I want to catch your eyes and put
them in my pocket
your eyes are magnetic
you are magnetic
I am the magnet to your fridge
I am some type of food magnet
and you're probably an off-white fridge full of cheap beer and leftovers
I am pulled to you
I am pulled to you but I don't know why
I'm only a magnet
and you're my fridge

resilience
it's a word with a newfound
relevance in my life today because it
means all that I am and
all I want to become
and I thought about how it sounded
when my mom said it
and how my grandma said it
and I'm writing in the dark to try and
escape every **** thing in the room

I'm in a luxurious room that doesn't
fit in with the rest of the house
I think there's a place in my head
that doesn't fit in with everything
else

The angst from last summer
is not a friendly pat.
It's a dive bomber airplane
and I'm under attack.

Plug in your headphones and listen
to your own
life.

I've got freckles & ****
and you've got those
******* headphones
but you took them
out for me
and I like you
because of that

i get intrigued by
looking at certain people
and right now i’m just wondering
if anyone’s ever been intrigued
by looking at me

MY HAIR IS MUSSED
SLIGHTLY
AND I WANT YOU
LIKE I WANT THIS CANDLE
LIT
SOMETIMES

I'm making croissants and
I'll save you one
we could really help
each other
out
this year
we need each
other
so come for your croissant
come for me here now

wait
My roommate ate it
I'm sorry
****

Am I Buddha
Is this my enlightenment year
Is this where my adult thinking begins
Is this some kind of poetic puberty

Don't listen to me because I'm one of those ignorant-esque people who doesn't get the facts straight and can't finish a ******* crossword puzzle in the Sunday newspaper

I hate ignorant people but I know I am one
I'm just ignorant in ways that aren't ignorant
Am I different for writing that? Am I pushing my own uniquety?
Say what you think, I'm going to go eat cake

thanks for the temporary pulse
and temporary thrill
i've never gotten a vibe quite like yours
i guess i never will

I listen to my sad friends and
their problems
I want to help them feel better
I want to make you feel better
I'm not always happy
and I'm not doing well
and I know more than I wanna know
but I think you're some kind of
magnet
and I can't get the **** away from
you
and I look at you
you look at me
we are friends
friends are cool
you should come over more often
I am truly always here for you and
your sadness
I wanna hug you and come see you
and lay under that table next to you
and I wanna high five you all day
long
I want my fingers to hug yours
****
I bet your fingers give good hugs
you're so tragic cute
and I wanna tell you that eventually
we may not be friends for long but I hope we will
be

SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS THE MOST UNDERRATED DRUG AND IF
YOU THINK I'M WRONG
TRY IT BECAUSE I THINK YOU'LL LIKE
IT
SIT IN FRONT OF A SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE WHILST UNDER THE
SLEEP-DEPRIVED INFLUENCE AND
TYPE WORDS
THEN PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU
AND YOU
ARE A HUMAN

acid brings you closer to yourself
if you weren't close enough already

makin coffee in the French press
- sippin the hot coffee
- takin the red line to class
- finally singing after a long time
- looking up & realizing I am existing in Chicago
- feelin good
- knowing I will always stay who I am
- incorporatin the word "truely" into my daily thoughts in order to inspire myself into being true with everything and truely accomplishing everything for myself
- textin my mom and saying I love her
- textin my dad and saying I love him
- sendin my journalism teacher a thank you email
- textin my choir director a hello text
- texting Roni and loving Roni all the time
- stopping on the street and breathing and feelin the air around me because I'm alive
- havin this same feeling tomorrow

I saw something tonight,
something I'd been seeing for years
that always brought people together.
But ironically,
the sparks shooting across the sky
made me feel the
loneliest
I've ever felt.

