I dismiss the jury, they’ve been absolutely useless
And move to pass my own judgement
In the case of toxic friend group vs my idiot past self
I find the defendant guilty on all counts:
Willful Unawareness and Lack of Boundaries in the 1st degree
Excruciating Neediness and Nonexistent Self Worth in the 2nd

They have to drag her from the courtroom
Screaming, spitting, legs kicking
Perhaps she really wasn’t fit to stand trial
But my hardening, calcified heart holds no pity

I make sure I’m there when they lock the cell door
I look her in those wildly disturbed eyes as I swallow the key
"Someone will find out about us," she whispers shakingly
Wrapping both hands firmly around the cold iron bars
I lean in, let her feel the loathing radiating from my skin,
"Over my dead body"

Rain dancing on an old tin roof, pouring through the open window
Seaweed sunbathing, calloused soles racing across hot sand
Sweet conversations between the wind and our birch tree
Tap water tea with honey, wool blankets prickling my skin

I fill up the empty vials in my mind with their extracts
Carefully storing each delicate moment somewhere safe and dry
Little perfumes I take out and apply to each pulse point
Whenever my reality begins to unravel

It’s the same face
Same shoulders, arms, legs
Sound asleep, sprawled out across my bed like a starfish,
Reclaiming all the space beside me that’s been empty for almost a year

It’s all the same person, my person, and yet as moonlight begins to pour in from the front window my heart stops

You think you know how beautiful the ocean is, but then the sun sets across it
You think the mountains are powerful, until Autumn paints them in fire
And then suddenly everything you thought you knew about your own world completely changes, bathed in fleeting colors and temporary refractions of light

Now I could easily lose days, weeks, months of sleep watching how that gentle blue effortlessly lays itself across him, softening every feature in the most perfect glow

All summer long
Magnolias, Cherry Blossoms
Sweet Pears and Wisterias
Gracefully dip their delicate limbs down
Shaking off soft flower petals
Happily sharing fruit with those passing by
Who gape up in awe of such generous gifts
Smooth and sweet
Their essence a beauty to behold

My place among them is peculiar
Few seedlings around here warp into my kind
A tall, looming Oak twisting skyward
Deep roots tangled so far into the earth
Hundreds of rings wrapped around my spine
So when the late August storms and brutal winters roll through
I cannot bow, my branches barely bend
By now they've known worse and are ready

As we shake off a recent rain
One Willow whispers to another
I swear it's like she never moves.
Some Laurel chimes in
Yeah I know, but good God
I'd rather break in half at the next breeze
Than end up like her right?

Feigning indifference
I begin to take stock of my leaves
Musing at the first few auburn brush strokes
Autumn has just left in my hair

The next morning, I wake to an unexpected quiet
Since when do the robins sleep in?...
My vision refocuses, and there he is
Beautiful, confident, intently gliding along the overgrown length of trail
Guiding him until he’s just a few feet in front of me

You must be joking, I think to myself
I see the axe resting on his shoulder
Perfectly content to barely balance forever  
Between his palm and the base of his neck

Only an idiot would...
He just keeps staring up at me
Why would he even want to…
But just then, hearing my thoughts
He drops the axe, soft earth willingly parts to receive its sharpened blade,
Presses a callused hand to my gnarled, scarred bark and
Leaning in closer so I can feel the heat of his breath on my chilled skin
He whispers, Because you are beautiful

And with that, I am suddenly rooted in sand,
The world slips away from beneath me
While the rest of the forest silently bears witness
To my great fall

When it’s all said and done
They’ll find me laying in the hallway
Mascara clumped below unblinking eyes
And a massive hole punched into the center of my chest

One detective will look to the other and say
“You’d think she would’ve seen it coming.”

I knelt down
Washed your feet in my tears
And dried them with my hair
Though in my heart I knew
You could not walk on water

Where others have chipped away
There are now holes, growing cracks,
And each morning she patches herself up
Looking to her battered reflection

"Stone..."
Says the porcelain girl
"I am made of stone."