sometimes i am afraid no one will hold me like that,
i've never had that before

please grab onto me, i know
where we're going and
i like you

no one should have to bleed
if someone makes you, just get away
from them

it always fades,
don't keep the saturation

i love that
i am so incredibly happy
being in a room with someone i love,
yet i keep a nice dark sadness
in my head

acid brings you closer to yourself
if you weren't close enough already

ultimately, everyone will find someone else
who has been seeking them out,
someone who is
curious enough
to try

i feel so close with this pillar
i haven't felt this close to anything in a
long time

my advice?
go to art school.
**** it.
nothing's the same anymore
so why not watch a sunset
with your best friend?

M83 has gotten to me in
ways i can't even get to
myself

if anyone at this school
knew
that's why i keep to myself
but also i don't
you get me bro? no,
because you're an
*******
go lick the elevator

there are times,
and yes,
we are in those times
i am with you
let me hold you here now
give your cold parts
to me, i'm keeping
them warm don't worry

i'm afraid that
laying on this
floor does nothing
more than feel
cold on my heart

WHEN WE HOLD HANDS I WANT
YOU TO FEEL AS EUPHORIC AS
YOU WOULD IF YOU FOUND YOUR
PHONE WHEN IT WAS LOST
ACCIDENTALLY IN YOUR POCKET
AND YOU COULDN'T FIND IT FOR
A REALLY LONG TIME

just know that I was in a black void
reaching out for something
and I'm not really sure what exactly I
was reaching for
if it was in the dark
or if it was the dark itself
but I wanted it to be your hand and I
haven't stopped wanting it to be
your hand for always
so I'm sorry I want your hand being
held in mine but I do
I want to clutch your hand in the
warmest way
I want my hand grabbing your hand
to feel like the warmest cup of hot
chocolate in the coldest winter ever
seriously all I ever think about when
we're together is how your hand
would feel in my hand
I'm sorry I'm an ******* and I'm
weird

you can only find the sadness in the
song if you're really listening to
it, the heartfelt outcry initially later
secluding into the heart of the
girl, who is truly happy while is never
underneath
I can't believe I made it this far

wanting to stare off meaninglessly
into space while being held, being
held, being very held by someone
the feeling of holding and being held
by someone
wanting to think endlessly while
holding something, while holding
something, someone, holding
anything just to have the feeling of
holding present
any act of desperation seems
apparent or pathetic at this point

all i want is to sleep but even he's
watching everything that happens
i could stay up here for a week and
wouldn't feel the difference
realizing everything to feel is real
who cares where it is
i can't close my eyes and it's
haunting me just like you

get high
get sad
think about what
we coulda had

i could sing to u the sweetest songs
and u would probably like the songs
i'd sing u
but i haven't done that yet
and ur hand could be held in mine
i know u want it to be held
but that hasn't happened yet
and i know ur up late at night
sometimes
and i want to be with u and tell u that
you mean something to me
i want to listen to u
i like listening to u i could probably
listen to u all day
it's ur voice and it's u that i wanna
be with a lot
i like u

what if i told u
that when i was out and claustrophobically surrounded by people while the music scratched my ears
i was thinkin of u
and how much i liked ur face close
to mine

get high think of u
get high ask u to come over in ur pjs
get high want u
get high sleep away dreams of u
get high wanna talk to u on facebook chat even tho i hate it
get high & say ur name
get high think of u

I woke up and I still want you

I guess I don't really know how to tell
you that I am truly capable of
loving you entirely
I'm a girl who loves people
and I want to love your person
and I've shown you things I've written
and no one else has seen the things I've written

I really can love you
all of you, even the dark parts
because I want to put your dark parts into my
heart and keep them away from you
so that you can feel a little better
all in all, I guess what I am saying is
that I'm a girl who loves people
and I want to love your person

I just got home from taking a really
long walk and it's cold out
almost too cold I had to wear my
hood because of the wind but I kept
it up because it was a reminder
you are alone
you are alone but you are worth it
I could barely move my chin but with
every muscle that I had I told myself
you are alone but you are worth
I kept walking and didn't keep
conscious with my legs
they knew how much i'd been
needing this
I give myself comforting thoughts
because no one else can and my
brain is always thinking I don't think
I'm never not thinking
you're tormenting me as I torment
myself
you are alone
really
you are alone but you're worth
something more than anything
you've ever gotten or felt or sensed
or decided or cried over useless ****
that won't evacuate any part of me
I took a walk longer than I should
have but I wanted to I couldn't stop
myself
walking around this place keeps a
warm on my shoulders
I need to be here
I am here but I am alone
I am alone but I am something far
from what's racing through my
bones
you mean something
maybe I want you to mean
something
you are alone
you will always be alone
I looked up more and saw more and
felt so lonely I was happy about it

i still like you but you forgot me

thanks for the temporary pulse
and temporary thrill
i've never gotten a vibe quite like yours
i guess i never will

i like you and it is sad

I've concluded that I wanna tell you
everything
and something keeps telling me
you'll listen, you'll really listen
I don't know
I don't know who knows how late
I've been awake
and I don't want to sing into my
pillow so it muffles the sound
I think you're here to bring me back
and I wanna tell you everything

there are so many lines of poetry that i read
and i wish i had written them
and i think about how the author came about writing
such words
and i wonder if they knew the feelings they'd evoke from a reader
with such words
and i hope i evoke feelings with you
and i wonder if you know how many times
i've thought about you
and i wish you'd look at me again like that
and i want to see you and be with you
and i wonder if you're wanting
the same

i get intrigued by
looking at certain people
and right now i’m just wondering
if anyone’s ever been intrigued
by looking at me