my roommate probably hates me because I smoke ****
her mom sent her an easter package and it said "no open until April 5"
I can still see you in my immediate and post-immediate future
there are certain words you say that I
like because of the way you say them
I have an idea of what we'd look like on a magazine cover
I don't know if I'll ever tell you what it is
we shared pictures of our high school faces on my bed at 3 am once
and when I think about us doing that I think of how warm my room was and how making eye contact with you is a scary thing I want to do all the time

Love: Holding someone

Peace: Feeling centered with yourself, knowing where you are and feeling it, light winds and being in the sun

Secret: Feeling dark on the inside & outside

Empty: Not wholesome, alone

Free: Living without hesitation

Grief: Seeing those around you hurting and that in itself is what’s hurting you

Longing: Overcome with strained desire, needing something so much that you’re feeling tense with want

Regret: Shaming yourself and ignoring forgiveness

Anger: Frustrating your thoughts into one ball of rage

Oblivion: Finding your unknown

Competition: Fighting for your own self against the odds of others

Hope: Always looking for something more, the future should be bright

I used to be an introvert
but now I'm not I guess.
At least I kept my thoughts.

It's so ******* weird how inspiration happens to people
Some people are inspired by their dogs in the morning
Some people are inspired by that one song from their childhood that's playing in the grocery store
Some people hear a word and spell that word and then don't really appreciate that word until they've really seen the word for what it is
Some people put their inspirations on their bodies
Some people eat their inspirations and then save some of it so that others can eat it too
There are people around me that aren't inspired at all
And that makes me sad because sometimes my insides feel different after witnessing a life thing that's so imperfect it makes me feel perfect
I am not cocky
I am not for myself, nor against myself
I see things and read people and love people and meet people and recognize people and push through people and cry for people and watch people in their environments
If I am inspiring myself every day,
If I am inspiring enough to those humans around me who hug me and know my name and make me feel imperfectly perfect
I think we all can spark off each other
and keep going on

I'm scared how hard I could love you
I could love you so hard
I could love you like you want
I'm ready to give you my heart
and I'm scared and I'm lost
but there's a way I can feel
and I think I'm ready

i feel so close with this pillar
i haven't felt this close to anything in a
long time

get high think of u
get high ask u to come over in ur pjs
get high want u
get high sleep away dreams of u
get high wanna talk to u on facebook chat even tho i hate it
get high & say ur name
get high think of u

i'm sick of what i am to you
i'm sick of what i thought i was
and how you were too scared to hold the fire

i don't know what you want from me
i don't know what you want from me
i don't know what you want from me

the risk would have been worth it

I am landing in this plane right now
but don't worry
I didn't put myself on airplane mode
you're still in my head and I'm afraid
you'll be in there for awhile
I'm sorry
I hope there's fresh air and light

Oh my god
the first week you were drawing on
the wall
and I noticed how odd your glasses
were
and I noticed how well they framed
your face

**** you've got a fine face
your face is as fine as the lead in my
2B drawing pencil
you've got some nice arms
they're as nice as this recliner I sat in
once

****
I wanna run through a gas station
with you and buy out all the M&M;'s

A Courier boy is filling my head
with thoughts and words untyped and unsaid
And I'm just a girl who's Helvetica Neue
and all I want is to be with you

Sometimes I get so enlightened at
night
that the light in my head is so bright
and so intense
that it outshines the darkness around
me
and then it's morning
and the light is gone
and I wish it would've stayed

I have analyzed every one of my
mom's laughs
and divided them into lists of
the ones that make me the most
anxious and the
ones that make me feel the happiest
and even the ones that make me
want to cry
I need lonesome

so far today I have drank pop and
watched TV
and those are two things I don't do
ever

