how do I even begin to describe that
I am smitten with you
just as one begins a math problem
or an essay
but this is a different beginning
because it's
you and me and I am
smitten
utterly, deeply, truly smitten with
your person
and I need to go somewhere
I need to begin
to tell you just how tragic your face
is
and how your face makes me insane
and makes me who I never knew

I've watched your hands
and their movements are almost
serene
and I like that sweater
and I like that cut on your knuckle
and I'm waiting stiller than I was

A cigarette clenched between your
lips
you've got it kept secret and you
hide it with everything else behind
your lips
now all I want is to kiss you

The water draws your late night
nocturne
and I wish that I was the water.

Some people know lots of things in
lots of places
but you are so full of so many things
I've never imagined
and I want to know you
and everything that fills you

you are nothing like anything
and that draws me closer
I am intrigued and you are the only
figurine in this dimly-lit hall
let yourself fall
it's not going to hurt
I can handle you and hold you and
tell you about the beautiful tragedy
of our lives
we're all we are together
boy

I don't have anyone around to break my heart
because I can easily create the same effect
all alone
by
myself
It's a torturous cycle
and I'm doing it to
myself

Sometimes I get so enlightened at
night
that the light in my head is so bright
and so intense
that it outshines the darkness around
me
and then it's morning
and the light is gone
and I wish it would've stayed

I think everyone is lonely
really
Every single person is
No matter how much love is around
them
or who they want themselves to be
We've all got a loneliness inside

When I die, I wanna feel fulfilled
I want my life to have been a full one
I don't want any air bubbles
just a rich & smooth time
filled to the brim with
who I was
and what I did
while I was here

makin coffee in the French press
- sippin the hot coffee
- takin the red line to class
- finally singing after a long time
- looking up & realizing I am existing in Chicago
- feelin good
- knowing I will always stay who I am
- incorporatin the word "truely" into my daily thoughts in order to inspire myself into being true with everything and truely accomplishing everything for myself
- textin my mom and saying I love her
- textin my dad and saying I love him
- sendin my journalism teacher a thank you email
- textin my choir director a hello text
- texting Roni and loving Roni all the time
- stopping on the street and breathing and feelin the air around me because I'm alive
- havin this same feeling tomorrow

Don't lose yourself as a source for your own kind of happiness

Plug in your headphones and listen
to your own
life.

COME OVER AND LISTEN TO SONGS THAT HAVE CHANGED OUR LIVES.

And the saddest part is that it's
all
in
my
*head.

**** up my body
and sell my soul,
I'm addicted to the night
and all it holds

I saw something tonight,
something I'd been seeing for years
that always brought people together.
But ironically,
the sparks shooting across the sky
made me feel the
loneliest
I've ever felt.

I bet if someone didn't believe in me,
and doubted me,
and told me I couldn't do it,
I'd believe a little bit more in myself.
And I'd work
and push myself harder
to prove them wrong.

Why am I alive,
What is my life's purpose,
I want to know but that would ruin the enticement of my own secrecy.

****

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HEAR SUCH BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN MY EARS

WOW

I think it's just
human
to not fully understand why someone would
forget you
after you showed them a part of you that's
not always on display.
You'll make yourself suffer and mentally
try to grasp
why.
It takes awhile to heal,
so try to forget about it,
just like they've forgotten about
you.

The angst from last summer
is not a friendly pat.
It's a dive bomber airplane
and I'm under attack.

Love: Holding someone

Peace: Feeling centered with yourself, knowing where you are and feeling it, light winds and being in the sun

Secret: Feeling dark on the inside & outside

Empty: Not wholesome, alone

Free: Living without hesitation

Grief: Seeing those around you hurting and that in itself is what’s hurting you

Longing: Overcome with strained desire, needing something so much that you’re feeling tense with want

Regret: Shaming yourself and ignoring forgiveness

Anger: Frustrating your thoughts into one ball of rage

Oblivion: Finding your unknown

Competition: Fighting for your own self against the odds of others

Hope: Always looking for something more, the future should be bright

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

Sometimes you can't help it when you take over
yourself
Because in the end
it's only you
and that's the scariest truth

I used to be an introvert
but now I'm not I guess.
At least I kept my thoughts.

Plug in your headphones and listen
to the ******* world breathing
because it is
and you've got to realize it sometime
and I truly hope you do
because life's more than our ears can see

I
care
too much
that I cry over
people &
their problems
instead of my
own.

I fit people
I spend my time trying to fit myself into another person
Metaphorically speaking
I want so badly to please and
be with them
and
have them like me
That I tweak my own piece to
coincide exactly with
theirs
And I've always been aware of this
but I fall in love with
people too easily
and I want to know them and fit inside of them
but I fail at forgetting that
if I am meant to be with them
then they have to fit inside of me
too

Let's cut up fruit and sit along a stream in the trees and eat it together

I have a Rolling Stones poster in my room and
it's the poster of the tongue sticking out
and it's big and I like it

But I hate that I have it because I don't listen to the Rolling Stones
but then I remember that I bought it because of the pop and color it has
I like lots of colors and I don't always buy things because of what they really are
I buy them because of how they look and appeal to my eyes
That sounds awful
but I still do it
(except with music, that's a touchier subject)

