i am feeling so soft and tiny and happy and warm. this is such a small posting but i needed to do it. my heart has come open, i think, and in the best way. i felt things i haven’t felt in a long time for someone, and i like how different they are from me. and i love how we are together, our voices sounding sweetly and softly while the sun comes up. smiling, laying next to each other, my face was wider and happier than it’s been. i have a swelling in my throat for these happy candles inside me. if i can find a way to keep these candles burning, i will.

what if i told u
that when i was out and claustrophobically surrounded by people while the music scratched my ears
i was thinkin of u
and how much i liked ur face close
to mine

M83 has gotten to me in
ways i can't even get to
myself

there are so many lines of poetry that i read
and i wish i had written them
and i think about how the author came about writing
such words
and i wonder if they knew the feelings they'd evoke from a reader
with such words
and i hope i evoke feelings with you
and i wonder if you know how many times
i've thought about you
and i wish you'd look at me again like that
and i want to see you and be with you
and i wonder if you're wanting
the same

get high
get sad
think about what
we coulda had

there's this existential feeling I have every time I break my own heart
I fall too fast,
trust too viciously,
feel the heat in a pool of ice
ignore the colored tones at the window

rose oil on my neck
my gradient over your baby blue legs
I let myself go where I thought there was air
but you're much farther than I can think to reach

I have named one of my poem thingies on here
Ha ha ha
I guess I am a hypocrite, so feel free to stone me

This will be funny because if someone reads something I wrote on here they'll ask me about it
but wait I never named it
so how will I know which one they're talking about?
I won't.
I just like words as much as I like people, and that's really a lot

just know that I was in a black void
reaching out for something
and I'm not really sure what exactly I
was reaching for
if it was in the dark
or if it was the dark itself
but I wanted it to be your hand and I
haven't stopped wanting it to be
your hand for always
so I'm sorry I want your hand being
held in mine but I do
I want to clutch your hand in the
warmest way
I want my hand grabbing your hand
to feel like the warmest cup of hot
chocolate in the coldest winter ever
seriously all I ever think about when
we're together is how your hand
would feel in my hand
I'm sorry I'm an ******* and I'm
weird

my advice?
go to art school.
**** it.
nothing's the same anymore
so why not watch a sunset
with your best friend?

I came home to a raining sky
My body was dry but my mind was soaked with you

i could sing to u the sweetest songs
and u would probably like the songs
i'd sing u
but i haven't done that yet
and ur hand could be held in mine
i know u want it to be held
but that hasn't happened yet
and i know ur up late at night
sometimes
and i want to be with u and tell u that
you mean something to me
i want to listen to u
i like listening to u i could probably
listen to u all day
it's ur voice and it's u that i wanna
be with a lot
i like u

Some people know lots of things in
lots of places
but you are so full of so many things
I've never imagined
and I want to know you
and everything that fills you

I thought about getting kissed and
completely lost all feeling
I thought about kissing someone and
meaning it, hard
I thought about the tightness of my
shorts and how much I ******* know it already
I want to kiss something other than
the opening of this beer can

Let's cut up fruit and sit along a stream in the trees and eat it together

all i want is to sleep but even he's
watching everything that happens
i could stay up here for a week and
wouldn't feel the difference
realizing everything to feel is real
who cares where it is
i can't close my eyes and it's
haunting me just like you

sometimes I wonder if
these nights in the dark amount
to anything

and then I realize
that I need this
dark more than some people
need me

I think everyone is lonely
really
Every single person is
No matter how much love is around
them
or who they want themselves to be
We've all got a loneliness inside

sometimes i am afraid no one will hold me like that,
i've never had that before

please grab onto me, i know
where we're going and
i like you

i pushed my heart as hard as i could
and as hard as i've ever done before
i want back every single reassuring word i ever told you
stupid picture message
inside joke
fingerprint on your glasses

the ground was cold and wet
my face and the ground glistened together over your petty plaid shirt
you feel like everyone else when you wear that shirt
i bet no one knows how much more confident that shirt is than you
i hope you remember the way you danced
because i will never forget the lie i told about a cigarette when i left

you crushed me in a way that was your own
i hope you don't forget it

it always fades,
don't keep the saturation

And the saddest part is that it's
all
in
my
*head.

everyone is collectively ****** up together and
I think that's the most beautiful part about
being a human

there are times,
and yes,
we are in those times
i am with you
let me hold you here now
give your cold parts
to me, i'm keeping
them warm don't worry

I've left my purse at home these past few nights
maybe because I wanted to feel lighter, freer
maybe because the air and my skin are one when I'm holding less
or when I'm held less

I am bold and alone since you left me on that beach

crunching Sacramento glass
losing my balance and not wanting the gripping thrill down my neck
my hair was haloed in sweat,
you'd never let the wind take it

COME OVER AND LISTEN TO SONGS THAT HAVE CHANGED OUR LIVES.

wanting to stare off meaninglessly
into space while being held, being
held, being very held by someone
the feeling of holding and being held
by someone
wanting to think endlessly while
holding something, while holding
something, someone, holding
anything just to have the feeling of
holding present
any act of desperation seems
apparent or pathetic at this point

Say what you're feeling because it's the most exhilarating feeling
I've made this another life pact with myself
Because life is fast and short and it ends and it's sad but you've just gotta live to cover up the sad parts
People will come into my life and I will tell them what I feel and it will be glorious
And I will feel wholesome and human and good

ultimately, everyone will find someone else
who has been seeking them out,
someone who is
curious enough
to try

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

I am crying and I am crying and I am crying because I love people that don't cry
And you're really cool
and really rad
and that's why you're you and I'm me
We're both alive together and ever

i feel the wrong way for the wrong people
it always ends up like that
me, staring at a wrong face
me, doubting what i thought was sweet
me, at an existential standstill with myself and something that was
never there
never there
never ******* there
i just didn't want to believe it

i love that
i am so incredibly happy
being in a room with someone i love,
yet i keep a nice dark sadness
in my head

Sometimes you can't help it when you take over
yourself
Because in the end
it's only you
and that's the scariest truth

Why do I have to name anything I write
It's just words on a page and the words should speak for themselves
God I really hate titles, they make me uncomfortable and nauseous

you mean to me
what the moon means to the sea

I woke up and I still want you

I REALLY HOPE PEOPLE
REMEMBER WHAT I
SAY
BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE REPEATING MYSELF

IF THEY DON'T REMEMBER ME OR WHAT
I SAY
THEN I NEED TO FIND A NEW
METHOD FOR THIS THING

I'll probably be the only person in your life who sees you for more than you are
I saw that orange glow from your heart and I knew what it could do
I knew what it could do when you thought it couldn't do anything
but it could and it did
and then you ****** me up past the point of what was behind me
and I can't explain how I stood there thinking it was you
and wishing that I never let you block my view

I don't have anyone around to break my heart
because I can easily create the same effect
all alone
by
myself
It's a torturous cycle
and I'm doing it to
myself

no one should have to bleed
if someone makes you, just get away
from them

i only hope that one day someone will love me the way i have loved so many people before

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

I don’t know why I did what I did tonight, but all I know is that I did it and it happened and I felt like I was finally doing something right for myself.

You are the best source of your life.
You are your own system and your system will work the best when you are running it for yourself.

I
care
too much
that I cry over
people &
their problems
instead of my
own.

Don't lose yourself as a source for your own kind of happiness