I almost called you babe over text yesterday
I wanted to call you babe
I think you are at that level in my life
you're one of my babes
it's because I like you
it's because I want you to fill my time
I want you to fill my time with your soul music and sweet voice
when your voice answered the phone my body melted
when you dipped me on the dance floor I fell for you
I fell so hard I was afraid I hit the floor
and you make me feel full
and you give me a warm heart
you are my heart
I want you to stay awhile

sometimes I cross my arms around my waist
and leave my hands there, just to see what it would feel like if someone else did the same

on saturday I bought myself a dress
and you bought yourself more time
in my head

I picture us dancing in an apartment
somewhere in the future
and we've got socks on
the song that's playing is called "Such Bad Handling" by Toro Y Moi
because I've told you how much I like this song
and you knew that already
I can see us being so happy
dancing in our colliding spaces
but we are together
and you make me happy too
I hope I made you wanna dance
in socks

when we're tired from dancing I just
start to laugh and you laugh too
and nothing can compare to
something as great as feeling you
smile with me

the heart in the time we talked about the moon and our moms
the head i assume when you enter the room it's freaky and i can't find the light switch in ur bathroom
give me more of the blanket, i gotta lay right next to u
the walls surrounding our laminated eyes kept the winds at rest for once

I went to a naked party but only took my shirt off
if I got a text from you asking me to go do something with you I probably would have left the party without telling anybody
I connect with you and it's terrifying
I don't know what I am to you and it's terrifying
I really have no idea how often you remember me but I hope it's every so often
one day I'm going to tell you all about you
and how you are the hardest person
and how many times your eyes have killed me

I almost wrote a love song today but then I made myself ***** it away
Because love songs are overrated and have been ruined over time
I enjoy sounding this way
It's the common belief of some of the best people I've met
And that list is dwindling because people keep disappointing me
I'm an ******* for saying that
but my brain likes to set high expectations and I can't break my own habit
So I am an *******, it's ok, I've been an ******* and I'll always be an ******* internally I guess

I wonder if you are remembering what I said to you
Because I'm thinking about you and how I don't know you but I can't stop knowing you in my head
but I've set up nonexistent scenarios that have crashed and burned and that's why I'm sad about you
We will hang soon, don't worry little brain
My brain likes to worry and my heart just likes Sigur Ros

everything about you, I want to hold
in my hands
you are probably made of the same
light beams as a sunset
catching light and filling with light and touching things other lights can't quite reach
it's because the beauty omitting from
your shoulders is more than pinkish
evening skies could ever be

my entire encapsulated ******* being is pointing toward you
every aspect of my will
my conscience
my gut and heart above it
wants your light
I haven't stopped wanting, longing for your heart
you told me you loved Biggie
and I fell for you hard

When I die, I wanna feel fulfilled
I want my life to have been a full one
I don't want any air bubbles
just a rich & smooth time
filled to the brim with
who I was
and what I did
while I was here

I want to halo my hands around your
face in a way that's gentle but just
barely
I want to be touching your face but just the tips
of your soft peach hairs
I want your eyes and mine entwined
I also want to be entwined in you and around you and with you and next to you
seeing you is like seeing everything
for the first time again
seeing you is as close to seeing a star
existing as a real human
you are also moonlike and glowing all the time
I could sit in your glow forever
or at least until 5:54 a.m.
I'll be your sea if you be my moon

I kiss you because I'm on my side and I can't reach your face
I kiss you to make the sun go down
I kiss you and I look at you and I kiss you again
I kiss you and then constantly think that we are the only people kissing in the entire world
I kiss you because you are you
I kiss you and hold you for awhile
I kiss you because I can't say it without your lips on my lips
I kiss you and hold your head
I kiss you and hope that someday you'll be somewhere that's not as quiet and not as cold

I said what I felt once
veering off the road, I spewed it all
out in a single breath to a dead end
"You've got nothing to lose"
but it wasn't me who lost
even though I felt guilty
and I could care less about the numbers and the letters telling me
how much sleep I'm losing
and I could care less about the way
you were great.

I've gone and now I'm on my way
and I can feel the wheel slipping
away again
it's on repeat.

