweetest place
I ever took refuge in,
it is here
it is nestled close.
If you are the nest,
let me be your bird.
I will flit always to you
and to you I do come home
again.

Soothing and swelling,
taming my raucous anger,
or healing my lonely spirit
You are my safe house—
let me dwell beneath your
robust roof
and feel your soft touch
to mine.

Naturally, then, we didst come
to be…
you saw I, and I saw thee.
As a pirate elates upon
discovering  
precious gems,
you too, my Dear,
I have found and treasure
near.

- A

I could be the person who knows you
best
but god knows you aren't ready and
here we are in the void
this ******* space that makes no
sense
you and I
we are in it
even though I never asked to be

rejected postcards from friends tells me
I shouldn't be here
but you
you roped me in
you chose me and I didn't know I'd
get this deep
you were it
you gave me a fake cushion for the
chair
and the hard seat hit harder
and I felt so pulled and stupid
but god knows you weren't ready

WHEN WE HOLD HANDS I WANT
YOU TO FEEL AS EUPHORIC AS
YOU WOULD IF YOU FOUND YOUR
PHONE WHEN IT WAS LOST
ACCIDENTALLY IN YOUR POCKET
AND YOU COULDN'T FIND IT FOR
A REALLY LONG TIME

To my Alice,

Does my heart
stop its singing ever
for yours?
When I am distant,
I yearn to be
in your orb of light.
Everything
your glow
touches, I will
keep safe.

Impressions linger
upon your slender neck
from your crumpled
dress—oh, I wish that
I were that dress!
In our waking moments
together,
mornings unfold
like shaken
white sheets catching
beams of light

My two arms and yours
confused together
but never growing
colder.
Fitting into your
petite frame,
I feel safer than
within the confines of
any man
You embrace my
every inch,
no other body
to this I have felt.

Elegance, bliss,
I can feel when we kiss
The way you rise
and greet the day,
if only everyone else
were this way

- T

For Tess,

The daylight hours
pass by
I find no comforts,
no warmth
no person of worthwhile
time spent
And my mind
clicks back to you,
and the way you are
my recluse from the
perilous limits
of life.
Shackled to motherliness,
Womanliness, femininity
We remain under
expectations to be
met some day,
but the thought
unsettles me.

With you,
I have found
what it is I want
With you,
the world’s demands
mean little
to our pairing
With you,
I can see my dreams
and yours, too,
simultaneous and growing,
binding us together
as a gracious
one.

Beloved,
my love for you
is plentiful and bountiful
with care for your
every solace.
No blight shall harm you,
no trace of hate shall
instill,
As long as I am there
fighting for your will

- A

how I could hold your body—
separate, yet still so far from mine—
could be the closest I'd ever get
to giving my real whole person to
another real whole person

I'm alive and breathing
but this air isn't thin enough

it's like
oh yeah
I've got this figured out
and you too
but then I don't know who you are
at all
and that freaks me out so much
I keep pretending that I know

I
wish
I
could
be
there

I'll make it through

The water draws your late night
nocturne
and I wish that I was the water.

I felt my body from every angle,
different angles
just to see what the **** the touch would feel like at my skin's own
surface value
I'm craving a point of view that's
beloved and gloved
but my drying eyelids beg to differ

I've always been a one woman
band
doing it without a hint of man I'm
inside myself with my right hand
it's all a cold sweat up to here—
back knees and an achy breeze—

last night I thought about death before bed again
I only sleep when it's raining showers
to my solemned out thoughts, put yourselves on the glowing paper in front of me

I'd rather you place your curvatures
directly inside of this outline
it'll be easier that way, so tell them what you want and then go *******
get it
my finger creases are proportionately equal to the amount of
words I've spent on human hands
this minted empty intimacy has always been familiar to me

I think about kissing you to no end
kissing you, magically kissing your name and lips into the air around us
to be near you, against you, beside
you

I see you and I see everything all over again at once
I find you all the time and want to
hold you all the time
when your hands
the precious delicate ways your hands can look in a quiet,
crowded room
the way you look standing there
across the oceans of space standing between us
I'm waning like the moon, but for your
face's beauty to find me just once

just once is all it would take to dive into you completely
I can't help being so truly enamored
your orb of light and my raw hearted being

to experience a wave like you in a storm like me is the incredible way our souls found each other

you just kinda looked at me
with that look
that is so
******* you
and I guess we exchanged a
feeling
that something had to happen
and a
feeling
of sadness again

good writing comes from
uncomfortable situations good
writing comes from times spent
alone in dark hallways good
writing comes from
people with a change of plans good
writing comes from signs on buildings
good writing comes from the way you
look at the sky

A cigarette clenched between your
lips
you've got it kept secret and you
hide it with everything else behind
your lips
now all I want is to kiss you

it's like
the ultimate day of ur death
is when you have no more
timelines to refresh, pictures to post,
or hearts to tap
because you've finally figured it all out
ur an ******* &
also there are real things outside
to go and feel and see so go
******* do it stop reading
this **** man
GO

I am taking baby steps
baby steps
baby steps
baby step
and that was for you
and that was all for you too

I wrote your name on the wall
it was for you

I've concluded that I wanna tell you
everything
and something keeps telling me
you'll listen, you'll really listen
I don't know
I don't know who knows how late
I've been awake
and I don't want to sing into my
pillow so it muffles the sound
I think you're here to bring me back
and I wanna tell you everything