Forget I told you to drown out the sounds of sarcasm when you left me a note on my doorstep and the navy blue hoodie sitting upon my kitchen counter.
Maybe someday I'll remember that feeling of guilt
When I wasn't good enough to keep you waiting.

You were giving your things to me
and I didn't say “thank you.”
You told me you were leaving for good,
I didn't say a word.

It was dark outside,
you could see my head nodding,
letting you know that I understood
even though my voice stayed silent.

Clouds were covering the moon
casting a shadow on my face.
My emotions were concealed
as were the tears that never left my eyes.

You dropped the subject,
probably thinking I didn't care
while I tried to drop the subject
from my sinking mind.

I couldn't stop thinking about you.
I cried myself to sleep
and I cried in other people's arms,
but I wouldn't let you see my tears.

I couldn't be sad
because I wanted you to be happy.
My anger boiled, but I kept it hidden
because I knew it was selfish.

I always hope you'll move back
but I try not to think too much
because it doesn't matter if I'm sad
as long as you're happy.

She visited a psychiatrist once a week,
and drank wine three times a week,
on Saturday, Sunday, and usually Wednesday.

Once a month, or so, she would cry herself to sleep.
The other 30 days she would stay awake
for most of the night.

Some days she would drink whiskey,
some she would smoke cigarettes.
Everyday she would write poetry.

One time every year,
she would show her poetry to me.
I would read her poetry, every night, for a year.

Twice a week, or three times maybe,
I would coax her out of her apartment
so she could see the world.
Twice a week, or three times maybe,
she would quietly watch the world
as I watched her quiet contemplation.

Once in a lifetime she swallowed a whole bottle of pills.
I will think about her, every day, for the rest of my life,
and wonder what it would be like
to spend a day in her life.

I smile when my profile picture gets 50 likes
but would it mean more
if I liked my face without the assurance of others?

Maybe not,
I'm a millennial, after all.
1994, born and raised
a "90's kid."

I tweeted that...it got 12 favorites.

Too bad I can't favorite my internal thoughts
in order to validate them without sharing them.

I sent that as an iMessage
to my friend who responded
"#deep."

I'm posting this poem on the internet
so that people I don't know can read it.
Maybe they'll even leave a comment.

I say what I feel,
via text message,
followed by an emoji and a hashtag
as a sort of millennial footnote,
minus the APA style.
I'll use LOL style
or FML style
or the style of ironically using texting lingo
to prove that I'm not #basic.

I, Lex the Millennial,
wrote this poem on my iPhone 6.

There's no difference between the meter of a cab
and the meter of a poem;

both show you the rate at which you're going,
but only you know where.

if i became an expanse of sea

would you find my coast a cool place to dip your sorrows, as you     would your toes in insufferable heat

would you thirstily jump to my refreshing depth, looking to soothe and   attend some unbeknownst desire

would you wade to the shallow depth
and fill your cup with my summery libation

would you cast nearby tropical flowers in my tide
watching them swirl with contempt and longing as my waves carry    them aimlessly but gleefully
  
would you flood me with boundless questions,
submerging your mind with my saturating sapience

would you compose timeless billets-doux,
forming the cursive lines from the foam atop my waves

or would you extinguish your cigarette in my lurking , subfuscous waves,
as you shrunk rapidly from my sandy shoreside

would you toss fragments in my whitecaps, getting rid of the things you no longer cared for

or would the swirl of my water dizzy your mind, murkily shrouding your ability to think lucidly

if the wind leads you towards land
or where the deep color of the sky harmonize’s with my iridescence,
try to find slumber in the vespertide

allow the viridescent vapor to ease you in my
thalassic cavern

if you sought other sea’s to soak your searching soul in,
know my desire would not diminish,
but wade in its wishful want

I paint myself with yellow paint.
Very bright,
very nice.

I run around in the daylight sun,
all bright and happy and cheerful,
all covered in yellow paint.

I see people looking.
I smile,
I wave.

The paint begins to chip.
The dark navy blue paint that is underneath begins to show.
People are looking.

I apply another coat of yellow paint,
along with a smile.
Bright, happy, cheerful.

I keep painting on the yellow paint,
coat upon coat.
The only thing I have to hide is the blue underneath.

At night the people stop looking.
I wash off the yellow.
Dark, sad, forlorn.

I am covered,
head to toe,
in the dark blue paint.

I am always covered by a shield of blue paint.
The yellow paint is washable,
but the blue is permanent.

The sun rises,
the people are looking.
Once again, I cover myself with yellow paint.

The yellow pools of light from the street lamps
are more beautiful than the moon,
the trickle of water in the gutter,
more beautiful than the ocean.

Cigarette butts blanket the sidewalk like moss
and the sound of police sirens call to the night like wolves.
Neon signs flash above me like stars,
forming constellations of consumerism.
Skyscrapers loom above me like trees in a forest,
protecting me with their shadows.

I roam the sidewalk, a lone hiker,
observing the animals of the streets,
envying their freedom.

At the end of the night, I hike home to my warm bedroom,
reluctant to return to civilization.