I want to lay with you and kiss the total surface area of your face
I want the creases in your skin,
the ones between your nose and chin

I can't want you this badly but I do

I want to kiss you and I mean really
kiss you
I want to kiss you like every pore is a differently colored flower petal
tiny, soft, and me wanting to kiss each one

flowers are beautiful but you're incredible and beautiful all at once

i like you and it is sad

These people make me sick
but they are just lovers of the first amendment so I'll let them be
I'm sorry I don't really care about when you rode a horse and felt infinite
That word makes me sick
It's been chained to a ******* truck and dragged on the dirt of the modernized human race
Infinite
*******

Why am I alive,
What is my life's purpose,
I want to know but that would ruin the enticement of my own secrecy.

I fit people
I spend my time trying to fit myself into another person
Metaphorically speaking
I want so badly to please and
be with them
and
have them like me
That I tweak my own piece to
coincide exactly with
theirs
And I've always been aware of this
but I fall in love with
people too easily
and I want to know them and fit inside of them
but I fail at forgetting that
if I am meant to be with them
then they have to fit inside of me
too

Maybe when I die no one will ever know that I wrote anything
I don't consider myself a writer
I'm not doing it to trend or be like my friends
I do it because I'm kind of my own mental prophet;
My brain unlocks itself and then whatever comes out, my body writes it down and people read it and they declare that I write but I wouldn't call this writing
I speak English
I don't like Oxford commas
But I really like reading words because inside every word there is another million words no one can see until they read the words
I also like fonts

I just got home from taking a really
long walk and it's cold out
almost too cold I had to wear my
hood because of the wind but I kept
it up because it was a reminder
you are alone
you are alone but you are worth it
I could barely move my chin but with
every muscle that I had I told myself
you are alone but you are worth
I kept walking and didn't keep
conscious with my legs
they knew how much i'd been
needing this
I give myself comforting thoughts
because no one else can and my
brain is always thinking I don't think
I'm never not thinking
you're tormenting me as I torment
myself
you are alone
really
you are alone but you're worth
something more than anything
you've ever gotten or felt or sensed
or decided or cried over useless ****
that won't evacuate any part of me
I took a walk longer than I should
have but I wanted to I couldn't stop
myself
walking around this place keeps a
warm on my shoulders
I need to be here
I am here but I am alone
I am alone but I am something far
from what's racing through my
bones
you mean something
maybe I want you to mean
something
you are alone
you will always be alone
I looked up more and saw more and
felt so lonely I was happy about it

ANYTHING WORTH FEELING IS
FEELABLE
OPEN THE **** UP AND FEEL ME
DO YOU FEEL ME
YOU DIDN'T
I'M A FRIEND
I'M YOUR FRIEND
I'M AN INSTAGRAM LIKE
I'M MORE THAN AN INSTAGRAM LIKE
I FEEL YOU
I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT FEEL YOU
AND WE BOTH KNOW
WHO'S ALONE IN THAT BIG EMPTY ROOM WHEN THE DOOR SHUTS
WHO PUTS UP WITH EVERYONE ELSE
WHO LOOKS AT ME THAT WAY
—
I FELT YOU AND YOU FELT IT TOO
NO ONE ELSE DID THAT IN YOUR LIFE
I HOPE IT WAS SOMETHING FOR YOU

It's funny how people live and believe that drugs and influences can really affect you differently in all aspects
But doing something that makes you feel good
or feel adrenaline
or feel a chemical inside of you that only feels when something happens
or just love something
That's an organic and natural influence
I like those the best
And to me, those organic influences are always involved in 98% of the best moments of your life

I'm a wimp and I don't really like drinking
Or maybe I just don't like drinking with the people around here
I do like **** though
I've been craving that all night
This is a public apology to everyone I have mooched **** off of before
I'm sorry
I will not be paying you

for a minute I just needed the city to
be above me and the sky to be below me
I needed the vast nothingness to feel
like I was floating on my own

I bet if someone didn't believe in me,
and doubted me,
and told me I couldn't do it,
I'd believe a little bit more in myself.
And I'd work
and push myself harder
to prove them wrong.