I also write **** that makes a person feel
Not necessarily prove a point
although I do like to relay thoughts to people

Colors and thoughts colors and thoughts
Something about writing on the web
or on an electronic device
It's when I write best

I REALLY HOPE PEOPLE
REMEMBER WHAT I
SAY
BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE REPEATING MYSELF

IF THEY DON'T REMEMBER ME OR WHAT
I SAY
THEN I NEED TO FIND A NEW
METHOD FOR THIS THING

SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS THE MOST UNDERRATED DRUG AND IF
YOU THINK I'M WRONG
TRY IT BECAUSE I THINK YOU'LL LIKE
IT
SIT IN FRONT OF A SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE WHILST UNDER THE
SLEEP-DEPRIVED INFLUENCE AND
TYPE WORDS
THEN PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU
AND YOU
ARE A HUMAN

It's funny how people live and believe that drugs and influences can really affect you differently in all aspects
But doing something that makes you feel good
or feel adrenaline
or feel a chemical inside of you that only feels when something happens
or just love something
That's an organic and natural influence
I like those the best
And to me, those organic influences are always involved in 98% of the best moments of your life

I'm a wimp and I don't really like drinking
Or maybe I just don't like drinking with the people around here
I do like **** though
I've been craving that all night
This is a public apology to everyone I have mooched **** off of before
I'm sorry
I will not be paying you

Say what you're feeling because it's the most exhilarating feeling
I've made this another life pact with myself
Because life is fast and short and it ends and it's sad but you've just gotta live to cover up the sad parts
People will come into my life and I will tell them what I feel and it will be glorious
And I will feel wholesome and human and good

I am crying and I am crying and I am crying because I love people that don't cry
And you're really cool
and really rad
and that's why you're you and I'm me
We're both alive together and ever

I almost wrote a love song today but then I made myself ***** it away
Because love songs are overrated and have been ruined over time
I enjoy sounding this way
It's the common belief of some of the best people I've met
And that list is dwindling because people keep disappointing me
I'm an ******* for saying that
but my brain likes to set high expectations and I can't break my own habit
So I am an *******, it's ok, I've been an ******* and I'll always be an ******* internally I guess

I wonder if you are remembering what I said to you
Because I'm thinking about you and how I don't know you but I can't stop knowing you in my head
but I've set up nonexistent scenarios that have crashed and burned and that's why I'm sad about you
We will hang soon, don't worry little brain
My brain likes to worry and my heart just likes Sigur Ros

These people make me sick
but they are just lovers of the first amendment so I'll let them be
I'm sorry I don't really care about when you rode a horse and felt infinite
That word makes me sick
It's been chained to a ******* truck and dragged on the dirt of the modernized human race
Infinite
*******

Is it sometimes we find ourselves stuck at the end waiting for the beginning
We don't really acquire ourselves ever when you think about it
I hate regular
I want that conformity and normal and routine and habit

Am I Buddha
Is this my enlightenment year
Is this where my adult thinking begins
Is this some kind of poetic puberty

Don't listen to me because I'm one of those ignorant-esque people who doesn't get the facts straight and can't finish a ******* crossword puzzle in the Sunday newspaper

I hate ignorant people but I know I am one
I'm just ignorant in ways that aren't ignorant
Am I different for writing that? Am I pushing my own uniquety?
Say what you think, I'm going to go eat cake

I have named one of my poem thingies on here
Ha ha ha
I guess I am a hypocrite, so feel free to stone me

This will be funny because if someone reads something I wrote on here they'll ask me about it
but wait I never named it
so how will I know which one they're talking about?
I won't.
I just like words as much as I like people, and that's really a lot

Maybe when I die no one will ever know that I wrote anything
I don't consider myself a writer
I'm not doing it to trend or be like my friends
I do it because I'm kind of my own mental prophet;
My brain unlocks itself and then whatever comes out, my body writes it down and people read it and they declare that I write but I wouldn't call this writing
I speak English
I don't like Oxford commas
But I really like reading words because inside every word there is another million words no one can see until they read the words
I also like fonts

Why do I have to name anything I write
It's just words on a page and the words should speak for themselves
God I really hate titles, they make me uncomfortable and nauseous

It's so ******* weird how inspiration happens to people
Some people are inspired by their dogs in the morning
Some people are inspired by that one song from their childhood that's playing in the grocery store
Some people hear a word and spell that word and then don't really appreciate that word until they've really seen the word for what it is
Some people put their inspirations on their bodies
Some people eat their inspirations and then save some of it so that others can eat it too
There are people around me that aren't inspired at all
And that makes me sad because sometimes my insides feel different after witnessing a life thing that's so imperfect it makes me feel perfect
I am not cocky
I am not for myself, nor against myself
I see things and read people and love people and meet people and recognize people and push through people and cry for people and watch people in their environments
If I am inspiring myself every day,
If I am inspiring enough to those humans around me who hug me and know my name and make me feel imperfectly perfect
I think we all can spark off each other
and keep going on

I don’t know why I did what I did tonight, but all I know is that I did it and it happened and I felt like I was finally doing something right for myself.

You are the best source of your life.
You are your own system and your system will work the best when you are running it for yourself.