******* my family makes me feel like I'm special and that
I've got a purpose that no one else has
and sometimes I pat myself on the back and feel convinced that they're
right
and I've got perfect pitch but music isn't in my career window
and I'm terrified that it      will      never      be
I'm one person
*******
I can't feel like I'm special I need you to stop spilling that idea into my brain
it's like some sort of antidote and
every syllable is a sock in the confidence but in a good way
and I go crazy
I guess I am crazy most of the time
but I'm not when I'm sitting here with
a blue face

I've been listening to the same album for the past 3 days
and it never gets old
It's directly linked to my living and
my life in this **** moment
I like the way the sharps and flats
clash with the pure melody
it creates this sort of structured chaos but it also makes me feel insanely in control of myself
and not so far off
and more and more tense with happiness
it's ****** up but it's a beautiful
piece of work
thanks

it's like
oh yeah
I've got this figured out
and you too
but then I don't know who you are
at all
and that freaks me out so much
I keep pretending that I know

I
wish
I
could
be
there

I'll make it through

I am taking baby steps
baby steps
baby steps
baby step
and that was for you
and that was all for you too

I wrote your name on the wall
it was for you

I'm falling in love with the intensity of the song
it keeps me gripping every beat and
every sound and
every sonar bite

and I don't give a **** about the day
because you're all that's in my ******* mind
and I haven't weathered this yet

A Courier boy is filling my head
with thoughts and words untyped and unsaid
And I'm just a girl who's Helvetica Neue
and all I want is to be with you

I said what I felt once
veering off the road, I spewed it all
out in a single breath to a dead end
"You've got nothing to lose"
but it wasn't me who lost
even though I felt guilty
and I could care less about the numbers and the letters telling me
how much sleep I'm losing
and I could care less about the way
you were great.

I've gone and now I'm on my way
and I can feel the wheel slipping
away again
it's on repeat.

my grandma is lashing out at me
because she's scared
I think it's because she doesn't know
how to exist alone
and she's afraid of being alone
and being forgotten

I'm glad I make my own kind of
happiness by myself
I think more people
should know how to do this

resilience
it's a word with a newfound
relevance in my life today because it
means all that I am and
all I want to become
and I thought about how it sounded
when my mom said it
and how my grandma said it
and I'm writing in the dark to try and
escape every **** thing in the room

I'm in a luxurious room that doesn't
fit in with the rest of the house
I think there's a place in my head
that doesn't fit in with everything
else

I have analyzed every one of my
mom's laughs
and divided them into lists of
the ones that make me the most
anxious and the
ones that make me feel the happiest
and even the ones that make me
want to cry
I need lonesome

so far today I have drank pop and
watched TV
and those are two things I don't do
ever

I picture us dancing in an apartment
somewhere in the future
and we've got socks on
the song that's playing is called "Such Bad Handling" by Toro Y Moi
because I've told you how much I like this song
and you knew that already
I can see us being so happy
dancing in our colliding spaces
but we are together
and you make me happy too
I hope I made you wanna dance
in socks

when we're tired from dancing I just
start to laugh and you laugh too
and nothing can compare to
something as great as feeling you
smile with me

you just kinda looked at me
with that look
that is so
******* you
and I guess we exchanged a
feeling
that something had to happen
and a
feeling
of sadness again

I listen to my sad friends and
their problems
I want to help them feel better
I want to make you feel better
I'm not always happy
and I'm not doing well
and I know more than I wanna know
but I think you're some kind of
magnet
and I can't get the **** away from
you
and I look at you
you look at me
we are friends
friends are cool
you should come over more often
I am truly always here for you and
your sadness
I wanna hug you and come see you
and lay under that table next to you
and I wanna high five you all day
long
I want my fingers to hug yours
****
I bet your fingers give good hugs
you're so tragic cute
and I wanna tell you that eventually
we may not be friends for long but I hope we will
be

everyone is collectively ****** up together and
I think that's the most beautiful part about
being a human

sometimes I wonder if
these nights in the dark amount
to anything

and then I realize
that I need this
dark more than some people
need me

I've got freckles & ****
and you've got those
******* headphones
but you took them
out for me
and I like you
because of that

MY HAIR IS MUSSED
SLIGHTLY
AND I WANT YOU
LIKE I WANT THIS CANDLE
LIT
SOMETIMES

I'm making croissants and
I'll save you one
we could really help
each other
out
this year
we need each
other
so come for your croissant
come for me here now

wait
My roommate ate it
I'm sorry
****

I am landing in this plane right now
but don't worry
I didn't put myself on airplane mode
you're still in my head and I'm afraid
you'll be in there for awhile
I'm sorry
I hope there's fresh air and light

Oh my god
the first week you were drawing on
the wall
and I noticed how odd your glasses
were
and I noticed how well they framed
your face

**** you've got a fine face
your face is as fine as the lead in my
2B drawing pencil
you've got some nice arms
they're as nice as this recliner I sat in
once

****
I wanna run through a gas station
with you and buy out all the M&M;'s

I'm writing about you
Have you ever written about
someone?
I'm writing about you

You're like my design homework
complicated
and challenging
but I want to figure you out
and I want to take that challenge
and I want to exert myself to find you
out
because you're worth more than I
can say right now
and I want to make you a pancake
and write your name on top
in chocolate chips
I'll give you my syrup
and my thoughts
We can drink Tropicana and discuss
how sad we've been

I like you and you're great

You sat by me and I'll never forget
what you said to me
"I can't see ****"
and I noticed you for a second time
and it's never felt weirder with you
but weird is my favorite
I want to be your favorite